Behind the Name + Adoption Update

Those of you who know us well may remember that all of our daughters have family names. I was given my great-grandmother's first name as my middle name and even as a very young girl loved the connection to someone in my family.

As we started having children we have kept this alive as a vital part of naming our children, and sister six is no different.

We chose her name, Heidi Grace, with tremendous care and some friendly debating.

Trent's first Hess ancestors who came from Switzerland were Hans and Magdalena (yes, this is where our Magdalena/Maggie got her name). Hans's mother was called Adelheid. Some of you may know the beloved book “Heidi” by Johanna Spiry. Heidi's Christian name in the book was Adelheid. Fun fact, it wasn't until after this book was published that the name Heidi began to be used instead of Adelheid.

It was my desire that she be named Adelheid and we call her Heidi as a nickname, just as all our other daughters have a formal name and a nickname.

This is the part where much discussion and debating came into play. Trent felt that Adelheid sounded too Swiss for a Chinese daughter. I argued that Ruth is about as un-Chinese of a name that there ever was. We both absolutely love the name Heidi, though, and we could agree upon that. And let's be honest, Trent deserves some significant say when he's going to be surrounded by girls forever.

As a compromise, all of her documents will say Heidi, but I reserved the right to call her Adelheid (especially when she's naughty, which of course will be rare). Much in the same way that our other daughters have nicknames, but in reverse. 

Can't wait to fill this frame with Heidi photos!

Grace is a name that we have both always loved but many of our friends and relations have already used it as first name. We felt that Grace sounded good with Heidi, we have relatives on both sides of the family tree with the name.

However, most important to me was the biblical connection. The Holman Bible Dictionary defines grace as “undeserved acceptance and love received from another, especially the characteristic attitude in God providing salvation for sinners.” We hope, more than anything, that our Heidi Grace will one day know and accept the grace that God offers. In her short life she has gone through so much that few of us in America can fathom our children going through. We hope that we are able to shine the light of Jesus into her life and that she will know that God created her, Heidi Grace, with a plan and a purpose in mind. That the suffering she has gone through is not in vain, because God has always had her in the palm of his hand.

Now on to our adoption update.

I think most of you know that I'm an optimistic person. I live my life in a way that I always believe that the best is not only possible but that it's going to happen.

Unfortunately, this situation with immigration has knocked me down. I understand the need to make sure that every family is appropriate and prepared to take a child with special needs. It hurts my heart that we are being held up while we claim that our young children do not have a criminal history.

There are a couple of things that are very difficult for me right now. One is the timing. I know in my head that God is in control. I have seen the evidence of his work over and over in my life. I know that He is good. I know that He loves me. I have faith that He is working all things out the way that they should be. And yet. I'm like that father in the Scripture who wants to believe that Jesus can heal his son but in the same moment doesn't believe.

“Lord, I believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!”

I had worked out in my mind that we would travel mid-August. It meant missing one of our children's birthdays but she was okay with that, knowing it was for the greater good of Heidi. The challenge is that we now have these two lambs that our oldest girls are supposed to show in the Solanco Fair mid-September. We feel that we couldn't put that responsibility of transferring lambs and encouraging the children in something they've never done before, on someone else. But we also are torn because if we wait until after the fair to travel that is so much extra time that our daughter waits for us in an orphanage.

When our travel to Ruth got pushed back we didn't feel as bad about it because we knew that she was with an amazing, loving family. We knew she was being fed, loved, and cared for. We had regular communication with her foster family and with Ruth. We get none of that this time around. It breaks my heart that my daughter is in an orphanage. It hurts me that she may not be receiving the love, care, attention, and nutrition that she desperately needs.

We have no idea how long it will take the immigration department to approve us. Today they should have received the evidence they asked of us but I don't have any timeline of when to expect approval.

So my friends, I would ask that you pray for us. There are many things I would like to see happen, but I think what I need most is for you to pray that I can trust more fully in God.

I'm so thankful for these verses from Psalm 121:3-4

“He will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.”

I'm so grateful to serve a God who never sleeps, who always hears us when we call.

Abbey is Ten!

In April, Abbey turned ten! I now have two kids in double-digits!

It's always hard to believe that your once little baby is getting so big, so full of life and personality. She's making her own decisions and sticking with them. Well, that's nothing new. Even as a little girl she could be quite stubborn. Abbey is such a fun girl to be around. She may come off as shy before you get to know her, then she'll knock you down in surprise at her (sometimes dark) humor.

Typical Abbey humor

Abbey doesn't usually want people to know it, but she's actually very tender-hearted. She may not cry during Little House on the Prairie like her mom does, but it's not uncommon to see her helping Caroline or Ruth with whatever they need. She is usually quite resistant to change but was the most eager for us to adopt a second time. She has the amazing ability to get along well with all of her siblings. It is rare to see her lose her temper at any of her siblings. It's not uncommon to see her get frustrated with herself. Abbey holds herself to extremely high standards and wrestles with being a perfectionist. We are continuing to work through this with her with gentleness and care, reminding her that none of us are perfect and all we ask is that she does her best.

Close in age sisters are so fun! 16 months apart!

Since turning ten is extra-special, we planned a little birthday party for Abbey. She isn't the kind of girl who likes to be around a lot of people or even have tons of friends. She has a couple of dear friends that she wanted to have over (after initially saying she didn't want any people to come over). We had a lovely day during which I only took one photo. Oops.

She had a Lego Friends themed party, complete with a “lego” pinata, a game where the winners took home Legos, and a Lego cake. It was all rather simple but fun and perfectly suited to Abbey. She had fun but was ready for the party to end when it did. She spent her afternoon reading quietly to herself.

For her birthday celebration with Trent she went to Outback to eat. We have started a tradition of eating there when we go to the beach, so for a special tenth birthday treat, that's where she went. She loves the bread and butter they give, but mostly she wanted the Thunder From Down Under dessert. She has the biggest sweet tooth.

Two hands!

Afterward she went to Longwood Gardens. She had a great day. Abbey liked when there was a boy with a stick near a pond who wanted to poke at a dead fish. She related to me that when the boy asked if he should try to get the fish daddy wanted to tell him “yes” but didn't know where the boy's mom was at so decided against it.

Our kids end up with a week or more worth of celebrations. She also celebrated at Grandpa and Grandma Hess's and then later spent a weekend at Mema's house where she sewed a cute stuffed puppy.

Abbey loves animals. While she says she doesn't like it, I think she's genuinely enjoying having a lamb to care for as her 4-H project. More than anything, I think she's nervous to show her sheep at the fair in front of people. She really doesn't like to be the center of attention or on stage or anything. She can, and does, overcome her fear with such outward ease that you never know until you talk to her later that she was feeling sick to her stomach. We are hoping she will out grow this fear with practice.

It's a real joy to have Abigail Frances as my daughter. It's surprising that she was so challenging to parent when she was small because she brings so much joy and laughter to our home now. I'm amazed at her tenacity and dedication to see a task completed. She will put off having an ice pop until her chores are complete. She has committed to reading the entire Bible in a year and has stuck to it.

Abbey, happy tenth birthday. We love you, sweetheart!

A little about Sister Six!

I know so many of you are eager to hear all about sister six!

As much as I would love to share every detail we know about her, I also want to be careful that I do not overshare some intimate details of her life in this public way. We also have chosen not to share her photograph publicly until the adoption is final in China. (We did the same for Ruthie). 

Super excited big sisters!

I will post a full blog about her name and what it means to us and for her at a later date. But it would be hard to write a whole post about her without sharing her name. She will be:

Heidi Grace Hess

So here are some little facts about our sweet Heidi. She is about a year and half. When you look at her picture you think she is much younger. She looks to be around just six or seven months old. She has the most darling giggle and a terrible hair cut. She has a pert little nose and a sweet grin. Heidi seems to love when her caretaker plays with her. (Won't she be in for a treat with five big sisters to dote on her?) 

Heidi has significant developmental delays in all areas. So while she is truly a year and half she is very much on the level of a six to eight month old baby. She learned how to sit up at 15 months old. She can now stand holding on to a rail. The file we were given of her information also showed that she had an abnormal CT scan when she was eight months old. 

Initially we had very little information about her needs. In fact, much of what we did have was very confusing. We knew she had a long hospital stay after coming into care (about 5 months) but the only explanation was "feeding difficulty". 

The international adoption hospital we were working with gave us a long list of possible diagnoses that were causing her significant delays. I won't share them all here, but suffice to say, they sounded scary and not at all what we anticipated for sister six. 

We struggled to know what decision we should make. Most challenging for us to wrap our minds around was the possibility that she may not ever reach "full potential" and would be dependent on us forever. In fact, that was one of the main things we felt that we could not take on. We asked lots of questions of the orphanage and practically begged for medical records from her hospital stays. 

We were able to get some information before we needed to make a decision, but not a whole lot. I prayed like crazy and am so grateful to have had an amazing group of women at my Bible Study praying for me every week in addition to my mom and mother-in-law and sisters and niece.

For two weeks I felt like God was silent. I was begging for Him to reveal what decision we should make.

On Good Friday the girls and I were talking about what happened on that day over 2,000 years ago. As we talked the girls couldn't understand why we call it "good". It was horrible what happened to Jesus! I explained that we call it "good" because we know how the story ends! 

In that moment it was like a lightning bolt struck! I felt God pressing upon my heart that while all I can see is the hard and scary possibilities for this little girl's future, that HE knows how her story will end. And in that moment I was ready to move forward to bring home this little girl.

I want to be clear that Heidi still may have a genetic syndrome, she may have learning disabilities, she may have a neurological disorder, she may have any number of challenges. However, I believe that God would have us to be her family to provide her with five big sisters to cheer her on to greatness, whatever level that may be.

We did just learn (Friday) that she was born premature, though we don't know at what week gestation. Based on her birth weight of two pounds, it is likely she was born at about 27 weeks. As many of you know, babies born this early may have any number of challenges in their future. We have great hope for Heidi and are eager to bring her home and watch her thrive in the love of a family.

Now we're back into the paperwork of immigration and travel. We're hoping to go to China in August to bring home our little Heidi Grace! 

Thoughts on being Mama

Five little (and not so little) girls call me Mama.

Four of them I had the pleasure and pain of birthing. One of them I had the pleasure and pain of adopting. All of them are mine.

For nearly all of my married life I have been a Mama. Just before our second anniversary Anne was born, and so there have always been little ones around.

Eleven and a half years of being "mama". So much of my adult life has been consumed by all manner of bodily functions, doctor appointments, band aids, bikes, and bruises. But also countless hugs, snuggles, sleeping babies in my arms, wet kisses, and belly laughs.

I often tell others that being a mom is the best, hardest job you'll ever get.

Forgot to take a Mother's Day picture yesterday. This grainy selfie is the best I could get. Sorry, folks!

  Recently I forced myself to take a closer look at who I am as a Christ-follower. So much of my daily life is wrapped up in all aspects of mothering that it's easy to forget who Emily is. Mothering is only a stage, a phase, a blip in a hopefully long life. I try so hard to cherish each day with my girls, treasuring it for the gift it really is. And I want to be sure that I'm not so focused inwardly that I forget who I am really here to serve.

I was feeling rather introspective earlier this year as we waited to be matched with sister six. There were many little boys who were becoming available for adoption. In all their ways they were "perfect". They met all the little boxes we had checked off for our next adoption in regards to age and special needs. There was just one "problem". They were boys.

I was determined to examine my own heart to see if perhaps I was finding so much of my identity in a "mama of lots of girls" that I was shutting out a part of God's plan for our life. That perhaps I was making this adoption about me, and not about what it is meant to be, which is to be the best possible family for a child who needs us and that we need them. You see, Ruth has developed my character into a stronger, more determined woman because of who she is. God knew my heart needed her. And I was wondering if perhaps God was showing me that I needed a little boy in my life. Or was I just getting impatient in our wait to be matched with a girl?

After extensive prayer I felt that we were indeed following the path marked out for us. Another girl. Sister Six. That we should continue to wait for our girl. But do you see what I did there?

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

David sets us a great example of praying through determining my will versus God's will. For if we are truly honest with ourselves we would agree with Jeremiah 17:9. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

Clearly God knows this fact about our humanity and knew we would need it made perfectly clear in Scripture. A blog for another time is why we don't follow our hearts Disney-Princess style. But I digress.

My friends, I don't know if I'm accurately representing what I want to say this Mother's Day week. Being a mom is a gift from God. Children are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3). And I love it. 

But I guess what I'm trying to put into words is that I need to remind myself not to find my identity in my children. Not to find my identity in a "mama of girls". Not to find my identity in my pride of my daughters' external behaviors (good and bad) and their accomplishments. 

This Mother's Day I am trying to remind myself, and maybe other moms who are feeling consumed by their children and their needs, that first and foremost, I am a child of God. I am a woman of God. And for me, right now, that means being a mother as my highest calling. But that job title (if you will) is not who I am.

I am attempting to be a woman after God's own heart.  

Ruthie is Four!

Ruth has been talking about turning four years old for quite awhile.

She has been telling people for months that she's 3 but soon she'll be 4. So when the big day finally came, she was ready!

Ruth is terribly bright. She understand rules to games (whether she follows the rules is a different story), she can read many sight words, she recognizes most of the letters of the alphabet, can nearly write her name (sometimes the letters are backwards h t u R instead of R u t h; although she likes to forsake the "u" and insists she doesn't have a "u" in her name; unless Mema is the one to remind her of that letter). We are planning to join her in Caroline's homeschool Kindergarten class this fall. She's very excited to be in Kindergarten and do homework like all her big sisters.

Ruth has been receiving quite a bit of speech therapy this past year, fluctuating from 2-3 times per week. After she turned four we backed down to one time per week for a 45 minute session. I am her speech therapist the rest of the week and do my best to teach her what the therapist modeled for us. I'm certainly not nearly as fun as Miss Rachel, but I'm ok.

Birthday presents!

She was so excited about this doll that when she pulled back the wrapping paper she jumped up and ran to me and gave me the biggest hug. The icing on the cake is the  doll came with the name "Lili" which is what Ruth often calls things as her silly word. When I found this doll (she's supposed to look Asian but other than the black hair and brown eyes there's really no Asian features to the doll), I knew it was just right for our girl.

Ruthie is still very tiny for her age, not even on the Chinese growth chart at almost 24 pounds and 2 feet 10 inches tall. Her weight to height ratio is pretty good, the 17th percentile.

She enjoyed a fun day out with her daddy for her birthday (North Museum and Friendly's for lunch) but was very ready to come home and see mommy and her sisters.

Kisses for the best daddy in the world

There are still concerns from the doctors regarding her slow growth. We do know this is in part due to the form of Thalassemia she has. She takes a folic acid pill every day to support red blood cell production and a Vitamin D supplement to help with bone density. We have still not had to give her any blood transfusions for which we are grateful. She will go back to CHOP to see the Thalassemia specialist in June and we will see at that time what suggestions the doctor has to make or if we can continue on as we are now.

Her cleft lip and palate have both been repaired. At this point we don't foresee any surgeries for many years (potentially a lip/nose revision when she's a teenager IF she wants it). Her surgeon doesn't think she will need a bone graft in her gum line, but we do know there's a small possibility that after she starts losing teeth we will need to have that checked to make sure she doesn't need that repair. She will likely need orthodontics for quite awhile, but again, this will be years down the road when she starts losing baby teeth and growing adult teeth. We are aware that she also may have missing teeth or misshapen teeth that may require dental work. However, at this time, we are good to go and her biggest hurdle continues to be speech.

Ruth continues to bring our family so much joy. She is Caroline's best friend. She is sweet and snuggly but also loud and spicy. We cannot imagine our family without her as a part of it.

She is very ready to be a big sisters. She prays multiple times a day for her little sister in China and hopes that we will have good news to share soon.

She saw this deer cake sample at the grocery store and knew exactly what she wanted for her fourth birthday cake!

Ruthie Deer, we love you. These past two years have been incredible. We will soon reach the day when she's been a Hess girl longer than she hasn't. And what a day of rejoicing that will be!

Happy fourth birthday, Ruthie V.!

So sassy!

Funding Update

Our precious family and friends. We have said many times how overwhelmed we are by the support we have received for Sister Six's adoption. 

Big Helpers during set-up

When we found out just a week or so before our fundraising event that we wouldn't be able to do a raffle and would need to switch it to a silent auction to keep it a legal activity in our state, I was very nervous to tell the people who extended their generosity to us in advance. All the friends were gracious and understanding of the predicament we found ourselves in. 

Now for the real news you've been waiting for! Our Coffee, Cocoa, and Dessert Fundraiser and Silent Auction raised just over $5,000!

So many lovely items donated!

We had applied for two grants and were shocked to find out this month that between the two we received $10,000. Between the grants, the fundraiser, previous fundraising events, and our personal savings our adoption is FULLY FUNDED! 

Look at all these yummy desserts!

Drool-worthy 

I don't know how to express our gratitude other than a simple, "Thank you."

I was so proud of these three for going outside their comfort zone (for some of them) and teaching a few Chinese words.

So many of you have been involved and dedicated to help bring home our little girl. From the people who made desserts, the ones who donated items for our silent auction, the many people who bid (whether they won the item or not!), the people who helped set up and clean up after the event. Truly, it was something beautiful for God, and we are honored to be a small part of his plan.

Now we persevere through the most difficult part of this side of the adoption process, and that it to wait to be matched. Please pray for us to have patience and to trust in the Lord's timing to bring the girl meant to be our daughter at just the right time. We can't thank you all enough! 

Something Beautiful for God

Recently the girls and I read a book about Mother Teresa. She didn't like interviews, public speaking, or being filmed. She felt those things took too much time away from the work she was doing. However, at one point she consented to doing a documentary. During the negotiations she wrote in a letter to the producer, "Let us do something beautiful for God."

Little Sister's Valentine's Day rose from her Daddy

I am certainly no Mother Teresa, but her words have stuck with me.

All adoption starts from a place of loss. For our daughters it is the loss of birth family, culture, country, and language just to name a few. However, there is redemption in adoption. There is the gain of forever family, new culture, country, language and religion.

God is in the business of making beauty from ashes. Of creating something lovely out of what could be filled with just pain. This Gungor song always makes me think of what God does in each of our lives if we allow Him to work.

It is my hope that our fundraiser to help bring home sister six will be exactly this. "Something beautiful for God". Yes, we would like to raise some money to help offset the costs of adoption. However, we want more than anything for the hearts and minds of our fellow believers to be encouraged. We want others to attempt, in their own ways, to do something beautiful for God. We all know that God does not need our help to create beauty from ashes. But if we allow it, he certainly would like us to be involved and to be part of the story.

I hope that non-believers will see what is happening in our lives and be curious. I hope they will see that there is something different about our family (and not just that we're weird) but that they will see us as Matthew 5:14-16 describes what others should see when they see us.

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

This is what we want. We want others to see God and glorify him.

While I'm writing about adoption I wanted to give a brief update on where we're at in the process. You may remember our dossier went to China in November, 2018. We have been waiting for our match for three months now. We are hopeful that we will be matched soon, but are trusting God for His perfect timing and Providence over this wait and our match. This part of the process is always the most difficult as I'm a person of action and there is no action I can take. And yet, prayer is powerful and I can do that! Our daughter is never far from our minds. The other day Ruth was talking about her and said, "I miss little sister." And I think that's true. We don't know who she is yet, but our hearts miss her and long for the day we can all be together. We would certainly appreciate your prayers as we continue to wait.

Nothing would give me greater joy than to be matched and able to share a photo of her at our event on March 16. We continue to be grateful for the generosity shown by all of you to our family. We hope to see many of you on the 16th for a hug, a prayer, and a fun evening of fellowship.