Finding Place

Wednesday, May 17, 2017 we had the opportunity to go to Ruth's finding place, which is the place where she was abandoned.

Before I say too much, please understand that this is a very personal matter. I hesitated even to blog about it because it is so sensitive. However, I think this story will help many to understand why international adoption is important. Some people believe it is cruel to "rip a child from their country, their heritage, their culture, their people." My hope is that after you read this you will understand that abandoned children in China have no country, no heritage, no culture, no people, and no future. 

Our guide, Xiou, personally found an abandoned child in 1995, who is now an adult living in Atlanta. 

In China, medical insurance is just beginning to be accessible and what is available is extremely expensive with little coverage; there is no government medical care (like Medicare or Medicade or statewide children's health insurance). For many families who give birth to a child (male or female) with a visible medical condition like Ruth's cleft lip and palate, they are abandoned shortly after birth. The parents know there is no way they could provide the medical attention their child needs so they are abandoned. There is no legal way to relinquish your child so parents are left with the choice to either attempt to raise a child with a medical need that they cannot meet, or abandon them. I believe the birth families show the ultimate sacrificial love by leaving their child with the hope that they will receive the medical attention they need. Often if the birth family chooses to raise their child they end up watching them suffer, be ostracized in the community, the child may not be allowed to attend school, and in the most serious cases, the children die. 

Children who are abandoned are first supposed to be taken to the police where a police record can be made. Next they are taken to the closest orphanage. Sometimes they go to a hospital from the orphanage. Hopefully the children will be placed with a local foster family. If a child is not adopted before the age of 14, in China, they age out of the system. They are no longer adoptable. If they are lucky, they can stay in the orphanage until they are 18. I asked our guide many questions about this. She explained that after age 18, they can sometimes find menial work, but are often so institutionalized that they cannot hold down a job or form meaningful relationships. There is no future for orphans in China. Our guide has made caring for orphans her life's work in many ways. She worked at the orphanage, she started a foster program in the city, and now works for an adoption agency as a guide and translator. She has made it very clear that adoption is the best thing for these children. Hopefully there will come a day when China changes the way their country works, but until that day comes, the need is great. 

A little about Ruth. 

 

She woke up very happy this morning!

 

She was a mama's girl all day!

 

We drove out of the "new Nanning city" where the skyline is dotted with cranes and new shiny buildings.

 

And headed into "old Nanning city". 

 

This is a side road, looking back to the main road. I'm standing at Ruth's finding place.

This is where Ruth was found. She was approximately 3 days old. Her birthdate was estimated based on her umbilical cord which was still attached. This is the entrance to a residential compound called "Kang Mei Huayuan" The Kang means health. The Mei means beauty and huayuan is gardens. So it would likely translate as "health and beauty gardens".

 

If you can see the red lettering at far end of this photo, that is the orphanage, in clear view while standing at Ruth's finding place. 

 

We felt pretty somber standing there. Ruth was just over 4 pounds when she was found. On the opposite side of the apartment complex there is a women's hospital. Our best guess is that Ruth was born very small and with a very large cleft lip and palate. Her parents likely came in the middle of the night with her in a cardboard box so the fact that they held a baby would be concealed from any passerby. 

 

They left her here, within site of the orphanage, with hopes for her receiving medical care, and eventually, a family. 

 

We are honored to be her parents. 

 

Orphanage visits are not often allowed, but our guide checked anyway and they let us come. This is the entrance. 

 

 

Many parts were actually quite beautiful. 

 

 

The courtyard had beautiful banyan trees, cottonwoods with white fluffy cotton falling down, and a fish pond. 

 

 

Ruth liked the cotton. 

 

This is the orphanage where Ruth lived for the first 7 months of her life. The second and third floors are the baby rooms. We weren't allowed inside but were glad to have at least this much of a view. Local kindergartners also come here to have some lessons. The children were all lined up singing songs, practicing for "children's day" which is June 1. 

 

This is us with the orphanage director, Chen Liling. She was the one who decided Ruth should be sent to Peace House in Beijing. When Ruth was 7 months old she weighed about 9 pounds. She needed to weigh 14 before she could have her lip repaired. 

 

The director personally flew Ruth to Beijing and saw her settled in at Peace House. She also made an exception to allow Ruth to remain with the foster family in Beijing while we worked to get to her so she wouldn't have to wait for us in the orphanage. It was an emotional meeting for me. This woman helped start Ruth on a beautiful trajectory. I am so grateful to her. 

 

These next few photos are also hard. This was the babies "outdoor play time" with the nannies. Ruth would have been among their number for seven months. There were at least 12 babies with four nannies to look after them. 

 

That ratio is actually good when compared with other orphanages, but it was still really hard to watch. The woman motioning to us said she remembered caring for Ruth and she wanted her to come give her a hug. 

 

Ruth had no desire to get anywhere near her. As we walked away I had tears in my eyes knowing that my daughter was there. She laid on that mat and couldn't gain weight. She was held by that woman but not touched in a way a mother can touch and love. As I tried not to completely lose it I told Trent that I can see why people come back. I understand why you would brave long flights, spend tens of thousands of dollars and come halfway around the world. Because these babies, these children, need you. 

 

After the emotional morning we stopped at a local shop on the same road as the orphanage. We bought Ruth an antique silver bracelet with a bell with Chinese characters saying things like "lucky" and "good health". Trent was excited to buy a coin from to Qing Dynasty. 

 

This was an interesting bird he kept that repeats things after the shopkeeper. They were selling these birds on the street outside the shop. Unfortunately, I don't think I'd make it through customs with one or I'd have been tempted to bring one back for the girls. 

 

It was a very unique shop. If I had unlimited space there were beautiful vases and pottery I would have loved to take home. 

 

Sometimes shopkeepers will take advantage of Americans but this gentleman was very fair in his pricing. He really liked Ruthie. 

 

Fake nails that women wore in the Qing Dynasty. Very interesting how the Chinese have had a fascination with fingernails for hundreds of years. 

 

Back to the hotel to nap after that long morning. 

 

Walked around the mall and WalMart to pass the time. Found these guys for sale at WalMart. I thought they look like crayfish but I forget now what they actually were. 

 

Found these potato crisps and thought they looked good. 

 

One for each hand. 

 

 

Yep! They're delicious! She's my girl, for sure. We've never met a potato we didn't like. 

 

Killing time before dinner and making her legs strong. She went up and down this ramp many, many times. 

 

 

 

Finally dinner time!

 

We ate at the buffet in the hotel instead of room service. Ruth mostly loved the meat and fries and apple juice. 

 

She's a doll!

 

She was excited to hold the dessert plate. I promise I didn't let her eat all of that. She mostly loved the Oreo. Go figure. 

 

She enjoyed a relaxing bath and a little FaceTime with her big sisters. We had lots of love and hugs and kisses and snuggles together before her bottle and bed. 

We are so very thankful to be here. Thank you all for joining us and for being part of Ruthie's life.