Beautifully Broken

All adoption starts from a place of trauma. A place of loss. Of grief. Sadness.

A few years ago I read something along those lines but did not fully understand it. In truth, I may never fully grasp this.

Before adopting our children I talked to my friends who are adoptees from multiple different countries. I read books. I scoured blogs and websites. And all the information and stories were different. Just as no two biologically related children are exactly the same, no two adoption stories are the same.

Our first adoption was as smooth as possible. Our second quite rocky.

But trauma and grief and loss are tricky things. A child who does not have any cognitive memory of their abandonment and multiple moves feels those things deep inside of them.

Recently one of of biological children had surgery. Ironically, this brought up some fear of abandonment in Ruthie. She was very anxious days before the surgery and was terrible the day of the surgery. When I got home with her sister she was very needy and upset. After taking her to my room to calm her down later that evening I held her and rocked her and rubbed her back.

And she said, “I was afraid you weren't coming back.”

Broken. So terribly broken. She was abandoned as an infant, placed in an orphanage, moved to a care home, fostered by an amazing family, and finally adopted. Five breaks in the first two years of her life.

While most of the moves she made were for her to receive better care and eventually a forever family, they are still breaks in connections her little brain was forming.

Many of you have been following along and praying for Ruthie as she spent time in the hospital a couple of weeks ago.

Her illness came upon her suddenly, what we later learned was a case of Salmonella brought on from eating chicken at KFC. Some of you may remember that Ruthie has a genetic blood condition. Her specific condition is quite rare and has a long name: Alpha Thalassemia Hemoglobin H Disease, Constant Spring. This affects her red blood cells and leads to a chronically low hemoglobin. Her normal hemoglobin is between 7.9-8.1, whereas a “healthy” child has a hemoglobin of about 12 or 13.

When people get sick it is normal for their hemoglobin to drop. For a child like Ruthie, her hemoglobin doesn't have far to go before she is too sick to recover on her own and would need a blood transfusion.

This is what happened when she got Salmonella. She was very dehydrated within three days of first getting ill (Friday she was sick for the first time and Sunday we were in the ER). Her hemoglobin was 6, but she was so dehydrated the doctor thought it was probably closer to 5.5. This meant that she would need fluid, plus a blood transfusion, plus another bag of fluids. She was admitted to the hospital Sunday and we came home Tuesday morning.

Although Ruth knows she has this condition, she did not previously grasp what it meant when we talked about if she gets sick she may need a blood transfusion.

Her time in the hospital was traumatic. She was very, very scared. Ruth is a strong little girl and to see her so out of sorts was terrible. The first night in the hospital I had to sleep in the little crib-bed with her because she was afraid even if I was just in the chair on the other side of her bed. The second night I could sleep in the chair, but she would wake up crying and yelling, “Mama! Where are you???”

It broke my heart. Since coming home we've had a large emotional set back for Ruth. She was napping in her own bed but has since needed me to lay with her until she falls asleep. When she wakes up from her nap she is full of fear, crying, and wanting to know where mama went as I have other demands and cannot nap with her for 2.5 hours everyday.

It was during this time that we were hit with the unfairness and the brokenness of adoption. I'm reminded that brokenness is not God's first plan for families. God's first plan was for a husband and wife to hold fast to one another (Genesis 2:24), then to have children (Genesis 9:7). There are stories in the Bible of adoption (Moses) and the pain that is often associated with this way of building a family.

But God is so good. He loves Ruth. He loves people. And God began writing the redemption story before man and sin even entered the world. Praise God that He is in the business of making beauty from ashes (read Joseph's story as just one example).

Today, for the first time in weeks, Ruth took a nap in her own bed. We trust that God will continue to work on Ruth's heart and mind. We trust that she will lose her fear of abandonment and be able to come to the realization that she is forever loved, cherished, and wanted.

It is my prayer that all of my girls will cling to these words from Isaiah 43:1; “Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name; You are mine.”

I Literally Can’t

Yesterday I had a hard day.

I don’t do well when I’m tired. I am cranky, impatient, noise bothers me, irritable, short tempered, and can be downright unpleasant. Basically I become a hungry toddler. 

The morning started with smiles and sweetness. 

But I was cranky. I was impatient when one of the girls didn’t understand a school concept (probably not my brightest idea to start school while jet lagged). I was irritated when my 4 and 5 year olds were chattering non-stop (truthfully, not any different from any other day). I was short tempered when my 10 year old threw a fit about school. And I was unpleasant when I yelled at her. 

All my spinning plates came crashing down and I started to wonder, “what was I thinking? I can’t handle six children.” One of my girls was crying that I don’t care about her, I only care about the little girls. 

I can’t meet the needs of all my kids at the same time. 

I literally can’t. 

And in my time-out moment lying on my bed I felt God whisper to my heart, “but I can.”  

Even if I could meet every physical and emotional need of all of my children at every moment I would still be unable to meet their spiritual needs because I am not God. You see, I’ve dealt for a long time with my pride. And just when I think I’ve gotten good at not being proud God blesses me with another child and I realize that I have very much been depending on myself and not on God. 

While it was a hard lesson to learn it felt like a breakthrough for me. I talked to my crying 10 year old and told her how much I love her, even when it may feel like I don’t. I apologized. I led her back to seek Jesus on her own. We prayed together. 

The rest of the day was better. And I went to bed early and woke up late and my own attitude is much improved. 

Heidi has a doctor appointment tomorrow so I’ll plan to give a big Heidi update then. 

But, I’m so happy to say that, medical/trauma/adoption issues aside, the six sisters are doing great. 

Heidi feels like she’s always been here. I had high hopes for how Ruthie would do, giving up her spot as “baby”. In typical Ruth fashion she took it all in stride, because, obviously, she’s big. She is loving her role as the big sister. She will sit on the floor with Heidi and Heidi will climb all over her. Ruth said, “Heidi thinks I’m a mountain!” Ha-ha!

Carrie likes to help her stand. She’s been a big sister for awhile but it’s so special to have a tiny sister. 

Maggie likes to show her how to play with toys. 

Abbey is happy that she’s big enough to hold and carry Heidi. 

And Anne. Bless her. Anne is like another mama to Heidi. She is my extra set of arms when I need to clean up the kitchen or fold laundry or do anything where I can’t hold Heidi. 

Honestly, Heidi has had a difficult start to life. But God. He saw fit to place her in a family with five big sisters. There are always arms ready to hold her, sisters to play, a mama to rock her, a daddy to swing her high. 

So for every tough day we have along the way, I keep in mind the alternative of my baby growing up in an orphanage. I’ll take my tough days and thank the Lord for carrying me through and thank my friends and family for lifting us up. 

Orphanage Visit + Finding Place

This morning was .... difficult.

We thought Heidi could eat a small variety of foods. We went to breakfast and when I tried to put her in the high chair she started crying. I held her on my lap and tried to feed her some oatmeal. She wasn’t having ît. To get her to eat I had to drizzle oatmeal down her mouth. 

It was as sad as you can imagine. She cried the whole time I fed her.

Trent walked her around so I could grab a bite. 

That steamed bun in the front was amazing! It was filled with some sort of egg custard. Very delicious!

Back in our room after breakfast and she was looking so cute!

We did a quick FaceTime with the girls. They loved Heidi’s outfit. 

Then we put her back to bed. She woke up around 6am after going to bed at 8 Pm. She seemed so tired that we had her lie down before we left to go to her orphanage at 10 am. 

When in China.... baby wearing in a taxi. 

This is a layout of the new orphanage building. The square building with the opening in the middle is the group home building where Heidi has lived since January. She had been doing poorly so she moved to the group home. She would go to the main orphanage during the day then the group home mother would pick her up and take her back to the house for lunch, naps, then again in the evening for dinner and sleep. 

Outside the orphanage building. 

We were met on our way inside by a girl who appeared to be about 16. She was chatting with our guide and our guide told us the girl lives there her whole life. While waiting to meet the orphanage director another teenage boy showed up. Our guide again mentioned they always lived at the orphanage. When I asked how old they are she said 22 and 23. It felt really, really sad. 

We were able to meet the orphanage director to give her the items donated. Trent was happy not to have to carry heavy garbage bags around anymore.

I was surprised they allowed us to walk through the orphanage guided by our guide and the woman I think was the assistant director. We were told there were about 200 children part of that orphanage, many with severe special needs. As we walked through we saw this to be true. I was surprised and happy to see a tremendous amount of good equipment, therapy tools and large spaces for the kids. Unfortunately we learned later that while this looks nice, there are no therapists to use the equipment with the children. Many of the older children were doing lessons. There was a class of about 8 Kindergarteners who were so precious. 

We were unable to take any photos inside but we did get to meet Heidi’s main caregiver in the baby room. She was just as enthusiastic as she was in the videos we received. We are unsure what Heidi’s cognitive skills are and how much she understands. However, the caregiver asked if she wants to get down from mama and go in the room and play. Heidi started screaming and crying.... I felt terrible for her, but it felt like a good sign for us. 

We were able to visit Heidi’s group home mom. It was nice to get some things cleared up about her eating. She has never sat in a high chair (no wonder she cried) and the mom feeds her holding her and spooning food into her mouth. 

After leaving there we took another taxi to Heidis finding place. It was in a more run down area of town. Going there cleared up some misconceptions I had. 

When you look to the right from the SOS center. 

When you look to the left. 

The SOS center. I had thought this was similar to a baby hatch. However, that was incorrect. Some documents we received noted her limbs we’re blue when she was found and I thought it was from lack of oxygen since she was so small. However, it could be that she was blue from cold as she was left outside these gates in winter. The fact that she survived is a miracle. 

We learned many people don’t know what this building is for so it’s not uncommon for babies to be left here. It’s actually a center for children who’s parents have died. Our guide mentioned death in fire or flood and had made contributions. Abandoned children do not live here. 

We were glad to go back to the hotel. We survived another screaming meal for Heidi but she was very cheerful afterwards. 

How big’s Heidi?

So big!

Oh, and we got slightly scolded for having her legs showing even though it was 80*. 

Her went to a shop that sells baby supplies. I was thrilled to find a bottle with a spoon on the end. Hannah had recommended it to us and it was a similar tool we used for Ruthie with her cleft palate as she was unable to suck a bottle. 

She finally fell asleep in the carrier on the way back from the walk. 

I couldn’t believe she stayed asleep! After some rest and some fun play time we fed her again. More crying but definitely easier with the spoon bottle. 

We met up with the other families for dinner at Pizza Hut Bistro. Definitely an interesting menu. Our meal came with fried calamari and American potato salad that had hotdogs cut up in it. Everything was surprisingly good. Another couple got the steak because... just have to try new things in China. I had a taste and to me it tasted like a thick slice of spam. Delicious, but not steak.

Pizza Hut China still had the same tasty crust!

We finished our evening by walking to the light show. We didn’t stay out long enough for the fountain show to start... maybe tomorrow. 

Our hotel lit up for the show. 

Went back to the hotel and I recalled reading before that sometimes babies in orphanages are given pretty hot bottles. We tried heating it up and while she cried at first, she drank the whole thing. It was great! We gave her a quick bath, lotioned her up and got her settled for bed. She fell asleep easily. 

I would write more about some observations I’m making of Heidi’s special needs but I’m falling asleep as I type. Thank you all for your continued prayers. We feel them! We have joy in the midst of the most challenging circumstances. We love you all! 

Travel Update + Some Adoption Thoughts

So much good news to share!

Monday, August 12, we got a brief update of sweet Heidi Grace. She now weighs 17 pounds and is 28 inches tall. Although the update didn't state that she is crawling, two of the photos make it appear she is either crawling or very close to it (she is 21 months old). This is a wonderful improvement in her skills as she could only just sit up independently in April at 17 months old.

Yesterday, August 13, 2019, we got travel approval! This gives us specific approval to enter China with the intent of adopting our daughter.

Today, August 14, the protests in Hong Kong have settled down. This has been a concern for us because our flights into and out of China layover in Hong Kong and recently several days of flights have been cancelled.We believe that we will be safe to fly without difficulty.

We have our official FAMILY DAY scheduled (sometimes called Gotcha Day), which is the day we will be united with Heidi! This is scheduled for Monday, September 2. Less than three weeks until my precious daughter will be in our arms and we can share her photo with you all!

I plan to blog everyday as I did for our last adoption. You can now subscribe to my blog by typing in your email at the bottom of this page to get email notifications of when I post. I am hoping to still be able to post to Facebook once a day but I'm unsure if that will be possible so if you don't want to miss anything, be sure to subscribe!

Finally, I want to share some thoughts on adoption. I have very openly and publicly discussed our adoptions for one main reason. Simply put; adoption is amazing. I hope that by sharing our joys and challenges that you all will be encouraged in your relationship with Jesus, and that if you don't have a relationship with Jesus that you will want to know what it's all about. Second, I hope to encourage my friends and family to be involved in adoption in one way or another.

I can wholeheartedly say that my church, my community, my friends and family have done this. They have loved and supported us in more ways than I can count. When you hear the phrase "it takes a village", this is what comes to mind. We could not be going to China in two weeks if it weren't for the support we have had from all of you.

My greatest hope is that I will have the opportunity to support you in this same way. If you are interested in adoption, please reach out to me because I would love to have real, serious discussions about what it could look like for your family, how to pay for it, and how to get started.

Thank you all!
Much love, Emily

Generosity + Adoption Update

When we started the year with our word choice of "generosity" I didn't know how it would change me. My goal was to show my children how to live generously as all believers in Christ should, as a natural extension of our love for the Lord.

I haven't written the past few months, not because we haven't given or done anything generous, but because I was wrestling with the public nature of blogging about generosity. After checking my heart to be sure my motives are pure (that I share from a stance of encouragement, not boasting), I wanted to write to share what we have done these past few months.

We donated Build-A-Bears that the girls made to Hershey Children's Hospital Child Line Department. The nurses who work there were gracious and lovely not only to Ruthie after her palate surgery, but also to me. So this was an important, personal one we wanted to give to as Ruth received a giraffe that she still sleeps with (1-year post-op!) that someone else had donated. Also, our local Build-A-Bear gave us a tremendous discount when they learned these were to be donated. We didn't ask for it, but were blessed by it!

Just before donating! Look at these cheerful givers (forgot to take a pic with the animals they made)

Since we are trying hard to be frugal in order to save money towards our adoption we started trying to think outside the box. We considered if there were ways we could donate our time or something else that we have to be helpful.

Abbey decided she would like to cut her long hair and donated about 12" of hair.

Before

After

It took me a little longer to come to terms with parting with my own hair, as it has become part of my identity. However, it felt like the right thing to do, especially since it was letting go of something about myself that I loved it felt like more of a sacrifice. I donated 14" of my hair.

Before

After: also, it's never looked this nice since the hairdresser styled it. :/

Yesterday I donated blood. I didn't take the kids along with me. However, while I was there, a friend of mine was also there with her husband and children. As we were chatting she mentioned that her dad used to take her and her sister when he would donate plasma, a three-hour process. They would watch a movie together and her dad set this example to her of giving of our physical bodies to help someone else. It really moved me and I've determined the next time I give blood I will take my kids with me.

Both arms bandaged because apparently my veins are the same size as the needle. But hey, we got it to work!

The most interesting thing has been happening here. I thought this year of generosity would be about the kids and myself giving to those in need. It certainly has been. However, it has been so much more. I am learning also to receive the generosity of others with grace and humility.

People were very supportive of Ruth's adoption, but we've been so humbled by the sheer number of people who have stepped up and given towards the adoption of sister six, some we don't even know personally, just friends of friends. We started this process back in June, just four months ago, and I want to share with you how we have been on the receiving end of your generosity.

The most recent t-shirt campaign raised $195. The total amount we received from t-shirt sales is $1,066.89! (What?! This blew my mind!) The total amount from t-shirts and other extraordinarily generous donations is $3,536.39.

Thus far we have paid a total of $9,540.10 in adoption expenses so we have paid approximately $6,000 of those costs. I share this for two main reasons. One, that you would know we are committed to our daughter and are absolutely willing to part with our money to bring her home. And two, that your faith might be increased when you see how God provides exactly what we need, when we need it.

I don't know who our sixth daughter will be, but I do know that she will be surrounded by a host of people who are invested in her and want to see her succeed and will celebrate with us each victory she has in life.

As I've been praying for her the word "warrior" has come to my mind, over and over again. I have no doubt this little lady will be a warrior princess; a brave, brave girl who will fight and win many battles.

Many of you probably saw we just had our biometric fingerprinting done for the immigration part of this paperwork trail. Immigration approval is the last piece we need for our side of the paperwork. When we get it in the mail we will have to have it notarized and sent to our adoption agency. Then our dossier can go to China! Most likely that will happen sometime in November, unless a paperwork miracle occurs and our approval comes much more quickly than anticipated.

Once our Dossier goes to China we continue our wait to be matched with our daughter. Current timeframes are 9-12 months for a young girl. However, we are open to a fair amount of special needs, so it could be much quicker than that. Once we are matched we will need to pay about $12,500 in fees. Then before we travel we need to pay all travel expenses which will likely be around $10,000. While $22,500 sounds insurmountable, we know that it is not because, with God's help, we did it before and we know we can do it again.

We thank you all for your continued support, encouragement, and love. It's such a joy to me to hear of people in the community wearing our t-shirts, to have excited women at Bible study congratulate me on fingerprints, and to share in the joy of the tiniest updates. You all are a special part of our daughter's life and our lives. You most certainly will have had a hand in changing her world. We thank you all!

xoxo,
Mama Hess

Faith of a Child

I recently volunteered to teach the middle school Sunday School class at our church. Yes, you read that correctly. Volunteered. Middle School. Yes, I’m crazy.

Honestly, middle school was extremely difficult for me. I feel like I’m not too old to be considered irrelevant to these kids, still have the memories of what it felt like to be in a tumultuous home with turbulent hormones, and have the Biblical knowledge coupled with the true Spiritual transformation to make what I hope will be a lasting impression on the kids. So I volunteered.

I was excited to teach this group of very diverse children. There were twelve kids in the class, with a nice mix of homeschooled and public school kids, adopted and birth children, mostly two-parent families but some living with grandparents or from broken homes. I had a few main goals going into the class. One was to show them that God really does answer prayers. Two, to get them into a routine of reading their Bible daily. Three, to help them view the world from a Christian perspective.

To start off the class I gave each young person a prayer journal that they will write in each week. I shared with them the prayer journal that I am keeping in specific regards to our adoption finances and the timing of paperwork. One of the students asked how much it cost to adopt from China. I hesitated to answer because it’s always a difficult topic to broach. However, every kid in the class had their eyes glued to me. They were eager to know. And I realized that if I told them, then could prove to them how God is faithful in answering our prayers to help bring this girl home from China then He would be glorified. Not only will he be glorified in my mind and in my family’s mind, but it would prove to these middle school kids who are at such an impressionable age that we can trust God to take care of us. That He is good. That He is our provider. So I told them. Thirty-five thousand dollars. Their eyes bugged out and their jaws dropped. But I reminded them; God provides. He is faithful. And we prayed together.

At the end of the class, one young boy came up to me after everyone else had left the room and gave me fifty cents. This was his weekly tithe and he wanted me to have it towards our adoption. This meant so much to me. I wrote his name and his donation in my prayer journal. And here’s the thing. He didn’t do this for attention. He did it privately after the other kids had left. I was moved.

The next week he came in and gave me a dollar, declaring he decided that he wanted me to have both his tithe and his offering. A double measure. And the kids asked immediately, “How did God provide this week?”

My face when I see God's goodness!

They had faith that God would have moved others in that one week we were apart to give. And they were right. We had received a $200 check. Later that Sunday the boy’s younger sister reached back and handed me fifty cents.

While their donations may seem small, they are not. They are such an encouragement to me.

Luke 17:5-6 The apostles said to the Lord, “Increase our faith!” And the Lord answered, “If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be uprooted and planted in the sea,’ and it will obey you.

Such a small amount of faith is required. The money these young people have given represent that to me. I write their donations down exactly the same as I write down the larger donations.

I want to share a few verses that have often encouraged me with I feel like my faith is small, when things seem too hard, and I’m discouraged. This story is about a boy who is demon possessed. Jesus’ disciples tried to drive out the spirit, but they could not. Jesus asks that the boy be brought to him.

Mark 9:21-24 Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?”

“From childhood,” he answered. “It has often throw him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.”

“If you can?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.”

Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

Jesus goes on to drive the evil spirit out and privately discussed with the disciples that this kind of spirit can only come out by prayer.

This story shows me that faith, prayer, and action are all related. It proves that in our weakest moments, when we want to believe but still have doubts, if that smallest mustard seed sized faith is there, that everything is possible.

The reason I wanted to share the story of the boy in my Sunday School class with you is to help you grow in your faith. He already has faith that his donation will help make a difference in a little girl’s life. I read in George Muller’s autobiography (highly recommend, by the way) that his main reason for starting orphanages in Bristol was not to help the orphans. It was to prove to Christians that God answers prayer. He never asked for money, only prayed that God would provide the finances to fund the orphanages. And He did, without fail. Sometimes they were eating the last of the food in the house, and God would move the heart of some individual to provide literal bread and milk. They didn't even always understand why they felt the urge to give what they believed God was asking them to give, but they obeyed. 

This is why I share with you the dollar amount we need to bring home sister six. Obviously, the donations are going to change the life of one little girl in China, but I hope it will do more than that. I hope that my friends who have considered international adoption but feel that the finances are insurmountable would be encouraged that God will provide. I hope those who donate can realize that they are doing the work of the Lord. I hope that whatever difficult situation you are facing today that you will turn to the God who loves you, who is real, who is alive and active in our lives, and that you will pray. God loves His children and wants to give them good gifts, whether that gift is more patience, a person who can be your friend, an individual who can support you as you struggle with a child who has a special need, or someone who is a good listener. Most of all, I hope you’ll remember that God answers prayers.

We don’t want to stay in the place like the boy’s father in Mark 9, where we believe, but have some unbelief. I imagine that after Jesus drove the demon from the boy, the man’s faith was increased. This is what God does for me on a regular basis. I believe that God will provide for the adoption, and He moves the hearts of individuals to support us, and my faith is increased. It doesn’t stay in the same place of desiring to believe but having reservations.

I hope you are encouraged, my friends. God is good!

Adoption by the Numbers and Where we are in the Process

Since we are doing some fundraising for the adoption of sister six, I feel it is only fair to offer numbers for those who are generously donating their hard earned dollars.

Adoption costs are not something most adoptive parents like to talk about. However, it only seems right to show others how a normal family like ours can "afford" to adopt.

Ruth's adoption cost was $35,000, including our two and a half weeks of travel in China. We received $5,000 in grants, $10,000 from family and friends through donations and fundraisers, and paid the remaining $20,000 out of our income/savings. A large portion of what we paid came from my sign painting business which I closed after Ruth came home.

We anticipate that sister six's adoption will be right around the same amount, perhaps a little less since we do receive a small discount on our homestudy fee and some of the paperwork we do not need to purchase a second time.

So far we have paid $4,700 in fees. We recently received a $1,000 donation for which we are tremendously grateful. That will pay for our immigration fee (around $700) and the cost to certify and authenticate all our documents for our Dossier which will go to China.

After we are matched we will have a large bill, around $12,500 and then a few months later we will pay our travel fees which will likely be around $10,000.

We are currently selling t-shirts from Bonfire. The more shirts we sell the higher dollar amount per shirt we receive. If shirts aren't your thing, I am also planning a silent auction of my hand-painted signs (including FIVE custom signs) and canvas prints and framed photographs from my sister, Stacy's, gorgeous landscape photography. The silent auction will be all done online and will hopefully take place in late September or early October (so you can give these as Christmas gifts).

If at any time you feel led to give a donation directly please send me a message and I'll let you know how you can do that.

We also will plan on hosting an event at some point. Plans are still in the works for this, but I'll be sure to keep you updated.

Now, where are we in the process? We just finished our last homestudy visit! Hooray! Our social worker is aiming to have our homestudy written by the end of August! After that is officially done, we will send it and some other documents to receive immigration approval. While it's hard to say how long all these things will take to come through, we are cautiously optimistic that our Dossier will go to China in October. At that point, we will wait to be matched!

We appreciate all of you. Some people do not receive as much support for a second adoption as they do for their first but we must have the best friends and family in the world because we've felt that everyone is even more supportive and excited this time around.

Thanks, everyone, for your continued support!

Bringing Home Sister Six

Last week we officially announced in social media world that we are adopting.... again. We were overwhelmed by the love and support we felt from everyone. It has been no secret that Ruth has changed our world and we are all better Hesses for having her in our lives. I'm sure it was not surprising for many of you to read that we are adopting again. It's also the main reason I haven't blogged here for six weeks. I've been working furiously on getting paperwork done before the new school year starts up!

To answer a few questions that have come up. Yes, another girl. While it may seem crazy to most of you, we really love being an all-girl (plus dad) family. Financially it makes sense because we won't be purchasing a whole extra wardrobe of boy clothes. I know, I know, the future weddings. But Trent and I got married super cheap and we've made our girls (even the littles) aware that weddings don't need to be a production, they need to last a lifetime. The humblest of beginnings can be the most beautiful marriages.

We are currently most of the way through the Home Study process. All our paperwork has been turned in, we just need to wait to have a social worker come out to the house two times. That will happen in August, then she will need to write up the Home Study. We should have the home study in our hands by early to mid-September. After we have the home study we can apply for the first part of immigration. That can take two weeks to come back or much longer. A friend just had her immigration approval take 79 long days. While we hope to be on the low end of that timeframe we believe that God will work out the timing perfectly to bring the exact girl meant to be a Hess into our lives at just the right time.

Once we have immigration approval, those items will also be included in our Dossier. We've also turned in all the paperwork for our Dossier that we can. So really, there's nothing for us to do right now but wait. (Trent laughs every time I say I have nothing to do...)

We would really hope that our Dossier would go to China in October or November. Much of that timing depends on how long papers take to come back which we have no control over.

Some of you have asked how long the process will be. We've been told roughly two years from application to going to China. That was about what we were told with Ruth, but it only took 17 months. While things have changed in China with the way children are matched into families, that may actually extend our wait and look closer to two years. However, we've also broadened the range and severity of special needs that our family is open to caring for, so that could shorten the wait time. Our reasoning behind this is that we are more confident being the parents of a child with special needs, and has nothing to do with the wait time. Our older biological daughters have been rather insistent on wanting another sister from China and have desired a particular special need that we hadn't considered before. See what God can do? Not only is he changing Trent and me, he is changing our girls. Our eyes have been opened, and so we must act.

What I've learned from my experience with adopting the first time, and with Ruth in particular, is that whether the time is long or short (in my mind) that the right girl for our family WILL have her file ready exactly when we are ready.

Some of you may know that Ruth joined a foster family just after her first birthday in China. The foster family was told she may only be with them for one month; that her file was nearly ready. A month came and went, still not ready. Two months, three months, four months, and more. Finally after nearly eight months, they received a text message saying, "Her family wants you to call her Ruth." After months of waiting on their end with no word, the way they learned she had been matched was my tentative message to our adoption agency politely asking if, since they speak English, they could call her Ruth or Ruthie so she is familiar with her name when we bring her home. The way that got translated to the Douglas family was less polite and more direct. "Call her Ruth". And just when her foster family visited they told us about a photo that we were later sent, of them holding Ruth up and they said, "Hello, Ruth. You have a forever family coming for you." And that photo came through to us on our 11th wedding anniversary.

Hello, Ruth!

You see, if Ruth's file had been made ready one month after she joined the Douglas family, we would not have been her family. Our paperwork hadn't gone to China until two months after she joined their family, and I don't know that we would have been mentally prepared to be matched any sooner than we were. God works out all the timing in the most beautiful and creative ways, and so we trust that He will do so once again.

We will certainly keep you updated on any progress or changes. And I'm always, always, always here and can make myself available to answer any questions you might have on how to get started on your own adoption journey. The need is great for families to come forward. With the law changes in China, after we adopt sister six we will no longer be able to adopt from China as we will exceed their child limit (at least until Anne is over 18, wink, wink). With that sadness also comes my expectation that God will raise up my friends and acquaintances to step up to care for these little ones who deserve families. Will you?

Ruthie turns Three!

Our sassy Ruth has turned three.

 
When I think of all she has been through in her short life, it feels a little overwhelming. Yet as I look deeply into her timeline, I'm amazed at how God was working in her life. Ruth has people (literally) all over the world who love her. There have been many people who were part of her story for a short time but who made a tremendous impact on the trajectory her life took.

Today, I think of Ruth's birth family. Of the pain they must feel on this day as they think of the tiny, 4.5 pound baby they felt they could not raise. I think of the Ayis and orphanage staff with the responsibility of so many little ones; of the women there who give what love they can to the helpless babes in their care. I think of the orphanage director who saw tiny Ruthie failing to grow, and the choice she made to fly her 3 hours north to Beijing. I think of the community of ex-pats living in Beijing who have fostered many children, nurturing them, loving them, showing them what family looks like, before saying goodbye and sending them off to their forever families.

And most of all, I think of the Douglas family. I am thankful for their bravery to take in an 11 pound one year old who couldn't even roll over let alone sit up, stand or walk. The love they poured into Ruth for the year she lived with them changed her life forever. They nourished her body physically, but also emotionally. She went from a helpless one year old to a high spirited two year old who could not only roll over, but stand, walk, run and climb. We are honored to continue to call them our friends and maintain contact with them. Most of all, we look forward to their visit to the US this summer! What a joyful reunion it will be.

While we weren't there the day she was born, it didn't make the day any less special for all of us. To make up for lost time, Ruth celebrated her birthday multiple times throughout the week.

Sunday before her birthday my family stopped in after church for a quick pizza lunch, cupcakes and ice cream. My mom has traditionally purchased a Bitty Baby for all the granddaughters on their first birthday. Since Ruth wasn't home yet, she got her bitty baby this year. She's pleased as can be about this doll.

Wednesday night we celebrated with Trent's side of the family. Again, pizza and cake and ice cream. Ruth has really been enjoying the puzzle that Grandma gave her.

Flamingo outfit from Mema

Three!!

Taking care of baby

Cake at Grandpa and Grandma Hess's.

 Thursday, April 12 was her actual birthday, and we spent the morning at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. (More on that in a bit.) Trent took the day off work so we could both be at that appointment and Diane took care of the girls for me. CHOP gifted Ruth with a fisher price car with a mama and baby. She was pretty happy about this. When we got home from that appointment the doorbell rang and Trent had to sign for a package from China. Ruth's foster family sent her a card and a book.

height/weight check

 We at lunch at Miller's Twist at Reading Terminal Market with Phil Smoker, a friend of Trent's from elementary school! We hadn't seen him in quite awhile and it was good to catch up with him.

We didn't celebrate as a family Thursday night because Anne had softball practice so on Friday night we had more cake and ice cream. I think she's going to be very confused this week when it's Abbey's birthday.

sleepy ride home

For those interested in an update on Ruth's blood condition I'll try to explain what we learned. Ruth has a condition called Alpha Thalassemia, Hemoglobin H - Constant Spring Disease. She has only 1 (out of 4) working gene to make the alpha globin, which basically means she produces fewer red blood cells which makes her anemic. The Constant Spring portion of this disease is a more serious condition that leads to a more severe anemia which can lead to problems like a large spleen, gallstones, increased risk for infections, jaundice, and poor growth.

The good news from our appointment is that Ruth is doing really, really well right now. Her spleen was normal, her hemoglobin was 8.1 which was the highest we have seen it since we brought her home. Even operating on a low hemoglobin she has very normal energy levels for a three year old girl. She is to take a folic acid tablet daily, which isn't a big deal. We feel that we are in a good position as a homeschool family to help reduce her risk of contracting illnesses.

The only concerning news from the appointment is her small size. She isn't even on the growth chart. Ruth weighs 20.5 pounds and is 2 feet 7 inches tall. At this time, we are just to monitor her growth closely. As long as she continues on her own curve, we will be fine. If, however, she doesn't grow or drops off even more, we will need to give her blood transfusions to see if that helps.

There is nothing dietary that will fix her condition. And while normally when one is anemic the recommendation is to give an iron supplement, she actually has normal iron levels and we should avoid too much iron and iron fortified foods. We were also given a list of medications that she should not be given as they can cause her to become more anemic.

We were very happy with the care we received at CHOP. We will continue to follow up there, at this point every four months.

I have no doubt that Ruthie will do whatever she desires with her life. She is strong willed and full of personality. Currently her favorite thing (that we're trying to break her of) is to stick out her tongue at me when I tell her, "no". I made the mistake of laughing the first couple of times she did it, and now I'm paying for it. To avoid my scolding she has now started to act like she's trying to touch her tongue to her nose, not stick her tongue out at me.

She is a joy to have in our lives.

Happy 3rd birthday, Ruthie!!

Photo credit: my sistaaaa Stacy Parmarter Photography