I Literally Can’t

Yesterday I had a hard day.

I don’t do well when I’m tired. I am cranky, impatient, noise bothers me, irritable, short tempered, and can be downright unpleasant. Basically I become a hungry toddler. 

The morning started with smiles and sweetness. 

But I was cranky. I was impatient when one of the girls didn’t understand a school concept (probably not my brightest idea to start school while jet lagged). I was irritated when my 4 and 5 year olds were chattering non-stop (truthfully, not any different from any other day). I was short tempered when my 10 year old threw a fit about school. And I was unpleasant when I yelled at her. 

All my spinning plates came crashing down and I started to wonder, “what was I thinking? I can’t handle six children.” One of my girls was crying that I don’t care about her, I only care about the little girls. 

I can’t meet the needs of all my kids at the same time. 

I literally can’t. 

And in my time-out moment lying on my bed I felt God whisper to my heart, “but I can.”  

Even if I could meet every physical and emotional need of all of my children at every moment I would still be unable to meet their spiritual needs because I am not God. You see, I’ve dealt for a long time with my pride. And just when I think I’ve gotten good at not being proud God blesses me with another child and I realize that I have very much been depending on myself and not on God. 

While it was a hard lesson to learn it felt like a breakthrough for me. I talked to my crying 10 year old and told her how much I love her, even when it may feel like I don’t. I apologized. I led her back to seek Jesus on her own. We prayed together. 

The rest of the day was better. And I went to bed early and woke up late and my own attitude is much improved. 

Heidi has a doctor appointment tomorrow so I’ll plan to give a big Heidi update then. 

But, I’m so happy to say that, medical/trauma/adoption issues aside, the six sisters are doing great. 

Heidi feels like she’s always been here. I had high hopes for how Ruthie would do, giving up her spot as “baby”. In typical Ruth fashion she took it all in stride, because, obviously, she’s big. She is loving her role as the big sister. She will sit on the floor with Heidi and Heidi will climb all over her. Ruth said, “Heidi thinks I’m a mountain!” Ha-ha!

Carrie likes to help her stand. She’s been a big sister for awhile but it’s so special to have a tiny sister. 

Maggie likes to show her how to play with toys. 

Abbey is happy that she’s big enough to hold and carry Heidi. 

And Anne. Bless her. Anne is like another mama to Heidi. She is my extra set of arms when I need to clean up the kitchen or fold laundry or do anything where I can’t hold Heidi. 

Honestly, Heidi has had a difficult start to life. But God. He saw fit to place her in a family with five big sisters. There are always arms ready to hold her, sisters to play, a mama to rock her, a daddy to swing her high. 

So for every tough day we have along the way, I keep in mind the alternative of my baby growing up in an orphanage. I’ll take my tough days and thank the Lord for carrying me through and thank my friends and family for lifting us up.