Happy Christmas!

Since this has probably been the busiest year of our lives, it seemed a shame not to be able to send out a Christmas letter to update our far away friends and family. But with the help of the internet we should be able to reach just about everyone who we would have mailed a card and letter to. It's not the same as having a cute Christmas card to hang up and look at, but it'll have to do for this year.

2012 was busy, busy, busy. In February we moved out of the city after over six years. We decided to rent out our home instead of selling it. Unfortunately this went terribly awry and ended up adding heaps of stress to our lives. After evicting our tenant in August and cleaning it up throughout that month, listing it in September, we were thankful that the sale of our house went through in late November.

 The more children we had the more quickly we began to outgrow our little city house and longed to be out in the country. Through a series of strange events which I like to attribute to God, we ended up moving to Conestoga, Pa, to the very home where I spent much of my childhood (from age 5-11). It is so wonderful to be out in the country. 

Before

After

 Everywhere I look I find something to be joyful about.


A butterfly.

 
 A tire swing.

 

 A sunrise.

(Photo Credit: Trent Hess)

A slip-n-slide.

A walk at the barns.

A chance to skip down a grassy hill.

Many fun-filled days at Trout Run.

A campfire.

Eating s'mores around the campfire.

We had a glorious summer. A week of "staycation" meant a trip to the Baltimore Zoo, Hershey Gardens & Butterfly House, a date to Rock Ford Plantation, a trip to the beach. We spent a weekend at a cabin.
 

Baltimore Zoo.

We went camping at Camp Swatara.

Annie and Paw-Paw fishing at Camp Swatara.

Late in the summer we became foster parents. After having said "No" to our first two calls, we received one close to dinner time on a Monday. Two children, a girl and a boy. And our lives have been forever altered. For a few months we had five children under age five. It was completely insane. We have been pushed to our limits with patience, time, and energy. We have been ready to quit multiple times, yet for some reason we don't. We persevere and press on. We have good days, we have in between days, and we have bad days. The emotional swings that we have are wild. Some days are great and we can't imagine our lives without these two children. Other days are horrible and we wonder when they are leaving.

Our foster daughter was three (almost four) when she came to us.  For their protection we are not allowed to use their names or show any pictures. You can take my word on this - they are beautiful! Our foster daughter has improved tremendously since she came. Week one she was hitting, pulling hair, snatching toys, and screaming. She still screams a lot but those other things have pretty much stopped. She is definitely an instigator and will intentionally upset the other children. BUT, she has learned to share pretty well. In fact, sometimes she shares more willingly than our girls. She doesn't fully understand who He is, but she loves Jesus. She is obsessed with the story of Jesus dying on the cross. Her first night with us I sang "Jesus Loves Me" to her and she finally stopped crying. We're making progress.

Our foster son is precious. He came at 9 months and is now 13 months old. We've gotten him through bronchitis, 3 teeth, colds, and celebrated his first birthday. He is walking and talking. He came to us sitting and staring. He now interacts well with the children and lights up when he sees them. He came to us only showing emotion when he would see his baby bottle; he is now weaned off the bottle and shows more emotion towards people than to food. {Although he really does love food -- if you could see him you would be able to tell.} Daddy is his favorite. He gets to the door as fast as he can when Trent comes home from work.

Typical Anne-face.

Annie turned five in November. The highlight of the year for her was learning to read. She reads at a fourth grade level and loves it. She is starting to be interested in reading books for information, not just for stories. She loves to play school and is most often the teacher. Anne is compassionate, kind, and loving. She does have her moments of uncontrollable emotions and I wonder what she'll be like at 13. Annie is growing to love the Lord more and more. She loves reading to her sisters and baby brother.

Abbey

The puzzle Queen.

Abbey is now 3 1/2. She still loves puzzles. She has also really enjoyed playing with play-doh. Abbey can read several words and enjoys being Annie's student. Abbey is usually the peacemaker in the house. She doesn't like anyone to be upset and quickly comforts any crying child by bringing them a toy or hugging them. Abbey continues to be a diligent child. She has a list of several people in our church who are older or sick who she prays for every night. She never misses one of these people on her list. She is a very mild little girl and is an absolute joy to have around.

Magdalena

Magdalena is 2 years old and is crazy. She talks all the time and is just really really silly. It doesn't help that she gets tons of encouragement from her big sisters. Maggie adores our foster son and he is her baby brother (even though he is much bigger than she is!). Magdalena adds a sparkle to our lives. We can't imagine our lives without that girl. I can't help but bite her cheeks and squish her all day long.








 


I have obviously been busy this year with packing from our move out of the city and taking care of the children. I love teaching the children and doing crafts with them. I love baking Christmas cookies, but I don't love washing the dishes. This has been a stressful year for me with the addition of our foster children. I have been so humbled and have depended on my husband, my mother and father-in-law, and my mom more than ever before. I know I could not have made it through these past four months without their support. I am definitely looking forward to 2013 and am hopeful that it will be a year of rejuvenation for our family.



I (Trent) have also been busy this year.  My work at BCF Group (Insurance agency) continues to go well. The last few months of the year have been especially busy as we acquired a small agency in the area and have been working hard to make a smooth transition for the customers.  It's been a challenge juggling my responsibilities - work, family, church leadership team, dealing with our problem tenant, getting our house sold, mowing the lawn, etc.  I'm continually thankful for many things; especially the health of our family, and an enjoyable, stable job that provides for our needs.  I leave 2012 feeling a bit "spent", so I'm also looking forward to 2013 as a year of rejuvenation. 

We hope you and yours have a safe and happy holiday season. Merry Christmas!

Love,
The Hesses

Truth

I have tried to be very transparent here about how life is for us now as foster parents. I am learning quite a bit about life and about myself.

Life is hard for a lot of people. Up until now, I knew that in my head, but never truly experienced it. After having conversations with "mom" I am realizing just how difficult things can be for many people and it has made it real to me.

I'm learning about myself. I am learning that although I thought I always loved children, I have always loved out of my own love, and not the Love of God. The love that comes from God is rich and pure, measureless and strong. The love that comes from Emily is conditional, it grows weary, it is weak, it fails, it is full of holes.

I've never had to pray to ask God to help me love one of my children. Even when they were wearing on my patience or not sleeping well I had a deep, innate, fierce love for my girls. My feelings are not the same for our foster daughter. She wears on my patience, she exhausts me, she doesn't obey, she doesn't sleep well, she is mean, she is manipulative, she doesn't sit still, she doesn't stop making noise. These things may not seem like a big deal to you. I'm sure if I were reading this, I would think "Well, she's just a child! She has gone through a traumatic experience." And these words are true. I heard someone describe foster children as "the annoying neighbor kid who doesn't ever leave." And if you have never taken in foster children this probably sounds cruel, but that's how I feel a lot of the time.

The other night Anne told me she saw a string in my hair. When she went to get it out she realized it was attached to my head. Yes, I have gray hairs now. Several of them. I hope that whenever our foster children go back home to their mother that I will be able to seek God's face with more passion and time than I do currently. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to find some reason for why we are living the way we are living, if the stress, the gray hairs, the impatience has done any good. Maybe I'll never know.

Oh, and for anyone who has ever heard that foster parents are in it for the money -- trust me -- they aren't. The pay stinks and the work is hard. I could make more money babysitting and I wouldn't have the responsibilities I do as a foster mom.

And all of that to say, if our foster kids were to leave tomorrow, we would miss them terribly. It's a bizarre pull of emotions. Plus - that babykins is just so sweet.

Talking & Walking

I'm sure all of you are familiar with the saying "You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?"

I've been thinking about that a lot lately as we are entering our fourth month as foster parents. Prior to the children coming it was so easy to "talk the talk" about foster care, about the precious children who need us - a family - a home. And then the children come and we enter the "walking" phase. And that "precious" child is scream-crying, mean to our girls, disruptive, hyper-active and difficult to get along with. And it is hard to remember all those good reasons why we thought foster care was a good idea.

But then, God's grace shines through. The girl had 5 good days in a row. FIVE! That is a large miracle. She was kind, she shared, she slept well and ate well, and we were so grateful at the progress she had made. Unfortunately that positive streak has ended and we've had some rough days again. But I'm hopeful. There will be brighter days ahead.

Our days are crazy. We have so many appointments, doctor appointments, education appointments, dentist appointments, visits with the kids' mom, and the list goes on. Most days are exhausting, but God is giving us the strength to get through. I've been humbled and had to ask for a lot of help.

I can't thank my mother-in-law and my mom enough. They have both been fantastic with helping us with the children. We couldn't do it (and stay sane) without them.

I had high hopes of sending out Christmas cards with a letter like we have done the past few years. Unfortunately, time does not permit me to get that done this year. But - I do hope to put something together in blog form with input from Trent & the kiddos.

Annie Turns Five!

I know I've said it before, and you'll hear me say it multiple times over the years, but there is something really special about turning five. We don't do big birthday parties every year for every child. But turning five is a really big deal. It's a whole hand!! Since I have such a big family usually our birthday parties only involve family. But since turning five is so awesome I thought it would be neat for Anne to invite a couple of friends in addition to all her cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles.

When I asked her who she wanted to invite she said "Mema, the cousins [referring to her 11 or so first cousins], Grandpa and Grandma and Uncle Troy." I asked if she wanted to invite any friends and she said, "Oh yes! Heather!" Heather is my dear friend and we were neighbors for 5 of the 6 years we lived on N. Mary Street. Unfortunately Heather couldn't make it but she sent her husband and their three adorable children.

 

 We had such a great time!

 A little about my Anne at age five. Anne has always loved books. She had been really wanting me to teach her how to read. About four months ago I bought some very simple easy-reading books (one sentence/page) that were leveled so she could slowly work up to the fourth level. Before the books arrived in the mail I taught her some common sight words (the, and, I, go...). The books arrived and she picked up the first one and read it straight through. Typically there was a picture that could help figure out a difficult word on the page. In about a month's time she was reading at the 4th level. I didn't force this or focus on it too much. It was something that she wanted to do. She was highly motivated to read.

Since our foster children came two and a half months ago I hadn't taught her too many new things. She loved that she could read and would pick up books and read them to the other children while I was cooking, cleaning or washing dishes. One day it occurred to me that she is reading some really high level stuff. She picked up a chapter book and started reading it - with expression - nearly flawlessly. After looking at the reading levels of the books she is reading and doing an online assessment, it would appear that Anne has taught herself in short time how to read -- on a fourth grade level!! {I realize this may come across as bragging, but I am totally impressed by her drive and determination to read! Now if only she had the same love for numbers....}

This was completely Anne's idea to put on the angel wings.

Her pose of choice. {She's crazy but we love her!}

 So obviously at age five Anne loves to read. She also enjoys watching movies. Ice Age and Winnie the Pooh are some favorites. Anne loves to dance in her ballerina dress up clothes. She loves to sing. The "little girls" wanted to listen to kid's songs in the van today but Anne piped up that "I want to listen to WJTL" (Our local Christian radio station.) Just today she was singing "there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning!" I'm so thankful for the good influence of Christian radio.

One of my favorites!!

 The Anne-girl is a sweetheart. She is learning in a very real way God's grace and mercy. She is the leader of the children in this home. It's a huge job - she now has four younger siblings - all of whom look up to her and respect her and watch to see what she is going to do. Foster care has been very challenging for Anne. The girl is not always nice, in fact, she will often intentionally say or do something to upset Anne and she knows just the right buttons to push to get on her nerves. But, when the girl was sick, Anne was the first one to pray for her to feel better. Anne is also very intuitive. One evening at dinner the girl was singing, "Jesus Loves Me" and Anne leaned over to me and said, "Mommy, I want to whisper something in your ear." I leaned over and she said, "You know, she (foster daughter) doesn't talk about 'Chucky' anymore." {For those of you who don't know, Chucky is an evil doll in a horror movie that comes to life and tries to kill people with a knife. Our foster daughter had seen this movie and often talked about Chucky and his knives when she first came. Any time she saw a knife she asked who we were going to kill what that knife.}

She's an angel, right?

 Anne does a very good job at leading our crew. She is a big helper. Of course, she is just a kid, and is usually the last one to have her shoes on because she is lolly-gagging about. But, she can't be perfect, can she?

I hope you have enjoyed reading all about Anne!

Photo credit: JCPenney Portrait Studio - & my awesome sister Audrey Shenk!

Roller Coaster Ride

Hi guys. Long time - no blog.  I've been thinking a lot about this blog and wanting to write, but time has a way of slipping past me. I've been taking a lot of naps these days. These five kids have a way of making me exhausted!

This journey of foster care is an emotional roller coaster. We have had some good days, and some bad days. Of course, that is parenting in general. However, now our bad days are really really bad. I mean, really bad. So bad that it makes me cry. So bad that I was prepared to give up. I rationalized it all in my mind -- that I'm really not cut out for this, that I'm screwing up my own children (and that is yet to be determined), that no one would really blame me (I mean, it's not even realistic to be expected to take care of five children under five).

But, the next day comes and things get a little better, a little better, a little better. The girl sings "Jesus Loves Me" and holds her light high for "This Little Light of Mine". The baby is taking his first steps; clinging to us. The girl feels safe. She feels loved. She knows what to expect. And so, we persevere. We push through the difficult days while clinging to the hope we have in Jesus. There are few things that are sweeter than hearing the girl sing, "Grace, grace, God's grace....." {Can you tell she loves music?}

So, we're in this for the long haul. We just got word that they'll be with us at least another 6 months-- probably longer. Please pray for protection for our children's hearts. They are already growing attached to the girl and the baby. After 2 1/2 months they are very much a part of our family.

On a completely different note - we were thrilled to sell our house in the city. We will have settlement on Nov. 19th. Just in time for Thanksgiving; that is certainly something to be thankful for. Many friends have asked if we have started looking at houses yet. We have a lease here until February and then can go month-to-month after that. We are constantly looking at houses on the real estate listing and have driven past a few that looked interesting to see if they would be something we would consider. But at this point aren't in a huge rush to find a new house!

Be on the look-out for a post dedicated to Anne. We no longer have five children under age 5!!

A Huge "Thank You"

Many thanks to all of you who have been praying for our family. Last week after I posted we had a great rest of the week. I could feel everyone's prayers. And not only the prayers, I have been greatly encouraged by those of you who have put inspirational things in my mailbox, those who emailed me and sent me messages on Facebook.

Your encouraging words have not fallen on deaf ears. I have received them and I am truly grateful. I know many of you have been in similar situations to what we are in now, and I really appreciate your insight and positive words. And to those who haven't been in our situation but have gone through any difficult time, I appreciate your kind and encouraging words.

Recently I was appalled at someone on Facebook who posted that they were going through a difficult situation. When others tried to encourage her through their personal journeys she rebuffed those attempts of kind and encouraging words, chiding them that they could not possibly understand or compare their situation to her own. I was really bummed that she was missing out on their well-meant encouragement and sent them only condescending remarks for their efforts. If we try hard enough we can learn from nearly any situation. And I am remembering this frustration I felt with this individual and vowing not to be so callous.

I speak in all truthfulness when I tell you all that I am grateful for you all. And those who have never done foster care or something along those lines, I know you have walked a difficult path of your own -- probably even more challenging than this -- and I genuinely appreciate you.

Death By a Million Pin Pricks

I haven't forgotten all you dear readers. And not to sound dramatic, but last week life felt as if we were dying a slow and painful death of a million pin pricks. Our foster daughter has had enough of us. Her jabs were constant and unrelenting starting last Sunday during church. Monday I was in tears. I tried to be the adult and rise above the constant "she's looking at me", "he's not your brother", "don't drink all your milk", "don't touch that". What's more fun than some time out of the house at a play ground, right? Wrong. At least last week it was wrong. We drove around while I blared Jars of Clay's Redemption Songs in the van. My spirit calmed, the kids seemed to calm. We went to Safe Harbor Park.

Everything started great, but Abbey was just a little too quick and ran ahead of our foster daughter to the slide. There goes Abbey's head -- being shoved down the slide. Abbey cries, foster daughter looks guilty, then lies, then goes to time out, then screams at me, then has snot and tears running down her face while she screams. The battle ensues. Twenty minutes it took her to tell me what she did then apologize to Abbey.

Battles over food, over telling the truth, over sharing and being kind, waking up at 5:30 am and not napping well. A million pin pricks.

We questioned ourselves. What are we doing? Why did we think we could handle having foster children? Are we destroying our kids lives?? I felt sure that I was not cut out for this. At one point I was so exasperated with the kids that I yelled "Everybody just stop it!! I think my head is going to explode!" They stopped -- they looked at my head to watch it happen.

I prayed more. I asked for friends to pray for us. I cried. I prayed more and more and more. And slowly, the week got a little better. Saturday was actually somewhat relaxing. Sunday wasn't too bad either. Today was actually pretty darn good. Somehow, in the midst of the chaos, our foster daughter has learned to write her nickname. The baby is smiling, and laughing and we just taught him to clap his chubby little hands. Thank the Lord for this baby. He is a joy to have in our home and is a spot of sunshine on the really awful days.

As usual, the Holy Spirit spoke to me through Scripture.

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart." Psalm 27:14

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior." Titus 1:4

When I was ready to throw in the towel, the verse from Psalms appeared in our devotion book. Just because we had a good day today doesn't mean we will have a good day tomorrow. Yet God's grace really is sufficient. It is only through His grace that we made it through those days. And now we've had a couple of good days and we are gaining strength. I'm sure I'm being filled just to be emptied again, but God will see us through.

If you think of us, please offer up a short prayer on our behalf. Many people have asked us how they can help, and right now I feel that prayer is the most valuable way that anyone can help us minister to these children, especially our foster daughter.