Yesterday I heard one of the loveliest, most down-to-earth, honest woman share about raising godly children. She has eight of them. I'm in awe.
Today I went to work with my four little heathens (okay, Baby is still pretty sweet, but for some unknown reason she has started waking in the night after two months straight of sleeping 12 hour nights).
And I failed. Oh-so miserably.
All of the kids seemed extra-whiny, and crying about EVERYTHING!
Rest time started out splendidly with the two littlest sleeping and the two older girls working with their sewing kits. I got right to work getting rid of 50+ things.
Then one girl started crying. Big girl would not help smaller girl get her thread untangled. Smaller girl cried. Bigger girl went into a different room and locked the door. Smaller girl continued crying. I untangled thread, talked to bigger girl, consoled smaller girl. And on, and on, and on. Smallish girl woke up too soon crying. Smallish girl wandered from room to room still crying. Baby wakes up crying.
I get almost nothing accomplished. I get frustrated. I want to yell at everyone. I bite my tongue. I practice the fake smile as out speaker suggested. Smallish girl sees through the fake smile and cries.
I nurse Baby to calm her. Biggest girl cleans up nicely. Bigish girl cries that someone needs to help her clean up. Smallish girl whines/cries. Baby spits up on my shirt.
I pray. Why did God give me four emotional girls to raise? I can't handle them.
The lyrics ''When I'm weak, you make me strong.'' started rolling through my mind. Those lyrics are inspired by this verse:
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made
perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about
my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
And I'm reminded that I am correct in saying I can't handle them. But God can. And there is grace available to us through Him.
And I feel that all along this day has been one huge Spiritual battle. Because let's be honest, I felt downright inspired by the words of this godly woman. And today I began to feel defeated. And what is the cause?
Ephesians 6:11-12 Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For
our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers,
against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against
the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.
So I press on. I will continue to implement these great ideas learned, but perhaps I'll do them a little more slowly. It isn't reasonable for me to tackle all areas that I would like to at once. In the meantime, I'm aware of this Spiritual battle against my own worth as a mom, and against my children.
