Peer Pressure - (Not Just for Kids)

At some age you "out-grow" peer pressure. Right?

Confession - I am 28 and I have not yet out-grown peer pressure.

I'm not talking about direct "c'mon - it's cool.... all the other mom's are doing it" type of peer pressure.

Perhaps the most effective peer pressure is not intentional.

When Anne was about 16 months old, someone at church asked if we had started potty training her yet. "Umm.. no, I haven't started yet." This dear woman proceeded to say, "Oh. All my kids were potty trained by the time they were 18 months." I think I managed to mumble something about maybe we should start with her.

So, I did. We began potty training Anne at 18 months. It was one of the most difficult years I have experienced. Yes... year. It took us a full out year to potty train Anne. Was it Anne's fault? NO!!! Anne has always been extremely intelligent - very bright - but she was not ready to be potty trained at 18 months.

Lesson learned.

Abbey was just shy of two years old and she potty trained in a week (despite her chronic bowel issues which unfortunately lasted longer). Maggie was 2 and 1/2 when we began potty training her, and while she has had her ups and downs, it was certainly much quicker of a process than starting them so young.

Maybe it's just me - but I often feel the need to justify myself to others - especially if I know they are doing something different from myself.

So I learned my lesson with the potty training - wait until they are older/more ready. Just because someone else's children were perfectly potty trained at 18 months, doesn't mean that mine will.

But why is it that I can't seem to learn that lesson across the board - with all aspects of my parenting especially. I think that part of it is because we live in a world so connected. It's simple to click on Facebook and quickly determine if I am doing what most other moms are doing. Or to read other "mom blogs" and feel like I really don't have it together .

On rare occasions I find myself in the company of other like-minded individuals and I feel as though I can breathe and talk freely about my hopes and desires. It certainly is easier but if I was only around other like-minded people I would not question, wrestle and struggle with beliefs.

So maybe that's the point. Instead of feeling an oft-unspoken "peer pressure" to do what others are doing, I should use those opportunities for conversation to lead me to think and dig deeper into what I believe, and why. I think the toughest thing for me is when I find myself disagreeing with someone who I dearly love and respect and in many ways wish to emulate. Of course, that person is not God, and so I must be careful that I am not idolizing another mom's way of parenting.

Yes, I believe this entry has been productive. Perhaps not for you, but for me!

God's Grace

When I started doing some serious research into homeschooling, many people suggested having a "mission statement". This statement would help be a reminder to you on the busy and difficult days why you are homeschooling. A couple of weeks ago in our evening devotions I struck upon the perfect verse to guide us through the year.

"Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory!"

I have even changed our tag-line for my blog to "Growing together in God's grace."

Grace is something that is so essential to our Christian lives. I also happen to believe that the lack of grace shown within the church is a large part of the reason that many of the "church kids" I grew up with no longer attend church.

I make a lot of mistakes. And I want God to show me grace!! So who am I to with hold this precious gift from one of my children just because I happen to be in a bad mood and what they did really irritated me.  Yet often in that situation, I end up yelling at one of the kids. But I try to go back and apologize, ask them to show me grace, and in turn show them grace.

And then there is Hope. Hope that this grace can seep into their lives, to make them better people, to extend grace beyond our family and into the world.

Homeschool Curriculum

I've had a few people ask what I'm using for homeschool curriculum. After much research I have decided to use Sonlight.  I am very excited about it! This is a literature-rich curriculum. Our kids love reading, so this is right up our alley.

Even though Anne is advanced in her reading I have decided to use the Kindergarten curriculum as she is still around that level for math and science. I will custom-tailor the reading/literature portion of the curriculum to meet her advanced needs.

Abbey has decided that she will be in Anne's "Kindergarten class". Maggie is finally becoming more interested in the alphabet and other academic-minded skills. I'm planning for Anne to get piano lessons from a friend in the area. Depending on how much time we have I may also order beginners Spanish in the Spring for Anne. Abbey is excited to start reading more words. She has decided that she will read when she is four, and I have no doubt that she will. In the fall we hope to have Trent's cousin, who is in school for early childhood education, come on Friday mornings and teach math to the girls. It will be good practice for her and a nice little break for me. I imagine it will suit everyone just fine.

Once we get started I'd be happy to share my daily schedule with you all! So much joy!!!

Summer List

I've seen several people post "bucket lists" for their kids for the summer. Most of them have to do with vacations and enjoying simple pleasures of summer (lightning bugs, star gazing, etc.). I thought this was a cute idea.

Then I read Bonni Greiner's blog : A Bucket List for a Two Year Old?! and I loved it!

Instead of focusing on the fun (which is doubtless going to happen) focus on simple goals that are life-giving and life-changing.

I'm not sure that I'm going to tackle all five of her suggested categories which are as follows:
1. Godly character traits.
2. A physical goal.
3. Memorizing Scripture.
4. Read together
5. Community Service

The one I definitely want to tackle is number 1. I've notice a lack of self-control in two of my children. This has shown up in two different ways. One of the children has thrown a tremendous amount of fits if something doesn't go her way, and these fits can last up to two hours. It has been extremely frustrating and disturbing for the whole family. The other child who has been struggling with self-control has been using bad and hurtful words. She has been talking back to Trent and me and we have been upset by this behavior. Our third child has been very impatient. The moment she is finished with her food she immediately wants to be excused from the table. She is impatient to use the sink to brush her teeth and with various other things. I think a large part of the problem is a selfish attitude.

Today is day one of working on these traits. I want to look up a specific Scripture reference for each child to memorize to help them continue to work on their character trait. So I guess that will cross out number one and number three.

I talked with each child about the trait I want them to work on. Each child agreed that the trait I chose for them is something they need to work on, even though this morning has already proved it a difficult task to rise above these behaviors. And the character trait I will be working on this summer is patience. I've found myself getting very frustrated with the girls and yelling more than I would like to admit.

We are all a work-in-progress, and I really want my children to be aware of the fact that with God's help we don't have to be impatient, out-of-control people all the time. I hope to have a good report for all of you at the end of the summer!

Choices

We make choices all day long. Some, seemingly small and insignificant. Others, knowingly large and monumental.

Yesterday I made a choice to tell a "white lie" (also known as a lie) to Anne. We dropped something off at an individual's house, I'll call him "John". John was not at home, but his dog was barking at the window. We left a note on John's porch and left his stuff for him there as well.

As we were leaving, Anne asked why John has a dog. I said, "Well, I guess they like dogs and would like to have one at their house."

Anne said, "What do you mean, 'they?' I thought just John lived here."

This was met with silence. The truth is, that John lives with his girlfriend, and it is his girlfriend's dog.  I didn't want to tell Anne this so I told a partial truth, "Well, sometimes John's adult daughter lives with him. That's why I said 'they'."

The rest of the day my lie haunted me. I thought and prayed considerably about this topic.

One of the reasons that I want to homeschool is so that I can talk with my children about difficult subjects, and why we (as Christians) believe differently than the way the world. I don't want her hearing, accepting, and believing the misinformation she would otherwise receive from her peers. Yesterday I had an opportunity to do so, and I failed.

This morning I took Anne aside and reminded her of our conversation yesterday. I apologized for not telling her the whole truth. We had a difficult conversation about people living together without being married. I never mentioned the "d" word (divorce), but I know that conversation will have to happen at some point.

My hope is that through open and honest sharing and conversation about why God's way is best, that Anne (and all the girls) will make good choices throughout their lifetimes. Obviously they won't always make good choices, but I am hoping that they can always learn from their mistakes and try to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind and strength.

Going Gray for the Girls

I've always been pretty fond of my hair. When I was a teenager I had many many different hairstyles. I had it really short in the front and spiked in the back, I've had a bob, I've had bangs, I've had layers, I've done heaps of different things to my hair.

I was born with a full head of jet-black hair that stood straight up on end. As I got older it turned blonde. Some summers it was very, very blonde. In 9th grade I got the great idea to dye my hair "auburn". Yeah, totally did not look auburn - it was definitely red. But I was into it. I liked it. It sort of became an annual thing that I liked to do every New Year's Eve- try a new hair color. I went back to blonde my senior year of high school and kept dying it blonde or adding highlights every so often for the next couple of years.

After my sophomore year of college I was engaged and I thought I'd attempt to dye my hair back to what might be close to my roots. I ended up dying it dark brown, which was actually a titchy bit darker than my natural color, but I liked it. A woman at church (God love her) told me the first Sunday after she saw my dark hair, "I hardly recognized you with the dark hair. I like it blonde better!"

Since that time I have only highlighted my hair once, and when I saw how fast the roots grew out and how little time I had to spend on my hair once the babies started coming, I stopped dying it.

Where am I going with this post? Trust me, I'm getting somewhere.

Our culture is obsessed with beauty. Everywhere you turn you can find a million products to make yourself more beautiful. But you are never quite beautiful enough. I like to think that part of my hair-dying love ended because I was becoming more sure of who I am as a child of God. I had my Spiritual conversion my freshman year of college, and that is when my hair dying drastically slowed down.

As I raise three lovely girls I have to stop and think about what image I am showing them, as a mother figure, a wife, a woman, but most importantly, as a follower of Jesus Christ. Am I showing them that women can only be beautiful if they wear make-up, fancy clothes, have a perfect body and blonde hair?

In December, 2012 when my life was extreme stress and chaos Anne noticed a "white string" in my hair. Of course, this white string was attached to my head and was indeed one of many white hairs that I found that month.

So much within me wants to run to the store and buy a box of hair dye and quick remove any traces of gray. But I don't. I don't. Because if I truly want my daughters to believe that they are beautiful just as God created them, then I can't show them that Mommy doesn't think that she is! But you are! What will they believe? Will they believe my actions of dying my hair to make myself look different, or will they believe the words that I spout off? But what if my actions and my words match!? Is there beauty in that?

I'm going to be honest, I really don't want my hair to turn gray. I'm 28! But I am determined to allow my hair to slowly change. Because I don't want to look 18 all my life. I am usually a "live in the moment" type of girl, and I will accept and love who God intended for me to be, each step of the way.


p.s. Please, please, please don't think I'm judging you if you dye your hair. I'm NOT!! It's just a personal choice that I have made!

Modesty is in the Eye of the Beholder

I've recently seen a lot of people on Facebook posting and commenting on this article "The Bikini Question - Made in His Image".  Growing up in a "semi-Christian" home, I wore a bikini from the moment I was born (practically). The thought never entered my mind that I was not modest. In comparison with some of my siblings I was extremely modest (in my opinion) and that was good enough for me as a teenager.

It wasn't until after I was married that I began to question my modesty. After some comments made to me about what I was wearing did I begin to even think that what I was wearing may not be appropriate. One of those comments was made to me while I was pregnant with my first child, and a church member questioned whether what I was wearing was really appropriate since I was a youth group leader and there were high school boys in the youth group. I was hurt, shocked, and annoyed. It had never once crossed my mind that as a married, pregnant (ugh!) youth  leader that what I was wearing would even once cause these boys to think anything inappropriate.

However, as the time has gone on, and the more children I have, the more conservative (in my opinion) my clothing has gotten. I'm sure I'm still a LONG WAY OFF from what other people would consider conservative. Which is why this post is called "Modesty is in the Eye of the Beholder". I'm sure I'll never dress modestly enough for some people. I often struggle with the thought that people are observing and judging me on a regular basis. There are enough things for young moms to worry about without having to worry whether they are wearing the "right" clothing or not.

I have three young daughters that will certainly dress more conservatively than I did as a child. I do not talk about weight with my children, except that whenever they are weighed we talk about how healthy they are and that they are growing and that is good! My daughters do not wear bikinis, nor do they want to. I am extremely grateful that (at this point) I have been able to find really cute one-piece swimsuits for the girls.

Anne recently received a hand-me-down pair of silky pajamas. The bottoms are shorts and the top is a spaghetti-strap v-neck. She wore them several times, but just the other day she put them on and looked in the full-length mirror. After looking in the mirror she came back into her bedroom and changed. When I asked her why she said she didn't like how the top looked because it has puffed out spots for breasts and she said it made her look too grown up and she didn't like it.

I think most of us are doing the best we can. My favorite thing about the above mentioned article was the link to really cute one-piece swimsuits. I've never had good luck finding them at department stores, and now I know where to find them.

So for those of you who like to judge, please don't judge us so harshly. I know I am not perfect, but I'm trying. I wasn't raised in a home where modesty was highly valued, but I'm working on it. I serve an amazing God who gives each of us grace. I am grateful that despite my many mistakes as a woman, wife and mother that God will continually shower me with that overflowing, undeserved, wonderful grace. I hope that each of us will do the same and remember that we are not all on the same page. What I may consider modest you may consider heathen. Please, love me anyway.