Caroline is Six!

Six! She is six years old. In truth, I didn’t know kids like Caroline actually existed. I think all of us have some gift that comes naturally to us. Carrie’s gift happens to be kindness. She isn’t perfect of course, but she is truly a sweet, tenderhearted, kind girl who wants the best for everyone. She’s the kind of person to send a card or letter just because she was thinking of them. 

I mean, she even LOOKS angelic. 

It has been a hard year for a girl so young and not many could have come through it with her joy and optimism. 

She started snoring way back in January. We ignored it for awhile but then she would be tired and grumpy during the day and started taking naps again when she had recently stopped. It took several doctor appointments, including a sleep study, which revealed she has moderate sleep apnea and she stopped breathing on average eight times per hour. 

So sweet even covered in wires. 

She ended up needing her tonsils and adenoids removed. Unfortunately the soonest they could do the surgery was the week of her birthday. In true Caroline fashion, she accepted the news without complaint. It meant she couldn’t eat her favorite food on her actual birthday or do much activity. So many told us of the horrible recovery. She did have a couple of bad nights and days, but through it all she was still her sweet, kind self. 

I think if you asked Caroline about her year, she would say it was great. Because Heidi came home. Heidi, who has required more physical and emotional energy from me than any other child in our home right now. And none of that matters because, she’s ours. And you do whatever you have to do for the ones you love, even if it means sacrificing your own desires. Maybe especially if it means sacrificing your own desires. 

As an already kind, compassionate child, having two sisters (one her BFF and the second in a close race to being co-BFFs) has opened her eyes to the needs in the wider world. The other day she was taking a leisurely bath with Heidi. Since Heidi can’t talk, she had my undivided attention to share all the thoughts and questions that have been building in her mind. Things that never entered my mind at sixteen, let alone six. She asked why babies are abandoned? And why can’t we go back to China? What happens to a kid when they get too old and aren’t adopted? Why does Africa make you stay there so long to adopt? What other countries are in Asia?  Could we go somewhere else to adopt? Because it hurts me that there are little boys and girls who won’t ever get a mom or a dad or big sisters. Guys, my six year old daughter’s heart is so big that it hurts for other children who don’t have what we have. 

No, this isn’t an adoption announcement. This is me, hoping some of my friends will be moved by Caroline’s big thoughts and big hearts. I actually was starting to cry during our conversation and texted Trent that she’s breaking my heart. 

But sometimes we need our hearts broken to reveal what is good and true bleeding out of it. 

She’s the kid who loves (instead of feels slighted) that her birthday is close to Christmas. Because she is almost “birthday twins” with Jesus. What more could she want?

She was happy to be reading well enough to get to read the story of Jesus’ birth at our Hess Christmas this year. 

When asked things she loves, Caroline said:

- Heidi

- animals

- purple

- rice, chicken, chili, Chinese food and tacos (fav foods)

- Christmas

- my big sisters

- Ruthie

- getting my ears pierced

- wearing overalls

- church (favorite place to go)

When asked things she doesn’t like, Caroline said:

- I can’t think of anything. 

She couldn’t get her ears pierced before her surgery so we had to do it after her birthday (plus she wanted to eat the mall’s Chinese food so we had to wait for her throat to heal). 

She started off brave and excited. 

Then got nervous. 

Then freaked out and jerked away. Anne and I switched roles at this point so I could hold Carrie and get her calmed down enough to let them pierce her ears. 

Once she was calm she got her mind straight and sat perfectly still. She said afterward it didn’t even hurt but the waiting was scary. Isn’t that just like life? The anticipation of the unknown is terrifying, but the actual event isn’t usually as bad as what we build it up to be in our mind. 

She is looking forward to a great rest of the year of Kindergarten. She’s a wonderful student and (usually) hard worker. She likes to be homeschooled. Learning about animals and reading books is her favorite. 

She started off so tiny (4 lbs 14 oz) and vulnerable. It’s such a joy to be her mom. She challenges me regularly to be kinder. 

On the phone with her Sunday School teacher (also one of the kindest women alive). 

Happy birthday, Sweet Caroline. You live up to your name every day. We love you and the special girl you are. 

Fourteenth Anniversary

Fourteen years ago, two very young people committed the rest of their lives together before God and man.  

Mark 10:9 says, “Therefore what God has joined together let no man separate.”

The world would have us believe that at 20 and 23 we were too young to make a life-long commitment. However, about two years before I had already made a lifelong commitment to serve God and worship him only. 

Trent found in me a young woman so full of faith in the overwhelming, undeserved goodness of God. And I found in him the unconditional love, loyalty, strength, and consistency of a solid man of God. 

But man, were we young. And man, were we poor. 

We honeymooned in Key West but couldn’t afford to do anything other than walk around the island. We only ate out twice the whole week; instead we grocery shopped and cooked at our little bungalow. No snorkeling, no admission to Hemingway’s house, no scooter rides. But we were together, and that was all that mattered. 

The early years of our marriage helped us build our faith in God to always provide for us. We had so many babies so close together. And God was with us everyday. Then even after our finances became more comfortable God called us to bigger things than we could have imagined when we were newly married. We never had any doubt that God would provide the financing for both of our adoptions. 

We knew our scripture and that “of whom much is given, much will be required.” We had been given the gift of a fantastic marriage. It was required that we share that gift in some way. Adoption is one way we were able to do that. 

I am so grateful for the years we struggled. Not only did we learn to fully rely on God, but we were able to focus on what was most important. Many years we didn’t have money to eat out, let alone go away on a trip for our anniversary. Some years we were able to get away for a weekend and build some memories. Other years we had a new baby and attempted to take her long for a most unromantic, tear-filled (memorable) weekend to Trent’s parents’ cabin. This year we opted for take-out Chinese food and leftover Thanksgiving wine after our six daughters were in bed. 

I am far from a perfect wife. In fact, today, our actual anniversary, 99% of my texts to Trent have been to complain about the things that have gone wrong in my day or to ask the most random questions (Is there a UPS in Quarryville? Should I go back to the pharmacy or just go home?) 

The love I have for Trent is so much fuller and deeper than it was fourteen years ago. We were laughing the other night about high schoolers writing “never change” to each other in their year books and what a dumb thing that is to say. I’m so glad Trent and I are different from when we married. Even our faith has grown and matured into the steady bedrock of our marriage it is now. 

It’s a treasure to get the opportunity to be married to Trent. I’m always trying to remind myself not to take him for granted and know I fail at times, but I am truly truly grateful for him. 

Watching Trent father our daughters with patience is the most amazing thing to me. Last night he was rocking Heidi before bed and I felt I couldn’t love him more. I felt like I was getting a little glimpse of heaven as I considered how much our Heavenly Father loves each of us. 

I could be biased but I think we’re getting better looking the older we get. Haha! 

Happy anniversary, Trent! I love you. Thanks for going along with a lot of my crazy ideas and for being our sanity in this house overflowing with females. 

Three Months Home with Heidi

Three months home with Heidi!

We’ve had a great month of progress with our sixth daughter. Here are some of the milestones we celebrated with Heidi this month.

She is making more sounds and it sounded like she said “hi” to Anne. 

She met my dad and his wife, Denise, for the first time. It took her a little but she warmed up to both of them. 

She started to bite me and I told her “no!” Heidi looked at me very seriously and nodded her head “yes”. Such a little stinker!

We be day she got some ground up noodles on her finger and then licked it off. Something we’ve been working hard at is self-feeding and understanding that food goes in your mouth and your hands are tools for feeding. 

One day during sensory play she was able to pick up a bean with her finger and thumb (pincer grasp). Usually if she picks up small items it is between her pointer and middle finger. 

Once again when I told her “no” (for spitting out milk) she nodded yes. Her little personality is starting to come to light! 

While she is walking well she has not yet attempted climbing. But when Anne was lying down on the floor she tried climbing over her legs to get on her back. 

She is daily hugged, kissed, patted, rocked, and smooshed with love. (Whether she likes it or not).

(So many squishes!)

We got our Christmas tree which she was curious about. She even picked up tinsel and tried to eat it. 

We’ve been trying to substitute unhealthy/orphanage habits for healthy ones. When Heidi is upset or tired she does not seek out parents. She will hit herself in the head, rub her forehead on the carpet, or sometimes just lie down on the floor and stare at her hand. We’ve encouraged thumb sucking and pacifiers. Usually that doesn’t work but we were excited to see her suck a pacifier one evening for about 5 seconds and also just yesterday she was sucking her thumb. 

Perhaps most exciting this month is that she has started to lose her fear (a tiny bit) of other people’s hands near her face and mouth. She licked peanut butter dessert off Trent’s finger one evening. Then she took the inside of a mandarin orange from my hand at lunch a few days later. We are finally starting to see her take some bites of food and sometimes chew. 

But she still loves ice cream best of all.

She looked briefly at her first snow but she hates to be cold so it was really just for a snapshot then back inside for her. 

We’ve had so many really good days this month with a couple of hard days thrown in for good measure. 

We are so happy with the progress we have made. But we also know we have so much farther to go. She was so understimulated for nearly two years and it will take a long time to overcome the challenges she has because of it. 

When you look at Heidi she looks perfect. It’s understandable to not be able to recognize her special needs. In fact, we don’t even have a label or diagnosis to share with you. Our Occupational Therapist told me today that she hasn’t done the sensory processing test with her yet because she still barely knows Heidi and hasn’t worked with her very long (only 3 sessions). However, it’s evident that she does have some sensory challenges. We have great hope that she will overcome her current difficulties. 

In the midst of her trials we are given the gift of getting to give her love and receive her smiles and love in return. 

Happy 3 months home, Heidi the Brave. We are better because of you. We love you so much! 

Anne is Twelve

My eldest is twelve! As always with Anne, she seems older than she actually is. Anne is responsible, intelligent, witty, capable, and fun. 

Anne has grown so much this year. She’s 5 foot 2 inches and will most definitely surpass my meager 1” hold on her well before she’s a teenager. She loves that she’s tall and finds it hilarious that she’ll be towering over me in short order. Anne had a good softball season this past spring. She mostly played second base and right field. 

(Number 8, running home!)

She continues to do well in school. She loves to read and especially enjoys science. Anne is well read on many topics and has a great memory. She really likes acting and is happy to be in a Christmas play at church this year. 

Anne did the 4h Woolies Club with a lamb she named Jett Puff. It was a really good learning experience and proved once again her responsibility as she fed and watered her lamb twice a day and carried 50 pound feed bags down to their pen. It was fun for her to have a larger animal. But, it was a lot of work for her parents also, mainly for Trent. 

Anne has been helpful to me as a mini mom since she was probably 5 years old. However, since Heidi came home she has taken on quite a bit of extra work. She reads the history lessons to Abbey and Maggie while I’m putting the little girls down for their naps in the afternoon. She will often babysit some of her siblings while I take others to doctor appointments. She has a couple of dinners that she cooks for us. And beyond that, she loves to help care for Heidi. Anne can regularly be found holding, talking, bouncing and play with her baby sister. 

This year Anne got a hamster for her birthday. She was so surprised because she knows I don’t like them. But as I told Anne, I love her more than my own distaste for a particular rodent (as long as it stays in the cage)! 

This year Trent decided to get serious about hunting, mainly because Anne wanted to go. They spent many days scouting out hunting spots on public land, hiking around, going to the shooting range, and talking strategy and safety. 

Their first day out they saw a line of doe but they couldn’t get a shot at them. 

Despite that, they had a good day in the woods. 

They hunted a different spot in the afternoon and spent the time whittling an arrow. 

They didn’t see anything but she spoke to me later and told me how close to God she felt as she watched the sun come up that morning and filter down through the leaves in the trees. She spoke more eloquently and poetically about this time than I can remember or recapture in my own words. It was clear to me that the time she spent with her dad out in the woods was profound and moving. She told me how she was often thinking (since she couldn’t talk) about God and creation and she prayed a lot. Wow, what a mature girl of twelve.

And finally, finally. She got another chance to go out hunting. Farmer friends of ours invited Anne to come to their property to hunt. This morning around 6:30 Trent and Anne were settled in their spot in the woods. It was a balmy 28 degrees. Time spent silently in the woods feels long. They had agreed they could only stay out until about 10 because we had afternoon plans. 

It was past 9:00 and they hadn’t seen anything. Discouragement was settling in. Anne heard a stick crack and turned to see three doe jogging into the woods. She had her eye on the biggest one but couldn’t get a shot because of branches and brush in the way. After a few minutes of being bedded down it stood up and walked forward enough to be in perfect position for a clear shot. Anne got it in her sights and was very calm and shot. She pulled the trigger but still had the safety on. She kept her cool, refocused and shot. The deer all ran away. 

She was sure she hit it but Trent thought she missed. Anne was certain she saw blood but Trent was skeptical as they were about 75 yards away. But Anne was right. After waiting a minute they hiked down after it, followed the blood trail and found her doe. It was an exciting moment for both of them. 

We are really grateful to our friends for allowing Anne to hunt on their property. It will be something she remembers forever. She was so proud to have made such a clean shot through the heart and that her efforts will feed our family through the winter. 

Happy twelfth birthday, my Anne girl! We love you so much!

Two Months Home with Heidi

Two months home, and what a very good month it has been. 

(A little blurry but such a cheeky smile)

I’ve taken a note from the page of a friend who suggested writing on the calendar all the milestones that Heidi reaches. They are so tiny as to initially appear insignificant but when added together create a beautiful image into who Heidi is becoming. 

Heidi took 16 steps. She picked up her spoon and licked it!

Heidi got pneumonia. She waved to Zoey. 

Heidi drank from her bear cup. 

She clearly responds to her name. And bites. People. Hard. 

Heidi turned two years old and leaned to shake her head “no” on that same day. 

She mimics “da-da” when prompted. 

She mimics tongues out and blowing raspberries. 

She nods her head “yes”. 

Heidi saw her daddy across the dinner table and as sweetly as can be said, “dada”. 

Not to make me feel neglected she gave me a real hug two days later. She gives tender pats on shoulders and backs just as we do when we comfort her. 

Heidi walks more than crawls. Unless she can convince an older sibling to pick her up and carry her. Which she does. Shamelessly. By crying whenever they come near. 

Other than the illness those were such joyous, triumphant moments from her month. She met her cousin, Wally, for the first time. She is a joy to our hearts. 

But we’ve had our share of hard moments, too. The pneumonia was hard, hard, hard to handle. We felt so sad for her but also glad that she was no longer alone, no longer needing to be brave by herself. She had her family to hold her, rock her, support her. 

I was so happy to have her home in time to celebrate her second birthday. I made a little panda cake with a candle for her first birthday which we missed and a candle for her second birthday where we could be together. But it went terribly. 

She was afraid of the candles. She didn’t like the icing or cake (although the ice cream made her stop crying for a minute). 

That whole week it felt like she cried. And cried. And we couldn’t figure out if it was trauma related or time change related. And we still don’t know. What we do know is that she had her forever family to support her through her bad week. 

(Hugs from a big sister can help!)

We spent lots of late afternoons with Heidi in the carrier. 

And then posing so adorably we could easily forget she cried all day. 

(Sensory play with oats). 

Then slowly, slowly we began to see a shift. So small at first that if we weren’t paying attention we could have missed it. 

A happy Heidi in the bath. Remember her first bath? She screamed the whole time. Now it’s enjoyable. 

A happy Heidi playing with her toes. 

A CURIOUS Heidi. This is enormous! Our sweet girl didn’t notice anything when we first adopted her. Seeing her curiosity grow is beautiful (if a bit dangerous for poor old Petey). 

You can see Heidi does still look at her hands, but this staring gets less and less each day. 

An irritated Heidi. Ok, she kind of had this mastered earlier but it always makes me laugh to capture it on camera. 

A bossy Heidi, calling across the yard to her older sisters to wait up. 

Glad to be with her sissies!

Heidi at a Restaurant! After Ruthie’s 3-hour cleft appointment we braved it. And Heidi did great much to the delight of her big sisters who have missed our occasional eating out after appointments. 

She is SO loved. 

We made it much more smoothly through month two and are eagerly anticipating the joys of month three. 

Now enjoy a slideshow of Heidi photos. 

Happy two months home, Heidi the brave! We love you!!