The Weary World Rejoices

If ever there was an apt description of the state of the world as 2021 closes, I think it could be weary. 

I know the difficulties faced by our family in the past month have at times felt overwhelming and consuming. How like God to lay on my heart something to share with our adoptive moms group about finding rest in the midst of the chaos. I would need those words and that group of women supporting me more than I could have predicted. 

And yet, the challenges we faced were quite small in comparison to what others have walked this year and continue to be faced with anew even this morning. 

A thrill of hope. Can you feel it? In the midst of illness, death, difficulties, politics. It’s there for the taking. The birth of a baby, coming to save the world so we can live eternally. 

I don’t like to put onto Mary what scripture doesn’t tell us, but I have to think of her in a stable, holding the light of the world. We perhaps cannot imagine worse circumstances or a less appropriate place for the Savior to be born. Yet, as far as we know, Mary doesn’t complain or expect anything greater for herself. When shepherds come praising and glorifying God Scripture tells us that Mary treasured all these things and pondered them in her heart. 

Last night as I sat awake with my newborn son, I was praying for him and thinking of who he might grow to be. The circumstances of the birth of Hans were not what I had hoped for. Yet God saw us through and was gracious to us. We have much to be thankful for. Sorrow and difficulty will always be part of life on earth. But so will joy! We can find rest and peace even in our hardest days. I pray that each of you can search and find it as we prepare to celebrate Christmas tomorrow. 

What’s in a Name? Hans Walter

All of our children have family names chosen and names which are meaningful to us. 

This is the story of naming our first son. 

Hans Walter Hess

Hans and Magdalena were our first Hess ancestors to come from Switzerland in the 1700s. They were fleeing religious persecution and traveled with their own large family (6 children at the time, I believe) to America. They settled in Conestoga/Pequea, PA which is about 15 minutes from where we live.

Hans is the Swiss-German form of John and means “God is Gracious”. {God certainly has been gracious to us through this pregnancy and I hope to post on that later.} While I was pregnant with Hans I traveled to Arizona to see my grandparents who live in the beautiful desert with a stunning Mountain View. I started believing and praying a verse over our child, which I prayed would be the anthem for his life. 

Isaiah 40:3 A voice of one calling: “In the wilderness prepare a way for the LORD; make straight into the desert a highway for our God”. 

Walter means “army leader”. More importantly, it was the name of Trent’s paternal grandfather. He overcame much adversity in his life and lived a life honoring to the LORD. He raised six children, worked hard, was faithful to his wife, church and community. He died right around this time, eight years ago, and the word of the Lord was still precious to him in his last days. 

My hope for Hans Walter is that he would be a leader in God’s army and that God would be gracious to him to allow this to happen. That he would have the intrepid spirit of his ancestors with the wisdom to know when to take his family abroad and when to stay. That he would be like John that the Isaiah passage is prophesying to- that our Hans will make straight paths in the spiritual desert America has become and lead people to Jesus. 

Little Hans, we know that God knew you before you were formed in my womb. We have had a lot of fun not finding out if you were a boy or girl and trusting that God knew what was best for our family. We are excited to watch you learn and grow. We love you. 

Ruthie V. is Six!

 In April, our vivacious Ruth turned six years old. 

 

There is so much I can say about Ruth. She is the definition of her names: A Loyal Friend who Brings Victory (Ruth Veronica) and We Hope You Always Have More Than You Need (Xia GuYu -Xia is summer, Gu is a type of grain such as rice or barley, Yu means abundant - so the feeling behind her Chinese name is that when the harvest comes in, we hope you will have more than you need). Ruth is a consistent friend to her sisters. 

 

She has made victory after victory medically and academically. Since coming home to us, she has always had everything in abundance - love, medical care, family, friends, books, home, etc. 

Ruth someday hopes to own a mini-cow

 Ruth has a deep love and curiosity about her Chinese heritage. While I often don't have the answers to her questions, we try to always be open and honest with her at the level which she understands. Recently the older girls were asking what foods I craved when I was pregnant with them to see if they are foods they like (it all started with a discussion on belly buttons and why we have them and what their purpose was). Since we obviously don't know what food Ruth's birth mom ate, we had a great chat on what Ruth loves most (coffee, fruits, rice) and what she can't stand (peanut butter, all nuts). She often asks deep and hard questions or makes difficult statements. When I don't know the answers I tell her what I do know. I wanted her. I chose her. She is loved. She is cherished. And it's okay to ask hard questions and wonder about her China family.

Coffee Lover

 A therapist recently suggested that we try role playing when she was a baby. I got out a baby blanket, laid her down and swaddled her like a newborn. I told her the whole time things like: If I had you when you were born, I would have laid you down like this. I would have wrapped you up nice a snug like this. I would have picked you gently up like this. I would have cradled your head like this. I would have rubbed your little head like this. I would have rocked you like this. We did this back maybe in February. Interestingly, as we got closer to her birthday she did this with one of her dolls. Wrapped her up, rocked her, held her. And while it doesn't replace what she has lost, it did seem to fill an emotional void in her life. I gave her clothes (preemie) for her birthday and told her this is the outfit I would have dressed you in to bring you home from the hospital. This is how tiny you were. She has loved finding the right size doll to fit the clothes and is so fascinated by this. 

 

Ruth & Baby Ruthie all wrapped up

Despite her big and deep feelings, Ruth is also still very much a six year old girl. She loves movies. Since she has older sisters she watches things that I wouldn't have let the other kids watch, but she's kind of obsessed with "Baby Yoda" [Grogu]. She likes to play pretend and make believe with her older sisters. She and Caroline continue to be best friends (although if one of them is having a bad day, they DO fight on occasion). Ruth and Caroline still sleep in the same bed and it's a punishment to be separated. Ruth is a remarkable tree climber. She's so tiny but can shimmy up a tree like nobody's business. 

 

These two are always up a tree

Ruth loves the hobby farm life. If I'm working in my lavender beds, she's right there with me. She is always helping Trent water in the vegetable garden. She's great at picking strawberries. When I harvested my lavender last summer she was the only kid who stuck it out with me the whole time. Honeysuckle is ripe now and she helped pick a full bucket for me. We watch a show on YouTube called LiZiQi about a Chinese woman who grows, harvests, and creates traditional Chinese dishes, so I'm always calling her my little LiZiQi. She loves it. 

She LOVES to drive the mower like a wild woman!

Ruth is really, really smart. She finished Kindergarten this year and did really well. She had a Science worksheet about parts of the body and their functions. Of the brain, lungs, intestines, stomach, heart and liver, the only one she didn't know without reading the book was the liver. And she can tell you now! [It cleans your blood]. She's excellent and quick minded in math as well. The one area she struggled with is reading. At the beginning of the school year she knew the alphabet, but couldn't rhyme. When putting words together she could sound them out mmmmaaaaap, but then would say "Pam". We did lots of starts and stops; taking about a whole month to work on rhyming. Taking breaks for her sanity (and mine). Part of the complication was her difficulty in speech. There were so many sounds she wasn't capable of producing that it caused so much frustration in trying to read aloud. She would use hand signals to show me the sound she wanted to say. Obviously, this is complicated and makes for choppy reading. We plan to have her do Pre-1st this year and are confident this extra year will be just what she needs to gain strength and confidence as a reader. We just purchased the All About Reading program and she's actually very excited about it. It has lots of "activities" and if you know anything about Ruth, she's into everything crafty so I think the hands-on learning will benefit her greatly.

At one of her many ENT appointments

At a Cleft Clinic appointment

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 She had a palate surgery in Sept. 2020 to lengthen her palate. We noticed drastic improvements in her speech after this (with lots and lots of therapy). We also noticed improvements in her reading as well. She picked up a new speech therapist around that same time who has been fantastic. We still work with our awesome speech therapist (Rachel) from IU13 and are thrilled to have added Brittany to Ruth's team. Brittany also has cleft lip and palate so has been through the emotional/surgery side of cleft in addition to going through the Speech and Language Pathology program and has specialized in working with children with cleft lip and palate.

Ruth working with Brittany at the Cleft Clinic

Not to brag, but as awesome as the therapists are, we only see them once per week and every/other week. It's Ruth who does all the hard homework at home with me. It's Ruth who is (almost always) gracious when she's corrected in conversation 100s of times a day. It's Ruth who puts in the effort to be intelligible. It's Ruth's tenacious spirit that tries again and again and again to say words which are difficult. She has taught me so much. 

Ruth working with Rachel at our home.

 Ruth has had so many exciting things happen this year! She lost her first (and second) tooth!

The toothless wonders

First tooth out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She celebrated her 4 year adoption day!

 

She's constantly looking like a teenager.

 

She got her ears pierced and didn't even flinch!

 

She is starting ballet in the fall and loves practicing to the videos her teacher put on YouTube.

 

She has had SO many picnics.

 She is rocking hopscotch.

Ruth is an amazing big sister to Heidi. When Heidi starts to get into one of her meltdown modes, Ruth jumps right in to give her a hug, rub her back, and sing her a song. Ruth isn't super happy about the fact that Heidi is almost as tall as her and weighs almost as much as her. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy 6th birthday Ruthie V. We love you to China and back. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caroline is Seven (and Four Months)

Caroline is seven (and 4 months). Wow, I'm getting worse at this!

Caroline continues to be all that is sweet. She was so happy to be gifted piano lessons for her birthday. She has been eager to start and had been self-taught/sister-taught for quite awhile. Since this is being written four months after her birthday, I can report to you that since starting lessons in January, she has already completed level one piano. She LOVES to play. She LOVES to practice. She LOVES her lessons. She LOVES her teacher. She often forsakes her other school work in order to play piano longer. In fact, I had to enforce rules on when she can play piano since she was not getting any school work done.

As sweet as Carrie is, she really doesn't love to complete school work. She would prefer to play with Heidi and Ruth or play piano rather than other school work. She does like to read, but not to the degree that her older three sisters are book-obsessed.

Caroline loves spicy foods and even adds sriracha to many of her foods. Her favorite foods are Chinese food, rice, tacos, broccoli and cauliflower (especially if there is cheese sauce), chili, coffee and more. Her least favorite foods are lasagna and ravioli. 

 

Carrie's favorite color is still purple and she still loves roses and zinnias. She loves to help in the flower garden and is very happy to be alongside of me pulling weeds. She loves to drive the mower sitting on my lap and is already showing marked improvement from last year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caroline loves to be outside, climbing trees, swinging on the tire swing, and more. 

 

Played more video games than I care to admit during the winter.

More than anything, Caroline loves her two little sisters. She asks and prays daily for more siblings. Caroline has a tender heart for orphans. She grasps that her sisters would not be her sisters without adoption. She was so sad when she learned that we cannot adopt from China again because of certain rules China has that we do not meet (specifically the number of children currently in our home). She was quick to ask if there were other countries that don't have that rule. 

 

She still wants to sing about Jesus in prisons when she grows up and wants eight or nine children. Her one concern was who will watch her children while she's singing about Jesus. It was so precious to hear Ruth pipe up that Aunt Ruthie will watch Carrie's kids. As you can see, Caroline has a very soft heart for many people. It will be a joy to continue to watch her grow and mature into a sweet young lady who follows Christ whole-heartedly.

The main complain lodged against Caroline by her sisters is that she's “perfect”. The older sisters complain that they “know how Jesus's siblings felt” growing up with a perfect sibling. Of course, Carrie will readily admit she's not perfect, which makes them all the more angry. 

 

With a house full of girls with lots of different strengths and personalities, it's been very pleasant to have such a happy-go-lucky child. Carrie is easy to be around, and a friend to all. She loves to chatter non-stop and loves to be with other people. She has been wrestling with a fear of the dark but I have faith God will help her overcome it soon. 

 

Happy 7^th (very belated) birthday, Caroline Rose. You are a joy!

 

Heidi is 3 (and 3 Months)

Three and three months!

 

I'm not typically this delayed in posting, yet here we are. Back in November, our baby turned three! 

 

Sweet girl

While Heidi is not a “typical learner” she is a learner. We are so thrilled to see her progress in many ways.

 

Sisters make the best friends!

Heidi is nearly caught up to the physical skills of a three year old. She is running, jumping, climbing, kicking a ball, going up an down stairs independently, and so much more. She still has a tiny delay in this area but it's so small I have no personal concerns about her ability to catch up.

She still has significant delays in her fine motor skills. This is not surprising to us as her parents. If you recall, when Heidi came home at just about two years old, she could not hold anything in her hands for more than a second or two. What she could hold she didn't know what to do with. There was so much lack of exposure to developmentally appropriate toys and a constant caregiver that she was stuck in an infant stage. She is now scribbling (on walls) on paper, drawing circles and lines, she can play with toys, pick up light toys and heavy toys, she can throw a ball, stack a few blocks (current least favorite activity), put pegs into holes, and more. She just learned to pull her own pants up and it's very hilarious. Tonight for the first time she pulled her zipper on her jammies up independently. She is right around 16-18 months for her fine motor skills which is about the length of time she has been home. I am very content with her growth in this area.

Baby and daddy

Heidi is making small gains in speech and communication as well. She seems to understand much of what we say, but does not always respond. Heidi is very motivated by music. She loves songs and has words for several of her favorites: ta-ta is Twinkle Twinkle, ehh is Ants go Marching (I don't always catch this the first time she says it so she will follow it up with drumming like we do for the song but we're working on the sign for ant). She is finally, finally starting to request what she wants. When you live your first two years in a place where you do not receive anything unless someone gives it to you, you don't even know that you CAN ask for what you need. I was so excited one day she brought me her water bottle and signed water. It was empty and she was asking for water! This may seem so insignificant for a three year old to ask for water, but it was ground breaking for us. She went to the laptop where she normally has speech therapy, and said, “Ta-Ta”. She wanted to watch the Twinkle Twinkle song her therapist plays her. She knew the laptop was a place to get the song she likes. She will go to the door and say “out” when she wants to go outside (although she has no desire to be outside now that it's snowing). We still give Heidi many, many prompts throughout the day, “Can you tell me what you want?”, “Use your words”, “Can you show me?”. When prompted she often can respond appropriately, if she's in the mood. 

 

Ruthie comforting Heidi

Heidi's favorite animal is a horse. One of the most exciting things she did recently was make a connection in her brain. I compare Heidi's learning style to a light. Some kids get those instant light bulb connections, right? But Heidi's light is on a dimmer switch. Slow and steady progress leads to her light turning on. It was such a surprise to me when I did see her have a light bulb moment. We were reading a book and I showed her the horse, pointed to the horse, said horse, told her to say horse. She did what I asked, then got so excited. She jumped off my lap, ran to her bed, and picked up the toy horse. I praised her mightily, telling her yes, that's a horse! 

 

Heidi's OT gave her this horse for her birthday

Then she ran back to me, climbed up on my lap and over my shoulder to look out her window. She was watching for a horse and buggy. She was saying “horse!” and hitting the window, and it was so incredible to see her connect all of those things together. A picture, a toy, and a real animal all are horse and all represent the same thing. She hasn't made as firm connections with other things just yet, but I know the day is coming.

Snapchat filters with Mema make her laugh - this was the colored lips - couldn't stop laughing!

She can follow a one-step command, but most of the time it has to be something we have already taught her. For example: Throw this in the trash. Put the blocks in the container. We often shorten the commands after saying the full sentence. “Put the blocks in the container.” Is shortened and repeated a couple times with “Put in. Put in.” We model it for her, then sometimes need to hand over hand do the again with her, then she can do it alone. But, she is three, so sometimes she just plain doesn't want to do what we ask so there is weeping and throwing of fits. 

 

She started to feed others - so cute!

While all of these things tell you what Heidi can do, they don't tell you who Heidi is. Heidi is so, SO special. She loves to laugh. She loves to be held, and to swing, and to jump on her trampoline.. She is obsessed with her Na-Na (Anne) and will fall on the floor crying if she dares walk past her without picking her up. Heidi loves when Ruth sings to her to calm her down. As music lovers, Heidi can often be found in the office with Carrie, begging for her to play Twinkle, or just pounding away on the piano together. Heidi loves to pull at Maggie until she picks her up. She likes Dada to throw her up high. She likes Mama to rock her before bed. Heidi loves to stare at Petey. As soon as she gets to my mom's house on Sunday afternoons she loves to run at her dog Lucy and clap to make her bark. She loves Uncle Ramon's beard (and Brandon's beard, and Andrew's beard, and daddy's beard... well, just in general she loves beards. If you have a beard she will want to sit on your lap and touch your beard. Sorry.).

Loving her cousin, Brandon's beard

 Heidi loves to be tick-tocked (turned upside down and swung gently by the legs) and tickled and chased. Heidi loves horsey rides and thinks Abbey gives the best (most dangerous-looking ones in mom's eye) ones.

Crazy horse rides with Abbey

We are very proud of the strides Heidi has made in all areas since she came home. There are still many struggles that we work through with her as the trauma of her early life has hurt her deeply. People who are unfamiliar with trauma may not really understand what this looks like and we are, admittedly, still learning. We believe it quite likely that she experienced a traumatic birth. Her first birthday with us we didn't understand what was happening to her on her birthday. She hated it. She screamed and cried and was overwhelmed. Her body was physically shaking like she was trying to avoid hypothermia. We thought maybe it was sensory overload, or the time change (Daylight Savings), or the first cold snap was bothering her. The more we learned about trauma and the effects on the body, the more her symptoms pointed to this.

 

Birthday "twins" 10 years + 1 day apart

When she turned three I tried very hard to keep our day as normal as possible. She had a certain point in the day where, again, her body was shaking uncontrollably. We wrapped her tight in a blanket and held her in front of our fireplace. We still went to be with Trent's parents as we always do on Tuesdays and she held herself together for much of the evening. However, when it came time to open a small gift she had silent tears pour down her cheeks. She began crying in earnest and we went home. I held her tight and rocked her until she finally was calm again. We don't know what future birthdays will look like, but it's possible she may never enjoy her actual birthday. We have learned that talking about what she is feeling may help. Since she still is mostly non-verbal, we hope that she will gain the language needed to help her process what her body is going through. We are thankful that we have the advantage of years of psychiatrists attempting to understand and help heal the brains of people who have gone through significant traumas. 

 

Sweetest Snugglers

Most of all, we are thankful we have a God who is the ultimate healer. While we recognize our complete healing will not happen until we reach Heaven, we do believe He can provide significant healing in Heidi's body, mind, and soul. He is good. 

 

She brings joy to my heart!