A little about Sister Six!

I know so many of you are eager to hear all about sister six!

As much as I would love to share every detail we know about her, I also want to be careful that I do not overshare some intimate details of her life in this public way. We also have chosen not to share her photograph publicly until the adoption is final in China. (We did the same for Ruthie). 

Super excited big sisters!

I will post a full blog about her name and what it means to us and for her at a later date. But it would be hard to write a whole post about her without sharing her name. She will be:

Heidi Grace Hess

So here are some little facts about our sweet Heidi. She is about a year and half. When you look at her picture you think she is much younger. She looks to be around just six or seven months old. She has the most darling giggle and a terrible hair cut. She has a pert little nose and a sweet grin. Heidi seems to love when her caretaker plays with her. (Won't she be in for a treat with five big sisters to dote on her?) 

Heidi has significant developmental delays in all areas. So while she is truly a year and half she is very much on the level of a six to eight month old baby. She learned how to sit up at 15 months old. She can now stand holding on to a rail. The file we were given of her information also showed that she had an abnormal CT scan when she was eight months old. 

Initially we had very little information about her needs. In fact, much of what we did have was very confusing. We knew she had a long hospital stay after coming into care (about 5 months) but the only explanation was "feeding difficulty". 

The international adoption hospital we were working with gave us a long list of possible diagnoses that were causing her significant delays. I won't share them all here, but suffice to say, they sounded scary and not at all what we anticipated for sister six. 

We struggled to know what decision we should make. Most challenging for us to wrap our minds around was the possibility that she may not ever reach "full potential" and would be dependent on us forever. In fact, that was one of the main things we felt that we could not take on. We asked lots of questions of the orphanage and practically begged for medical records from her hospital stays. 

We were able to get some information before we needed to make a decision, but not a whole lot. I prayed like crazy and am so grateful to have had an amazing group of women at my Bible Study praying for me every week in addition to my mom and mother-in-law and sisters and niece.

For two weeks I felt like God was silent. I was begging for Him to reveal what decision we should make.

On Good Friday the girls and I were talking about what happened on that day over 2,000 years ago. As we talked the girls couldn't understand why we call it "good". It was horrible what happened to Jesus! I explained that we call it "good" because we know how the story ends! 

In that moment it was like a lightning bolt struck! I felt God pressing upon my heart that while all I can see is the hard and scary possibilities for this little girl's future, that HE knows how her story will end. And in that moment I was ready to move forward to bring home this little girl.

I want to be clear that Heidi still may have a genetic syndrome, she may have learning disabilities, she may have a neurological disorder, she may have any number of challenges. However, I believe that God would have us to be her family to provide her with five big sisters to cheer her on to greatness, whatever level that may be.

We did just learn (Friday) that she was born premature, though we don't know at what week gestation. Based on her birth weight of two pounds, it is likely she was born at about 27 weeks. As many of you know, babies born this early may have any number of challenges in their future. We have great hope for Heidi and are eager to bring her home and watch her thrive in the love of a family.

Now we're back into the paperwork of immigration and travel. We're hoping to go to China in August to bring home our little Heidi Grace! 

Thoughts on being Mama

Five little (and not so little) girls call me Mama.

Four of them I had the pleasure and pain of birthing. One of them I had the pleasure and pain of adopting. All of them are mine.

For nearly all of my married life I have been a Mama. Just before our second anniversary Anne was born, and so there have always been little ones around.

Eleven and a half years of being "mama". So much of my adult life has been consumed by all manner of bodily functions, doctor appointments, band aids, bikes, and bruises. But also countless hugs, snuggles, sleeping babies in my arms, wet kisses, and belly laughs.

I often tell others that being a mom is the best, hardest job you'll ever get.

Forgot to take a Mother's Day picture yesterday. This grainy selfie is the best I could get. Sorry, folks!

  Recently I forced myself to take a closer look at who I am as a Christ-follower. So much of my daily life is wrapped up in all aspects of mothering that it's easy to forget who Emily is. Mothering is only a stage, a phase, a blip in a hopefully long life. I try so hard to cherish each day with my girls, treasuring it for the gift it really is. And I want to be sure that I'm not so focused inwardly that I forget who I am really here to serve.

I was feeling rather introspective earlier this year as we waited to be matched with sister six. There were many little boys who were becoming available for adoption. In all their ways they were "perfect". They met all the little boxes we had checked off for our next adoption in regards to age and special needs. There was just one "problem". They were boys.

I was determined to examine my own heart to see if perhaps I was finding so much of my identity in a "mama of lots of girls" that I was shutting out a part of God's plan for our life. That perhaps I was making this adoption about me, and not about what it is meant to be, which is to be the best possible family for a child who needs us and that we need them. You see, Ruth has developed my character into a stronger, more determined woman because of who she is. God knew my heart needed her. And I was wondering if perhaps God was showing me that I needed a little boy in my life. Or was I just getting impatient in our wait to be matched with a girl?

After extensive prayer I felt that we were indeed following the path marked out for us. Another girl. Sister Six. That we should continue to wait for our girl. But do you see what I did there?

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

David sets us a great example of praying through determining my will versus God's will. For if we are truly honest with ourselves we would agree with Jeremiah 17:9. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

Clearly God knows this fact about our humanity and knew we would need it made perfectly clear in Scripture. A blog for another time is why we don't follow our hearts Disney-Princess style. But I digress.

My friends, I don't know if I'm accurately representing what I want to say this Mother's Day week. Being a mom is a gift from God. Children are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3). And I love it. 

But I guess what I'm trying to put into words is that I need to remind myself not to find my identity in my children. Not to find my identity in a "mama of girls". Not to find my identity in my pride of my daughters' external behaviors (good and bad) and their accomplishments. 

This Mother's Day I am trying to remind myself, and maybe other moms who are feeling consumed by their children and their needs, that first and foremost, I am a child of God. I am a woman of God. And for me, right now, that means being a mother as my highest calling. But that job title (if you will) is not who I am.

I am attempting to be a woman after God's own heart.