Heidi is 3 (and 3 Months)

Three and three months!

 

I'm not typically this delayed in posting, yet here we are. Back in November, our baby turned three! 

 

Sweet girl

While Heidi is not a “typical learner” she is a learner. We are so thrilled to see her progress in many ways.

 

Sisters make the best friends!

Heidi is nearly caught up to the physical skills of a three year old. She is running, jumping, climbing, kicking a ball, going up an down stairs independently, and so much more. She still has a tiny delay in this area but it's so small I have no personal concerns about her ability to catch up.

She still has significant delays in her fine motor skills. This is not surprising to us as her parents. If you recall, when Heidi came home at just about two years old, she could not hold anything in her hands for more than a second or two. What she could hold she didn't know what to do with. There was so much lack of exposure to developmentally appropriate toys and a constant caregiver that she was stuck in an infant stage. She is now scribbling (on walls) on paper, drawing circles and lines, she can play with toys, pick up light toys and heavy toys, she can throw a ball, stack a few blocks (current least favorite activity), put pegs into holes, and more. She just learned to pull her own pants up and it's very hilarious. Tonight for the first time she pulled her zipper on her jammies up independently. She is right around 16-18 months for her fine motor skills which is about the length of time she has been home. I am very content with her growth in this area.

Baby and daddy

Heidi is making small gains in speech and communication as well. She seems to understand much of what we say, but does not always respond. Heidi is very motivated by music. She loves songs and has words for several of her favorites: ta-ta is Twinkle Twinkle, ehh is Ants go Marching (I don't always catch this the first time she says it so she will follow it up with drumming like we do for the song but we're working on the sign for ant). She is finally, finally starting to request what she wants. When you live your first two years in a place where you do not receive anything unless someone gives it to you, you don't even know that you CAN ask for what you need. I was so excited one day she brought me her water bottle and signed water. It was empty and she was asking for water! This may seem so insignificant for a three year old to ask for water, but it was ground breaking for us. She went to the laptop where she normally has speech therapy, and said, “Ta-Ta”. She wanted to watch the Twinkle Twinkle song her therapist plays her. She knew the laptop was a place to get the song she likes. She will go to the door and say “out” when she wants to go outside (although she has no desire to be outside now that it's snowing). We still give Heidi many, many prompts throughout the day, “Can you tell me what you want?”, “Use your words”, “Can you show me?”. When prompted she often can respond appropriately, if she's in the mood. 

 

Ruthie comforting Heidi

Heidi's favorite animal is a horse. One of the most exciting things she did recently was make a connection in her brain. I compare Heidi's learning style to a light. Some kids get those instant light bulb connections, right? But Heidi's light is on a dimmer switch. Slow and steady progress leads to her light turning on. It was such a surprise to me when I did see her have a light bulb moment. We were reading a book and I showed her the horse, pointed to the horse, said horse, told her to say horse. She did what I asked, then got so excited. She jumped off my lap, ran to her bed, and picked up the toy horse. I praised her mightily, telling her yes, that's a horse! 

 

Heidi's OT gave her this horse for her birthday

Then she ran back to me, climbed up on my lap and over my shoulder to look out her window. She was watching for a horse and buggy. She was saying “horse!” and hitting the window, and it was so incredible to see her connect all of those things together. A picture, a toy, and a real animal all are horse and all represent the same thing. She hasn't made as firm connections with other things just yet, but I know the day is coming.

Snapchat filters with Mema make her laugh - this was the colored lips - couldn't stop laughing!

She can follow a one-step command, but most of the time it has to be something we have already taught her. For example: Throw this in the trash. Put the blocks in the container. We often shorten the commands after saying the full sentence. “Put the blocks in the container.” Is shortened and repeated a couple times with “Put in. Put in.” We model it for her, then sometimes need to hand over hand do the again with her, then she can do it alone. But, she is three, so sometimes she just plain doesn't want to do what we ask so there is weeping and throwing of fits. 

 

She started to feed others - so cute!

While all of these things tell you what Heidi can do, they don't tell you who Heidi is. Heidi is so, SO special. She loves to laugh. She loves to be held, and to swing, and to jump on her trampoline.. She is obsessed with her Na-Na (Anne) and will fall on the floor crying if she dares walk past her without picking her up. Heidi loves when Ruth sings to her to calm her down. As music lovers, Heidi can often be found in the office with Carrie, begging for her to play Twinkle, or just pounding away on the piano together. Heidi loves to pull at Maggie until she picks her up. She likes Dada to throw her up high. She likes Mama to rock her before bed. Heidi loves to stare at Petey. As soon as she gets to my mom's house on Sunday afternoons she loves to run at her dog Lucy and clap to make her bark. She loves Uncle Ramon's beard (and Brandon's beard, and Andrew's beard, and daddy's beard... well, just in general she loves beards. If you have a beard she will want to sit on your lap and touch your beard. Sorry.).

Loving her cousin, Brandon's beard

 Heidi loves to be tick-tocked (turned upside down and swung gently by the legs) and tickled and chased. Heidi loves horsey rides and thinks Abbey gives the best (most dangerous-looking ones in mom's eye) ones.

Crazy horse rides with Abbey

We are very proud of the strides Heidi has made in all areas since she came home. There are still many struggles that we work through with her as the trauma of her early life has hurt her deeply. People who are unfamiliar with trauma may not really understand what this looks like and we are, admittedly, still learning. We believe it quite likely that she experienced a traumatic birth. Her first birthday with us we didn't understand what was happening to her on her birthday. She hated it. She screamed and cried and was overwhelmed. Her body was physically shaking like she was trying to avoid hypothermia. We thought maybe it was sensory overload, or the time change (Daylight Savings), or the first cold snap was bothering her. The more we learned about trauma and the effects on the body, the more her symptoms pointed to this.

 

Birthday "twins" 10 years + 1 day apart

When she turned three I tried very hard to keep our day as normal as possible. She had a certain point in the day where, again, her body was shaking uncontrollably. We wrapped her tight in a blanket and held her in front of our fireplace. We still went to be with Trent's parents as we always do on Tuesdays and she held herself together for much of the evening. However, when it came time to open a small gift she had silent tears pour down her cheeks. She began crying in earnest and we went home. I held her tight and rocked her until she finally was calm again. We don't know what future birthdays will look like, but it's possible she may never enjoy her actual birthday. We have learned that talking about what she is feeling may help. Since she still is mostly non-verbal, we hope that she will gain the language needed to help her process what her body is going through. We are thankful that we have the advantage of years of psychiatrists attempting to understand and help heal the brains of people who have gone through significant traumas. 

 

Sweetest Snugglers

Most of all, we are thankful we have a God who is the ultimate healer. While we recognize our complete healing will not happen until we reach Heaven, we do believe He can provide significant healing in Heidi's body, mind, and soul. He is good. 

 

She brings joy to my heart!

One Year Home With Heidi the Brave!

One year. A whole year of being home with Heidi. Our brave, brave girl. 

There is so much I could say about this past year so it will take great restraint to keep this post short. Likely I will be unsuccessful. 

On this day, Sunday, September 13, 2020 I will say this about Heidi: she has the most contagious laugh. Heidi can be stubborn; if she doesn't want to try something new, you cannot make her. Heidi is brave; after watching you show her something new she will almost always try it if she can do so on her own terms. Heidi is finding her voice, finding her way in the world, finding where she fits in this all-of-a-kind family. Heidi will do things for dad that she refuses to do for mom. Heidi will run to Anne or Abbey if she doesn't want to do what mom wants her to do. Heidi gives the best running hugs when I open her door in the morning. Heidi is very often happy, full of joy and light. She brings sunshine to our lives and we are eternally grateful that she is a Hess girl.

The year has not been without it's challenges. Loving Heidi was never hard. In the midst of all the difficulties the year presented, attaching to and loving Heidi was never one of them, and we are very grateful for that.

When Heidi came home one year ago her skill level was in about the 0-6 month range for everything. She was 22 months old when she came home.

(Heidi just before adoption)

Her cognitive skills were solid in 0-3 months with one skill in 3-6 (pull cloth from face). Heidi spent a significant amount of time staring at her hands. There was a decided lack of opportunity in her orphanage coupled with the fact that she spent her first 6 months of life in a hospital, it is our belief that she did not have the chance to grow these skills. With love and lots of therapy she is now at 18 months! That's a solid 15 months gain in 12 months. Praise God for the miracles He has done in Heidi's life.

Heidi was in the 9-12 range for physical development because she could stand up on her own, but for fine motor was back in 0-3 month because she didn't use her hands for much of anything and certainly could not use the pincer grasp. Heidi could hold a toy for less than 3 seconds before dropping it. She had no connection to toys, didn't know how to play, how to touch, how to explore her environment. Heidi is now solidly in 24 month skill level for her physical development with some higher level skills (kicks a ball, walks heel to toe, swings arms) at 30-36 months. This is an 18+ months gain in 12 months! Her fine motor skills are still lagging behind which is to be expected. With the tremendous help of her occupational therapist (I love you, Chris!) she is solidly at 12 months. That's a 12 month gain in 12 months! She has overcome tremendous fear, sensory challenges, and more in working with her hands. Praise God for the miracles He has done in Heidi's life.

Heidi was at a less than newborn (is there such a thing?) stage for eating. She could not suck a bottle or chew food. If she was not being force fed in the orphanage she would have been on a feeding tube. We were so grateful for our previous experience with Ruth drinking from a spoon bottle for cleft babies who cannot suck, and were even more filled with gratitude to have been able to find one in the city Heidi was from. Her feeding experience had been so traumatic plus she had poor oral hygiene resulting in painful gingivitis that every meal was extraordinarily stressful for all of us (and woe to anyone who happened to be at the breakfast buffet at the same time as us) in China. If she ate 5 bites of watery yogurt without screaming we considered it a win. I made frantic calls from China to our dentist and doctor, both of whom have my undying love and gratitude for their reassurance, kindness, and willingness to personally call me back across the ocean. This need is the one we were not anticipating at all. Her adoption file stated she was eating rice, noodles, drinking a bottle, and more. We were completely unprepared for an almost 2-year-old who had no idea how to eat. 

Heidi can now suck from a straw and sippy cup, she can chew a variety of textures, she can pick up a spoon and feed herself, she can attempt to spear with a fork and feed herself, she can scoop food out of a bowl and feed herself, she can pick up small bites with a pincer grasp and feed herself, she can take an appropriate bite of a sandwich and chew and swallow and feed herself. Guys.... do you see the pattern. Heidi. Is. Feeding. Herself. I had hoped this would happen by her third birthday. Apparently all it took was me going away for two days and daddy being in charge for her to decide she can feed herself. This puts Heidi solidly in the 12 month range with a couple of “big kid” skills like using a spoon independently (12-18 months) and using a fork to stab food (18-24 months). A 12+ month gain in 12 months. This has not been accomplished without great effort on the part of Heidi, Heidi's therapist, Heidi's sisters (who patiently loved her and sat through countless meals where she screamed), me and Trent. But most of all, God, who we praise for the miracles He has done in Heidi's life.

Heidi's communication skills at adoption were, again, very infant-like. She cried. A lot. For everything. She was at a 3-6 month level for her communication skills: meaning she laughed out loud, she would turn her head when her name was called, she made noises. But mostly. She cried. Oh, how she cried. Heidi cried one day for so long and us so unable to comfort her and at a total loss in how to help this sweet, sweet girl, that the hotel sent someone to knock on our door to check on us. I don't know what they thought: maybe they thought the baby was alone in the room, I don't know. I remember feeling so completely helpless. I had five other children and lots of experience with children and babies, and I couldn't make her stop crying. I prayed so much, so hard during our time in China. It's a humbling experience not to be able to provide comfort for a child you've longed for. Because Heidi's other needs were so much more pressing (she NEEDED to eat), we didn't start speech therapy right away, even though she qualified for it.

(Sweet, brave baby girl)

We started only in January, 2020, so just 8 months ago. When I consider the way God works, I can't help but see his hand evident in every aspect of Heidi's life. Heidi has been blessed with two Christian therapists (We love you, Hope!). Her speech therapist has walked alongside of us and celebrated all Heidi's gains with us. Not only did Heidi have a significant speech delay (3-6 month skill level at 22 months of age), she now had to learn a whole new language! In about June we started to see Heidi make some small connections. She understood “more” for the first time, and used the sign appropriately. From there it has snowballed into dramatic improvement. She still relies heavily on sign language, but her therapist is confident (and thus, she makes me confident) that Heidi will be verbal. She WILL be verbal. Heidi is gaining new signs all the time and is putting together 3 signs, most often a combination of more + (whatever she wants) + please. She can sign more, water, milk, yogurt, noodles, jump, book, all done, help me, please, tickle, shoes, baby. She can vocalize “mah” when signing more, “dah” for all done, pluh for “please”, and upon request will say “dada” and “mama”. When asked “Who do I love?” she says “You!”. She can give high-fives and fist bumps. If I say, “Gimme some sugar baby,” she leans her head forward for a kiss. She understands, “No,” and just started shaking her head when she knows she's doing something she's not supposed to (like pulling hair). Heidi is racking up the animal noises: she has mastered elephant, monkey, and sheep, and makes a valiant effort for snake. She can point to her head, eyes, nose, and belly. She's hanging out in the 12-18 month range which a couple of 12 month skills she hasn't mastered (she rarely says anything spontaneously, it's all upon request), pointing isn't a strong suit just yet, and doesn't always respond to “where” questions. If they are questions we have deliberately worked on such as: bring me a diaper, or put the diaper in the trash, she can do those things, but I would say she's still inconsistent enough not to count it.

I saved the best skill set for last. Social-emotional. At adoption Heidi was at a 3-6 month level, with one skill (peek-a-boo) in the 6-9 month range. One of my favorite videos we received of Heidi prior to adoption, one of the videos that gave me such hope for Heidi's future, is a video of her being tickled by her ayi and her laughing and laughing and laughing. Heidi was fifteen months old in that video. She could only turn her head from side to side and roll over from her belly to back. She was very, very tiny. Her head was very flat from lying on her back so much. But she laughed. And oh, could she laugh. And I thought to myself, any baby that can laugh in the hardest of circumstances, has a light in her that the darkest circumstances cannot put out. Maybe in that very moment I began thinking of her as my daughter. In her other very early videos her skill level was so low it was scary. Scary to consider what her future might be. Scary to consider all the challenges she would face. But God. He sees beyond those moments of our fear and provides grace to us for our humanness. 

(15 months old)

Heidi Grace is initially reserved with new people, but when she loves, she loves deep. Heidi has always made great eye contact. When the International Adoption Clinic Specialists told me to consider that she may have autism, my family physician said don't you worry about that. Look at how she looks at the caretaker. And when I brought her for the first visit he said, “look how she looks at you. No, you shouldn't worry about that. I think in a year you'll see a completely different child. What she needs is for you to love her, feed her right, and get some therapy.” And by God, he was right. I'm so grateful to have a Christian doctor in my life! Heidi is now soaring into the 12-18 month range, with some additional skills in the 24 month range such as pride in accomplishments, listening quietly to stories or a movie, and using “please” (still working on “thank you”); additionally she recognizes when others are happy or sad, which is a 24-30 month skill. This is a 12+ month gain in 12 months. The amazing thing is that Heidi has not only adapted to a new language but a new family and STILL managed to gain over a full year's worth of growth in one year. Her speech therapist (and I) fully anticipate much more rapid growth now that she clearly understands English. We Praise God for the miracles He has done in her life.

Sadly, Heidi has some behaviors which are often referred to as “orphanage behaviors” that we continue to work through. The hardest of these has been seeing her hit herself in the head. I had read about children who lived in orphanages doing this but didn't have any personal experience with parenting a child like this. Since Heidi loves to teach me new things, this has been one of them. It was so shocking the first time we saw her do this. Most often it had to do with feeding. Later, it had to do with whenever another child in our home would cry, she would start banging herself in the head. I will admit we haven't worked through this completely and are still attempting to make her feel loved and secure enough that she doesn't feel the need to comfort herself in this way. Often, in an orphanage setting, there aren't enough caretakers to comfort crying children. Many times they learn not to cry because it doesn't elicit a response. Other times, they find other means of self-soothing, like rocking themselves, banging their heads, or hitting themselves. It's a drastic, harsh reminder that children belong in families. The very best orphanages are still not replacements for a child having a family. When Heidi first came home she never came to us for comfort. When she was upset she would lie on the floor and pick at the carpet, or lie on the floor and hit her head. After visiting her orphanage I have no doubt she spent many, many hours in this manner. Now she runs to us when she's sad. She wants someone to pick her up if she's been hurt. She looks to people to provide what she needs. Most of the time. When Ruth cries (since the oldest 4 rarely cry) she often will still hit herself in the head. We are working with her therapist to figure out a way to curb that instantaneous response, but our social worker said often it just takes time. Lots and lots of time. And we praise God for the miracles He has done in her life.

This past month has been filled with so many gains. New signs. Feeding herself independently. So many laughs. So much joy. A new routine with sisters going back to (home) school. And through it all, she remains our Heidi the Brave.

When we were given the laundry list of possible diagnosis for Heidi prior to adoption it felt so scary. We had prayed and prayed and some of you will remember that I felt God pressing on my heart on Good Friday that all we can see is the bad, but he sees the future and knows how her story will end and it is good. We went into bringing Heidi home as a Hess with the knowledge that she may have any number of medical diagnoses. She does not have any of them. Yes, she is still developmentally delayed but we truly believe she will continue to make progress and catch up. We're so grateful to have said, “Yes” to Heidi. We can't imagine our lives without her in it and we feel so privileged to call her ours.

Happy one year home! We love you!

Eleven Months Home with Heidi

Wow! What a month!

Heidi has learned to take her diapers to the trash. She can bring me a clean diaper to put on her. She even recognized a clean diaper on the floor to bring me. As I came into the living room one day she was sitting up on an armchair and I playfully said, “what are you doing?” She waved her arm in front of her face like we do when she has a dirty diaper. Sure enough, she was stinky. 

Heidi enjoyed her first camping trip. It started out a little rough, she didn’t want to be put down and didn’t sleep well. 

(At least 1 of us is comfortable)

But by the end she was sleeping well and was walking in the dirt, throwing leaves, playing in the creek, laughing, manipulating Uncle Ramon to get her out of the playpen, following Matteo everywhere, mimicking her cousin Wally by repeating his two favorite words “Duck” and “dog”. She hasn’t said those words since coming home but we’re sure they are tucked away in her mind. 

Heidi was pushing a doll stroller! This seems small, but using a toy appropriately is a big step for her. 

She also learned to stomp and it’s amazing how cute it is. 

She was loving Grandma!

Heidi has now knows several signs:

1. More

2. All Done

3. Yogurt

4. Apple

5. Jump

6. Help me

7. Milk

She can combine more with the food words and jump. 

Heidi can point to four body parts when asked:

1. Head

2. Eyes

3. Nose

4. Belly

Adding to her cool factor, in addition to high-5 she can also fist bump. It’s super adorable. 

Carrie was playing with her near the baby pool and as Caroline started spraying the hose she stuck her finger toward it. Carrie then sprayed her finger. Miraculously, Heidi laughed. It was such a surprise. Then Caroline dipped her head in the pool and Heidi plunked her little face down in and popped back up, even popping her lips to blow the water off exactly as Caroline did. I couldn’t believe it!

Heidi has another visit to the eye Dr. He was very pleased with how cooperative she was. Her prescription is now -1.5 and -2.0. He still didn’t feel like it was necessary for her to wear glasses but wanted to see her back in 8-9 months. She has been totally desensitized to wearing glasses so we are prepared for when the day comes! 

(Daddy’s sunglasses)

(Heidi’s sunglasses)

We have continued to struggle on with Heidi’s resistance to feed herself. One evening when it was just the two of us (so, no audience, no pressure from siblings) I asked her if she wanted ice cream. The neat thing was she understood what it was, got excited and ran to the fridge. I hand-over-hand fed her the first bite but felt that she should have the motivation to feed herself. Unfortunately, it went poorly. Sometimes if I walk out of her view she will do things on her own. Sadly, she started hitting herself on the head and getting very upset. 

As I talked with her Occupational Therapist just today she decided to try something new. Heidi really likes a dolly that the OT uses, so she had the doll in the high chair and acted like the doll was feeding herself, then we said, “Heidi’s a big girl like the baby. Heidi can feed herself.” With initial prompting she fed herself 6 bites. Then I fed her some. Then with encouragement from the doll baby she fed herself 15 bites in a row (with me scooping the yogurt onto her spoon). 

This was a huge accomplishment but it left her very upset. I had to get her out of her seat, apply pressure to her palms, deep pressure down her spine, and bear hugs, all calming techniques that we have learned from our amazing OT. 

Her therapist believes that Heidi is cognitively and physically capable of feeding herself (great news!), but has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from her feeding experience in her orphanage in China. We are so grateful she has learned to trust us and since we are her “safe” people, she wants us to feed her as it makes her feel safe. We did not discuss how to further her progress to make her feel safe and also establish independence in this area. I’m sure that will be on our agenda for next week. 

Heidi also sometimes grinds her teeth when she is uncomfortable or stressed. This week I took just her in the car to do our curbside library pickup. She was grinding her teeth the drive there and back. As soon as we started to pull into our driveway she literally started clapping and cheering. Usually the only time it’s just the two of us in the car is when we’re going to doctor appointments so maybe that’s where she thought we were going so cheered when we went right back home. It was also awesome to see her recognize we were home. It was extra adorable that when we went inside she ran to her biggest sister, Anne, and hugged her.

I’m so grateful to my family and friends who are always so supportive of us and Heidi and understanding of her needs and that, just because she’s been home for nearly a year, all her difficulties don’t just “go away”. We are grateful to God that we are still seeing miracles and we fully anticipate seeing them for the rest of her life. 

We even ate out and, after initially being unhappy, she ate a great meal sitting on daddy’s lap. 

Happy 11 months home, Heidi the Brave! We love you and are so proud of you. 

Ten Months Home with Heidi

Ten months home today!

This month started off a little hard. We had nearly two weeks where I didn’t write anything new on the calendar. I was definitely feeling discouraged with our lack of progress. We had been working on some particular communication skills for several weeks and it was not connecting. Or if it did connect, she couldn’t express it. 

My oldest daughter, Anne, loves to read and shared a true story of a doctor who had a daughter born with cerebral palsy. Specialists told him she would likely never walk, talk, or be independent. The girl grew up and eventually held a position in the White House. She did everything “late” according to a typically developing child, but she was eventually successful. Anne told me how in the book, the family never stopped praying for the little girl to keep learning. 

It struck me that I had stopped praying for more Heidi miracles. She had made so much progress from her early days that my desperation for God’s help had waned. And my oldest daughter, without realizing it, encouraged me to keep praying for miracles. 

And God answered. I do feel the need to state that just because we pray for something, in faith, does not mean that prayer will be answered in the way or time we hope for. But when it is, it is imperative to give the credit where it is due. Yes, we do therapy multiple times a week and we work what feels like all day long with teaching and caring for Heidi. But I truly believe God is answering my prayers for my daughter. I do get discouraged and lack faith. I have always related so strongly to the scripture where the father is begging Jesus to heal his child and when Jesus questions him the father immediately cries out, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)

The latter half of this month was full of Heidi miracles. They started off small. 

She gained confidence to go down the stairs easily. 

She started putting shoes on (though never her own). 

Leaving the house is always a struggle since Heidi will walk around in her sisters shoes and leave them in the most random places. 

Heidi played in the sand. For a child with sensory aversions this was huge!

Not only did she walk on the sand, she picked some up and rubbed it on her legs. She also started eating the sand so I had to intervene. 

Heidi is still the sweetest snuggler. 

(Ruth loves to have Heidi sit on her belly and bounce her. We all think it’s hilarious since they’re nearly the same size now!) 

Then all of a sudden she had a break through. She signed “all done” and said “duh” at the end of our meal Friday the 26 of June. You could see the intelligence in her eyes and that she truly understood. The next morning I was out for a bit and when I came back she went to her chair and wanted in. I started feeding her some yogurt and when I wasn’t fast enough she signed “more” and said “mah-mah”. She did this several times. When I started scraping the bottom of the container she signed “all done” and said “duh”. Since that day she has kept both those signs and words consistently, using them everyday!

She also pointed to the picture of herself in the swing to show me she wanted to swing. So even though I really needed to get to an appointment, you better believe I first pushed her on that swing! 

She also is comprehending and responding appropriately! Zoey asked if Heidi wanted to tick-tock (be swung upside down) and she literally ran to Zoey to be picked up and signed and said “more” over and over. We had been playing outside one day and I asked Heidi if she was ready to go back inside and she went right to the door. I asked if she had a stinky diaper and she waved her hand in front of her face like I do when I say “pee-yew!” 

She learned the sign “help me”. And “jump”. And is combining more + jump. 

She even colored for the first time ever! I was so excited I texted her therapists! 

Before I paint the rosiest image, please understand in the midst of the joy there is still so much that is hard. 

Our family loves creek stomping more than anything in the summer. And Heidi just absolutely hates it. She cries, clings, and cries some more every time we go. It’s so hard to have the most joyous part of our summer be changed into something stressful (for me). I don’t want to deprive our other kids of their favorite activity but I also don’t want to push Heidi too much and cause extra anxiety in her life. 

(My sister, Audrey, holding Heidi the last time we took her to a creek.) 

In fact, we were planning to go today but Heidi seemed a bit “off” yesterday so we didn’t go. I knew it would be too much for her. 

We learned that Heidi hates, hates, hates fireworks. She scream/cried so much at my sister’s house on the Fourth of July that when left. She scream/cried so much at my in-laws that one of the other girls took her inside. Fireworks are kind of a big deal in our family. We are learning that they are sensory overload for her, and we’re trying to navigate our joys with her terrors. We don’t have answers. 

She still cries at nearly every dinner. She typically does well at breakfast and lunch. However, dinner is currently hard. We’ve started letting her either sit on my lap to eat or even just get down from the table to play. This is something I would never (or very very rarely) allow any of our children to do, but we are learning to parent her a little differently. 

I hadn’t realized how effectively I have social distanced Heidi until she finally had to go to the doctor this past week. I haven’t taken her anywhere that masks are required and she had never seen me wear one. She was freaked out when a nurse wearing a mask took her temperature, then she hated that I had one on, then she fussed for the doctor with his mask. To make matters worse, I absolutely had to stop at a store with her. As soon as we walked in the door the guy who greeted us had a mask on and she started sobbing. She buried her head in my shoulder and turned her face away, only to see a customer with a mask on. It was quite the horrible trip and there was nothing I could do about it. I was never so glad to leave a store as I was that day. 

Yet through it all, Heidi is so brave. She has come so far and truly has bonded, attached to her family, and trusts us to care for her. 

She is truly, such a joy!

(Signing jump)

Happy 10 months home, Heidi! We love you!