A Bend in the Road

There are many quotes about time:

Time is a thief…

Time marches on…

The days are long but the years are short… 

Time flies over us but leaves its shadow behind…

Lost time is never found again…

This one which is attributed to Marcus Aurelius feels especially poignant. 

Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away.

The end of the 2025 school year has come and gone (except for Heidi) without fanfare. Anne graduated high school. The next day Abbey, Maggie, Carrie and Ruth finished grades 10, 8, 5 and 3. Normally we go out for pizza all together to celebrate the occasion. This year, Anne went to her friend’s house after graduation, the next day Anne worked and Abbey and Maggie babysat. Then Anne left for a full week at the beach for senior week with her class. 

No fanfare, just the current rushing us along. Pushing, shoving, not allowing us to come up for air. 

Sometimes, life changes happen so gradually they’re unnoticeable. Others are so abrupt that they force one to pay attention. 

That is how I feel right now. The time of all eight of my children living under my roof at the same time is drawing to a close. While Anne will still be at home this year during her gap year, I see the writing on the wall. There are celebrations that will happen without all eight children present. There will be holidays and gatherings that will look different in the not too distant future. Memories being made without being shared memories. How many more family vacations will we have that all eight children will be together? 

While I hope there will be many, I recognize that my children are growing up. And that’s a beautiful thing! It’s also a little terrifying. Have we done our work well? Are they prepared for what life throws at them? Is their faith their own? 

In August I’ll send Maggie to high school, leaving itty bitty nearly 12 year old Carrie to be the OAH. I don’t know if she’s ready. And yet, I said the same thing about Abbey and Maggie. They have all done incredible (yet different) jobs as OAH. 

Anne would do anything I asked of her. But I had to ask. She taught herself 7th grade the year Heidi came home from China, skipped 8th grade and went to high school. What a challenge she was forced to take on. What fortitude she developed in those years! 

Abbey developed a love for baking during her two years as OAH. We started “kids cook Fridays” where most Fridays the girls would pick the dinner and make it for the family. She often made coffee cakes for Friday morning breakfast. 

Maggie became a skilled childcare teacher. She gave Hans incredible adventures in the meadow, stream and woods. She afforded him access to her own space, bringing him into her life with much love. She welcomed Mary hesitantly as she was unsure that she could love another baby the same as Hans. Yet as all mothers do, they realize their love is not divided but multiplied with another baby. So with open arms she learned to heat bottles, remember food restrictions, and offer joy and tenderness to our wild and so very different from her brother, baby girl. 

The lessons this next chapter will afford Carrie are doubtless to be many. Yet there’s always a twinge of sadness knowing that things will be different. I learn to depend upon my OAH and it forges a deepening love and respect between me and that daughter. The older girls joke that my favorite child is whoever the current Oldest Available Hess happens to be. I will never have a favorite child, but what the others can see is genuine appreciation for the responsibility that child has taken on. It’s expected of them, yet there is very rarely any complaining about it. It’s also why I will bend over backwards for those girls to go with friends, events, and activities they are interested in. They’ve more than earned them. 

As this summer begins in full force after Heidi finishes school on June 9, I will insist upon fanfare. 

A pizza party to mark the official start of summer for all eight children. 

The biggest family vacation we’ve ever taken, courtesy of Make a Wish. 

A hundred small moments that I’ll try to bottle up in my memory bank: the girls waiting for everyone to be together to watch their current show (Sonic), playing games, painting their playhouse, paint nights, sister sleepovers, late nights of laughter, and countless other little moments in time that are easy to forget but create a foundational sense of familial love. 

So here’s to a summer of memory making. I hope yours is great!

Magdalena Faith is 14!

In August, Maggie turned 14. It’s always a bit of a shock to open my eyes and see my daughters moving from childhood into teens and young adults. 

Maggie is in year two of OAH (Oldest Available Hess) and she’s doing amazing. I came home from an appointment one day to find her baking cookies with her younger siblings. What joy to see her taking responsibility and bringing fun and creativity into the lives of her younger siblings. 

(Concert for her bday!)

She and Hans are still nearly inseparable. She is devoted to him, though sometimes to her detriment. For example, she had taken him down to the stream our kids enjoy which is a bit of a walk. Especially coming home as it’s up a steep hill. He had cried and refused to walk and threw a huge fit the whole way home. She told him she wasn’t going to take him the next time she went. We made sure she followed through with that necessary and suitable discipline. But she felt so bad about it that I don’t think she enjoyed herself as much. We found a decent compromise to this situation was to allow him to walk down with them but I would drive and pick them up when they were done. 

Maggie truly is a good little mother. 

She also is an excellent artist. I love her art style and the way she can create feeling through her work. She’s in her second year of a homeschool art class that I’ve been so thankful to provide her with. She has really enjoyed the different mediums she’s been exposed to, though I think she still is most comfortable with marker and graphite. 

Maggie is also a very good writer. I always enjoy reading her work, from poetry to short stories, she is gifted with words. 

I am so grateful to God for giving us Magdalena Faith 14 years ago. As the years go by it can be easy to forget her birth history and the uncertainty about her life that was presented to us. 

Best of all, this year Maggie chose to be baptized. It was a beautiful and meaningful way to welcome her into the family of God. 

We love you so much, Maggie! I’m so thankful to have you at home this year. I know it’ll be a huge adjustment for us all next year to send you to high school. But rather than get the sads about it now, I’ll treasure our days!

Mary Jubilee is One!

The smiliest, happiest girl in our world is one!!

Mary Jubilee is as sweet as can be. She became a new baby once she started eating solids. At about seven months she started breastfeeding well. It was such a special gift. It only lasted about a month or two, and we transitioned her to goat’s milk after that. She still can’t drink straight cow’s milk as it makes her vomit, but thankfully processed dairy (yogurt, cheese, butter, etc.) are all okay for her. 

Girlfriend LOVES to eat, and is one of the messiest eaters I’ve ever seen. She often gets a quick sink bath after meals because she’s so filthy. While I feel like she’s filling out she’s still actually quite tiny for her age - about 17.5 pounds and 27 inches. She only has two teeth. She is starting to say several words, Hi, Mama, Dada, Bub, yeah, nana (for banana) and Nana for Anne. 

She loves to climb the stairs as fast as possible without being seen. As soon as she hears someone coming for her she laughs and crawls even faster. She also waves, claps, walks along furniture, dance/bounces to music, and SMILES. Oh, how she smiles!

Mary Jubilee loves to smile. She enjoys hugs, pat-a cake, books, babies, laughing, food, her little lamb, and her people. She LOVES her dad and all her siblings. It’s so sweet to see her face light up when girls get home from school, when she sees dad after work, when siblings wake up in the morning. She is so joyful.

She went to about 9 blood transfusions with Ruth and was an angel every time until the last. That day she was so upset and unlike herself that we decided it’s probably for the best if she not come along for awhile. A crawling baby on a hospital floor isn’t the best idea anyway. Maybe after she’s walking well and down to just one nap a day she’ll be a fun companion again. 

Mary’s first year was filled with much difficulty for our family. There were my personal challenges, Ruth’s health challenges, changes in schooling for Heidi, and our schedule being complicated and often difficult. Yet through all of it, she developed and grew into herself. From a newborn who was quite fussy and discontented into who she is now, rarely upset and often joyful, we are so grateful. In hindsight, I wonder how much of my own stress was being expressed to her through my milk. Milk I had pumped early on and frozen she utterly rejected later on. While I did what I thought was best at the time, it does make me wonder about the connection between those things. Especially as she’s moved on from breast milk and become a different (happier) child. 

So happy first birthday, Miss Mary! I love you to bits and would live though it all again for you. You are sunshine and beauty. Love you lots sweet girl!

Half a Year with Mary Jubilee

Half a year! It’s been a hard six months. I have been humbled and challenged and felt as though I was knocked on my butt and been scrambling to get back up and continue the race of life since she was born. 

Mary & her little lamb 

None of this is a reflection of who Mary Jubilee is. She is a fighter. She was in and out of the NICU faster than any of her siblings. She was faced with the challenge of a mama who wasn’t at her best. Mary learned to bottle feed, she tried valiantly to breastfeed, exhausting herself with hour long feeds. She worked harder and longer to achieve what comes relatively easily for many babies. While we rarely breastfeed now, we have developed a precious bond which I feared we wouldn’t achieve without it. 

Miss Mary is truly lovely. She gives the best, big smiles. She squeals and laughs and has developed a sweet personality. She has become laid back, which she really wasn’t as a wee newborn. But she has gone to countless medical appointments, hospital for Ruth’s transfusions, ballet classes, art classes, school pickup and drop off, chiropractor appointments, therapies for Heidi, and so much more without batting an eye. She naps in her bouncy seat in front of the fire when we’re home, or in her car seat when we’re on the go. Mary sleeps in her crib all night, usually 12 hours. She’s still in our room so we do give her the pacifier sometimes in the night if she fusses, but in general she does fantastic. 

I noticed this change when she started eating solid foods. It’s interesting that she took so well to eating solids since drinking has been the biggest difficulty for her. She is a very good eater and we’ve found Plum Organics baby foods to be healthy and nutritious. She’s gaining weight better than ever and getting stronger. As I am finally finishing this post she’s nearer to 7 months but she’s sitting up well and for longer stretches of time. She is rolling over both ways. She is scooting around on her belly, trying so hard to get what is just out of reach. I can tell she’s going to put everything into her mouth like Hans did so the girls are in for another time of lots of cleaning up the floors. 

Hanging with one of her favorite sisters 

She is just a real sweetie. She’s sleeping in my arms as I type this. I finally feel like we’re on our way to thriving, not just surviving. 

I have heard it said that if you’re not sure if you should have another baby that you’ll never regret having one more, but you very likely will regret that you didn’t. 

I feel this about Miss Mary. Many would have expected us to stop after we finally had a boy. But for us, it has never been about the gender of our children, and always about the gift that each child is. I know I would have regretted stopping after Hans. I feel so content with our family. While my days are jam packed, I acknowledge the blessings in each day and I am exceedingly grateful that I’m alive to have hard days. 

I love you, Mary!

Heidi is 6!

In September Heidi celebrated her 4 year adoption anniversary and in November she turned six! 

Heidi is still a puzzle to us. She is still mostly nonverbal. She can say a few words but rarely says them unprompted. She knows some sign language. We recently (after her birthday) decided to try AAC (Augmentative and Alternative Communication) in the form of a tablet/iPad. There’s a huge learning curve but we’ve found some success with it. We mostly use it to teach Heidi how to request something she wants (which song) and she’s doing surprisingly well recognizing the icon and that it represents a thing that she wants. I would be delighted if it could eventually help her to express her feelings and even  just general commenting on what’s going on or what she likes. 

Her comprehension of language is quite strong. She knows what we’re saying and talking about. She can follow directions. Today I asked her to get Mary’s bottle off the stool in the living room and bring it to me so I could wash it. And she did! She may have first tried to toss it on the counter but with a second prompt she got it to me. 

I’ve been working on several preschool skills with her over the last several months. She knows all her colors and will sign them or give a verbal attempt at the word. She recognizes the letters in her name and can sometimes put them in the correct order. She knows animal names and sounds. I have started working on teacher the alphabet to her and Hans. Hans is certainly much more enthusiastic about it than Heidi but I know she’s capable of learning and I want to encourage her to new heights. 

However, she is still very much a challenge. She has behaviors that are difficult to control. Currently she cannot seem to help herself with touching things she knows she’s not supposed to. She stands on the couch and knocks around the pictures hanging on the wall. When I say her name she looks at me, shakes her head and says “no, no. No.” But continues the behavior. She also has been throwing everything, knocking all the stools over, and dipping her hair in her food but only if it’s soup or liquidy. It gets exhausting. 

She has joined a creative movement class at Doris Ann’s Dance Studio. I’m incredibly grateful that they’re open to accepting children of all abilities. Carrie is her personal helper during the class. She guides Heidi, keeps her on task, and provides additional verbal assistance and reminders to Heidi. She does a beautiful job of allowing Heidi space to dance and explore, but also maintaining order. I’m amazed at the growth I’ve seen in Heidi. She began the year with just standing in one place during the worship free-dance to now waving her worship sashes and dancing around the room. It certainly wouldn’t be possible without Carrie’s assistance. 

In the fall Heidi will have to start Kindergarten. I’ve been in prayer about what this may look like for her and our family. I currently plan to homeschool her but I often doubt my capacity to do it well in the midst of teaching everyone else. But I also can’t imagine what sending her to school would look like for her. 

Heidi was sick at Christmas with pneumonia. She was quite ill and became extremely attached to Trent. He was her main caretaker during that time as I was caring for Ruth and Mary who also had pneumonia and still trying to make Christmas magical for the rest of the kids. Heidi loves for Trent to pick her up and toss her in the air and catch her. She gives him unsolicited hugs and searches him out during the day. 

As exhausting as it can be to care for her, we love her deeply for who she is. I believe she is capable of so many things. I just pray I can be the best mom possible to help her reach her full potential. 

Happy belated birthday, Heidi Grace. I love you!

Mary is Four Months

Little Miss Mary Jubilee is four months old!

She is finally growing and getting sweet round cheeks and a double chin. She is smiling, cooing, and has a bright twinkle in her eye.

I promise you, today she laughed. 

She is a very particular baby and loves mom best of all. I won’t complain about it though because someday I won’t be her favorite and I’ll hold on to and treasure the time that I was. 

(She liked the snow and fell asleep in the carrier)

Mary does actually often calm down for Ruth. And she smiles a lot at Carrie and Maggie. And she watches Heidi and Hans (Heaven help us!). Anne and Abbey offer their attentions when they get home from school, but mostly it’s mom and Mary. 

Ruth LOVES carrying Mary around. It makes me a *tiny* bit nervous but she’s always very careful and I can tell she’s so proud to be big enough to hold her. 

She had her first Christmas and wore the Christmas dress I bought for Anne in 2007; hard to believe that dress has hung around for 16 years and is being worn again. It’ll be difficult to begin parting with some of those treasured items. 

It’s never dull over here, though sometimes I feel I could use a boring month or two. 

Mary (and Heidi and Ruth) had pneumonia over Christmas and needed a round of antibiotics. Mary’s only symptom was an occasional cough that sounded horrible. 

I have been waking her at 3 am to feed her since she was about 7.5 weeks. She had slept through the night at that young age but since she was so small and barely gaining weight it was recommended to wake her in the night until we felt she could make up that missed feeding throughout the day. Last week she didn’t go back to sleep after the 3 am feeding two nights in a row and that was no fun for me. I decided to give it a try and let her sleep the whole night. I have a tremendous fear of not having enough milk for her so  I still get up and pump at 3 am and store it for her to drink later. I pump about 6 times per day and that gives her enough to drink fresh all day and sometimes a little extra to have in the fridge. I haven’t been able to store any in the freezer for a long time. She did surprise me the other day when I was nursing her and let go of the nipple shield and latched and ate perfectly for 2 feeds. I was so excited I thought maybe we would be good from now on. Sadly that wasn’t the case the next day and she didn’t latch well at all. But I’m celebrating any little wins we get along the way and recognizing the gift that bottling is during this intense season of mothering. 

Since I didn’t get a chance to blog her at 3 months, those are some of my favorite pictures from month 3. 

Love you Miss Mary! I am excited to watch your personality blossom. 

Oh, and she is getting stronger and loves to sit up in her high chair and see what’s happening at the table 

Anne is 16!

In early November Anne turned 16 years old. It’s surreal that I have a child who is on the cusp of adulthood. Sixteen is a great, if complex, age; old enough to begin to understand the challenges of their rapidly approaching adulthood but young enough to still enjoy their fleeting childhood. 

While this year has ramped up in intensity the amount of daily appointments, errands, and activities, I wanted to make Anne’s 16th birthday celebration very special. She and her friends are very interested in house plants, so I came up with the idea of a succuelent planting party. Throughout the summer, anytime we were out thrifting we looked for interesting and beautiful containers. The end result was 12 really fun and unique pieces. 

Since Anne skipped a grade most of her friends can drive so they drove over to our house after their half day of school. The girls ate, chatted, sang, laughed and all of it was done at a high volume. They were a delightful group of girls, much better teenagers than Trent or I were. 

Anne continues to enjoy and be extremely gifted at art. She is considering what she would like to do in the future, and art education has risen to the top of her career choices. While she would love to be a book illustrator we are walking the balance of encouraging a talented child but also being practical about the cost of college and the career options available with your degree. The balance of guidance and encouragement is a new and tricky one we’re trying to navigate. 

Anne also enjoys reading. She has always been good at it and it came easily to her. Anne is also funny: she currently has a voice that makes me laugh literally everytime she says anything in it. She’s good at using it to diffuse my irritation. 

Teaching a teen to drive is more nerve wracking than I expected. Most of the time she does great, until she doesn’t. It will take some time but I’m looking forward to having another driver in the house!

Happy sweet 16, Anne! We love you! I still owe her a coffee date that I hope to do soon.