Monday, June 3, 2013

Modesty is in the Eye of the Beholder

I've recently seen a lot of people on Facebook posting and commenting on this article "The Bikini Question - Made in His Image".  Growing up in a "semi-Christian" home, I wore a bikini from the moment I was born (practically). The thought never entered my mind that I was not modest. In comparison with some of my siblings I was extremely modest (in my opinion) and that was good enough for me as a teenager.

It wasn't until after I was married that I began to question my modesty. After some comments made to me about what I was wearing did I begin to even think that what I was wearing may not be appropriate. One of those comments was made to me while I was pregnant with my first child, and a church member questioned whether what I was wearing was really appropriate since I was a youth group leader and there were high school boys in the youth group. I was hurt, shocked, and annoyed. It had never once crossed my mind that as a married, pregnant (ugh!) youth  leader that what I was wearing would even once cause these boys to think anything inappropriate.

However, as the time has gone on, and the more children I have, the more conservative (in my opinion) my clothing has gotten. I'm sure I'm still a LONG WAY OFF from what other people would consider conservative. Which is why this post is called "Modesty is in the Eye of the Beholder". I'm sure I'll never dress modestly enough for some people. I often struggle with the thought that people are observing and judging me on a regular basis. There are enough things for young moms to worry about without having to worry whether they are wearing the "right" clothing or not.

I have three young daughters that will certainly dress more conservatively than I did as a child. I do not talk about weight with my children, except that whenever they are weighed we talk about how healthy they are and that they are growing and that is good! My daughters do not wear bikinis, nor do they want to. I am extremely grateful that (at this point) I have been able to find really cute one-piece swimsuits for the girls.

Anne recently received a hand-me-down pair of silky pajamas. The bottoms are shorts and the top is a spaghetti-strap v-neck. She wore them several times, but just the other day she put them on and looked in the full-length mirror. After looking in the mirror she came back into her bedroom and changed. When I asked her why she said she didn't like how the top looked because it has puffed out spots for breasts and she said it made her look too grown up and she didn't like it.

I think most of us are doing the best we can. My favorite thing about the above mentioned article was the link to really cute one-piece swimsuits. I've never had good luck finding them at department stores, and now I know where to find them.

So for those of you who like to judge, please don't judge us so harshly. I know I am not perfect, but I'm trying. I wasn't raised in a home where modesty was highly valued, but I'm working on it. I serve an amazing God who gives each of us grace. I am grateful that despite my many mistakes as a woman, wife and mother that God will continually shower me with that overflowing, undeserved, wonderful grace. I hope that each of us will do the same and remember that we are not all on the same page. What I may consider modest you may consider heathen. Please, love me anyway.

5 comments:

  1. Very good points, Emily. I hope you didn't find my comments judgmental. I was simply trying to point out that while men are responsible for what we think and how we do/don't objectify women, it won't hurt if women want to help us out by dressing modestly. Also, there is a strong undercurrent in our culture which focuses so much on sexuality that you can easily begin to believe that's all that matters about you. That's why I said I liked that quote I heard about not dressing like the only thing you have to offer is sex.

    As for judgmental comments and knowing how to approach this subject in a loving but helpful way, we all need help with that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not at all, Paul! I totally understood what you were saying. The points I was trying to make are 1. Modesty is a learned behavior and 2. As Christians we do need to be careful how we judge others (MYSELF INCLUDED!!). I have caught myself many times saying/thinking judgmental things about others who are not at the same place in life as I am. I definitely feel that as Christian parents we need to be teaching our daughters (and sons) about modesty, but again, it is subjective. What I may consider modest someone else may not. Tough subject! :)

      Delete
    2. On this issue of judging others and how to be helpful when change is needed, I think chapter 11 of "The Good and Beautiful Life" by James Bryan Smith is very helpful. That's the second book of that series I left for you all at New Danville. Did you get those books?

      Delete
    3. Have you seen this? I just came across it today. It's a talk by the woman who designed the swimsuit in the picture for the blog post you referenced. Seems relevant to the discussion: http://www.qideas.org/video/the-evolution-of-the-swimsuit.aspx And here are her swimsuits: http://www.reyswimwear.com/collections/all

      Delete
    4. I haven't had a chance to read the book you mentioned, but yes, Trent did pick them up. I'll have to look up chapter 11. I just watched the video. It was very good. I have looked up her swimsuits - they are awesome. One of those is definitely on my "wish list".

      Delete