Happy Christmas!

Since this has probably been the busiest year of our lives, it seemed a shame not to be able to send out a Christmas letter to update our far away friends and family. But with the help of the internet we should be able to reach just about everyone who we would have mailed a card and letter to. It's not the same as having a cute Christmas card to hang up and look at, but it'll have to do for this year.

2012 was busy, busy, busy. In February we moved out of the city after over six years. We decided to rent out our home instead of selling it. Unfortunately this went terribly awry and ended up adding heaps of stress to our lives. After evicting our tenant in August and cleaning it up throughout that month, listing it in September, we were thankful that the sale of our house went through in late November.

 The more children we had the more quickly we began to outgrow our little city house and longed to be out in the country. Through a series of strange events which I like to attribute to God, we ended up moving to Conestoga, Pa, to the very home where I spent much of my childhood (from age 5-11). It is so wonderful to be out in the country. 

Before

After

 Everywhere I look I find something to be joyful about.


A butterfly.

 
 A tire swing.

 

 A sunrise.

(Photo Credit: Trent Hess)

A slip-n-slide.

A walk at the barns.

A chance to skip down a grassy hill.

Many fun-filled days at Trout Run.

A campfire.

Eating s'mores around the campfire.

We had a glorious summer. A week of "staycation" meant a trip to the Baltimore Zoo, Hershey Gardens & Butterfly House, a date to Rock Ford Plantation, a trip to the beach. We spent a weekend at a cabin.
 

Baltimore Zoo.

We went camping at Camp Swatara.

Annie and Paw-Paw fishing at Camp Swatara.

Late in the summer we became foster parents. After having said "No" to our first two calls, we received one close to dinner time on a Monday. Two children, a girl and a boy. And our lives have been forever altered. For a few months we had five children under age five. It was completely insane. We have been pushed to our limits with patience, time, and energy. We have been ready to quit multiple times, yet for some reason we don't. We persevere and press on. We have good days, we have in between days, and we have bad days. The emotional swings that we have are wild. Some days are great and we can't imagine our lives without these two children. Other days are horrible and we wonder when they are leaving.

Our foster daughter was three (almost four) when she came to us.  For their protection we are not allowed to use their names or show any pictures. You can take my word on this - they are beautiful! Our foster daughter has improved tremendously since she came. Week one she was hitting, pulling hair, snatching toys, and screaming. She still screams a lot but those other things have pretty much stopped. She is definitely an instigator and will intentionally upset the other children. BUT, she has learned to share pretty well. In fact, sometimes she shares more willingly than our girls. She doesn't fully understand who He is, but she loves Jesus. She is obsessed with the story of Jesus dying on the cross. Her first night with us I sang "Jesus Loves Me" to her and she finally stopped crying. We're making progress.

Our foster son is precious. He came at 9 months and is now 13 months old. We've gotten him through bronchitis, 3 teeth, colds, and celebrated his first birthday. He is walking and talking. He came to us sitting and staring. He now interacts well with the children and lights up when he sees them. He came to us only showing emotion when he would see his baby bottle; he is now weaned off the bottle and shows more emotion towards people than to food. {Although he really does love food -- if you could see him you would be able to tell.} Daddy is his favorite. He gets to the door as fast as he can when Trent comes home from work.

Typical Anne-face.

Annie turned five in November. The highlight of the year for her was learning to read. She reads at a fourth grade level and loves it. She is starting to be interested in reading books for information, not just for stories. She loves to play school and is most often the teacher. Anne is compassionate, kind, and loving. She does have her moments of uncontrollable emotions and I wonder what she'll be like at 13. Annie is growing to love the Lord more and more. She loves reading to her sisters and baby brother.

Abbey

The puzzle Queen.

Abbey is now 3 1/2. She still loves puzzles. She has also really enjoyed playing with play-doh. Abbey can read several words and enjoys being Annie's student. Abbey is usually the peacemaker in the house. She doesn't like anyone to be upset and quickly comforts any crying child by bringing them a toy or hugging them. Abbey continues to be a diligent child. She has a list of several people in our church who are older or sick who she prays for every night. She never misses one of these people on her list. She is a very mild little girl and is an absolute joy to have around.

Magdalena

Magdalena is 2 years old and is crazy. She talks all the time and is just really really silly. It doesn't help that she gets tons of encouragement from her big sisters. Maggie adores our foster son and he is her baby brother (even though he is much bigger than she is!). Magdalena adds a sparkle to our lives. We can't imagine our lives without that girl. I can't help but bite her cheeks and squish her all day long.








 


I have obviously been busy this year with packing from our move out of the city and taking care of the children. I love teaching the children and doing crafts with them. I love baking Christmas cookies, but I don't love washing the dishes. This has been a stressful year for me with the addition of our foster children. I have been so humbled and have depended on my husband, my mother and father-in-law, and my mom more than ever before. I know I could not have made it through these past four months without their support. I am definitely looking forward to 2013 and am hopeful that it will be a year of rejuvenation for our family.



I (Trent) have also been busy this year.  My work at BCF Group (Insurance agency) continues to go well. The last few months of the year have been especially busy as we acquired a small agency in the area and have been working hard to make a smooth transition for the customers.  It's been a challenge juggling my responsibilities - work, family, church leadership team, dealing with our problem tenant, getting our house sold, mowing the lawn, etc.  I'm continually thankful for many things; especially the health of our family, and an enjoyable, stable job that provides for our needs.  I leave 2012 feeling a bit "spent", so I'm also looking forward to 2013 as a year of rejuvenation. 

We hope you and yours have a safe and happy holiday season. Merry Christmas!

Love,
The Hesses

Truth

I have tried to be very transparent here about how life is for us now as foster parents. I am learning quite a bit about life and about myself.

Life is hard for a lot of people. Up until now, I knew that in my head, but never truly experienced it. After having conversations with "mom" I am realizing just how difficult things can be for many people and it has made it real to me.

I'm learning about myself. I am learning that although I thought I always loved children, I have always loved out of my own love, and not the Love of God. The love that comes from God is rich and pure, measureless and strong. The love that comes from Emily is conditional, it grows weary, it is weak, it fails, it is full of holes.

I've never had to pray to ask God to help me love one of my children. Even when they were wearing on my patience or not sleeping well I had a deep, innate, fierce love for my girls. My feelings are not the same for our foster daughter. She wears on my patience, she exhausts me, she doesn't obey, she doesn't sleep well, she is mean, she is manipulative, she doesn't sit still, she doesn't stop making noise. These things may not seem like a big deal to you. I'm sure if I were reading this, I would think "Well, she's just a child! She has gone through a traumatic experience." And these words are true. I heard someone describe foster children as "the annoying neighbor kid who doesn't ever leave." And if you have never taken in foster children this probably sounds cruel, but that's how I feel a lot of the time.

The other night Anne told me she saw a string in my hair. When she went to get it out she realized it was attached to my head. Yes, I have gray hairs now. Several of them. I hope that whenever our foster children go back home to their mother that I will be able to seek God's face with more passion and time than I do currently. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to find some reason for why we are living the way we are living, if the stress, the gray hairs, the impatience has done any good. Maybe I'll never know.

Oh, and for anyone who has ever heard that foster parents are in it for the money -- trust me -- they aren't. The pay stinks and the work is hard. I could make more money babysitting and I wouldn't have the responsibilities I do as a foster mom.

And all of that to say, if our foster kids were to leave tomorrow, we would miss them terribly. It's a bizarre pull of emotions. Plus - that babykins is just so sweet.

Talking & Walking

I'm sure all of you are familiar with the saying "You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?"

I've been thinking about that a lot lately as we are entering our fourth month as foster parents. Prior to the children coming it was so easy to "talk the talk" about foster care, about the precious children who need us - a family - a home. And then the children come and we enter the "walking" phase. And that "precious" child is scream-crying, mean to our girls, disruptive, hyper-active and difficult to get along with. And it is hard to remember all those good reasons why we thought foster care was a good idea.

But then, God's grace shines through. The girl had 5 good days in a row. FIVE! That is a large miracle. She was kind, she shared, she slept well and ate well, and we were so grateful at the progress she had made. Unfortunately that positive streak has ended and we've had some rough days again. But I'm hopeful. There will be brighter days ahead.

Our days are crazy. We have so many appointments, doctor appointments, education appointments, dentist appointments, visits with the kids' mom, and the list goes on. Most days are exhausting, but God is giving us the strength to get through. I've been humbled and had to ask for a lot of help.

I can't thank my mother-in-law and my mom enough. They have both been fantastic with helping us with the children. We couldn't do it (and stay sane) without them.

I had high hopes of sending out Christmas cards with a letter like we have done the past few years. Unfortunately, time does not permit me to get that done this year. But - I do hope to put something together in blog form with input from Trent & the kiddos.