For many couples, their adoption story starts long before their actual paperwork. The same is true for our family. I have had the desire to adopt for as long as I can remember. I had multiple friends throughout the years who were adopted, most internationally. While Trent wouldn't say he had a burning desire to adopt, he has never been opposed to it, and has in fact been quite open to the idea of growing our family in this way.
After Magdalena was born, with the complications she had (Intrauterine Growth Restricted, preemie, emergency Cesarean section, a vertical cut on the uterus, a 6-day NICU stay) we started seriously talking about adoption. We knew we wanted more children, and having another biological child anytime soon was suddenly scratched. Maggie was born in August 2010. By May, 2011, we were researching agencies and countries.
There weren't many countries we qualified for due to our ages (I was 26 and Trent was 28, most countries require you to be 30 years old) or the fact that we already had three children, or our income. We were qualified to adopt from Ethiopia and felt our hearts being drawn toward this African country.
We attended information sessions and filed a preliminary application. We were so excited to have been accepted into the Ethiopia program. Unfortunately, both Trent and I were not feeling comfortable with our agency. There were multiple things, mainly dealing with communication (or lack thereof) and a particular worker who misplaced paperwork multiple times. When handling large stacks of papers we really did not feel comfortable proceeding. We took time to pray before moving on to the next step. I distinctly remember sitting on the porch of our little city house after we had put the kids to bed. We had felt so sure that we were stepping out in faith to do this hard thing (mainly financially, but also trusting that we would have the space for a fourth child in our small home), only to have hit this road block. We were unsure whether this was the type of stumbling block that we were meant to push past and persevere through, or if it was the kind intended to make us come to a full stop. After much prayer, both Trent and I felt it was God's way of closing the door on international adoption for the time being. I was crushed.
Several months later we were still praying for guidance, but mostly we were enjoying life. I was being as intentionally grateful for my three girls as possible. Around November 2011 multiple people starting speaking into our lives regarding foster care. It was something I never thought much about. We still had the problem of a very small house. We started putting some feelers out to our local Children and Youth agency to learn more.
Late December we got a phone call from an older lady at church, notifying us of a nice big farm house in the country for rent. When she explained where it was located I nearly cried. It was the house I grew up in and had loved dearly. After talking with the owner of the house and learning there was potential that he would subdivide the house and a couple acres off to sell to us eventually we went to look at the house. So many delightful childhood memories were brought back, and we went for it. We moved to a five bedroom farm house in January 2012. Shortly thereafter we began our foster care classes.
Late August 2012, our birth children were 4, 3 and 2, we got a call for a sibling group. A 4-year-old girl (it later turned out she was 3, almost 4) and her 9-month-old brother. We accepted. Thus began the most intense, challenging months of our lives. There were many tears shed, weight lost, and gray hair gained. Our foster daughter had such intense struggles, and we were at a loss to help her. As we tried to help her, we only received push back from agencies with new, young caseworkers. We were told that "not every child in foster care is in therapy" and repeatedly told by multiple people "you're doing a good job with her". I didn't want to be told I was doing a good job. I wanted help. I wanted her to get help for her anger, for her inability to attach to people, for her manipulation, for her self-harming. Instead I was told, "you're doing a good job." We did have some good days, but there were many many bad days. At the time, I described her behavior as "death by a million pin-pricks". It was never one huge thing that she did, but the million times a day she did little things.
After five intense months, she left our home to go to another foster home. It was the hardest decision we had ever made. Her little brother, now a delightful, joy-filled, chubby 14-month old, had thrived in our care. As his sister spiraled out of control, he blossomed in the love of our three biological daughters. We were forever grateful he got to stay with us until the court was to decide whether he should move to the same foster home as her, or if he would stay with us.
It was a joyful month with our foster son. It was a month of healing for our family. He was doted on and loved and read to and snuggled like never before. He would run to the door when Trent got home, yell, "Daddddyyyyyy!" and run into his arms. Then court day came. The judge decided that since they are siblings they should remain together. Our hearts were crushed. An hour later Children and Youth came to get him. This boy we loved so hard and so well for six months was taken from my arms. He was placed in the back seat of the caseworker's car. I'll never forget him looking out the window at me. Confused. It was the last time we saw him.
The month after he left was so extremely painful. I closed his bedroom door. I couldn't walk past that room with the door open to see his empty crib. I washed all his blankets so I wouldn't have to smell his baby smell, then immediately regretted that I had washed them, knowing I would never again have that to help me remember him. The girls begged for a sibling they could keep. One they wouldn't have to give back.
Three months after he left I ran into the kids new foster mom (we had met several times at visits with the kids' birth mother). She said the kids were doing well. Our foster daughter was finally able to get some counseling and therapy. She said our foster son cried a lot at first but was starting to do better. As hard as it was to hear that he cried, it was also a relief. He had formed an attachment. Attachments can be made again, as hard as it is to break them. They were being loved and cared for. It had to be enough for me. In reality, it wasn't about me, it was about the children.
Several months after they left, we bought a house and moved away from the farmhouse. The day we signed papers on the house we found out we were pregnant with our fourth child.
December 2013, Caroline was born. Another growth restricted baby, another C-section, another preemie, another NICU stay, this time 10 days. She was lovely and precious and wonderful.
Around her one year birthday I felt myself wanting another child. Another biological child probably wasn't the best option. I started researching international adoption agencies and countries. I was 29, not yet old enough for the magical age 30 that many countries require. I talked with Trent. It was a resounding, "No." I was crushed. I cried for several days.
Life moved on and we celebrated our 10th anniversary a couple months early, during the fall of 2015. We talked adoption. This time Trent was more open to the idea, but still unsure. That fall Trent went hunting. When he came home after spending some time away, praying in the woods, he felt adoption was something we should pursue.
December 2015, Caroline turned two. We knew an adoption would likely take two years, so wanted her to be about two when we started so that she would be close to four when we had to travel out of the country and leave her and her sisters behind.
After much prayer, we filed our application to adopt a little girl from China on January 4, 2016. From there things have moved relatively quickly with only a few paperwork hiccups along the way. Our dossier went to China on June 24, 2016. We are still waiting for that to be Logged In.
And now, we wait for our referral. Our story is not finished. We are grateful to be this far. Though it certainly hasn't been easy, we believe that God has led us through all these years to prepare us more fully for our daughter. Thank you all for following along as we wait for our fifth daughter to come home!
Showing posts with label foster care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foster care. Show all posts
Monday, July 4, 2016
Monday, October 28, 2013
Restricted and Released
At our sonogram last Wednesday we learned that we officially have another "Growth Restricted" baby. Intra-Uterine Growth Restricted is a term to define any baby below the 10th percentile. This percentile is the average of two measurements: the head and the abdomen. December Baby is now in the 8th percentile (head was 12% and abdomen was 2%). I was not shocked to learn this.
Our doctor has amazing bedside manner and was extremely kind. We really don't know why this happened again. Where we go from here is to the doctor, weekly sonograms with the specialist, and two or three more appointments with my OB before delivery. We will be scheduling delivery for the week before Christmas. It all seems somewhat cold and strange, but we are excited. Other than small size the baby is totally healthy. I cannot ask for more.
Also this week I had this urgency to learn something of our foster children. I debated whether or not to contact the foster mother who they went with after leaving our home. I finally decided to take a chance and hope that she didn't think I was a creepy stalker.
I will be forever grateful to her for her kind response. She told of our foster daughter doing well in therapy and in preschool. Of our foster daughter having fewer outbursts of tantrums. She told of our foster son "asserting his independence" and I could just picture him getting into all sorts of mischief like only a soon-to-be two year old boy can. She told of him still enjoying snuggles after his nap.
My immediate response was hard to describe. In some bizarre way I was hurt. I had pushed for our foster daughter to be in some sort of therapy or counseling and was rebuffed by the caseworker. I was told that "not all children in foster care are in therapy". I was sad that I was not the one who was snuggling this sweet boy after his naps and disciplining him when he misbehaved. More than anything I realized just how sad I was, and how much I really missed these kids.
After praying about this while I painted that evening I was hit with two things. First of all, I was being selfish. Second of all, I had not released this irrational hope that some day our foster son would return to us. The selfish part was easier to let go of. By the time I went to bed that evening I no longer held onto those feelings, but was instead SO SO grateful for the improvement in our foster daughter and grateful to her new foster parents for working hard and poring so much of themselves into her. The second part was not as easy for me. I had never dealt with grieving for someone I loved so dearly, let alone releasing them into an unknown future.
As I fell asleep that night I was praying for release.
And I dreamed.
Those of you who have read my blog before know that I have occasionally had dreams that I believe have significant meaning. This was my dream.
I was in a sort of hospital waiting area for adoptive parents. Many babies and children were being brought in but I was not being chosen for any of these children. Then a call came in that a newborn baby was going to be dropped off. I rushed to the entrance of the building with the "director" of this program.
It was cold outside and as the automatic doors opened a blast of freezing air rushed into the building hitting me in the face. Lying on the ground was a newborn baby, naked except for a heavily soiled diaper and a blanket that the wind had whipped off of him. I rushed outside to scoop up to the baby and comfort him in my loving arms.
The director and I went back to his office. He sat at his computer and began searching for a family for this baby. As I stood holding and comforting this precious baby who I already loved I got so angry!! Didn't the director see that I was the perfect mother for this baby? Didn't he see how much I loved this little boy?
When I shouted something along those lines in my frustration at the director he just calmly turned and looked at me. He said, "No. I have already chosen a child for you. But this is not him. You need to wait."
I think even within my dream I realized that this director was no ordinary man, but God, or an angel of God.
It dawned on me that this is what I was doing with our foster son. I rushed in to take things into my own hands and ended up hurt and resentful when things didn't go my way.
I woke up with an amazing feeling of peace and a "God-like" understanding of the situation. Eight months after our foster son left us physically I was finally able to release him emotionally.
I won't even look into what the messenger in my dream meant when he said he had already chosen a child for me. I am just so so grateful to God for this dream, to the foster family who has had the children longer than we did, and am trusting in the Lord to be with them wherever they go.
Our doctor has amazing bedside manner and was extremely kind. We really don't know why this happened again. Where we go from here is to the doctor, weekly sonograms with the specialist, and two or three more appointments with my OB before delivery. We will be scheduling delivery for the week before Christmas. It all seems somewhat cold and strange, but we are excited. Other than small size the baby is totally healthy. I cannot ask for more.
Also this week I had this urgency to learn something of our foster children. I debated whether or not to contact the foster mother who they went with after leaving our home. I finally decided to take a chance and hope that she didn't think I was a creepy stalker.
I will be forever grateful to her for her kind response. She told of our foster daughter doing well in therapy and in preschool. Of our foster daughter having fewer outbursts of tantrums. She told of our foster son "asserting his independence" and I could just picture him getting into all sorts of mischief like only a soon-to-be two year old boy can. She told of him still enjoying snuggles after his nap.
My immediate response was hard to describe. In some bizarre way I was hurt. I had pushed for our foster daughter to be in some sort of therapy or counseling and was rebuffed by the caseworker. I was told that "not all children in foster care are in therapy". I was sad that I was not the one who was snuggling this sweet boy after his naps and disciplining him when he misbehaved. More than anything I realized just how sad I was, and how much I really missed these kids.
After praying about this while I painted that evening I was hit with two things. First of all, I was being selfish. Second of all, I had not released this irrational hope that some day our foster son would return to us. The selfish part was easier to let go of. By the time I went to bed that evening I no longer held onto those feelings, but was instead SO SO grateful for the improvement in our foster daughter and grateful to her new foster parents for working hard and poring so much of themselves into her. The second part was not as easy for me. I had never dealt with grieving for someone I loved so dearly, let alone releasing them into an unknown future.
As I fell asleep that night I was praying for release.
And I dreamed.
Those of you who have read my blog before know that I have occasionally had dreams that I believe have significant meaning. This was my dream.
I was in a sort of hospital waiting area for adoptive parents. Many babies and children were being brought in but I was not being chosen for any of these children. Then a call came in that a newborn baby was going to be dropped off. I rushed to the entrance of the building with the "director" of this program.
It was cold outside and as the automatic doors opened a blast of freezing air rushed into the building hitting me in the face. Lying on the ground was a newborn baby, naked except for a heavily soiled diaper and a blanket that the wind had whipped off of him. I rushed outside to scoop up to the baby and comfort him in my loving arms.
The director and I went back to his office. He sat at his computer and began searching for a family for this baby. As I stood holding and comforting this precious baby who I already loved I got so angry!! Didn't the director see that I was the perfect mother for this baby? Didn't he see how much I loved this little boy?
When I shouted something along those lines in my frustration at the director he just calmly turned and looked at me. He said, "No. I have already chosen a child for you. But this is not him. You need to wait."
I think even within my dream I realized that this director was no ordinary man, but God, or an angel of God.
It dawned on me that this is what I was doing with our foster son. I rushed in to take things into my own hands and ended up hurt and resentful when things didn't go my way.
I woke up with an amazing feeling of peace and a "God-like" understanding of the situation. Eight months after our foster son left us physically I was finally able to release him emotionally.
I won't even look into what the messenger in my dream meant when he said he had already chosen a child for me. I am just so so grateful to God for this dream, to the foster family who has had the children longer than we did, and am trusting in the Lord to be with them wherever they go.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
A Mama's (or hormonal) Heart
I have been thinking a great deal recently of our foster son. I have been wondering where he is now, if he is safe and if someone is loving him. I'm currently in a rational enough state of mind to know that I love him and I am praying for him, but when I'm irrational and hormonal it doesn't feel like enough.
Perhaps the hardest part for me is that I may never know on this side of Heaven how he is.
And today I saw pictures of a friend's sister who just adopted the little guy that they have been fostering.
I guess all these musings are meaningless, except that they encourage me to continue praying for our foster son. Next week will mark one year ago that they came into our home. Seems like a lifetime away. It has been 6 months since our foster son left. He has been gone as long as he was with us.
So, I will just continue to pray for him with my Mama's hear (or hormonal heart) as the case may be.
Perhaps the hardest part for me is that I may never know on this side of Heaven how he is.
And today I saw pictures of a friend's sister who just adopted the little guy that they have been fostering.
I guess all these musings are meaningless, except that they encourage me to continue praying for our foster son. Next week will mark one year ago that they came into our home. Seems like a lifetime away. It has been 6 months since our foster son left. He has been gone as long as he was with us.
So, I will just continue to pray for him with my Mama's hear (or hormonal heart) as the case may be.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
One-in-a-Million?
What are the chances? One-in-a-million? One-in-two-million? I really have no idea what the chances are. But I do know this:
For the past year or so I have been making Wal*Mart trips after the kids are in bed. These trips usually occur every other month. In this past year I have NEVER once seen a single person that I know during these evening trips alone.
Last night I made my trip for those necessities that are so much cheaper at Wal*Mart; such as the ever essential toilet paper which we use so much of with all of these girls. I was nearly finished with my list when I went to the opposite side of the store for the very last item on my list. As I was walking I glanced down an aisle and thought, "that lady looks familiar." I did a double take and stopped in my tracks.
It was our former foster children's new foster mother. I inquired of the children, eager for the news that the caseworker does not gives us. I have always had the other foster family's phone number but it never seemed right to call. And then I see her at Wal*Mart. And again, I ask, what are the chances? I believe that only God could have orchestrated this "chance" meeting.
I'm still trying to process my feelings over this encounter.
After talking to her for several minutes she showed me a photo of our foster son's hair cut. I could have cried. (And later I did.) I had begged for his hair to be cut, but his mom would not allow it. She finally did, and he looked so adorable. He lost his "baby" look and instead gained the face of a toddler. The teeth he was cutting when he left came through. I don't know if I would have recognized him. And that was hard to take.
Our foster daughter is much the same. She regressed when her brother came to live with them. Our foster son was completely out of sorts until just recently.
It was a painful meeting. I'm not sure why God allowed it. My "mother's heart" was so hurt at hearing how our foster son was confused, not sleeping well, and crying.
I will forever carry this little boy in my heart. I know that no matter how long I live I will wonder about where he is and if he is safe. I will pray for him as I do my own girls.
I do not understand the ways of God, nor do I pretend to. These two children have forever changed me. I'm sure that they have impacted me more than I did them.
The hurt I am feeling is still raw. I like to understand why things happen, and I don't know that I ever will be able to fully comprehend this situation.
I decided to tell the girls this morning about my meeting last evening and Anne cried. Maggie emphatically claimed how she missed him. Abbey insisted that we pray for him immediately. They want him to come back, but he never will. Their hearts are still hurting.
I believe they will be very different adults for having this experience as children. We are all changed. Loving someone deeply and letting them go will never be easy. It is my first experience with a grief so deep.
I apologize for this somewhat rambling post, as I mentioned before I am still processing these feelings. I promise to post something more positive in the future!
For the past year or so I have been making Wal*Mart trips after the kids are in bed. These trips usually occur every other month. In this past year I have NEVER once seen a single person that I know during these evening trips alone.
Last night I made my trip for those necessities that are so much cheaper at Wal*Mart; such as the ever essential toilet paper which we use so much of with all of these girls. I was nearly finished with my list when I went to the opposite side of the store for the very last item on my list. As I was walking I glanced down an aisle and thought, "that lady looks familiar." I did a double take and stopped in my tracks.
It was our former foster children's new foster mother. I inquired of the children, eager for the news that the caseworker does not gives us. I have always had the other foster family's phone number but it never seemed right to call. And then I see her at Wal*Mart. And again, I ask, what are the chances? I believe that only God could have orchestrated this "chance" meeting.
I'm still trying to process my feelings over this encounter.
After talking to her for several minutes she showed me a photo of our foster son's hair cut. I could have cried. (And later I did.) I had begged for his hair to be cut, but his mom would not allow it. She finally did, and he looked so adorable. He lost his "baby" look and instead gained the face of a toddler. The teeth he was cutting when he left came through. I don't know if I would have recognized him. And that was hard to take.
Our foster daughter is much the same. She regressed when her brother came to live with them. Our foster son was completely out of sorts until just recently.
It was a painful meeting. I'm not sure why God allowed it. My "mother's heart" was so hurt at hearing how our foster son was confused, not sleeping well, and crying.
I will forever carry this little boy in my heart. I know that no matter how long I live I will wonder about where he is and if he is safe. I will pray for him as I do my own girls.
I do not understand the ways of God, nor do I pretend to. These two children have forever changed me. I'm sure that they have impacted me more than I did them.
The hurt I am feeling is still raw. I like to understand why things happen, and I don't know that I ever will be able to fully comprehend this situation.
I decided to tell the girls this morning about my meeting last evening and Anne cried. Maggie emphatically claimed how she missed him. Abbey insisted that we pray for him immediately. They want him to come back, but he never will. Their hearts are still hurting.
I believe they will be very different adults for having this experience as children. We are all changed. Loving someone deeply and letting them go will never be easy. It is my first experience with a grief so deep.
I apologize for this somewhat rambling post, as I mentioned before I am still processing these feelings. I promise to post something more positive in the future!
Friday, March 1, 2013
A Heartbreaking Good-Bye
Last week we said good-bye to our dear foster son. The judge approved for him to move to the same foster home as his sister. I received a call from a caseworker at 11:30 am that this was the decision, and a caseworker came an hour later and picked him up.
I had been mentally preparing myself for this as we knew there was a very real possibility that he would leave. I had already packed most of his toys. I had one hour to pack his remaining items and say good-bye. I was a complete disaster. I didn't have an emotional attachment to most of his clothing, but my mom had made matching pajamas for the kids for Christmas - in a Christmas plaid. It was a long-sleeve button up shirt that we always called his "old man pajamas" because he reminded us of a little old man toddling around in a night shirt. When I got to that pair of pajamas to put away forever I cried and cried and cried.
Before I knew it the caseworker had arrived at our home. She began taking his things to her car. She walked out the door and our foster son said, "Bye-bye!" I lost it again. The poor dear didn't understand that it would be him leaving this time.
She took him from my arms. I kissed his chubby cheeks for the last time. She took him away. I watched from the window, sobbing silently and she carried my little boy away. I'll never forget him sitting in the back seat, looking around, probably wondering where he was going and why. They drove away and were gone from our lives.
This good-bye was much more difficult for me than I expected. I closed his bedroom door because it was too painful for me to see his crib and know that he will never sleep in it again.
The day passed, slowly and painfully. But the next morning came, and there was joy. Despite the sadness, there was joy. Each day has gotten easier. Much as we loved him, he also carried with him a huge burden, one that we had gladly shouldered, but a burden nonetheless.
Yesterday marked one week since he departure. I finally gathered up the sheets and blankets from his crib to wash. As a put one of the blankets into the machine I caught a whiff of his smell. I held the blanket to my face and smelled him for the last time. I considered not washing the blanket, but thought it would help me move on if I didn't have that reminder of him.
Today Maggie found the ball we got him for his birthday under the couch. She said she misses him. We all do. We are moving on, but we still miss him. I am thankful that he is with a Christian family and will continue to pray for him and his sister.
I had been mentally preparing myself for this as we knew there was a very real possibility that he would leave. I had already packed most of his toys. I had one hour to pack his remaining items and say good-bye. I was a complete disaster. I didn't have an emotional attachment to most of his clothing, but my mom had made matching pajamas for the kids for Christmas - in a Christmas plaid. It was a long-sleeve button up shirt that we always called his "old man pajamas" because he reminded us of a little old man toddling around in a night shirt. When I got to that pair of pajamas to put away forever I cried and cried and cried.
Before I knew it the caseworker had arrived at our home. She began taking his things to her car. She walked out the door and our foster son said, "Bye-bye!" I lost it again. The poor dear didn't understand that it would be him leaving this time.
She took him from my arms. I kissed his chubby cheeks for the last time. She took him away. I watched from the window, sobbing silently and she carried my little boy away. I'll never forget him sitting in the back seat, looking around, probably wondering where he was going and why. They drove away and were gone from our lives.
This good-bye was much more difficult for me than I expected. I closed his bedroom door because it was too painful for me to see his crib and know that he will never sleep in it again.
The day passed, slowly and painfully. But the next morning came, and there was joy. Despite the sadness, there was joy. Each day has gotten easier. Much as we loved him, he also carried with him a huge burden, one that we had gladly shouldered, but a burden nonetheless.
Yesterday marked one week since he departure. I finally gathered up the sheets and blankets from his crib to wash. As a put one of the blankets into the machine I caught a whiff of his smell. I held the blanket to my face and smelled him for the last time. I considered not washing the blanket, but thought it would help me move on if I didn't have that reminder of him.
Today Maggie found the ball we got him for his birthday under the couch. She said she misses him. We all do. We are moving on, but we still miss him. I am thankful that he is with a Christian family and will continue to pray for him and his sister.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Joy Returning
Since our foster daughter left joy has returned to our home. We still pray for her daily, but we no longer have the high stress of caring for her in our home. I have so much more patience for everyone else since she no longer consumes all of my energy.
So where have I been this past month? Well, I've been catching up on my sleep, lazing about and doing minimal work. We have started our search for a home. However, that has been a little more stressful than I thought it would be and was consuming a lot of our time. This past weekend we decided to back off a little from the search and not try to force anything. I was reminding myself of how we came to be in this home in Conestoga and how it was not something we were looking for, but the opportunity presented itself and we went for it. Unfortunately, I don't think that every situation will be as clear cut as that one was! In the meantime I am reminded to seek God's face in our everyday lives and see where He is working.
Today I read Hebrews 12: 2-3 which says, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
I was reminded that while a house is important, it is not the most important thing. In fact, there are much more important things to think about than where we will live. One thing that I would love if you all would pray for is our foster son. In about a week and a half a judge will decide whether he will stay with us or go to the other foster home with his sister. I'll be sure to update you all! In the meantime, we are living JOY-fully!
So where have I been this past month? Well, I've been catching up on my sleep, lazing about and doing minimal work. We have started our search for a home. However, that has been a little more stressful than I thought it would be and was consuming a lot of our time. This past weekend we decided to back off a little from the search and not try to force anything. I was reminding myself of how we came to be in this home in Conestoga and how it was not something we were looking for, but the opportunity presented itself and we went for it. Unfortunately, I don't think that every situation will be as clear cut as that one was! In the meantime I am reminded to seek God's face in our everyday lives and see where He is working.
Today I read Hebrews 12: 2-3 which says, "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
I was reminded that while a house is important, it is not the most important thing. In fact, there are much more important things to think about than where we will live. One thing that I would love if you all would pray for is our foster son. In about a week and a half a judge will decide whether he will stay with us or go to the other foster home with his sister. I'll be sure to update you all! In the meantime, we are living JOY-fully!
Friday, January 18, 2013
Emotions
This morning, after five months of living in our home, our foster daughter left our home. She has grown and changed throughout her five months with us, yet she has also struggled. She has always had many tantrums (among other issues), and prior to Christmas she completely lost control. While in time-out in her bedroom she climbed on top of a dresser, unlocked the window and was opening it to climb out of the 2nd story onto a porch roof. It was then that I realized I cannot keep her safe. Her fits continued and about a week after the window incident she was again in time-out and punched herself in the face and made her nose bleed. We could not keep her with us any longer.
After informing our caseworker we were told that it may be up to 30 days for them to find a family to take the children. Siblings came together and should leave together. However, after the self-harming incident the children's official guardian through the county thought it may be in each of the children's best interest to be separated. Our hope was that our foster daughter would go to a home where there are no other small children so she could receive as much attention as possible. About a week after hearing they may be separated we heard that no, they will stay together. We were upset, but understood. And after hearing they would stay together we were told that there is a disagreement between the "agency" and the "guardian". One believes they should stay together and the other believes they should be separated. It is up to a judge to determine this.
In the meantime, a family was found for the children. Our foster daughter had another fit at lunch yesterday which resulted in her throwing her plate and attempting to hit Maggie. I called our caseworker mid-fit and she was shocked at the screaming and the yelling that was going on. We heard at 5 pm yesterday that our foster daughter was going to be removed from our home, but that our foster son will be stay with us until a judge can determine whether they should be together or separated.
As our foster daughter left today there were many tears shed by Anne and Abbey. However, in a short time they were happy again. Our foster daughter needs a lot of help and I am certain she will get it with the new family. We will still see her occasionally which I believe will help our children and her in this transition.
We are feeling very much at peace with this. We just ask for continued prayer that when this goes before the judge that the right decision will be made.
After informing our caseworker we were told that it may be up to 30 days for them to find a family to take the children. Siblings came together and should leave together. However, after the self-harming incident the children's official guardian through the county thought it may be in each of the children's best interest to be separated. Our hope was that our foster daughter would go to a home where there are no other small children so she could receive as much attention as possible. About a week after hearing they may be separated we heard that no, they will stay together. We were upset, but understood. And after hearing they would stay together we were told that there is a disagreement between the "agency" and the "guardian". One believes they should stay together and the other believes they should be separated. It is up to a judge to determine this.
In the meantime, a family was found for the children. Our foster daughter had another fit at lunch yesterday which resulted in her throwing her plate and attempting to hit Maggie. I called our caseworker mid-fit and she was shocked at the screaming and the yelling that was going on. We heard at 5 pm yesterday that our foster daughter was going to be removed from our home, but that our foster son will be stay with us until a judge can determine whether they should be together or separated.
As our foster daughter left today there were many tears shed by Anne and Abbey. However, in a short time they were happy again. Our foster daughter needs a lot of help and I am certain she will get it with the new family. We will still see her occasionally which I believe will help our children and her in this transition.
We are feeling very much at peace with this. We just ask for continued prayer that when this goes before the judge that the right decision will be made.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Truth
I have tried to be very transparent here about how life is for us now as foster parents. I am learning quite a bit about life and about myself.
Life is hard for a lot of people. Up until now, I knew that in my head, but never truly experienced it. After having conversations with "mom" I am realizing just how difficult things can be for many people and it has made it real to me.
I'm learning about myself. I am learning that although I thought I always loved children, I have always loved out of my own love, and not the Love of God. The love that comes from God is rich and pure, measureless and strong. The love that comes from Emily is conditional, it grows weary, it is weak, it fails, it is full of holes.
I've never had to pray to ask God to help me love one of my children. Even when they were wearing on my patience or not sleeping well I had a deep, innate, fierce love for my girls. My feelings are not the same for our foster daughter. She wears on my patience, she exhausts me, she doesn't obey, she doesn't sleep well, she is mean, she is manipulative, she doesn't sit still, she doesn't stop making noise. These things may not seem like a big deal to you. I'm sure if I were reading this, I would think "Well, she's just a child! She has gone through a traumatic experience." And these words are true. I heard someone describe foster children as "the annoying neighbor kid who doesn't ever leave." And if you have never taken in foster children this probably sounds cruel, but that's how I feel a lot of the time.
The other night Anne told me she saw a string in my hair. When she went to get it out she realized it was attached to my head. Yes, I have gray hairs now. Several of them. I hope that whenever our foster children go back home to their mother that I will be able to seek God's face with more passion and time than I do currently. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to find some reason for why we are living the way we are living, if the stress, the gray hairs, the impatience has done any good. Maybe I'll never know.
Oh, and for anyone who has ever heard that foster parents are in it for the money -- trust me -- they aren't. The pay stinks and the work is hard. I could make more money babysitting and I wouldn't have the responsibilities I do as a foster mom.
And all of that to say, if our foster kids were to leave tomorrow, we would miss them terribly. It's a bizarre pull of emotions. Plus - that babykins is just so sweet.
Life is hard for a lot of people. Up until now, I knew that in my head, but never truly experienced it. After having conversations with "mom" I am realizing just how difficult things can be for many people and it has made it real to me.
I'm learning about myself. I am learning that although I thought I always loved children, I have always loved out of my own love, and not the Love of God. The love that comes from God is rich and pure, measureless and strong. The love that comes from Emily is conditional, it grows weary, it is weak, it fails, it is full of holes.
I've never had to pray to ask God to help me love one of my children. Even when they were wearing on my patience or not sleeping well I had a deep, innate, fierce love for my girls. My feelings are not the same for our foster daughter. She wears on my patience, she exhausts me, she doesn't obey, she doesn't sleep well, she is mean, she is manipulative, she doesn't sit still, she doesn't stop making noise. These things may not seem like a big deal to you. I'm sure if I were reading this, I would think "Well, she's just a child! She has gone through a traumatic experience." And these words are true. I heard someone describe foster children as "the annoying neighbor kid who doesn't ever leave." And if you have never taken in foster children this probably sounds cruel, but that's how I feel a lot of the time.
The other night Anne told me she saw a string in my hair. When she went to get it out she realized it was attached to my head. Yes, I have gray hairs now. Several of them. I hope that whenever our foster children go back home to their mother that I will be able to seek God's face with more passion and time than I do currently. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to find some reason for why we are living the way we are living, if the stress, the gray hairs, the impatience has done any good. Maybe I'll never know.
Oh, and for anyone who has ever heard that foster parents are in it for the money -- trust me -- they aren't. The pay stinks and the work is hard. I could make more money babysitting and I wouldn't have the responsibilities I do as a foster mom.
And all of that to say, if our foster kids were to leave tomorrow, we would miss them terribly. It's a bizarre pull of emotions. Plus - that babykins is just so sweet.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Talking & Walking
I'm sure all of you are familiar with the saying "You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?"
I've been thinking about that a lot lately as we are entering our fourth month as foster parents. Prior to the children coming it was so easy to "talk the talk" about foster care, about the precious children who need us - a family - a home. And then the children come and we enter the "walking" phase. And that "precious" child is scream-crying, mean to our girls, disruptive, hyper-active and difficult to get along with. And it is hard to remember all those good reasons why we thought foster care was a good idea.
But then, God's grace shines through. The girl had 5 good days in a row. FIVE! That is a large miracle. She was kind, she shared, she slept well and ate well, and we were so grateful at the progress she had made. Unfortunately that positive streak has ended and we've had some rough days again. But I'm hopeful. There will be brighter days ahead.
Our days are crazy. We have so many appointments, doctor appointments, education appointments, dentist appointments, visits with the kids' mom, and the list goes on. Most days are exhausting, but God is giving us the strength to get through. I've been humbled and had to ask for a lot of help.
I can't thank my mother-in-law and my mom enough. They have both been fantastic with helping us with the children. We couldn't do it (and stay sane) without them.
I had high hopes of sending out Christmas cards with a letter like we have done the past few years. Unfortunately, time does not permit me to get that done this year. But - I do hope to put something together in blog form with input from Trent & the kiddos.
I've been thinking about that a lot lately as we are entering our fourth month as foster parents. Prior to the children coming it was so easy to "talk the talk" about foster care, about the precious children who need us - a family - a home. And then the children come and we enter the "walking" phase. And that "precious" child is scream-crying, mean to our girls, disruptive, hyper-active and difficult to get along with. And it is hard to remember all those good reasons why we thought foster care was a good idea.
But then, God's grace shines through. The girl had 5 good days in a row. FIVE! That is a large miracle. She was kind, she shared, she slept well and ate well, and we were so grateful at the progress she had made. Unfortunately that positive streak has ended and we've had some rough days again. But I'm hopeful. There will be brighter days ahead.
Our days are crazy. We have so many appointments, doctor appointments, education appointments, dentist appointments, visits with the kids' mom, and the list goes on. Most days are exhausting, but God is giving us the strength to get through. I've been humbled and had to ask for a lot of help.
I can't thank my mother-in-law and my mom enough. They have both been fantastic with helping us with the children. We couldn't do it (and stay sane) without them.
I had high hopes of sending out Christmas cards with a letter like we have done the past few years. Unfortunately, time does not permit me to get that done this year. But - I do hope to put something together in blog form with input from Trent & the kiddos.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Roller Coaster Ride
Hi guys. Long time - no blog. I've been thinking a lot about this blog and wanting to write, but time has a way of slipping past me. I've been taking a lot of naps these days. These five kids have a way of making me exhausted!
This journey of foster care is an emotional roller coaster. We have had some good days, and some bad days. Of course, that is parenting in general. However, now our bad days are really really bad. I mean, really bad. So bad that it makes me cry. So bad that I was prepared to give up. I rationalized it all in my mind -- that I'm really not cut out for this, that I'm screwing up my own children (and that is yet to be determined), that no one would really blame me (I mean, it's not even realistic to be expected to take care of five children under five).
But, the next day comes and things get a little better, a little better, a little better. The girl sings "Jesus Loves Me" and holds her light high for "This Little Light of Mine". The baby is taking his first steps; clinging to us. The girl feels safe. She feels loved. She knows what to expect. And so, we persevere. We push through the difficult days while clinging to the hope we have in Jesus. There are few things that are sweeter than hearing the girl sing, "Grace, grace, God's grace....." {Can you tell she loves music?}
So, we're in this for the long haul. We just got word that they'll be with us at least another 6 months-- probably longer. Please pray for protection for our children's hearts. They are already growing attached to the girl and the baby. After 2 1/2 months they are very much a part of our family.
On a completely different note - we were thrilled to sell our house in the city. We will have settlement on Nov. 19th. Just in time for Thanksgiving; that is certainly something to be thankful for. Many friends have asked if we have started looking at houses yet. We have a lease here until February and then can go month-to-month after that. We are constantly looking at houses on the real estate listing and have driven past a few that looked interesting to see if they would be something we would consider. But at this point aren't in a huge rush to find a new house!
Be on the look-out for a post dedicated to Anne. We no longer have five children under age 5!!
This journey of foster care is an emotional roller coaster. We have had some good days, and some bad days. Of course, that is parenting in general. However, now our bad days are really really bad. I mean, really bad. So bad that it makes me cry. So bad that I was prepared to give up. I rationalized it all in my mind -- that I'm really not cut out for this, that I'm screwing up my own children (and that is yet to be determined), that no one would really blame me (I mean, it's not even realistic to be expected to take care of five children under five).
But, the next day comes and things get a little better, a little better, a little better. The girl sings "Jesus Loves Me" and holds her light high for "This Little Light of Mine". The baby is taking his first steps; clinging to us. The girl feels safe. She feels loved. She knows what to expect. And so, we persevere. We push through the difficult days while clinging to the hope we have in Jesus. There are few things that are sweeter than hearing the girl sing, "Grace, grace, God's grace....." {Can you tell she loves music?}
So, we're in this for the long haul. We just got word that they'll be with us at least another 6 months-- probably longer. Please pray for protection for our children's hearts. They are already growing attached to the girl and the baby. After 2 1/2 months they are very much a part of our family.
On a completely different note - we were thrilled to sell our house in the city. We will have settlement on Nov. 19th. Just in time for Thanksgiving; that is certainly something to be thankful for. Many friends have asked if we have started looking at houses yet. We have a lease here until February and then can go month-to-month after that. We are constantly looking at houses on the real estate listing and have driven past a few that looked interesting to see if they would be something we would consider. But at this point aren't in a huge rush to find a new house!
Be on the look-out for a post dedicated to Anne. We no longer have five children under age 5!!
Monday, October 8, 2012
A Huge "Thank You"
Many thanks to all of you who have been praying for our family. Last week after I posted we had a great rest of the week. I could feel everyone's prayers. And not only the prayers, I have been greatly encouraged by those of you who have put inspirational things in my mailbox, those who emailed me and sent me messages on Facebook.
Your encouraging words have not fallen on deaf ears. I have received them and I am truly grateful. I know many of you have been in similar situations to what we are in now, and I really appreciate your insight and positive words. And to those who haven't been in our situation but have gone through any difficult time, I appreciate your kind and encouraging words.
Recently I was appalled at someone on Facebook who posted that they were going through a difficult situation. When others tried to encourage her through their personal journeys she rebuffed those attempts of kind and encouraging words, chiding them that they could not possibly understand or compare their situation to her own. I was really bummed that she was missing out on their well-meant encouragement and sent them only condescending remarks for their efforts. If we try hard enough we can learn from nearly any situation. And I am remembering this frustration I felt with this individual and vowing not to be so callous.
I speak in all truthfulness when I tell you all that I am grateful for you all. And those who have never done foster care or something along those lines, I know you have walked a difficult path of your own -- probably even more challenging than this -- and I genuinely appreciate you.
Your encouraging words have not fallen on deaf ears. I have received them and I am truly grateful. I know many of you have been in similar situations to what we are in now, and I really appreciate your insight and positive words. And to those who haven't been in our situation but have gone through any difficult time, I appreciate your kind and encouraging words.
Recently I was appalled at someone on Facebook who posted that they were going through a difficult situation. When others tried to encourage her through their personal journeys she rebuffed those attempts of kind and encouraging words, chiding them that they could not possibly understand or compare their situation to her own. I was really bummed that she was missing out on their well-meant encouragement and sent them only condescending remarks for their efforts. If we try hard enough we can learn from nearly any situation. And I am remembering this frustration I felt with this individual and vowing not to be so callous.
I speak in all truthfulness when I tell you all that I am grateful for you all. And those who have never done foster care or something along those lines, I know you have walked a difficult path of your own -- probably even more challenging than this -- and I genuinely appreciate you.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Death By a Million Pin Pricks
I haven't forgotten all you dear readers. And not to sound dramatic, but last week life felt as if we were dying a slow and painful death of a million pin pricks. Our foster daughter has had enough of us. Her jabs were constant and unrelenting starting last Sunday during church. Monday I was in tears. I tried to be the adult and rise above the constant "she's looking at me", "he's not your brother", "don't drink all your milk", "don't touch that". What's more fun than some time out of the house at a play ground, right? Wrong. At least last week it was wrong. We drove around while I blared Jars of Clay's Redemption Songs in the van. My spirit calmed, the kids seemed to calm. We went to Safe Harbor Park.
Everything started great, but Abbey was just a little too quick and ran ahead of our foster daughter to the slide. There goes Abbey's head -- being shoved down the slide. Abbey cries, foster daughter looks guilty, then lies, then goes to time out, then screams at me, then has snot and tears running down her face while she screams. The battle ensues. Twenty minutes it took her to tell me what she did then apologize to Abbey.
Battles over food, over telling the truth, over sharing and being kind, waking up at 5:30 am and not napping well. A million pin pricks.
We questioned ourselves. What are we doing? Why did we think we could handle having foster children? Are we destroying our kids lives?? I felt sure that I was not cut out for this. At one point I was so exasperated with the kids that I yelled "Everybody just stop it!! I think my head is going to explode!" They stopped -- they looked at my head to watch it happen.
I prayed more. I asked for friends to pray for us. I cried. I prayed more and more and more. And slowly, the week got a little better. Saturday was actually somewhat relaxing. Sunday wasn't too bad either. Today was actually pretty darn good. Somehow, in the midst of the chaos, our foster daughter has learned to write her nickname. The baby is smiling, and laughing and we just taught him to clap his chubby little hands. Thank the Lord for this baby. He is a joy to have in our home and is a spot of sunshine on the really awful days.
As usual, the Holy Spirit spoke to me through Scripture.
When I was ready to throw in the towel, the verse from Psalms appeared in our devotion book. Just because we had a good day today doesn't mean we will have a good day tomorrow. Yet God's grace really is sufficient. It is only through His grace that we made it through those days. And now we've had a couple of good days and we are gaining strength. I'm sure I'm being filled just to be emptied again, but God will see us through.
If you think of us, please offer up a short prayer on our behalf. Many people have asked us how they can help, and right now I feel that prayer is the most valuable way that anyone can help us minister to these children, especially our foster daughter.
Everything started great, but Abbey was just a little too quick and ran ahead of our foster daughter to the slide. There goes Abbey's head -- being shoved down the slide. Abbey cries, foster daughter looks guilty, then lies, then goes to time out, then screams at me, then has snot and tears running down her face while she screams. The battle ensues. Twenty minutes it took her to tell me what she did then apologize to Abbey.
Battles over food, over telling the truth, over sharing and being kind, waking up at 5:30 am and not napping well. A million pin pricks.
We questioned ourselves. What are we doing? Why did we think we could handle having foster children? Are we destroying our kids lives?? I felt sure that I was not cut out for this. At one point I was so exasperated with the kids that I yelled "Everybody just stop it!! I think my head is going to explode!" They stopped -- they looked at my head to watch it happen.
I prayed more. I asked for friends to pray for us. I cried. I prayed more and more and more. And slowly, the week got a little better. Saturday was actually somewhat relaxing. Sunday wasn't too bad either. Today was actually pretty darn good. Somehow, in the midst of the chaos, our foster daughter has learned to write her nickname. The baby is smiling, and laughing and we just taught him to clap his chubby little hands. Thank the Lord for this baby. He is a joy to have in our home and is a spot of sunshine on the really awful days.
As usual, the Holy Spirit spoke to me through Scripture.
"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart." Psalm 27:14
"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9
"Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior." Titus 1:4
When I was ready to throw in the towel, the verse from Psalms appeared in our devotion book. Just because we had a good day today doesn't mean we will have a good day tomorrow. Yet God's grace really is sufficient. It is only through His grace that we made it through those days. And now we've had a couple of good days and we are gaining strength. I'm sure I'm being filled just to be emptied again, but God will see us through.
If you think of us, please offer up a short prayer on our behalf. Many people have asked us how they can help, and right now I feel that prayer is the most valuable way that anyone can help us minister to these children, especially our foster daughter.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Bathed in Love
I promise I will have a 2-year-old post on Maggie coming soon. I'm hoping to get her pictures done next week, and then I will write a post dedicated to her.
We are continuing in this ministry of foster care. The longer the children stay, the more revelations come to light. As difficult as some days can be for the girl, I am reminding myself to be thankful that I can speak into her life, if just for a short period of time.
Long before our children were born, we prayed for them. We prayed for their salvation, for their physical bodies, for their future spouses just to name a few things. We loved them. From the moment our children were born, everywhere they turned, they were bathed in love.
Their Mama and Daddy love them; their aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and great-grandparents love them. People at church love them; old women in the grocery store love them. And most importantly, they have always heard that Jesus loves them The love was unconditional. Sure, they disobeyed and had to be disciplined, but they always knew that they were loved.
Can you imagine living your first (almost) 4 years without that kind of love? Of course you would be skeptical of a new person in your life. Of course you would treat them with disrespect. If all you have ever heard are sarcastic words, and rude behavior, what would you be like?
Children are excellent parrots. I remember the first time I heard Anne repeat something I had said to her out of frustration. It didn't sound very nice coming out of a 2-year-old's mouth, but I'm sure she repeated what I said with surprising accuracy.
I am seeing some fruit of the love and dedication I have poured into our girls - especially Annie and Abbey. When the girl is rude, they are not rude back. When she uses harsh words, they do not counter with more harsh words. Yes, I'm sure they are what most of you would consider sheltered. I have been very proud of the way they are persevering, being kind and good and having self-control. Unfortunately Maggie is having a rough time with the girl. Maggie is smaller and the girl knows just which buttons to push. In the girl's defense, Maggie has quickly learned what to say to upset the girl.
But, we are working hard to show her the love of Christ. An unconditional love that is completely foreign to her. I am thankful for the patience that the Holy Spirit has filled me with this past week. It should probably become my daily prayer as I rise each morning.
Lord, grant me patience, help me to show grace and experience grace. Fill me with your Holy Spirit as I minister to these five beautiful children. Thank you, Lord, for your forgiveness. Amen.
We are continuing in this ministry of foster care. The longer the children stay, the more revelations come to light. As difficult as some days can be for the girl, I am reminding myself to be thankful that I can speak into her life, if just for a short period of time.
Long before our children were born, we prayed for them. We prayed for their salvation, for their physical bodies, for their future spouses just to name a few things. We loved them. From the moment our children were born, everywhere they turned, they were bathed in love.
Their Mama and Daddy love them; their aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and great-grandparents love them. People at church love them; old women in the grocery store love them. And most importantly, they have always heard that Jesus loves them The love was unconditional. Sure, they disobeyed and had to be disciplined, but they always knew that they were loved.
Can you imagine living your first (almost) 4 years without that kind of love? Of course you would be skeptical of a new person in your life. Of course you would treat them with disrespect. If all you have ever heard are sarcastic words, and rude behavior, what would you be like?
Children are excellent parrots. I remember the first time I heard Anne repeat something I had said to her out of frustration. It didn't sound very nice coming out of a 2-year-old's mouth, but I'm sure she repeated what I said with surprising accuracy.
I am seeing some fruit of the love and dedication I have poured into our girls - especially Annie and Abbey. When the girl is rude, they are not rude back. When she uses harsh words, they do not counter with more harsh words. Yes, I'm sure they are what most of you would consider sheltered. I have been very proud of the way they are persevering, being kind and good and having self-control. Unfortunately Maggie is having a rough time with the girl. Maggie is smaller and the girl knows just which buttons to push. In the girl's defense, Maggie has quickly learned what to say to upset the girl.
But, we are working hard to show her the love of Christ. An unconditional love that is completely foreign to her. I am thankful for the patience that the Holy Spirit has filled me with this past week. It should probably become my daily prayer as I rise each morning.
Lord, grant me patience, help me to show grace and experience grace. Fill me with your Holy Spirit as I minister to these five beautiful children. Thank you, Lord, for your forgiveness. Amen.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Life Lessons this Week
I'm not sure that there has ever been a week more crazy in our home.
Many of you know by now that we became the proud parents of 5 this week. We now have a 4 year old, two 3 year olds, a 2 year old (happy birthday Maggie!) and a 9 month old.
Late afternoon on Monday we received a call asking us to take a 3 year old girl and her 9 month old brother. (***For the children's protection we cannot give their names or show their pictures on any public site - as in this blog or facebook. I will refer to them as "the girl" and "the baby"***) We said "Yes!"
I'll try to give a brief rundown of what this week looked like for us.
The children came around 5:15 p.m. and nobody had eaten dinner. Trent had to work on our city house so he would be home late. Our 3-year-old foster daughter screamed/tried to escape in the proceeding 2 hours until Trent got home. She finally calmed down when he got home as he seemed to have a calming effect on her. The baby came to us with a terrible cough and gross boogery nose. The baby went right to sleep at slept all night. The girl cried for a long time and kept needing me to come to her room for various things. She wanted noodles at 10 pm, she wanted her apple juice in bed, she wanted me to sleep in her bed with her, she wanted to watch Dora at 4 am. She was awake every couple of hours and then solidly from 4-6 am, and then she finally went back to sleep and slept until around 7:30 or 8.
Day #2 I loaded all 5 kids in the van and drove 45 minutes to the baby's doctor appointment that I scheduled that morning. He has bronchitis. Drove through McDonald's for lunch. Somehow managed to get all 5 kids asleep at the same time and I took a nap for an hour. We went to Trent's parents for a Trent/Maggie birthday celebration. Long, tiring day.
Day #3 the girl was a little aggressive toward Magdalena this day. She hit her a few times and also pulled her hair. The baby was VERY fussy. Trent had a pastoral search committee meeting and so I put the kids to bed myself.
Day #4 we had a great day!! We didn't have to leave the house and were starting to get into a routine. My sister stopped by the house and got to meet the baby. The girl was already taking her nap.
Day #5 (today!) we had another great day. We are working on the eating/schedule thing with the girl. She asks for snacks all day long and for food at weird times. The one night she woke up around 1 am and asked Trent for a hot dog. She has asked me for a bowl of cereal in the middle of the day and I am trying to wrap my head around their waking/sleeping schedule. At this point they both seem to sleep very well through the night. They all napped at the same time today and I was even able to do a little painting. I had started a project of re-doing an end table and 2 night stands before they came. We'll see how long it takes me to finish them. =) We went to a picnic with Trent's co-workers. The kids all did great and we had a fun time.
We learned today that the children will be with us for awhile, at least mid-October.
Two of the lessons I have learned this week are:
1. To be humble! My wonderful mother-in-law came over to watch our 3 girls while I took the girl and the baby to Kmart for clothes. I could not have done it without her. Oh, that was on day #3. Did I say I could not have done this without her? I am very very grateful for her help!
2. God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. It's something I have heard before but I'm not sure I have ever really experienced. I know that especially that 2nd morning by myself Icould not did not do it on my own strength. He also perfectly orchestrated the children to sleep at the same time because I desperately needed sleep.
We have another very busy week coming up next week, I'm not sure that we have a free day on the calendar. We will also experience our first visit with the children's mother. They are scheduled to have weekly visits. I have no idea what that will do to the girl, but I imagine it is going to be very very difficult.
I do believe that God has these children with us for a reason, and I am hoping that I can shine Christ's light into their darkened lives. The children have never been to church. I always sing "Jesus Loves Me" to my kids before they go to bed, and I did the same for the girl and the baby. The girl often asks me to sing that song, and will sing it along with me now. She also memorized our Bible verse for the week.
"Rejoice in the Lord always; I will say it again, Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4.
Many of you know by now that we became the proud parents of 5 this week. We now have a 4 year old, two 3 year olds, a 2 year old (happy birthday Maggie!) and a 9 month old.
Late afternoon on Monday we received a call asking us to take a 3 year old girl and her 9 month old brother. (***For the children's protection we cannot give their names or show their pictures on any public site - as in this blog or facebook. I will refer to them as "the girl" and "the baby"***) We said "Yes!"
I'll try to give a brief rundown of what this week looked like for us.
The children came around 5:15 p.m. and nobody had eaten dinner. Trent had to work on our city house so he would be home late. Our 3-year-old foster daughter screamed/tried to escape in the proceeding 2 hours until Trent got home. She finally calmed down when he got home as he seemed to have a calming effect on her. The baby came to us with a terrible cough and gross boogery nose. The baby went right to sleep at slept all night. The girl cried for a long time and kept needing me to come to her room for various things. She wanted noodles at 10 pm, she wanted her apple juice in bed, she wanted me to sleep in her bed with her, she wanted to watch Dora at 4 am. She was awake every couple of hours and then solidly from 4-6 am, and then she finally went back to sleep and slept until around 7:30 or 8.
Day #2 I loaded all 5 kids in the van and drove 45 minutes to the baby's doctor appointment that I scheduled that morning. He has bronchitis. Drove through McDonald's for lunch. Somehow managed to get all 5 kids asleep at the same time and I took a nap for an hour. We went to Trent's parents for a Trent/Maggie birthday celebration. Long, tiring day.
Day #3 the girl was a little aggressive toward Magdalena this day. She hit her a few times and also pulled her hair. The baby was VERY fussy. Trent had a pastoral search committee meeting and so I put the kids to bed myself.
Day #4 we had a great day!! We didn't have to leave the house and were starting to get into a routine. My sister stopped by the house and got to meet the baby. The girl was already taking her nap.
Day #5 (today!) we had another great day. We are working on the eating/schedule thing with the girl. She asks for snacks all day long and for food at weird times. The one night she woke up around 1 am and asked Trent for a hot dog. She has asked me for a bowl of cereal in the middle of the day and I am trying to wrap my head around their waking/sleeping schedule. At this point they both seem to sleep very well through the night. They all napped at the same time today and I was even able to do a little painting. I had started a project of re-doing an end table and 2 night stands before they came. We'll see how long it takes me to finish them. =) We went to a picnic with Trent's co-workers. The kids all did great and we had a fun time.
We learned today that the children will be with us for awhile, at least mid-October.
Two of the lessons I have learned this week are:
1. To be humble! My wonderful mother-in-law came over to watch our 3 girls while I took the girl and the baby to Kmart for clothes. I could not have done it without her. Oh, that was on day #3. Did I say I could not have done this without her? I am very very grateful for her help!
2. God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. It's something I have heard before but I'm not sure I have ever really experienced. I know that especially that 2nd morning by myself I
We have another very busy week coming up next week, I'm not sure that we have a free day on the calendar. We will also experience our first visit with the children's mother. They are scheduled to have weekly visits. I have no idea what that will do to the girl, but I imagine it is going to be very very difficult.
I do believe that God has these children with us for a reason, and I am hoping that I can shine Christ's light into their darkened lives. The children have never been to church. I always sing "Jesus Loves Me" to my kids before they go to bed, and I did the same for the girl and the baby. The girl often asks me to sing that song, and will sing it along with me now. She also memorized our Bible verse for the week.
"Rejoice in the Lord always; I will say it again, Rejoice!" Philippians 4:4.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Another Call
We received another call yesterday. A five year old girl and a 2 1/2 year old boy. I desperately wanted to say, "Yes." But, a big concern that Trent has always had was taking a child older than Anne. We said, "No," again.
It was much more difficult this time around for me. I love and respect Trent, so I submit to him. But yesterday it certainly was not easy.
Please pray for unity as we make life-changing decisions that will affect not only us, but also our children and the children we will humbly attempt to care for.
Also, for those of you who don't know how this works, we receive a call with information about the children and their situation. We have about 10-15 minutes to decide if we will take them or not. If we say "Yes," (at least with these first 2 calls) the children will be brought to our house within a couple of hours.
Huge decisions on a small amount of time. Again, please pray for unity as we make these decisions. I thank you all sincerely.
It was much more difficult this time around for me. I love and respect Trent, so I submit to him. But yesterday it certainly was not easy.
Please pray for unity as we make life-changing decisions that will affect not only us, but also our children and the children we will humbly attempt to care for.
Also, for those of you who don't know how this works, we receive a call with information about the children and their situation. We have about 10-15 minutes to decide if we will take them or not. If we say "Yes," (at least with these first 2 calls) the children will be brought to our house within a couple of hours.
Huge decisions on a small amount of time. Again, please pray for unity as we make these decisions. I thank you all sincerely.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Voice of Truth
Do you know this Casting Crowns song?
I was in the van today when this song came on. The first verse struck me in a new way today. It says:
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
In some ways we have taken that first step of faith. We are officially approved for foster care. We received our first call on Friday. We were asked to take two children.
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"
Suddenly we were afraid. We didn't have a "strong feeling" one way or the other regarding these children. Trent and I talked for awhile, then thought & prayed separately, then talked again. We said, "No," to these two children.
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Peter got out of the boat and began walking on the water toward Jesus. But he looked down and began to sink. When our eyes are fixed upon Jesus, we can "walk on water".
Our first call was definitely a learning experience. It made us truly realize that this is for real, it's no longer words or a good/nice thing to do. These are the lives of dear children we are talking about. This call forced Trent and I to further discuss what we can take on. We can talk until we're blue in the face, but the truth is, every situation is different, every child is unique, every birth parent has their own struggles, and whatever we say "Yes" to, God WILL see us through. He WILL be our strength.
We WILL choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
And we WILL be ready for our next phone call.
I was in the van today when this song came on. The first verse struck me in a new way today. It says:
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
In some ways we have taken that first step of faith. We are officially approved for foster care. We received our first call on Friday. We were asked to take two children.
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"
Suddenly we were afraid. We didn't have a "strong feeling" one way or the other regarding these children. Trent and I talked for awhile, then thought & prayed separately, then talked again. We said, "No," to these two children.
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Peter got out of the boat and began walking on the water toward Jesus. But he looked down and began to sink. When our eyes are fixed upon Jesus, we can "walk on water".
Our first call was definitely a learning experience. It made us truly realize that this is for real, it's no longer words or a good/nice thing to do. These are the lives of dear children we are talking about. This call forced Trent and I to further discuss what we can take on. We can talk until we're blue in the face, but the truth is, every situation is different, every child is unique, every birth parent has their own struggles, and whatever we say "Yes" to, God WILL see us through. He WILL be our strength.
We WILL choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.
And we WILL be ready for our next phone call.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Clean!
Praise the Lord! Our water test came back with ZERO (0) bacteria! As far as we know this is the last step in being officially approved for foster care. Continued prayers for wisdom would be appreciated! Thanks everyone!
Friday, June 29, 2012
Iced Coffee
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| Daddy with the mulberries, surrounded by his girls. |
I only have a brief update regarding foster care. We had the UV light & filter installed and gave a water sample two days ago. We should know results on Monday. Once we email these results to our caseworker we will be officially approved.
I don't think I have ever posted a recipe on here, but as I was enjoying my iced coffee this morning I thought I would share it here, just in case, you are like me: A non-morning person, a busy Mama, stay-up-too late kind of person.
Ingredients:
1 can sweetened condensed milk
12 cups hot, strong coffee
Ice cube tray
Whipped cream ** (Optional)
Directions:
Pour coffee into ice cube tray and put in freezer. Open can of sweetened, condensed milk and pour into a pitcher. Pour remaining hot coffee on top of milk. Stir. Put in refrigerator. Once cold, enjoy it! For a special treat we sometimes put whipped cream on the top and drink it after the kids are asleep. =)
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| 3 beautiful girls and a wheat field |
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Fear
One thing I have learned as I walk with the Lord and that He does all things well, and He has a purpose. Yesterday we were told that we will probably have to leave this house I love when our lease is completed in February. I went through a wide range of emotions in a very short time; anger, bitterness, resentment, annoyance, fear, and sadness. I had myself a good cry.
Yet through it I was seeking God. We were so sure that God wanted us here, in this house, for a reason. We thought that reason was so that we would have the space for more children, for foster care. Our homestudy was June 5, and we were approved, except that our well water was full of bacteria. The next step we needed to complete was to get that taken care of, and what we learned was that a UV light was the way to do it. We had Martin's Appliance & Water Conditioning come out Friday to give us an estimate. And we thought we would be on our way to more children within a couple of weeks. Then Saturday we received this news that throws a wrench into our plans.
As I was praying last night and was trying to find the purpose in all of this (what I consider to be a mess!) a new thought hit me. Soon after we moved here, to my old home, I began having bad dreams; nightmares, really. The dreams always revolved around the same theme; that I will be left alone. The dreams varied between Trent leaving me for another woman to Trent getting cancer and dying. Sometimes I would have these dreams multiple times a week. Sometimes I would tell Trent, and other times it felt too painful so I would keep them to myself.
A couple weeks ago I started to write a post on fear, and how I have this terrible fear that something bad is going to happen in my marriage (as in Trent leaving me or Trent dying). I couldn't find the words to put together what I wanted to say, but I'm going to try now. I want to try to be fair to the people who may find themselves in my story, but they are a piece of my story and have shaped who I have become.
As long as I can remember my parents had a rocky marriage. Small disagreements or arguments, a look of annoyance or disgust. I thought that was what marriage was. Some years were more difficult than others. I remember after one particularly heated argument when I was in about 7th grade I shouted at my parents, "Why don't you guys just get divorced!" (I was sent to my room in tears after this outburst of disrespectful behavior.) Everything came to a head when I started my second year of college. I got a phone call from my sister saying mom and dad were going to be separating. Although I saw it coming for years, I was crushed.
Anyone who is going through or has gone through a divorce where children are involved and says, "The kids are doing fine" lies. They may not know they are lying, but they are. For years I've always "seemed okay" and thought I was fine, yet here I am, more than seven years after my parents separated and I'm having nightmares about my husband leaving me. {Just a side note: Trent and I are extremely happy in our marriage!! These are just my fears that I have never dealt with!}
I firmly believe that these bad dreams have been an attack of Satan on me, and on our marriage. Satan would like nothing better than to ruin a wonderful marriage that glorifies God. Thankfully I have God on my side, and He is much stronger than the evil one. Trent has been praying for me and the dreams have stopped.
So how did I get to this point? Well, I believe that one of the reasons we came back to my childhood home is so that I could realize and deal with these fears, so that our marriage can be stronger. I still don't know what it means in regards to foster care, or where we will go when our lease is up, but I am putting my hope and trust in the Lord. We didn't expect to have this house, yet here we are. Sure, we'll be moving again, but God will have something else for us. In the meantime, I intend to take this time to strengthen my marriage, to grow closer to the Lord, to love on my children and show them the beauty of God's creation.
Would you pray for us? I don't think we can ever go wrong in asking for wisdom, and that is certainly what we need now. Thank you friends & family.
Yet through it I was seeking God. We were so sure that God wanted us here, in this house, for a reason. We thought that reason was so that we would have the space for more children, for foster care. Our homestudy was June 5, and we were approved, except that our well water was full of bacteria. The next step we needed to complete was to get that taken care of, and what we learned was that a UV light was the way to do it. We had Martin's Appliance & Water Conditioning come out Friday to give us an estimate. And we thought we would be on our way to more children within a couple of weeks. Then Saturday we received this news that throws a wrench into our plans.
As I was praying last night and was trying to find the purpose in all of this (what I consider to be a mess!) a new thought hit me. Soon after we moved here, to my old home, I began having bad dreams; nightmares, really. The dreams always revolved around the same theme; that I will be left alone. The dreams varied between Trent leaving me for another woman to Trent getting cancer and dying. Sometimes I would have these dreams multiple times a week. Sometimes I would tell Trent, and other times it felt too painful so I would keep them to myself.
A couple weeks ago I started to write a post on fear, and how I have this terrible fear that something bad is going to happen in my marriage (as in Trent leaving me or Trent dying). I couldn't find the words to put together what I wanted to say, but I'm going to try now. I want to try to be fair to the people who may find themselves in my story, but they are a piece of my story and have shaped who I have become.
As long as I can remember my parents had a rocky marriage. Small disagreements or arguments, a look of annoyance or disgust. I thought that was what marriage was. Some years were more difficult than others. I remember after one particularly heated argument when I was in about 7th grade I shouted at my parents, "Why don't you guys just get divorced!" (I was sent to my room in tears after this outburst of disrespectful behavior.) Everything came to a head when I started my second year of college. I got a phone call from my sister saying mom and dad were going to be separating. Although I saw it coming for years, I was crushed.
Anyone who is going through or has gone through a divorce where children are involved and says, "The kids are doing fine" lies. They may not know they are lying, but they are. For years I've always "seemed okay" and thought I was fine, yet here I am, more than seven years after my parents separated and I'm having nightmares about my husband leaving me. {Just a side note: Trent and I are extremely happy in our marriage!! These are just my fears that I have never dealt with!}
I firmly believe that these bad dreams have been an attack of Satan on me, and on our marriage. Satan would like nothing better than to ruin a wonderful marriage that glorifies God. Thankfully I have God on my side, and He is much stronger than the evil one. Trent has been praying for me and the dreams have stopped.
So how did I get to this point? Well, I believe that one of the reasons we came back to my childhood home is so that I could realize and deal with these fears, so that our marriage can be stronger. I still don't know what it means in regards to foster care, or where we will go when our lease is up, but I am putting my hope and trust in the Lord. We didn't expect to have this house, yet here we are. Sure, we'll be moving again, but God will have something else for us. In the meantime, I intend to take this time to strengthen my marriage, to grow closer to the Lord, to love on my children and show them the beauty of God's creation.
Would you pray for us? I don't think we can ever go wrong in asking for wisdom, and that is certainly what we need now. Thank you friends & family.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
We have a Due Date (Sort of)
When you are pregnant with a child one of the first questions you hear is, "When are you due??" Our journey to foster care is so completely different than a pregnancy, but no less exciting and probably a little bit {ok, a LOT} scarier. (Especially since this would be my 4th pregnancy so by this time it's old hat.)
Well, I'm pleased to tell you that our Homestudy date is schedule for June 5th! From that point on I believe I could answer like most expectant mothers past 37 weeks... "any time now!".
Please pray for us as we continue in this process.
Well, I'm pleased to tell you that our Homestudy date is schedule for June 5th! From that point on I believe I could answer like most expectant mothers past 37 weeks... "any time now!".
Please pray for us as we continue in this process.
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