Christmas Letter 2020

 

Dear Family & Friends,

We hope the end of 2020 finds you well. What a year! We have relished in the benefits of a large family and rural living in the midst of stay-at-home orders and been conscious of the loneliness and isolation felt by many we love. We should have predicted that 2020 would be a doozy when our January started with Ruthie getting Salmonella and being hospitalized for three days. It seems appropriate that we chose the word gratitude to focus on for the year.

We are keenly aware that, pandemic or not, children and babies don't keep. 

 

Anne, 13, is now solidly taller than Emily, standing proudly at 5'4” with hopes of another couple of inches growth in the coming years. The pandemic changed her school plans for 7^th grade and instead of going to Linville Hill Christian School she has been homeschooled again, taking on all her own education with a little guidance from mom. Her favorite part of the year has been the expansion of our chicken flock. She spends hours with the chickens, training them, building and mending shelters and fences, teaching them tricks, and enjoying their quirky personalities. She has started selling eggs and has almost saved enough money to purchase an incubator. Anne is excited to try hatching eggs in 2021 and is dreaming of adding some rare breeds to our flock. 

 

Anne, 13

 Abbey, 11, is also growing up quickly. She also loves animals but is more interested in dogs than chickens. Abbey loves playing with Heidi and is a big help to Emily, especially in the mornings. Abbey continues to be a voracious reader. She has honed her persuasive skills this year and has been impressive with her organization of an argument. Abbey is growing up into a delightful young lady. She is a great help in the kitchen and is gaining confidence to read a recipe and bake unassisted by mom. Her greatest hope for 2021 is to add a dog to our family who isn't old and decrepit like 14.5 year old chihuahua, Petey. 

 

Abbey, 11

Maggie, 10, has been relatively healthy, but had a sleep study which revealed moderate sleep apnea. Most surprising was the fainting spell she had upon waking up from the sleep study. She has fainted a couple times in the past so her doctor said she's just a “fainter” much to the jealousy of her sisters who claim it's not fair they have never fainted. She had her tonsils and adenoids removed and has had improved sleep since then. Maggie had the main care of a piglet this year which grew rapidly into a disgustingly large pig which we took to a butcher in September. It was an enormous responsibility that she never wants to do again. We found that getting a pig to a butcher is much more challenging than you would realize, which created a very memorable, but gruesome story that we will not tell in this letter. It is, however, the best pork we've ever eaten. She is also very good with Heidi and loves to make her laugh. Maggie also loves to read, occasionally to the detriment of her other work, but mom can relate to getting sucked into a good book. It's not uncommon to find her with her three little sisters, playing a game or making up a story. It's really delightful to see her kindness and compassion with them. Magdalena is on board with high hopes for a puppy in 2021.

 

Maggie, 10

Carrie, 7 (on Dec. 20) continues to bring sweetness and joy to all she meets. More than anything, she wants to be a missionary when she grows up, and especially wants to play piano and sing about Jesus in prisons. She has a tender heart and feels strongly for the hurting of the world. Shockingly, Caroline does not love homework and needs a little motivation to keep her on task. She does love to read, and it's beyond precious to find her curled up with Ruth or Heidi, reading to them. Carrie loves being a big sister and is so good at making Heidi laugh. She and Ruth continue to be the best of friends. What a privilege to grow up and share a room with your BFF. 

 

Carrie, 7

Ruth, 5, has had a challenging year. She started 2020 (Jan) by getting Salmonella and spending three days in the hospital with a blood transfusion and IV fluids. She fell while we were camping (July) and got two staples in her head. She needed another palate surgery and it was determined she should have a blood transfusion prior to the surgery (Sept). Those are just a smidgen of the medical appointments she has had. She has weekly speech therapy and recently picked up an additional speech therapy every two weeks. Through it all, Ruth has proved to be a remarkably happy child. She is so smart, learning to read small words, rhyming, and so quick with math skills. She has a beautifully steady hand and loves to color and draw and come up with creative crafts. Her penmanship puts her older sisters to shame. Ruth brings so much spice to our life. While quite the opposite personality to Caroline, the two of them are practically inseparable. They balance each other out very well, each bringing out in the other what they would otherwise lack. It's amazing how God knows just what we need to develop our character.

Ruthie, 5

Heidi, 3, has grown so much since last year. She is 3 inches taller and 8 pounds heavier. She is starting to say some words and has several signs. She still has the most contagious laugh. Heidi loves to swing, jump, throw and kick things, and run. She loves music, and her current favorite song is “5 Little Ducks”. Horses are her favorite animal and she loves watching our Amish neighbors go by. We've been blessed with amazing therapists in the birth-3 program and were so sad to move on to the next level for children 3-6 years old. But once again, God has placed great therapists in our lives to help us learn about how best to care for Heidi and guide her as she grows up. She now has a speech therapist, occupational therapist, and a special education teacher. Everything is done on Zoom so it is a lot of the therapists guiding Emily to teach Heidi in a variety of new ways. We are grateful to have Heidi as our daughter and cannot imagine our lives without her. She is a very special little girl.

 

Heidi, 3

Emily's days are full between therapies, medical appointments, and homeschooling. Because she is who she is, she added on a hobby of growing lavender last year. This year she distilled it into oil and made a variety of products (mainly soaps) all featuring her home grown lavender. It has been a fun activity that all the girls and even Trent have gotten involved in. She hopes someday to expand into a farmette. She's already dreaming up new recipes and has plans to expand the amount of lavender she grows. In the midst of the busyness, the hobbies, the hard days, and the fun ones, God has been evident in our lives. We are grateful to have our faith deeply rooted, like a tree planted by streams of water. The pandemic and political climate has not shaken our faith. In fact, we feel more firmly planted than ever. God is good.

 

Trent continues on with his 15^th year at BCF Group in the commercial insurance department. He started working from home in March which was an adjustment. Emily especially liked having him home for lunches and to be available as an extra set of eyes when she had to take younger kids to medical appointments while Anne was babysitting (because of Covid, siblings were no longer allowed at appointments). This year he enjoyed working on our little piece of land, building strawberry boxes, planting a garden, expanding our pasture for our chickens, working with his dad to rehab a shed for the chickens, and more. He also really enjoyed our church's outdoor services over the Summer/Fall. We had 17 outdoor services in a row without a single rain out! What a miracle.

 

As we look back on 2020 we say: Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His love endures forever!

 

Sending you all the warmest wishes for a happy new year!

Love, The Hess Family

Trent & Emily, Anne, Abbey, Maggie, Carrie, Ruth & Heidi

One Year Home With Heidi the Brave!

One year. A whole year of being home with Heidi. Our brave, brave girl. 

There is so much I could say about this past year so it will take great restraint to keep this post short. Likely I will be unsuccessful. 

On this day, Sunday, September 13, 2020 I will say this about Heidi: she has the most contagious laugh. Heidi can be stubborn; if she doesn't want to try something new, you cannot make her. Heidi is brave; after watching you show her something new she will almost always try it if she can do so on her own terms. Heidi is finding her voice, finding her way in the world, finding where she fits in this all-of-a-kind family. Heidi will do things for dad that she refuses to do for mom. Heidi will run to Anne or Abbey if she doesn't want to do what mom wants her to do. Heidi gives the best running hugs when I open her door in the morning. Heidi is very often happy, full of joy and light. She brings sunshine to our lives and we are eternally grateful that she is a Hess girl.

The year has not been without it's challenges. Loving Heidi was never hard. In the midst of all the difficulties the year presented, attaching to and loving Heidi was never one of them, and we are very grateful for that.

When Heidi came home one year ago her skill level was in about the 0-6 month range for everything. She was 22 months old when she came home.

(Heidi just before adoption)

Her cognitive skills were solid in 0-3 months with one skill in 3-6 (pull cloth from face). Heidi spent a significant amount of time staring at her hands. There was a decided lack of opportunity in her orphanage coupled with the fact that she spent her first 6 months of life in a hospital, it is our belief that she did not have the chance to grow these skills. With love and lots of therapy she is now at 18 months! That's a solid 15 months gain in 12 months. Praise God for the miracles He has done in Heidi's life.

Heidi was in the 9-12 range for physical development because she could stand up on her own, but for fine motor was back in 0-3 month because she didn't use her hands for much of anything and certainly could not use the pincer grasp. Heidi could hold a toy for less than 3 seconds before dropping it. She had no connection to toys, didn't know how to play, how to touch, how to explore her environment. Heidi is now solidly in 24 month skill level for her physical development with some higher level skills (kicks a ball, walks heel to toe, swings arms) at 30-36 months. This is an 18+ months gain in 12 months! Her fine motor skills are still lagging behind which is to be expected. With the tremendous help of her occupational therapist (I love you, Chris!) she is solidly at 12 months. That's a 12 month gain in 12 months! She has overcome tremendous fear, sensory challenges, and more in working with her hands. Praise God for the miracles He has done in Heidi's life.

Heidi was at a less than newborn (is there such a thing?) stage for eating. She could not suck a bottle or chew food. If she was not being force fed in the orphanage she would have been on a feeding tube. We were so grateful for our previous experience with Ruth drinking from a spoon bottle for cleft babies who cannot suck, and were even more filled with gratitude to have been able to find one in the city Heidi was from. Her feeding experience had been so traumatic plus she had poor oral hygiene resulting in painful gingivitis that every meal was extraordinarily stressful for all of us (and woe to anyone who happened to be at the breakfast buffet at the same time as us) in China. If she ate 5 bites of watery yogurt without screaming we considered it a win. I made frantic calls from China to our dentist and doctor, both of whom have my undying love and gratitude for their reassurance, kindness, and willingness to personally call me back across the ocean. This need is the one we were not anticipating at all. Her adoption file stated she was eating rice, noodles, drinking a bottle, and more. We were completely unprepared for an almost 2-year-old who had no idea how to eat. 

Heidi can now suck from a straw and sippy cup, she can chew a variety of textures, she can pick up a spoon and feed herself, she can attempt to spear with a fork and feed herself, she can scoop food out of a bowl and feed herself, she can pick up small bites with a pincer grasp and feed herself, she can take an appropriate bite of a sandwich and chew and swallow and feed herself. Guys.... do you see the pattern. Heidi. Is. Feeding. Herself. I had hoped this would happen by her third birthday. Apparently all it took was me going away for two days and daddy being in charge for her to decide she can feed herself. This puts Heidi solidly in the 12 month range with a couple of “big kid” skills like using a spoon independently (12-18 months) and using a fork to stab food (18-24 months). A 12+ month gain in 12 months. This has not been accomplished without great effort on the part of Heidi, Heidi's therapist, Heidi's sisters (who patiently loved her and sat through countless meals where she screamed), me and Trent. But most of all, God, who we praise for the miracles He has done in Heidi's life.

Heidi's communication skills at adoption were, again, very infant-like. She cried. A lot. For everything. She was at a 3-6 month level for her communication skills: meaning she laughed out loud, she would turn her head when her name was called, she made noises. But mostly. She cried. Oh, how she cried. Heidi cried one day for so long and us so unable to comfort her and at a total loss in how to help this sweet, sweet girl, that the hotel sent someone to knock on our door to check on us. I don't know what they thought: maybe they thought the baby was alone in the room, I don't know. I remember feeling so completely helpless. I had five other children and lots of experience with children and babies, and I couldn't make her stop crying. I prayed so much, so hard during our time in China. It's a humbling experience not to be able to provide comfort for a child you've longed for. Because Heidi's other needs were so much more pressing (she NEEDED to eat), we didn't start speech therapy right away, even though she qualified for it.

(Sweet, brave baby girl)

We started only in January, 2020, so just 8 months ago. When I consider the way God works, I can't help but see his hand evident in every aspect of Heidi's life. Heidi has been blessed with two Christian therapists (We love you, Hope!). Her speech therapist has walked alongside of us and celebrated all Heidi's gains with us. Not only did Heidi have a significant speech delay (3-6 month skill level at 22 months of age), she now had to learn a whole new language! In about June we started to see Heidi make some small connections. She understood “more” for the first time, and used the sign appropriately. From there it has snowballed into dramatic improvement. She still relies heavily on sign language, but her therapist is confident (and thus, she makes me confident) that Heidi will be verbal. She WILL be verbal. Heidi is gaining new signs all the time and is putting together 3 signs, most often a combination of more + (whatever she wants) + please. She can sign more, water, milk, yogurt, noodles, jump, book, all done, help me, please, tickle, shoes, baby. She can vocalize “mah” when signing more, “dah” for all done, pluh for “please”, and upon request will say “dada” and “mama”. When asked “Who do I love?” she says “You!”. She can give high-fives and fist bumps. If I say, “Gimme some sugar baby,” she leans her head forward for a kiss. She understands, “No,” and just started shaking her head when she knows she's doing something she's not supposed to (like pulling hair). Heidi is racking up the animal noises: she has mastered elephant, monkey, and sheep, and makes a valiant effort for snake. She can point to her head, eyes, nose, and belly. She's hanging out in the 12-18 month range which a couple of 12 month skills she hasn't mastered (she rarely says anything spontaneously, it's all upon request), pointing isn't a strong suit just yet, and doesn't always respond to “where” questions. If they are questions we have deliberately worked on such as: bring me a diaper, or put the diaper in the trash, she can do those things, but I would say she's still inconsistent enough not to count it.

I saved the best skill set for last. Social-emotional. At adoption Heidi was at a 3-6 month level, with one skill (peek-a-boo) in the 6-9 month range. One of my favorite videos we received of Heidi prior to adoption, one of the videos that gave me such hope for Heidi's future, is a video of her being tickled by her ayi and her laughing and laughing and laughing. Heidi was fifteen months old in that video. She could only turn her head from side to side and roll over from her belly to back. She was very, very tiny. Her head was very flat from lying on her back so much. But she laughed. And oh, could she laugh. And I thought to myself, any baby that can laugh in the hardest of circumstances, has a light in her that the darkest circumstances cannot put out. Maybe in that very moment I began thinking of her as my daughter. In her other very early videos her skill level was so low it was scary. Scary to consider what her future might be. Scary to consider all the challenges she would face. But God. He sees beyond those moments of our fear and provides grace to us for our humanness. 

(15 months old)

Heidi Grace is initially reserved with new people, but when she loves, she loves deep. Heidi has always made great eye contact. When the International Adoption Clinic Specialists told me to consider that she may have autism, my family physician said don't you worry about that. Look at how she looks at the caretaker. And when I brought her for the first visit he said, “look how she looks at you. No, you shouldn't worry about that. I think in a year you'll see a completely different child. What she needs is for you to love her, feed her right, and get some therapy.” And by God, he was right. I'm so grateful to have a Christian doctor in my life! Heidi is now soaring into the 12-18 month range, with some additional skills in the 24 month range such as pride in accomplishments, listening quietly to stories or a movie, and using “please” (still working on “thank you”); additionally she recognizes when others are happy or sad, which is a 24-30 month skill. This is a 12+ month gain in 12 months. The amazing thing is that Heidi has not only adapted to a new language but a new family and STILL managed to gain over a full year's worth of growth in one year. Her speech therapist (and I) fully anticipate much more rapid growth now that she clearly understands English. We Praise God for the miracles He has done in her life.

Sadly, Heidi has some behaviors which are often referred to as “orphanage behaviors” that we continue to work through. The hardest of these has been seeing her hit herself in the head. I had read about children who lived in orphanages doing this but didn't have any personal experience with parenting a child like this. Since Heidi loves to teach me new things, this has been one of them. It was so shocking the first time we saw her do this. Most often it had to do with feeding. Later, it had to do with whenever another child in our home would cry, she would start banging herself in the head. I will admit we haven't worked through this completely and are still attempting to make her feel loved and secure enough that she doesn't feel the need to comfort herself in this way. Often, in an orphanage setting, there aren't enough caretakers to comfort crying children. Many times they learn not to cry because it doesn't elicit a response. Other times, they find other means of self-soothing, like rocking themselves, banging their heads, or hitting themselves. It's a drastic, harsh reminder that children belong in families. The very best orphanages are still not replacements for a child having a family. When Heidi first came home she never came to us for comfort. When she was upset she would lie on the floor and pick at the carpet, or lie on the floor and hit her head. After visiting her orphanage I have no doubt she spent many, many hours in this manner. Now she runs to us when she's sad. She wants someone to pick her up if she's been hurt. She looks to people to provide what she needs. Most of the time. When Ruth cries (since the oldest 4 rarely cry) she often will still hit herself in the head. We are working with her therapist to figure out a way to curb that instantaneous response, but our social worker said often it just takes time. Lots and lots of time. And we praise God for the miracles He has done in her life.

This past month has been filled with so many gains. New signs. Feeding herself independently. So many laughs. So much joy. A new routine with sisters going back to (home) school. And through it all, she remains our Heidi the Brave.

When we were given the laundry list of possible diagnosis for Heidi prior to adoption it felt so scary. We had prayed and prayed and some of you will remember that I felt God pressing on my heart on Good Friday that all we can see is the bad, but he sees the future and knows how her story will end and it is good. We went into bringing Heidi home as a Hess with the knowledge that she may have any number of medical diagnoses. She does not have any of them. Yes, she is still developmentally delayed but we truly believe she will continue to make progress and catch up. We're so grateful to have said, “Yes” to Heidi. We can't imagine our lives without her in it and we feel so privileged to call her ours.

Happy one year home! We love you!

Maggie is Ten!

Ten! Double digits! My miracle baby is growing up. 

Maggie still loves babies more than anything. She still wants to be a mom when she grows up and still hopes her house will be full of redheads. 

She loves fluffy animals, toads, and bugs. Maggie likes playing with Legos, making things with perler beads, fishing, and playing outside. She likes to wear athletic shorts and big t-shirts. Her favorite color is sunshiny yellow. She loves reading. Science with animals and reading are her favorite subjects in school. She is very good at math but she doesn’t love it. 

Maggie is a little bit of a picky eater. When she was in her first year of life she often had stomach problems and had a gluten intolerance. We are thankful she has outgrown that sensitivity. Foods that she liked a year or two ago she no longer enjoys. Her favorite foods are tacos (heavy on the refried beans, light on the meat), my homemade baked macaroni and cheese with stewed tomatoes from our garden, and lasagne. She doesn’t like most cheese, most yogurt, bacon, and most sandwiches. It’s not uncommon to hear her say, “I’m not hungry” before most meals. She also has an almond allergy where her face and eyes get red and she looks like she has pink eye. The good news is that she loves iced coffee and her favorite cream is the Cold Stone Creamery creamer. 

Maggie is a sensitive child. She doesn’t like anything scary and feels deeply the injustices she learns about in school and life. She will be the first to cry during sad and emotional parts in movies. One of her favorite movies she watched this year was “I Still Believe”, even though it made her cry really hard. 

It’s been very special to see Maggie take part in a weekly Zoom Bible Study she was invited to by her penpal from Hawaii/Tennessee. 

Maggie struggles with being quick to anger and letting a short temper get the best of her. It’s something I also wrestled with for many years so it’s hard to see her go through similar frustrations. I believe God will help her overcome just as He did for me. 

Maggie can be so very very sweet, kind, and generous to her little sisters. She is patient with them and loves to help Heidi. 

She was born tiny and is still very small for her age. She seems to have accepted the fact that she will likely be short forever. Caroline is 3.5 years younger than her and she is catching up to her in height. I often remind Maggie that many people in our family are short, that my younger sister got taller than me, and that your size doesn’t determine your worth. Ten years of hearing those phrases seem to have finally sunk in. 

Maggie loved her day at Clyde Peeling’s Repiland for her special day with her daddy. 

This is her year to have a birthday party and I’m thankful she agreed to have a combined celebration with Ruth for her 5th (back in April) and Heidi’s 1-year-home. 

Magdalena has a surgery coming up in October to remove her tonsils and adenoids. We’re hopeful this will help her sleep better and, in turn, be happier during the day. Her sleep study revealed a pause in breathing about 8 times per hour and it was clear that her tonsils are obstructing her ability to breathe well as she sleeps. 

Happy tenth birthday, Maggie! We are so grateful for your life! 

Eleven Months Home with Heidi

Wow! What a month!

Heidi has learned to take her diapers to the trash. She can bring me a clean diaper to put on her. She even recognized a clean diaper on the floor to bring me. As I came into the living room one day she was sitting up on an armchair and I playfully said, “what are you doing?” She waved her arm in front of her face like we do when she has a dirty diaper. Sure enough, she was stinky. 

Heidi enjoyed her first camping trip. It started out a little rough, she didn’t want to be put down and didn’t sleep well. 

(At least 1 of us is comfortable)

But by the end she was sleeping well and was walking in the dirt, throwing leaves, playing in the creek, laughing, manipulating Uncle Ramon to get her out of the playpen, following Matteo everywhere, mimicking her cousin Wally by repeating his two favorite words “Duck” and “dog”. She hasn’t said those words since coming home but we’re sure they are tucked away in her mind. 

Heidi was pushing a doll stroller! This seems small, but using a toy appropriately is a big step for her. 

She also learned to stomp and it’s amazing how cute it is. 

She was loving Grandma!

Heidi has now knows several signs:

1. More

2. All Done

3. Yogurt

4. Apple

5. Jump

6. Help me

7. Milk

She can combine more with the food words and jump. 

Heidi can point to four body parts when asked:

1. Head

2. Eyes

3. Nose

4. Belly

Adding to her cool factor, in addition to high-5 she can also fist bump. It’s super adorable. 

Carrie was playing with her near the baby pool and as Caroline started spraying the hose she stuck her finger toward it. Carrie then sprayed her finger. Miraculously, Heidi laughed. It was such a surprise. Then Caroline dipped her head in the pool and Heidi plunked her little face down in and popped back up, even popping her lips to blow the water off exactly as Caroline did. I couldn’t believe it!

Heidi has another visit to the eye Dr. He was very pleased with how cooperative she was. Her prescription is now -1.5 and -2.0. He still didn’t feel like it was necessary for her to wear glasses but wanted to see her back in 8-9 months. She has been totally desensitized to wearing glasses so we are prepared for when the day comes! 

(Daddy’s sunglasses)

(Heidi’s sunglasses)

We have continued to struggle on with Heidi’s resistance to feed herself. One evening when it was just the two of us (so, no audience, no pressure from siblings) I asked her if she wanted ice cream. The neat thing was she understood what it was, got excited and ran to the fridge. I hand-over-hand fed her the first bite but felt that she should have the motivation to feed herself. Unfortunately, it went poorly. Sometimes if I walk out of her view she will do things on her own. Sadly, she started hitting herself on the head and getting very upset. 

As I talked with her Occupational Therapist just today she decided to try something new. Heidi really likes a dolly that the OT uses, so she had the doll in the high chair and acted like the doll was feeding herself, then we said, “Heidi’s a big girl like the baby. Heidi can feed herself.” With initial prompting she fed herself 6 bites. Then I fed her some. Then with encouragement from the doll baby she fed herself 15 bites in a row (with me scooping the yogurt onto her spoon). 

This was a huge accomplishment but it left her very upset. I had to get her out of her seat, apply pressure to her palms, deep pressure down her spine, and bear hugs, all calming techniques that we have learned from our amazing OT. 

Her therapist believes that Heidi is cognitively and physically capable of feeding herself (great news!), but has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from her feeding experience in her orphanage in China. We are so grateful she has learned to trust us and since we are her “safe” people, she wants us to feed her as it makes her feel safe. We did not discuss how to further her progress to make her feel safe and also establish independence in this area. I’m sure that will be on our agenda for next week. 

Heidi also sometimes grinds her teeth when she is uncomfortable or stressed. This week I took just her in the car to do our curbside library pickup. She was grinding her teeth the drive there and back. As soon as we started to pull into our driveway she literally started clapping and cheering. Usually the only time it’s just the two of us in the car is when we’re going to doctor appointments so maybe that’s where she thought we were going so cheered when we went right back home. It was also awesome to see her recognize we were home. It was extra adorable that when we went inside she ran to her biggest sister, Anne, and hugged her.

I’m so grateful to my family and friends who are always so supportive of us and Heidi and understanding of her needs and that, just because she’s been home for nearly a year, all her difficulties don’t just “go away”. We are grateful to God that we are still seeing miracles and we fully anticipate seeing them for the rest of her life. 

We even ate out and, after initially being unhappy, she ate a great meal sitting on daddy’s lap. 

Happy 11 months home, Heidi the Brave! We love you and are so proud of you.