COVID-thoughts

I have no intention of sharing this blog publicly because I don't think the world needs my opinion in a market that appears fully saturated. However, during this pandemic I would be remiss if I never wrote a single blog about it as we keep these as our personal family records in book format. I know some of you subscribe and so may read this but please feel free to ignore it completely.

Soon after the coronavirus was big news in the US and PA entered stay-at-home orders by Governor Wolf (March 13, 2020) I began entering into some online discussions with friends. My thoughts and concerns were so different from some that I began to get frustrated and angry. When it became clear that my own contentment was suffering I made a promise to myself to not write a single comment on anyone's posts.

It made me happier. Sort of.

I can intellectually comprehend both sides of the argument and the thoughts and opinions in between. I don't like to make decisions based on my feelings or emotions. However, when the “facts” we get are skewed and blurred and estimated projections of infections are being distributed as fact, I get a bit frustrated. Then when the people screaming “STAY AT HOME” the loudest have not lost their own income because their spouse is an “essential” worker or they can work from home or were a stay-at-home parent to begin with I begin to lose my patience.

I fully recognize the fact that my family is extremely privileged right now. I was already homeschooling and was a stay-at-home mom. My husband is able to work from home with very little difficulty. In fact, we quite like having him here for all three meals and I can pop into his office for a few minutes here and there for a quick chat. Instead of lost income we have more money than before as he now has no commute, and all the kids many doctor/dentist/vision/therapy appointments have been canceled so we aren't running all over.

Absolutely hate wearing this mask! I feel like I can't breathe and it fogs up my glasses. On the positive side- you can't see my pimples.... so there's that.

However, I grew up in a household that lived paycheck to paycheck. I remember what it feels like to go to bed hungry. And I know without a doubt that this sort of closure would have had the potential to devastate my family. There were many times when I was growing up that my dad would get laid off, often over the winter when HVAC business was slower. Over those times he would try to do “side jobs” as I knew them, to do any kind of work to pay the bills and feed our family. With the unemployment websites being overloaded and shut down there are families all over our state that haven't received any kind of unemployment benefits.

So how fair is it for the privileged among us to tell them to stay at home? It's easy to follow the stay at home orders if you aren't suffering anything beyond no longer having your extracurricular activities, your sports, your entertainment, your dinners out, shopping trips and vacations. If you find yourself in the caps locked STAY-AT-HOME camp, imagine, if you will for just a moment, that you and your spouse are both without an income. Imagine you've been spinning and spinning on the unemployment website, never able to log in. One of you tries calling on the phone all day only to get a busy signal so you hang up and redial. All day. For weeks. And when you finally get onto the website you apply. But now it's been seven weeks and you've yet to see a cent. And you have (let's not be crazy and say you have 6 kids like us...) we'll give you the average American family of 1.7 children, likely a dog or two in there for good measure. How do you think you're feeding them? You have no income. You have no job. People are yelling at you to stay at home “for the good of others” and “how dare you be so selfish as to want to go back to work”.

It's mind-boggling. Now throw in the mandated mask-wearing for another full blown argument. Some say masks protect you from giving the virus, but not from getting the virus. Wait, what? More yelling ensues over why we should or shouldn't wear a mask. Stores are told by the governor to turn shoppers away if they don't have a mask on. What country are we living in? To me, this is insanity.

Schools closed and all parents became overnight homeschoolers. Ironic, as the PA governor is particularly harsh and almost hateful to those of us who choose to homeschool. As the governor continually changes plans, has no plan, extends stay-at-home orders, threatens businesses who open without his permission to take away their insurance, their licenses, their leases, and more, it's no wonder that tensions are high. We're now in mid-May with our shut down recently extended to June 4.

When this first happened we were told, 15 days to “flatten the curve”. As I type this it's been 66 days. Our curve is not only flattened but dropped dramatically. Our hospitals have closed entire wings since they stopped doing “elective” surgeries. Thankfully they've started doing surgeries again but still, many, many offices are closed.

I have three children who couldn't get well-child checks because our office isn't seeing children. Five of my children were scheduled to see the dentist and that's been postponed until who knows when. I have a child with a cleft lip and palate who was due to be seen for her team visit with thoughts on surgery to help improve her speech, but the clinic only just started taking the most dire patients. Who knows when she'll be seen? We were on the waiting list for speech therapy, and this particular therapy center wasn't sure they'll even be able to reopen after this long of a shut down. Two of our children were due for visits to the ENT, both have been rescheduled twice and now I'm just waiting until fully reopening to determine when to even make those appointments. Three of our children have missed their eye exams. Never mind my own dentist, vision, and wellness checkups.

Thankfully I'm a relatively laid back person, but the stress of these appointments piling up has started to get to me. Likely some of those appointments will just never happened and we will hope for the best.

Prior to this pandemic we heard a lot about mental health awareness. It seems like many of those who were willing to talk about mental health prior to this are now silent. It's as if they can't see the people who are having panic attacks while wearing the mandated masks. They can't see the people struggling with depression because they live alone and are now told not to leave their home. They can't see the people who are falling back into addictions because they've lost their support systems and accountability partners. I have friends asking me to pray for them because their marriages are breaking up due to the stress of this. And my heart is breaking for them. I have friends taking in children who are in unstable home situations brought to a head because of this. Can anyone else see these things happening?

I don't have answers to this. I'm not a doctor or a scientist or any of those other things. I'm just an average American woman who sees that the longer the stay-at-home orders last the worse it will be for my friends, people I love and care about and my state. Yes, the virus is a real thing. In all honesty, I wouldn't be surprised if we already had it. Remember back in February when all of the kids were sick? Heidi had pneumonia, Anne had a weird cough/bronchitis, Maggie had strep throat and my doctor said it's a virus and likely all the kids will get it. And they all did. Abbey and Ruth and Carrie couldn't stop coughing. Ruth ended up having her blood drawn to check if her hemoglobin dropped below 6 because she was pale and weak from fighting this virus off. Was it coronavirus? Maybe. Maybe not.

All I know is that we are being told 99% of people who get it recover. We're being told you may have it and not show any symptoms. We're told it doesn't affect children as severely as older adults, or people who are obese, have diabetes, or other health complications.

What I know most of all is that God is still good. He is alive. He is active. He is moving. The churches around us have closed, but thankfully God doesn't live in the church. He lives in the hearts of his people. And yet, I've struggled during this time for lack of fellowship with believers.

This past Sunday I took a stand and invited any of my family who were willing to come to my house, sit outside a campfire, and study the word of God together. It was the most refreshing day I've had in a long time. And we're doing it again next week.

I see God doing something new in America. I don't know what will happen, I don't know if we will ever see God's purpose in this, but I do trust that he is in control. I'm thankful that above all, God keeps his promises. He will not let our foot slip. He doesn't slumber or sleep. Praise God!

Eight months Home with Heidi

Eight months home with our sweet, brave Heidi!

This has been a month of growth for Heidi. We started sensory brushing on April 9^th and we brushed her back, arms, and legs every two hours for two weeks. We noticed changes in her right away. She used her teeth to take big, firm bites of a dried strawberry and was able to chew it and swallow it. 

Her speech also improved significantly. She said, “ow ba-ba” (ow, baby!) after playing a kissing game. My mom used to always say to all the babies, “give me some sugar, baby!” then after receiving a slobbery baby kiss would say, “ow, baby!”. We've continued this with all our girls, and to hear Heidi say it and lean her head in for a kiss is one of the cutest things ever.

She says “mama” on command. She was self-feeding applesauce. She went to her high chair and cried to show us she was hungry. She climbed up three stairs then slid back down on her belly (she was afraid to go down the stairs on her own before this).

Heidi has the most contagious laugh and is showing a great sense of humor. She is attempting to repeat sounds that we make. She patted the dolly's back and said, “sshhhh”.

All of her new curiosity has led to a new development. Being told, “No!” She was hitting the entertainment center with a can that I keep pens in (that she first dumped on the floor). When I told her “No”, she literally threw herself onto the floor, kicked her feet, and threw a downright proper fit. While we don't want to see that all the time, we get so excited when we see “normal” two-year-old behavior.

(See, she still cries)

She is attempting to mimic “I love you” when we say it to her. She will open her mouth at “I” and sometimes say it. I've heard “lu-lu” for love you sometimes. She said “hi” on the Facetime call with her Occupational Therapist. When she does something like that it's hard to know if she truly understands, is parroting what she hears, or what the case is. Regardless, we were excited to hear it.

(We love bugging daddy while he’s working)

One night at dinner Trent made a bad dad joke and the girls were groan-laughing. Heidi said, “HA-HA” clearly enunciated and the most fake laugh you'll ever hear. When we all laughed, she of course laughed even harder.

(Quilt that grandma made for her!)

Heidi took Caroline by the hand and pulled her away from the piano and took her to the office door to play an open/shut the door game. Seeing her begin to communicate her wants/needs in this manner is very exciting to us.

Heidi had previously been afraid of the slide. It was a therapy goal to get her to enjoy it. It took one time of going down on Carrie's lap and she was hooked. She wasn't thrilled initially with going down by herself, but by the second time down on her own she loved it. She especially likes a hard bump at the bottom.

She is making herself known by saying “na-na-na-na-na” for “no”. While watching a Helen Keller movie she heard the word, “Doll”, and she instantly repeated, “doll”, then smiled. We were all shocked. One day at lunch I told her to say “more” and she said, “mah” in immediate response.

While playing outside she went to her swing and pulled on it to show she wanted to swing.

She said, “mama” without prompting!! She liked that I looked at her as soon as she said it. I think this means she is grasping that “mama” is me and that she will continue to use this word to gain my attention.

This month she also learned to fake a yawn and stretching. If she sees someone else yawn she will stretch and do it, too.

She learned to like “tick-tock, Heidi's a clock,” where you hold the child by their legs and turn them upside down. At first she didn't like it, but I did it to Carrie and Ruth and their peals of laughter enticed her to try again. Now she runs up to me and reaches her arms up so she can have her turn.

She thinks taking things out of her bedroom and throwing them down the stairs is hilarious. It's not uncommon to find a pile of toys/balls/pillows on the landing as evidence that Heidi has been there.

She held onto her headboard to “jump” (bounce, really) on her bed. Heidi climbed up onto a chair using Anne's leg as a tool to get her up.

(Tolerating her barely bigger sister carrying her and showing their size difference)

Heidi brought me a maraca that she wanted me to shake and a book she wanted me to read. Seeing her initiate play is amazing! Anne was airplaning Heidi around and when she stopped, Heidi picked up a doll and airplaned the dolly.

Heidi made a new sound: ga-ga. She also learned to click her tongue!

Like I said, it has been an incredible month of growth for Heidi. We are so impressed with all that she has learned. We believe the brushing played a big role in what she has done this month.

We are so grateful to the therapists who work with us and teach us how to teach her. While we do wonder whether she will ever fully catch up or live a “normal” life, we know that regardless that we are blessed to have her in our lives. She is joy and sunshine and laughter and light all wrapped up into the cutest package of snuggles. She's a gift to all who will ever know her and we just feel lucky that we're the ones with the front row seats to watch all these miracles unfold.

Happy eight months home, Heidi the brave! We love you!