Ruthie is FIVE!

Ruth turned five today. I don’t know how many times over the coming years her birthday will coincide with Easter Sunday, but I can almost guarantee she won’t have another birthday like this one. A day meant to be at church, with family and friends, but because of Covid-19 we were just at home. No big party, no egg hunt with all the cousins, none of our regular traditions. We worshipped in our living room to our church’s lovely prerecorded singing and sermon. Thankfully Ruthie didn’t care at all!

She received a beautiful video message from her foster family in China. She got birthday songs and an Easter basket, donuts for breakfast, and all the screen time she wanted. She opened her presents before dinner. She was SO happy that she finally got her own sewing box. It’s a Hess family tradition to get a stocked sewing box when you turn five. She’s delighted to have her own. She also got a CD player with the Frozen soundtrack and an Elsa piggy bank. 

She requested tacos for dinner. Not a traditional Easter meal, but it was well enjoyed. 

She asked for this rainbow cake which I wasn’t thrilled about at first. Thankfully a friend of mine made one for her daughter last week and she gave me lots of helpful tips. It still took me much of the day Saturday to make, but it was worth it. She was very happy with her cake. 

So Ruth. What to say about Ruthie?

She is full of love, light, energy, and words. So, so many words. Ruth is a very brave girl. She has had surgeries, an unexpected hospital stay, a blood transfusion, tons of regular doctor appointments, weekly speech therapy and honestly, she rarely complains. Ruth has to work harder than any of our other kids to be understood. Sometimes I get frustrated at having to remind her for the 100th time that day to add in a sound that she knows how to say, or to ask her to repeat herself, or to slow down her speaking so I can get what she’s saying. But how much more frustrating must it be for her? She really does work hard and I’m so proud of her. Just a couple weeks ago she added the /k/ sound to her bank of sounds she can say. She doesn’t always remember to use it in conversation but with reminders can say it. 

Ruth is very clever. She has a huge vocabulary, loves everything art, excels at card and board games (I’m not talking Chutes & Ladders, I’m talking Blokus and Dutch Blitz), she’s halfway through Kindergarten math, can read a few words, and knows most of the alphabet (p, b, and q are still tripping her up). 

Ruth loves having Heidi has her little sister. Ruth is very good at comforting Heidi when she is sad. She is very compassionate and that is a side of Ruth we didn’t really see much of until she became a big sister. Ruth does like having a sister from China. Even though I don’t think they look alike at all, Ruth likes that they both have black hair and brown eyes. 

We are so thankful to have Ruth as a special part of our family. She has changed all of us so much and we cannot imagine our lives without her in it! She is an inspiration to everyone. 

She is very sassy. One of her favorite current phrases is to say, “Yeah, but who cares?”. We all get a kick out of hearing her dismissive words. 

Ruth and Caroline are still BFFs. Although I’m seeing Caroline be more adventurous this Spring and Ruth still hanging back inside the house with me and Heidi. Today Ruth told Caroline that they were twins but don’t tell anyone because they won’t be able to tell them apart (they were wearing matching outfits). Carrie said they don’t look alike but that’s okay because some real twins don’t look alike. 

(16 months apart: Practically identical)

Ruth would like to stop taking a nap, but for everyone’s sanity, she will continue on with a daily nap for as long as possible. She asks how old her sisters were when they stop napping and wonders if now that she is five if she is big enough. She did tell me today that her sisters don’t have a blood condition so maybe that’s why they could stop naps. If she stays awake until 3 pm she is quite unhappy. I try to lay her down between 2 and 2:30. Everyday she asks the same question, “Can I just take a short nap?” And I always tell her, “Yes,”. It doesn’t matter that she always sleeps between 2 and 2.5 hours because she can’t tell if she’s been asleep for minutes or hours. She also asks if Caroline is going to nap and without fail I lie to her and say Carrie will lie down or rest in the other room. I probably shouldn’t lie but I don’t know how to break it to her without ruining her ever-important naps that Carrie hasn’t napped for a year. 

Ruth is an amazing little girl. Her small stature (3 feet and 26 pounds) doesn’t hold her back from much of anything.  She runs, jumps, roller skates, climbs trees, rides a balance bike and so much more. 

(Isn’t she gorgeous in her dress for Chinese New Year back in Jan?) 

She is a light in our lives. I can’t imagine not having our little firecracker in our lives! We can’t wait to do all the fun birthday things like date with dad, coffee with mom, weekend with Mema, and your Elsa party! 

Happy fifth birthday, Ruthie. We love you! More than you love “moolah”. 

Beautifully Broken

All adoption starts from a place of trauma. A place of loss. Of grief. Sadness.

A few years ago I read something along those lines but did not fully understand it. In truth, I may never fully grasp this.

Before adopting our children I talked to my friends who are adoptees from multiple different countries. I read books. I scoured blogs and websites. And all the information and stories were different. Just as no two biologically related children are exactly the same, no two adoption stories are the same.

Our first adoption was as smooth as possible. Our second quite rocky.

But trauma and grief and loss are tricky things. A child who does not have any cognitive memory of their abandonment and multiple moves feels those things deep inside of them.

Recently one of of biological children had surgery. Ironically, this brought up some fear of abandonment in Ruthie. She was very anxious days before the surgery and was terrible the day of the surgery. When I got home with her sister she was very needy and upset. After taking her to my room to calm her down later that evening I held her and rocked her and rubbed her back.

And she said, “I was afraid you weren't coming back.”

Broken. So terribly broken. She was abandoned as an infant, placed in an orphanage, moved to a care home, fostered by an amazing family, and finally adopted. Five breaks in the first two years of her life.

While most of the moves she made were for her to receive better care and eventually a forever family, they are still breaks in connections her little brain was forming.

Many of you have been following along and praying for Ruthie as she spent time in the hospital a couple of weeks ago.

Her illness came upon her suddenly, what we later learned was a case of Salmonella brought on from eating chicken at KFC. Some of you may remember that Ruthie has a genetic blood condition. Her specific condition is quite rare and has a long name: Alpha Thalassemia Hemoglobin H Disease, Constant Spring. This affects her red blood cells and leads to a chronically low hemoglobin. Her normal hemoglobin is between 7.9-8.1, whereas a “healthy” child has a hemoglobin of about 12 or 13.

When people get sick it is normal for their hemoglobin to drop. For a child like Ruthie, her hemoglobin doesn't have far to go before she is too sick to recover on her own and would need a blood transfusion.

This is what happened when she got Salmonella. She was very dehydrated within three days of first getting ill (Friday she was sick for the first time and Sunday we were in the ER). Her hemoglobin was 6, but she was so dehydrated the doctor thought it was probably closer to 5.5. This meant that she would need fluid, plus a blood transfusion, plus another bag of fluids. She was admitted to the hospital Sunday and we came home Tuesday morning.

Although Ruth knows she has this condition, she did not previously grasp what it meant when we talked about if she gets sick she may need a blood transfusion.

Her time in the hospital was traumatic. She was very, very scared. Ruth is a strong little girl and to see her so out of sorts was terrible. The first night in the hospital I had to sleep in the little crib-bed with her because she was afraid even if I was just in the chair on the other side of her bed. The second night I could sleep in the chair, but she would wake up crying and yelling, “Mama! Where are you???”

It broke my heart. Since coming home we've had a large emotional set back for Ruth. She was napping in her own bed but has since needed me to lay with her until she falls asleep. When she wakes up from her nap she is full of fear, crying, and wanting to know where mama went as I have other demands and cannot nap with her for 2.5 hours everyday.

It was during this time that we were hit with the unfairness and the brokenness of adoption. I'm reminded that brokenness is not God's first plan for families. God's first plan was for a husband and wife to hold fast to one another (Genesis 2:24), then to have children (Genesis 9:7). There are stories in the Bible of adoption (Moses) and the pain that is often associated with this way of building a family.

But God is so good. He loves Ruth. He loves people. And God began writing the redemption story before man and sin even entered the world. Praise God that He is in the business of making beauty from ashes (read Joseph's story as just one example).

Today, for the first time in weeks, Ruth took a nap in her own bed. We trust that God will continue to work on Ruth's heart and mind. We trust that she will lose her fear of abandonment and be able to come to the realization that she is forever loved, cherished, and wanted.

It is my prayer that all of my girls will cling to these words from Isaiah 43:1; “Fear not, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by your name; You are mine.”

Ruthie is Four!

Ruth has been talking about turning four years old for quite awhile.

She has been telling people for months that she's 3 but soon she'll be 4. So when the big day finally came, she was ready!

Ruth is terribly bright. She understand rules to games (whether she follows the rules is a different story), she can read many sight words, she recognizes most of the letters of the alphabet, can nearly write her name (sometimes the letters are backwards h t u R instead of R u t h; although she likes to forsake the "u" and insists she doesn't have a "u" in her name; unless Mema is the one to remind her of that letter). We are planning to join her in Caroline's homeschool Kindergarten class this fall. She's very excited to be in Kindergarten and do homework like all her big sisters.

Ruth has been receiving quite a bit of speech therapy this past year, fluctuating from 2-3 times per week. After she turned four we backed down to one time per week for a 45 minute session. I am her speech therapist the rest of the week and do my best to teach her what the therapist modeled for us. I'm certainly not nearly as fun as Miss Rachel, but I'm ok.

Birthday presents!

She was so excited about this doll that when she pulled back the wrapping paper she jumped up and ran to me and gave me the biggest hug. The icing on the cake is the  doll came with the name "Lili" which is what Ruth often calls things as her silly word. When I found this doll (she's supposed to look Asian but other than the black hair and brown eyes there's really no Asian features to the doll), I knew it was just right for our girl.

Ruthie is still very tiny for her age, not even on the Chinese growth chart at almost 24 pounds and 2 feet 10 inches tall. Her weight to height ratio is pretty good, the 17th percentile.

She enjoyed a fun day out with her daddy for her birthday (North Museum and Friendly's for lunch) but was very ready to come home and see mommy and her sisters.

Kisses for the best daddy in the world

There are still concerns from the doctors regarding her slow growth. We do know this is in part due to the form of Thalassemia she has. She takes a folic acid pill every day to support red blood cell production and a Vitamin D supplement to help with bone density. We have still not had to give her any blood transfusions for which we are grateful. She will go back to CHOP to see the Thalassemia specialist in June and we will see at that time what suggestions the doctor has to make or if we can continue on as we are now.

Her cleft lip and palate have both been repaired. At this point we don't foresee any surgeries for many years (potentially a lip/nose revision when she's a teenager IF she wants it). Her surgeon doesn't think she will need a bone graft in her gum line, but we do know there's a small possibility that after she starts losing teeth we will need to have that checked to make sure she doesn't need that repair. She will likely need orthodontics for quite awhile, but again, this will be years down the road when she starts losing baby teeth and growing adult teeth. We are aware that she also may have missing teeth or misshapen teeth that may require dental work. However, at this time, we are good to go and her biggest hurdle continues to be speech.

Ruth continues to bring our family so much joy. She is Caroline's best friend. She is sweet and snuggly but also loud and spicy. We cannot imagine our family without her as a part of it.

She is very ready to be a big sisters. She prays multiple times a day for her little sister in China and hopes that we will have good news to share soon.

She saw this deer cake sample at the grocery store and knew exactly what she wanted for her fourth birthday cake!

Ruthie Deer, we love you. These past two years have been incredible. We will soon reach the day when she's been a Hess girl longer than she hasn't. And what a day of rejoicing that will be!

Happy fourth birthday, Ruthie V.!

So sassy!

One Year Home with Ruth

A year!

So much has changed in this year with Ruth.

Sister can climb this? Me too!

She had a major surgery.



She has gone to the mountains and the ocean.



She has had two different speech therapists.



She has grown (a little bit).

She has been to countless doctor and dentist appointments.



She has gone through one tiny illness.



She has endured a terrible pollen allergy.



She has experienced a Pennsylvania summer, a fall fair season, a long, long winter, and a slow, slow spring.

She LOVES to "read" chapter books like her sisters

Ruthie has changed our lives. Her four older sisters are more compassionate, more empathetic, and more patient than ever.



Because of Ruth, her sisters have first-hand knowledge of the myriad of beautiful ways the Lord provides for His children.



Because of Ruth, I have learned to advocate for a child with special needs.



Because of Ruth, I have become a resource parent for others considering adopting a child with cleft.

Because of Ruth, I have a bit more gray hair.

She is forever stealing my iced coffee.

Because of Ruth, our kids have learned that special needs don't need to be scary.



Because of Ruth, our girls all want to be adoptive Mamas when they grow up.



I think it's safe to say that Ruth is exactly what we didn't know our family was missing.

Bedtime stories with Daddy

We are blessed to have a lot of our family living nearby, so we celebrated on her exact one-year-home date, May 26, with heaps and heaps of Chinese food ordered from our local Peking Chinese take-out in Quarryville. We had some Asian fruits from the new Asian market, and topped it off with red, white and blue décor! Oh, and tattoos. So. Many. Tattoos.












Thank you, God, for this beautiful life.

My five daughters and our honorary son

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3 NASB

Happy One year home!

While it's true that Ruthie is not from my own womb, another woman carried her and it's a privilege to call her mine.