A Broken Heart

I know National Adoption Month is over, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I must persist. Friends, my time in China broke my heart in such a profound way that I believe I am only just now, six months later, feeling it's full effect. Visiting Ruth's orphanage was tremendously overwhelming. It was the moment of watching a dozen babies lying on mats outside, that something inside me broke. As my new, terrified daughter clung to me, and I attempted to smile through my tears. I had a sudden epiphany. In that moment, I understood why families do this again and again. Why they give up their time, their energy, and their money.

Psalm 68:6 reads "God places the lonely in families."

I saw a dozen helpless babies, lying on a mat, and I cried for them. I cried for Ruth, that she once laid there. As I type this I bite back tears for the babes lying there even now, and for the ones who will follow.

And yet. God. He is good. I cannot go back to China yet as I hope to someday, but I have six hundred thirty-three friends on Facebook. This morning as I was praying for the children in China, God placed on my heart three friends. Three families who I know well, and who, as far as I know, meet all of China's requirements. And while their homes may not be large, they have the creativity or the finances to make space. For one more. They have strong marriages, wonderful birth children, and much of the American dream. And yet. They are on my heart. Because God.

One of my favorite Christian music groups is Hillsong United. I have had these lyrics thrumming through my veins today and I had to blog. I should be finishing dinner, or cleaning something, but I cannot until I share my broken heart.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

  

You see, my eyes have seen. I've experienced the redemptive love found only in Christ Jesus. I have seen how to love like He has loved me. My heart has been broken for what breaks His. Scripture demands our care of orphans. I've said before that not everyone is meant to care for orphans in the sense of adoption. But I also believe that is used as a cop out. I think more people are called to cross oceans to set the lonely in families. For 80% of the 100,000 children abandoned each year in China, they will never know the love of a family. You may not be a math nerd like me, so I'll make it easy. EIGHTY THOUSAND innocent babies and children, every year, will not be adopted. They will not have a family.

My prayer is for three friends. If the three friends God has laid on my heart will make a difference for one more child. If your heart could be broken in the way mine has I believe we would see an amazing work happen. 

Adoption is not easy. While our transition with Ruth has been so beautiful, I won't sugar coat the fact that there are challenges along the way. But God has never called Christians to a comfortable life. He asks us to trust Him, to bring sacrifices to Him. And I'll be honest, it's really easy for me to get into a comfortable financial situation and find my security in my money instead of in my God.

Adoption has brought me closer to the LORD. It made me trust in Him for the finances to come together. And God did. In ways that I'm only beginning to see clearly now. My sign painting business was booming the year that we had to pay most of our adoption expenses. Friends and family and some who wished to remain anonymous donated thousands of dollars. The timing of our trip to China was more perfect than we could have ever have thought to attempt to plan.

But isn't that just like God?

Ephesians 3:20-21 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.

Thriving with Thalassemia

My final post for the month about Ruth’s medical conditions is one I was not familiar with at all until I started researching the conditions on the medical checklist provided by Holt. 

After looking into the condition, both Trent and I felt confident that we could care for a child with Alpha Thalassemia. This is characterized by low Hemoglobin, and anemia. I also have a tendency to be anemic and feel tired at times, but it has never been a huge problem other than the fact that I cannot donate blood. Basically, it’s not a big deal. 

However, Thalassemia has a large spectrum of variations depending on the globin chains and the genes that are missing, which I will not pretend to fully understand. Beta Thalassemia Major requires regular blood transfusions every 3-4 weeks. We did not feel that at this time with our other children this would be the best fit for our family. There are a few Thalassemia Centers in the US, and one of them is at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) which is about an hour and a half away. 

When we were matched with Ruthie, we knew she had Alpha Thalassemia. The fact that she was diagnosed with this (which is a very common condition in southern China where she was born), is a testament to how dedicated her foster family was to her care. Her foster family was to get Ruthie to gain enough weight to be able to have her cleft lip repaired. It seems that they were waiting for this to be accomplished before making her file available for adoption. Once she gained the necessary weight, she was taken to do blood work prior to surgery. This showed low iron, low Hemoglobin. Her foster family was told to feed her iron-rich foods to get this number up. A month later, another check, still low numbers. And again the following month. Ruth’s foster family knew something was not right, and pushed to get this figured out. After further testing, it was revealed that she has Alpha Thalassemia. 

We are blessed to stay in communication with her foster family; Ruth’s foster sister created the above image. Isn’t she talented??

Ruth received a blood transfusion and then was able to have her lip surgery. 

I’ve blogged before that since coming home to the US, we have had further testing done which revealed the exact genes that are missing. Ruth is missing 3 of the 4 genes on this chromosome, giving her Hemoglobin H Disease. And the one gene she has is “abnormal”, with the specific trait called Constant Spring. This gives our girl a chronically moderate or severe anemia. Ruth’s normal Hemoglobin is 7.9, but a healthy child would have a Hemoglobin between 12 and 16. 

Photo from differencebetween.com for you science nerds. Circled in red is Ruthie’s condition, showing just how extra special she is to have her condition. 

Honestly, you would never know Ruth has low Hemoglobin by watching her actions. She appears, while quite tiny (stunted growth can be a problem for HbgH kiddos), energetic and healthy. Diet cannot solve this condition and she will never outgrow it. However, she is thriving. She will need to be followed at the Thal Center at CHOP every 6 months. From what I understand, HbgH can present itself differently in each person. Some need regular blood transfusions, some need a splenectomy, and some are easily susceptible to illness and do not recover well. It remains to be seen what will be Ruth’s case. 

We have much hope. Our hope is in the Lord. We know that He placed Ruthie in our family. We trust that He will provide whatever is necessary to see us through any difficult situations. While this may end up being a more challenging condition than we originally anticipated, Ruth is our daughter and we will go to bat for her to receive the best care possible, just as we would for any of our other daughters. We also are tremendously grateful to be a home schooling family. While it requires much of me, it also prevents us from many of the common illnesses that spread so easily in classrooms. It is especially helpful for Ruthie if she can avoid illness as she may struggle to recover from even common colds and need a blood transfusion. So far this fall a couple of the girls have been sick, but Ruth has not caught anything. But again, if she does need the medical care, we have our family physician and other medical teams available to meet her needs. 

*Ruth loves to “help” wash dishes. Trent deserves some sort of sainthood for his patience with these two washing after dinner dishes.*

I had mentioned to another parent that I am actually glad I didn’t know of the severity of Ruth’s blood condition prior to adoption. Since I don’t fully understand how our blood works and it is unseen, it is intimidating and I may have not thought myself capable of parenting her. But God. He is so good to us. He has allowed us to fall helplessly in love with our little girl. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her. And if she someday needs regular blood transfusions? Well, I guess we’ll just learn to know the roads between here and CHOP a wee bit better, we’ll be good at schooling in the car, we’ll lean on our family a little harder, we’ll press in to the One true God a little deeper, and we’ll enjoy our lives. Together. Just as we are today. 

Some worry they may not be able to love a child they did not give birth to. I wonder where this fear comes from? My spouse and I share no blood, but I would do anything for him. We are family.  It is the same for Ruthie. We share no blood, but she is family. 

It is my fervent wish and prayer that someone will be touched by Ruth’s story, by her life, by her fiery spirit, and take the step toward adoption. We cannot imagine life without our girl. 

Ruth is really into holding hands recently. How can your heart not melt with her tiny hand clasped in yours?

Ruthie’s cleft lip and palate

When we were going through the medical checklist of “special needs”, cleft lip and palate was one I felt very comfortable with as I was already familiar with the condition. I knew people who had it, and had a friend who has two children adopted from China with the same condition.

Happy baby!

We were matched with Ruthie and of all the conditions we agreed to care for, finding out my daughter has cleft lip and palate was almost exciting because I knew she was going to receive such amazing medical care here, locally. If it’s something you are interested in, I would highly recommend the podcast you can find HERE from the Lancaster Cleft Palate Clinic. 

Cleft babies need special care when feeding. This spoon bottle was helpful for Ruth. 

As I mentioned in my last post, Ruth was born with unilateral cleft lip and palate. She had one surgery in China with an amazing surgeon who repaired her lip beautifully. 

Ruth in the hospital prior to her lip repair. 

Ruth post-surgery in China. 

She has had one surgery here in the states to repair her open palate. 

Post-palate surgery with mama to snuggle. 

Recovery for the palate is longer and more difficult than the lip, but Ruth was her chipper self in less than a week. 

Post-op care for the palate surgery is essential. Ruth could not use a fork or eat anything hard or crunchy for three weeks. This is really important so that the stitching inside the roof of her mouth does not tear or come out. If this happens, a fistula (small hole) develops and the surgery needs to be done again. Thankfully, Ruthie had a beautiful recovery and eating soft spaghetti with spoons for three weeks was worth it. 

Happy, snuggly sisters. 

Ruth is not missing any teeth but she does have one tooth on her cleft side that is very crooked. She also has a very large under bite. Both of those things will eventually be corrected with orthodontics. 

At this point we do not think she will need a bone graft because from what we can tell the cleft does not go through her gum line. However, the doctor said sometimes the missing bone is very small and may need done. This would happen after the baby teeth fall out and before permanent teeth grow in, so we’ve got several years ahead of us before this would be happen, if at all. 

Ruth does receive regular dental care which is necessary for even one as little as she since cavities are common for cleft kids. Thankfully she got a gold star at her recent dentist appointment and her teeth look good! We’re glad she LOVES to brush her teeth. 

Ruthie will definitely need years of speech therapy. We are currently sloughing through the system of IU13 to get speech therapy. Ruth has an evaluation at the end of November where they will determine what services she is able to receive (all we care about is speech but they will test motor skills, cognitive, etc.). After the evaluation we will hopefully get speech therapy rolling, but I imagine it will continue to be a slow process. 

We are all eager for her speech to be more clear. She is a darling girl, full of love and energy. But she can be quite unhappy and throws some really big fits when we can’t figure out what she is saying or what she wants. For now, we use a combination of American Sign Language, pointing/nodding, and the words we (but not everyone) can understand that she says. Sometimes we will look up a sign for a word that took us an especially long time to figure out that she was trying to say. 

Ruth is really clever, and so much fun to have as a daughter. Right now we believe we are done with cleft-related surgeries for the rest of her life (unless she would need a touch up on her lip/nose as a teenager). 

For now her needs are just a little extra than most 2-year-olds. Speech therapy and orthodontics are the only cleft-challenges that are in her foreseeable future. 

She doesn’t let anything slow her down, she’s too busy trying to catch up with all the things her big sisters are doing. Who knew I would be so grateful to have already parented one strong-willed child? I’ve got her number!

Ruthie’s fifth month home!

Five months home!! This month had its share of ups and downs. 

We endured nearly three weeks of a soft food diet. We all did this together as Ruth was extremely jealous if we were eating something she couldn’t have. This included no forks. We ate spaghetti with spoons. It was an adventure. 

We went running several times at the rail trail. I was sick with a head cold which made it rather difficult to do all the things I normally do. Mamas shouldn’t be allowed to get sick. 

As Ruthie recovered from her surgery she was extra snuggly and I was able to rock her to sleep several times. As much as I would have loved for her to never need to go through surgery it was a really special time of bonding for us. 

I may have missed the first two years of her life and never rocked newborn Ruthie to sleep, but I am doing my best to make up for it. 

These two are as inseparable as ever. Caroline would really like Ruthie to share her bed. We’ll put that off as long as possible. 

Ruthie enjoyed her first Lampeter Fair and milkshakes. You can’t be a Lancaster girl without going to the fair. She missed the Solanco Parade as she was having surgery that day but we look forward to taking her next year. 

She was very proud of this chip clip that she won at the fair. 

The fall isn’t complete without going on some tractor rides around the yard. 

Fun with sisters!

Ruthie often yells “mom, Mom, Mooom, MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM” while I’m driving. When I glance back usually she is holding hands with these two sisters. *I was the passenger when I took this photo on the way to church.*

Ruthie was a trooper through a busy month of soccer four times a week between Abbey and Maggie. 

Running at the rail trail again!

Two pony tails! They look so cute but she doesn’t leave them in long. 

Loved our soft tacos on National Taco Day!

Of course, it wasn’t all fun and games. Here she is crying because I had to grind up her meatball while on the soft food diet. 

After-dinner books with daddy are the best. 

Red neck swimming in our retention basin with some frogs. 

Sister snuggles under a beautiful blanket made by Trent’s Aunt Joyce. 

Ruthie and her cousin Matteo. We had the joy of taking him with us one morning as we ran errands. Ruth is a year older than Matteo, to give you an idea of just how small she really is. 

Adorable, hand-holding cousins. 

Ruthie loved this hat we found at Party City. 

I thought she would like this barrel train ride at our church’s 300th anniversary celebration. 

I was wrong. 

Ruthie learned how to use a straw this month! This may not seem like a big deal, but for a child with cleft palate it’s a big accomplishment. 

As you can see, she is proud of herself! Learning to form a suction was a big deal and we made a huge fuss over her. She absolutely loves using a straw!

And anytime she eats some of my favorite foods I have this huge amount of pride and love wash over me. Here she is eating beans, meat and cheese casserole with a big pile of sour cream. 

Wednesday nights we spend with Trent’s parents and brother. It’s always a relaxing evening for me. Ruth is playing with a yo-yo with Uncle Troy. 

Gorgeous evenings at soccer practice. 

Playing with fuzzy caterpillars. 

It’s a rare treat for some people to know their extended family. These four girls are third cousins and they had so much fun together. 

Birthday party for cousin, Gavin. Most of these kids are cousins but there are a few friends mixed in there. 

She was very compassionate when Abbey sprained her ankle. 

Could there be anything more fun than flying down the driveway into the retention basin in this car? She submits that there is not!

Most of the children were thrilled to have caught this possum even if they were hoping for a squirrel. 

Ruthie has been doing more creative play this month. She has enjoyed taking care of these babies at Grandpa and Grandma Hess’s. 

Typical Wednesday night. 

Again, a sweet, compassionate heart towards the ill. This time it was Maggie with pink eye and then some viral infection. 

Her blood condition has a tendency to make it difficult for her to overcome illness so it’s important we shield her as much as possible to sick kids. Obviously that’s hard to do in a big family. However, I’m grateful we don’t have to put her in daycare and that we homeschool so (normally) our older kids stay quite healthy during the school year. 

Happy five months home, Ruthie V.!

We had to work really hard this month to get a good picture as she was a wiggly worm!

Oh, and almost most importantly, Ruthie potty trained this month! She is amazing! As long as there is a bathroom nearby I take her everywhere we go in underwear. She still wears a diaper for nap and overnight, but I’m totally impressed. None of our other kids potty trained easily or well. Ruth was amazing. Such a gift to this mama! 

 We are eager to get her evaluated for speech therapy in November. Our lives are busier, nosier, livlier, more compassionate, and all around better because Ruth is in it. We love you baby girl. So much!