Talking & Walking

I'm sure all of you are familiar with the saying "You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?"

I've been thinking about that a lot lately as we are entering our fourth month as foster parents. Prior to the children coming it was so easy to "talk the talk" about foster care, about the precious children who need us - a family - a home. And then the children come and we enter the "walking" phase. And that "precious" child is scream-crying, mean to our girls, disruptive, hyper-active and difficult to get along with. And it is hard to remember all those good reasons why we thought foster care was a good idea.

But then, God's grace shines through. The girl had 5 good days in a row. FIVE! That is a large miracle. She was kind, she shared, she slept well and ate well, and we were so grateful at the progress she had made. Unfortunately that positive streak has ended and we've had some rough days again. But I'm hopeful. There will be brighter days ahead.

Our days are crazy. We have so many appointments, doctor appointments, education appointments, dentist appointments, visits with the kids' mom, and the list goes on. Most days are exhausting, but God is giving us the strength to get through. I've been humbled and had to ask for a lot of help.

I can't thank my mother-in-law and my mom enough. They have both been fantastic with helping us with the children. We couldn't do it (and stay sane) without them.

I had high hopes of sending out Christmas cards with a letter like we have done the past few years. Unfortunately, time does not permit me to get that done this year. But - I do hope to put something together in blog form with input from Trent & the kiddos.

Annie Turns Five!

I know I've said it before, and you'll hear me say it multiple times over the years, but there is something really special about turning five. We don't do big birthday parties every year for every child. But turning five is a really big deal. It's a whole hand!! Since I have such a big family usually our birthday parties only involve family. But since turning five is so awesome I thought it would be neat for Anne to invite a couple of friends in addition to all her cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles.

When I asked her who she wanted to invite she said "Mema, the cousins [referring to her 11 or so first cousins], Grandpa and Grandma and Uncle Troy." I asked if she wanted to invite any friends and she said, "Oh yes! Heather!" Heather is my dear friend and we were neighbors for 5 of the 6 years we lived on N. Mary Street. Unfortunately Heather couldn't make it but she sent her husband and their three adorable children.

 

 We had such a great time!

 A little about my Anne at age five. Anne has always loved books. She had been really wanting me to teach her how to read. About four months ago I bought some very simple easy-reading books (one sentence/page) that were leveled so she could slowly work up to the fourth level. Before the books arrived in the mail I taught her some common sight words (the, and, I, go...). The books arrived and she picked up the first one and read it straight through. Typically there was a picture that could help figure out a difficult word on the page. In about a month's time she was reading at the 4th level. I didn't force this or focus on it too much. It was something that she wanted to do. She was highly motivated to read.

Since our foster children came two and a half months ago I hadn't taught her too many new things. She loved that she could read and would pick up books and read them to the other children while I was cooking, cleaning or washing dishes. One day it occurred to me that she is reading some really high level stuff. She picked up a chapter book and started reading it - with expression - nearly flawlessly. After looking at the reading levels of the books she is reading and doing an online assessment, it would appear that Anne has taught herself in short time how to read -- on a fourth grade level!! {I realize this may come across as bragging, but I am totally impressed by her drive and determination to read! Now if only she had the same love for numbers....}

This was completely Anne's idea to put on the angel wings.

Her pose of choice. {She's crazy but we love her!}

 So obviously at age five Anne loves to read. She also enjoys watching movies. Ice Age and Winnie the Pooh are some favorites. Anne loves to dance in her ballerina dress up clothes. She loves to sing. The "little girls" wanted to listen to kid's songs in the van today but Anne piped up that "I want to listen to WJTL" (Our local Christian radio station.) Just today she was singing "there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning!" I'm so thankful for the good influence of Christian radio.

One of my favorites!!

 The Anne-girl is a sweetheart. She is learning in a very real way God's grace and mercy. She is the leader of the children in this home. It's a huge job - she now has four younger siblings - all of whom look up to her and respect her and watch to see what she is going to do. Foster care has been very challenging for Anne. The girl is not always nice, in fact, she will often intentionally say or do something to upset Anne and she knows just the right buttons to push to get on her nerves. But, when the girl was sick, Anne was the first one to pray for her to feel better. Anne is also very intuitive. One evening at dinner the girl was singing, "Jesus Loves Me" and Anne leaned over to me and said, "Mommy, I want to whisper something in your ear." I leaned over and she said, "You know, she (foster daughter) doesn't talk about 'Chucky' anymore." {For those of you who don't know, Chucky is an evil doll in a horror movie that comes to life and tries to kill people with a knife. Our foster daughter had seen this movie and often talked about Chucky and his knives when she first came. Any time she saw a knife she asked who we were going to kill what that knife.}

She's an angel, right?

 Anne does a very good job at leading our crew. She is a big helper. Of course, she is just a kid, and is usually the last one to have her shoes on because she is lolly-gagging about. But, she can't be perfect, can she?

I hope you have enjoyed reading all about Anne!

Photo credit: JCPenney Portrait Studio - & my awesome sister Audrey Shenk!

Roller Coaster Ride

Hi guys. Long time - no blog.  I've been thinking a lot about this blog and wanting to write, but time has a way of slipping past me. I've been taking a lot of naps these days. These five kids have a way of making me exhausted!

This journey of foster care is an emotional roller coaster. We have had some good days, and some bad days. Of course, that is parenting in general. However, now our bad days are really really bad. I mean, really bad. So bad that it makes me cry. So bad that I was prepared to give up. I rationalized it all in my mind -- that I'm really not cut out for this, that I'm screwing up my own children (and that is yet to be determined), that no one would really blame me (I mean, it's not even realistic to be expected to take care of five children under five).

But, the next day comes and things get a little better, a little better, a little better. The girl sings "Jesus Loves Me" and holds her light high for "This Little Light of Mine". The baby is taking his first steps; clinging to us. The girl feels safe. She feels loved. She knows what to expect. And so, we persevere. We push through the difficult days while clinging to the hope we have in Jesus. There are few things that are sweeter than hearing the girl sing, "Grace, grace, God's grace....." {Can you tell she loves music?}

So, we're in this for the long haul. We just got word that they'll be with us at least another 6 months-- probably longer. Please pray for protection for our children's hearts. They are already growing attached to the girl and the baby. After 2 1/2 months they are very much a part of our family.

On a completely different note - we were thrilled to sell our house in the city. We will have settlement on Nov. 19th. Just in time for Thanksgiving; that is certainly something to be thankful for. Many friends have asked if we have started looking at houses yet. We have a lease here until February and then can go month-to-month after that. We are constantly looking at houses on the real estate listing and have driven past a few that looked interesting to see if they would be something we would consider. But at this point aren't in a huge rush to find a new house!

Be on the look-out for a post dedicated to Anne. We no longer have five children under age 5!!

A Huge "Thank You"

Many thanks to all of you who have been praying for our family. Last week after I posted we had a great rest of the week. I could feel everyone's prayers. And not only the prayers, I have been greatly encouraged by those of you who have put inspirational things in my mailbox, those who emailed me and sent me messages on Facebook.

Your encouraging words have not fallen on deaf ears. I have received them and I am truly grateful. I know many of you have been in similar situations to what we are in now, and I really appreciate your insight and positive words. And to those who haven't been in our situation but have gone through any difficult time, I appreciate your kind and encouraging words.

Recently I was appalled at someone on Facebook who posted that they were going through a difficult situation. When others tried to encourage her through their personal journeys she rebuffed those attempts of kind and encouraging words, chiding them that they could not possibly understand or compare their situation to her own. I was really bummed that she was missing out on their well-meant encouragement and sent them only condescending remarks for their efforts. If we try hard enough we can learn from nearly any situation. And I am remembering this frustration I felt with this individual and vowing not to be so callous.

I speak in all truthfulness when I tell you all that I am grateful for you all. And those who have never done foster care or something along those lines, I know you have walked a difficult path of your own -- probably even more challenging than this -- and I genuinely appreciate you.

Death By a Million Pin Pricks

I haven't forgotten all you dear readers. And not to sound dramatic, but last week life felt as if we were dying a slow and painful death of a million pin pricks. Our foster daughter has had enough of us. Her jabs were constant and unrelenting starting last Sunday during church. Monday I was in tears. I tried to be the adult and rise above the constant "she's looking at me", "he's not your brother", "don't drink all your milk", "don't touch that". What's more fun than some time out of the house at a play ground, right? Wrong. At least last week it was wrong. We drove around while I blared Jars of Clay's Redemption Songs in the van. My spirit calmed, the kids seemed to calm. We went to Safe Harbor Park.

Everything started great, but Abbey was just a little too quick and ran ahead of our foster daughter to the slide. There goes Abbey's head -- being shoved down the slide. Abbey cries, foster daughter looks guilty, then lies, then goes to time out, then screams at me, then has snot and tears running down her face while she screams. The battle ensues. Twenty minutes it took her to tell me what she did then apologize to Abbey.

Battles over food, over telling the truth, over sharing and being kind, waking up at 5:30 am and not napping well. A million pin pricks.

We questioned ourselves. What are we doing? Why did we think we could handle having foster children? Are we destroying our kids lives?? I felt sure that I was not cut out for this. At one point I was so exasperated with the kids that I yelled "Everybody just stop it!! I think my head is going to explode!" They stopped -- they looked at my head to watch it happen.

I prayed more. I asked for friends to pray for us. I cried. I prayed more and more and more. And slowly, the week got a little better. Saturday was actually somewhat relaxing. Sunday wasn't too bad either. Today was actually pretty darn good. Somehow, in the midst of the chaos, our foster daughter has learned to write her nickname. The baby is smiling, and laughing and we just taught him to clap his chubby little hands. Thank the Lord for this baby. He is a joy to have in our home and is a spot of sunshine on the really awful days.

As usual, the Holy Spirit spoke to me through Scripture.

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart." Psalm 27:14

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior." Titus 1:4

When I was ready to throw in the towel, the verse from Psalms appeared in our devotion book. Just because we had a good day today doesn't mean we will have a good day tomorrow. Yet God's grace really is sufficient. It is only through His grace that we made it through those days. And now we've had a couple of good days and we are gaining strength. I'm sure I'm being filled just to be emptied again, but God will see us through.

If you think of us, please offer up a short prayer on our behalf. Many people have asked us how they can help, and right now I feel that prayer is the most valuable way that anyone can help us minister to these children, especially our foster daughter.

J-O-Y

The girl has potential. Don't all children?

Reading is lovely and beautiful and fun. I have always read to all of our children. I question whether the girl has ever been read to in her nearly 4 years.

But today she has learned how to write the first letter of her nickname. She was so proud of herself. We celebrated her success.

I think that small victory makes up for the three crowns and the one filling she had to have this morning.

We are finding JOY each and every day with these dear children who are with us. 

Magdalena Turns 2

I did it!! I took all 5 kids to Park City to get Maggie's 2 year pictures taken. I survived (barely) and only lost one kid for about 5 minutes. Three of the kids fell asleep on the way home so I made many trips to and from the van to carry kids up to their beds. To say it was a long day is putting it mildly. But I was thankful I planned it for a Wednesday, knowing that we would be going to my in-laws for dinner so I wouldn't have to think about food. The more kids I have the more grateful I am for Wednesday nights with my mother and father-in-law.

 This is a funny Maggie-face. I can't tell who she looks like here. I guess she is just her own person!

Since this is an all about Maggie post, I thought I would think of what Maggie loves best at age 2. When she wakes up in the morning, the first things she wants is "nilky" (milk). She loves to play with the water table outside, but is not thrilled about the pool. She loves to take a bath but hates to have her hair washed. She is generally a good eater. I'm not sure what her favorite food is... maybe freeze pops!

She is opinionated. [Gasp! Surely this is not my child!] If she is upset that I am disciplining her she will say, "I don't like you, Mommy! You're yucky!"
 

But she can be very sweet, too. She likes to be held much more than either Anne or Abbey ever did. She can be very kind and helpful. She is starting to enjoy coloring more than she did before. She loves to paint. She loves her pink boots and her unicorn slippers and tea parties and babies. She really really loves babies. [Okay, she must be mine.]

I LOVE THIS FACE!!

 

For fun: Maggie's size and weight compared to Anne and Abbey at age 2:
Maggie: 33 inches tall and 22 pounds
Abbey: 32 1/4 inches tall and 21 pounds
Annie: 36 inches tall and 26 pounds

I think it is safe to say that she will soon catch up to Abbey.

Maggie has not been feeling great for the past couple of weeks. Yesterday and today she seemed much better. She has struggled to get along with our foster daughter since the day they arrived. But yesterday the two of them got along great. They were sharing and using kind words and sitting together nicely. I was thrilled at this change in both of them. Our foster-daughter has fiercely defended Maggie saying, "Don't you do that to my sister!" Maggie adores our foster-son. She crawls along the floor with him, makes sure he doesn't put small things in his mouth and refers to him using terms of endearments such as, "Babykins" and "sweetheart".

Magdalena continues to bring so much joy into our lives. We are thankful for her, for her fun-loving personality, for the different perspective she brings into our family. And I'm even thankful for the noise, the tears, and the hurts she brings. I cannot imagine life without her and am so often reminded of her small beginning, the uncertainty with her health, her gluten-intolerance, the long nights of being awake, and again, I'm thankful. The Lord has seen us through some very difficult days, and I'm confident that He will continue to see us through more of those days as she grows older.

I hope you have enjoyed the Maggie post.

Coming soon.... the Anne girl turns 5.