Death By a Million Pin Pricks

I haven't forgotten all you dear readers. And not to sound dramatic, but last week life felt as if we were dying a slow and painful death of a million pin pricks. Our foster daughter has had enough of us. Her jabs were constant and unrelenting starting last Sunday during church. Monday I was in tears. I tried to be the adult and rise above the constant "she's looking at me", "he's not your brother", "don't drink all your milk", "don't touch that". What's more fun than some time out of the house at a play ground, right? Wrong. At least last week it was wrong. We drove around while I blared Jars of Clay's Redemption Songs in the van. My spirit calmed, the kids seemed to calm. We went to Safe Harbor Park.

Everything started great, but Abbey was just a little too quick and ran ahead of our foster daughter to the slide. There goes Abbey's head -- being shoved down the slide. Abbey cries, foster daughter looks guilty, then lies, then goes to time out, then screams at me, then has snot and tears running down her face while she screams. The battle ensues. Twenty minutes it took her to tell me what she did then apologize to Abbey.

Battles over food, over telling the truth, over sharing and being kind, waking up at 5:30 am and not napping well. A million pin pricks.

We questioned ourselves. What are we doing? Why did we think we could handle having foster children? Are we destroying our kids lives?? I felt sure that I was not cut out for this. At one point I was so exasperated with the kids that I yelled "Everybody just stop it!! I think my head is going to explode!" They stopped -- they looked at my head to watch it happen.

I prayed more. I asked for friends to pray for us. I cried. I prayed more and more and more. And slowly, the week got a little better. Saturday was actually somewhat relaxing. Sunday wasn't too bad either. Today was actually pretty darn good. Somehow, in the midst of the chaos, our foster daughter has learned to write her nickname. The baby is smiling, and laughing and we just taught him to clap his chubby little hands. Thank the Lord for this baby. He is a joy to have in our home and is a spot of sunshine on the really awful days.

As usual, the Holy Spirit spoke to me through Scripture.

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart." Psalm 27:14

"My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9

"Grace, mercy, and peace from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior." Titus 1:4

When I was ready to throw in the towel, the verse from Psalms appeared in our devotion book. Just because we had a good day today doesn't mean we will have a good day tomorrow. Yet God's grace really is sufficient. It is only through His grace that we made it through those days. And now we've had a couple of good days and we are gaining strength. I'm sure I'm being filled just to be emptied again, but God will see us through.

If you think of us, please offer up a short prayer on our behalf. Many people have asked us how they can help, and right now I feel that prayer is the most valuable way that anyone can help us minister to these children, especially our foster daughter.