Caroline is Seven (and Four Months)

Caroline is seven (and 4 months). Wow, I'm getting worse at this!

Caroline continues to be all that is sweet. She was so happy to be gifted piano lessons for her birthday. She has been eager to start and had been self-taught/sister-taught for quite awhile. Since this is being written four months after her birthday, I can report to you that since starting lessons in January, she has already completed level one piano. She LOVES to play. She LOVES to practice. She LOVES her lessons. She LOVES her teacher. She often forsakes her other school work in order to play piano longer. In fact, I had to enforce rules on when she can play piano since she was not getting any school work done.

As sweet as Carrie is, she really doesn't love to complete school work. She would prefer to play with Heidi and Ruth or play piano rather than other school work. She does like to read, but not to the degree that her older three sisters are book-obsessed.

Caroline loves spicy foods and even adds sriracha to many of her foods. Her favorite foods are Chinese food, rice, tacos, broccoli and cauliflower (especially if there is cheese sauce), chili, coffee and more. Her least favorite foods are lasagna and ravioli. 

 

Carrie's favorite color is still purple and she still loves roses and zinnias. She loves to help in the flower garden and is very happy to be alongside of me pulling weeds. She loves to drive the mower sitting on my lap and is already showing marked improvement from last year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Caroline loves to be outside, climbing trees, swinging on the tire swing, and more. 

 

Played more video games than I care to admit during the winter.

More than anything, Caroline loves her two little sisters. She asks and prays daily for more siblings. Caroline has a tender heart for orphans. She grasps that her sisters would not be her sisters without adoption. She was so sad when she learned that we cannot adopt from China again because of certain rules China has that we do not meet (specifically the number of children currently in our home). She was quick to ask if there were other countries that don't have that rule. 

 

She still wants to sing about Jesus in prisons when she grows up and wants eight or nine children. Her one concern was who will watch her children while she's singing about Jesus. It was so precious to hear Ruth pipe up that Aunt Ruthie will watch Carrie's kids. As you can see, Caroline has a very soft heart for many people. It will be a joy to continue to watch her grow and mature into a sweet young lady who follows Christ whole-heartedly.

The main complain lodged against Caroline by her sisters is that she's “perfect”. The older sisters complain that they “know how Jesus's siblings felt” growing up with a perfect sibling. Of course, Carrie will readily admit she's not perfect, which makes them all the more angry. 

 

With a house full of girls with lots of different strengths and personalities, it's been very pleasant to have such a happy-go-lucky child. Carrie is easy to be around, and a friend to all. She loves to chatter non-stop and loves to be with other people. She has been wrestling with a fear of the dark but I have faith God will help her overcome it soon. 

 

Happy 7^th (very belated) birthday, Caroline Rose. You are a joy!

 

Heidi is 3 (and 3 Months)

Three and three months!

 

I'm not typically this delayed in posting, yet here we are. Back in November, our baby turned three! 

 

Sweet girl

While Heidi is not a “typical learner” she is a learner. We are so thrilled to see her progress in many ways.

 

Sisters make the best friends!

Heidi is nearly caught up to the physical skills of a three year old. She is running, jumping, climbing, kicking a ball, going up an down stairs independently, and so much more. She still has a tiny delay in this area but it's so small I have no personal concerns about her ability to catch up.

She still has significant delays in her fine motor skills. This is not surprising to us as her parents. If you recall, when Heidi came home at just about two years old, she could not hold anything in her hands for more than a second or two. What she could hold she didn't know what to do with. There was so much lack of exposure to developmentally appropriate toys and a constant caregiver that she was stuck in an infant stage. She is now scribbling (on walls) on paper, drawing circles and lines, she can play with toys, pick up light toys and heavy toys, she can throw a ball, stack a few blocks (current least favorite activity), put pegs into holes, and more. She just learned to pull her own pants up and it's very hilarious. Tonight for the first time she pulled her zipper on her jammies up independently. She is right around 16-18 months for her fine motor skills which is about the length of time she has been home. I am very content with her growth in this area.

Baby and daddy

Heidi is making small gains in speech and communication as well. She seems to understand much of what we say, but does not always respond. Heidi is very motivated by music. She loves songs and has words for several of her favorites: ta-ta is Twinkle Twinkle, ehh is Ants go Marching (I don't always catch this the first time she says it so she will follow it up with drumming like we do for the song but we're working on the sign for ant). She is finally, finally starting to request what she wants. When you live your first two years in a place where you do not receive anything unless someone gives it to you, you don't even know that you CAN ask for what you need. I was so excited one day she brought me her water bottle and signed water. It was empty and she was asking for water! This may seem so insignificant for a three year old to ask for water, but it was ground breaking for us. She went to the laptop where she normally has speech therapy, and said, “Ta-Ta”. She wanted to watch the Twinkle Twinkle song her therapist plays her. She knew the laptop was a place to get the song she likes. She will go to the door and say “out” when she wants to go outside (although she has no desire to be outside now that it's snowing). We still give Heidi many, many prompts throughout the day, “Can you tell me what you want?”, “Use your words”, “Can you show me?”. When prompted she often can respond appropriately, if she's in the mood. 

 

Ruthie comforting Heidi

Heidi's favorite animal is a horse. One of the most exciting things she did recently was make a connection in her brain. I compare Heidi's learning style to a light. Some kids get those instant light bulb connections, right? But Heidi's light is on a dimmer switch. Slow and steady progress leads to her light turning on. It was such a surprise to me when I did see her have a light bulb moment. We were reading a book and I showed her the horse, pointed to the horse, said horse, told her to say horse. She did what I asked, then got so excited. She jumped off my lap, ran to her bed, and picked up the toy horse. I praised her mightily, telling her yes, that's a horse! 

 

Heidi's OT gave her this horse for her birthday

Then she ran back to me, climbed up on my lap and over my shoulder to look out her window. She was watching for a horse and buggy. She was saying “horse!” and hitting the window, and it was so incredible to see her connect all of those things together. A picture, a toy, and a real animal all are horse and all represent the same thing. She hasn't made as firm connections with other things just yet, but I know the day is coming.

Snapchat filters with Mema make her laugh - this was the colored lips - couldn't stop laughing!

She can follow a one-step command, but most of the time it has to be something we have already taught her. For example: Throw this in the trash. Put the blocks in the container. We often shorten the commands after saying the full sentence. “Put the blocks in the container.” Is shortened and repeated a couple times with “Put in. Put in.” We model it for her, then sometimes need to hand over hand do the again with her, then she can do it alone. But, she is three, so sometimes she just plain doesn't want to do what we ask so there is weeping and throwing of fits. 

 

She started to feed others - so cute!

While all of these things tell you what Heidi can do, they don't tell you who Heidi is. Heidi is so, SO special. She loves to laugh. She loves to be held, and to swing, and to jump on her trampoline.. She is obsessed with her Na-Na (Anne) and will fall on the floor crying if she dares walk past her without picking her up. Heidi loves when Ruth sings to her to calm her down. As music lovers, Heidi can often be found in the office with Carrie, begging for her to play Twinkle, or just pounding away on the piano together. Heidi loves to pull at Maggie until she picks her up. She likes Dada to throw her up high. She likes Mama to rock her before bed. Heidi loves to stare at Petey. As soon as she gets to my mom's house on Sunday afternoons she loves to run at her dog Lucy and clap to make her bark. She loves Uncle Ramon's beard (and Brandon's beard, and Andrew's beard, and daddy's beard... well, just in general she loves beards. If you have a beard she will want to sit on your lap and touch your beard. Sorry.).

Loving her cousin, Brandon's beard

 Heidi loves to be tick-tocked (turned upside down and swung gently by the legs) and tickled and chased. Heidi loves horsey rides and thinks Abbey gives the best (most dangerous-looking ones in mom's eye) ones.

Crazy horse rides with Abbey

We are very proud of the strides Heidi has made in all areas since she came home. There are still many struggles that we work through with her as the trauma of her early life has hurt her deeply. People who are unfamiliar with trauma may not really understand what this looks like and we are, admittedly, still learning. We believe it quite likely that she experienced a traumatic birth. Her first birthday with us we didn't understand what was happening to her on her birthday. She hated it. She screamed and cried and was overwhelmed. Her body was physically shaking like she was trying to avoid hypothermia. We thought maybe it was sensory overload, or the time change (Daylight Savings), or the first cold snap was bothering her. The more we learned about trauma and the effects on the body, the more her symptoms pointed to this.

 

Birthday "twins" 10 years + 1 day apart

When she turned three I tried very hard to keep our day as normal as possible. She had a certain point in the day where, again, her body was shaking uncontrollably. We wrapped her tight in a blanket and held her in front of our fireplace. We still went to be with Trent's parents as we always do on Tuesdays and she held herself together for much of the evening. However, when it came time to open a small gift she had silent tears pour down her cheeks. She began crying in earnest and we went home. I held her tight and rocked her until she finally was calm again. We don't know what future birthdays will look like, but it's possible she may never enjoy her actual birthday. We have learned that talking about what she is feeling may help. Since she still is mostly non-verbal, we hope that she will gain the language needed to help her process what her body is going through. We are thankful that we have the advantage of years of psychiatrists attempting to understand and help heal the brains of people who have gone through significant traumas. 

 

Sweetest Snugglers

Most of all, we are thankful we have a God who is the ultimate healer. While we recognize our complete healing will not happen until we reach Heaven, we do believe He can provide significant healing in Heidi's body, mind, and soul. He is good. 

 

She brings joy to my heart!

Anne is 13!

 

Our first teenager! (A terribly belated birthday post!)

 

Back in early November, Anne turned 13. Anne has such a fun personality. She is very confident in who she is and has a firm belief that she is quite hilarious. She is a lover of puns and her box full of puns was one of the most loved gifts she received for Christmas. Anne is also very good at voices and impersonations. The girls favorite voice she does is Harlow Doyle from Adventures in Odyssey, and my personal favorite is Mr. Bean.

 

Anne has a very nice singing voice (certainly not inherited from her parents), and has a flair for the dramatics. She has high hopes for being in some school plays in future years.

 

Anne has taken on incredible responsibility with the amount of chickens we have. She raised and helped butcher ducks in the spring. We now have a total of 25 hens and 1 rooster. Anne does the bulk of the work for them. She has researched when some of our chicks were ill and not only figured out what was wrong with them, but found the medicine to make them well, administered the proper dosage and they all recovered. When we had a disappointing loss of some of our chicks due to a hawk, Anne did the research to figure out ways to deter them. When our scarecrows and other efforts still failed we added a rooster to the flock at Anne's suggestion. He's been the perfect addition and we have only lost one chick since then and it was her first day out in the pasture. 

 

Anne doctoring an injured chicken

Anne has been saving up money from the eggs she has been selling to purchase an incubator. She wants to add some rare breeds to our flock and sell chicks in the spring. With a boost from her Christmas money she had enough and was thrilled when the incubator came in the mail. Some of the breeds Anne is hoping to hatch are Lavender Orpingtons, Buff Brahmas, Welsummers, and Cream Legbars. She has spent a lot of time on hatchery websites finding where to purchase fertilized eggs. She plans to also hatch some of our own eggs that our rooster fertilizes.

Trent and Anne have planned to start raising Coturnix Quail for meat. They will hatch them out in Anne's incubator and then raise them continuously throughout the year. She has really enjoyed our hobby “farm” life, especially this year during shutdowns.

Anne is a great big sister to all the girls, but especially to Heidi. Heidi will cry if Anne walks past her without acknowledging or picking her up. One of the few words Heidi says consistently is “NaNa”, for Anne.

While we haven't decided what we will do for school in the fall, Anne is hopeful to go to a brick and mortar school for the first time. There is a lot to consider, especially with the changes that schools are facing currently and what the education system will look like in the coming year. Anne is a very talented and smart girl.

Anne has been happy to be part of our church youth group this year. It's always nice to get a chance to be away from little sisters for awhile and make some friends. We're so excited to watch Anne grow into a young woman. She continues to have her goal set at becoming a nurse when she grows up. It's been really neat for her to hear her cousin, Zoey, speak of her experience as a nurse in the labor and delivery department. My personal hope is that she'll continue to seek the Lord for all her days and that she'll follow in whatever direction He leads her. Anne is a bright spot in all our lives, and we hope she'll shine the light of the Lord into the ever-darkening world.

Christmas Letter 2020

 

Dear Family & Friends,

We hope the end of 2020 finds you well. What a year! We have relished in the benefits of a large family and rural living in the midst of stay-at-home orders and been conscious of the loneliness and isolation felt by many we love. We should have predicted that 2020 would be a doozy when our January started with Ruthie getting Salmonella and being hospitalized for three days. It seems appropriate that we chose the word gratitude to focus on for the year.

We are keenly aware that, pandemic or not, children and babies don't keep. 

 

Anne, 13, is now solidly taller than Emily, standing proudly at 5'4” with hopes of another couple of inches growth in the coming years. The pandemic changed her school plans for 7^th grade and instead of going to Linville Hill Christian School she has been homeschooled again, taking on all her own education with a little guidance from mom. Her favorite part of the year has been the expansion of our chicken flock. She spends hours with the chickens, training them, building and mending shelters and fences, teaching them tricks, and enjoying their quirky personalities. She has started selling eggs and has almost saved enough money to purchase an incubator. Anne is excited to try hatching eggs in 2021 and is dreaming of adding some rare breeds to our flock. 

 

Anne, 13

 Abbey, 11, is also growing up quickly. She also loves animals but is more interested in dogs than chickens. Abbey loves playing with Heidi and is a big help to Emily, especially in the mornings. Abbey continues to be a voracious reader. She has honed her persuasive skills this year and has been impressive with her organization of an argument. Abbey is growing up into a delightful young lady. She is a great help in the kitchen and is gaining confidence to read a recipe and bake unassisted by mom. Her greatest hope for 2021 is to add a dog to our family who isn't old and decrepit like 14.5 year old chihuahua, Petey. 

 

Abbey, 11

Maggie, 10, has been relatively healthy, but had a sleep study which revealed moderate sleep apnea. Most surprising was the fainting spell she had upon waking up from the sleep study. She has fainted a couple times in the past so her doctor said she's just a “fainter” much to the jealousy of her sisters who claim it's not fair they have never fainted. She had her tonsils and adenoids removed and has had improved sleep since then. Maggie had the main care of a piglet this year which grew rapidly into a disgustingly large pig which we took to a butcher in September. It was an enormous responsibility that she never wants to do again. We found that getting a pig to a butcher is much more challenging than you would realize, which created a very memorable, but gruesome story that we will not tell in this letter. It is, however, the best pork we've ever eaten. She is also very good with Heidi and loves to make her laugh. Maggie also loves to read, occasionally to the detriment of her other work, but mom can relate to getting sucked into a good book. It's not uncommon to find her with her three little sisters, playing a game or making up a story. It's really delightful to see her kindness and compassion with them. Magdalena is on board with high hopes for a puppy in 2021.

 

Maggie, 10

Carrie, 7 (on Dec. 20) continues to bring sweetness and joy to all she meets. More than anything, she wants to be a missionary when she grows up, and especially wants to play piano and sing about Jesus in prisons. She has a tender heart and feels strongly for the hurting of the world. Shockingly, Caroline does not love homework and needs a little motivation to keep her on task. She does love to read, and it's beyond precious to find her curled up with Ruth or Heidi, reading to them. Carrie loves being a big sister and is so good at making Heidi laugh. She and Ruth continue to be the best of friends. What a privilege to grow up and share a room with your BFF. 

 

Carrie, 7

Ruth, 5, has had a challenging year. She started 2020 (Jan) by getting Salmonella and spending three days in the hospital with a blood transfusion and IV fluids. She fell while we were camping (July) and got two staples in her head. She needed another palate surgery and it was determined she should have a blood transfusion prior to the surgery (Sept). Those are just a smidgen of the medical appointments she has had. She has weekly speech therapy and recently picked up an additional speech therapy every two weeks. Through it all, Ruth has proved to be a remarkably happy child. She is so smart, learning to read small words, rhyming, and so quick with math skills. She has a beautifully steady hand and loves to color and draw and come up with creative crafts. Her penmanship puts her older sisters to shame. Ruth brings so much spice to our life. While quite the opposite personality to Caroline, the two of them are practically inseparable. They balance each other out very well, each bringing out in the other what they would otherwise lack. It's amazing how God knows just what we need to develop our character.

Ruthie, 5

Heidi, 3, has grown so much since last year. She is 3 inches taller and 8 pounds heavier. She is starting to say some words and has several signs. She still has the most contagious laugh. Heidi loves to swing, jump, throw and kick things, and run. She loves music, and her current favorite song is “5 Little Ducks”. Horses are her favorite animal and she loves watching our Amish neighbors go by. We've been blessed with amazing therapists in the birth-3 program and were so sad to move on to the next level for children 3-6 years old. But once again, God has placed great therapists in our lives to help us learn about how best to care for Heidi and guide her as she grows up. She now has a speech therapist, occupational therapist, and a special education teacher. Everything is done on Zoom so it is a lot of the therapists guiding Emily to teach Heidi in a variety of new ways. We are grateful to have Heidi as our daughter and cannot imagine our lives without her. She is a very special little girl.

 

Heidi, 3

Emily's days are full between therapies, medical appointments, and homeschooling. Because she is who she is, she added on a hobby of growing lavender last year. This year she distilled it into oil and made a variety of products (mainly soaps) all featuring her home grown lavender. It has been a fun activity that all the girls and even Trent have gotten involved in. She hopes someday to expand into a farmette. She's already dreaming up new recipes and has plans to expand the amount of lavender she grows. In the midst of the busyness, the hobbies, the hard days, and the fun ones, God has been evident in our lives. We are grateful to have our faith deeply rooted, like a tree planted by streams of water. The pandemic and political climate has not shaken our faith. In fact, we feel more firmly planted than ever. God is good.

 

Trent continues on with his 15^th year at BCF Group in the commercial insurance department. He started working from home in March which was an adjustment. Emily especially liked having him home for lunches and to be available as an extra set of eyes when she had to take younger kids to medical appointments while Anne was babysitting (because of Covid, siblings were no longer allowed at appointments). This year he enjoyed working on our little piece of land, building strawberry boxes, planting a garden, expanding our pasture for our chickens, working with his dad to rehab a shed for the chickens, and more. He also really enjoyed our church's outdoor services over the Summer/Fall. We had 17 outdoor services in a row without a single rain out! What a miracle.

 

As we look back on 2020 we say: Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His love endures forever!

 

Sending you all the warmest wishes for a happy new year!

Love, The Hess Family

Trent & Emily, Anne, Abbey, Maggie, Carrie, Ruth & Heidi

One Year Home With Heidi the Brave!

One year. A whole year of being home with Heidi. Our brave, brave girl. 

There is so much I could say about this past year so it will take great restraint to keep this post short. Likely I will be unsuccessful. 

On this day, Sunday, September 13, 2020 I will say this about Heidi: she has the most contagious laugh. Heidi can be stubborn; if she doesn't want to try something new, you cannot make her. Heidi is brave; after watching you show her something new she will almost always try it if she can do so on her own terms. Heidi is finding her voice, finding her way in the world, finding where she fits in this all-of-a-kind family. Heidi will do things for dad that she refuses to do for mom. Heidi will run to Anne or Abbey if she doesn't want to do what mom wants her to do. Heidi gives the best running hugs when I open her door in the morning. Heidi is very often happy, full of joy and light. She brings sunshine to our lives and we are eternally grateful that she is a Hess girl.

The year has not been without it's challenges. Loving Heidi was never hard. In the midst of all the difficulties the year presented, attaching to and loving Heidi was never one of them, and we are very grateful for that.

When Heidi came home one year ago her skill level was in about the 0-6 month range for everything. She was 22 months old when she came home.

(Heidi just before adoption)

Her cognitive skills were solid in 0-3 months with one skill in 3-6 (pull cloth from face). Heidi spent a significant amount of time staring at her hands. There was a decided lack of opportunity in her orphanage coupled with the fact that she spent her first 6 months of life in a hospital, it is our belief that she did not have the chance to grow these skills. With love and lots of therapy she is now at 18 months! That's a solid 15 months gain in 12 months. Praise God for the miracles He has done in Heidi's life.

Heidi was in the 9-12 range for physical development because she could stand up on her own, but for fine motor was back in 0-3 month because she didn't use her hands for much of anything and certainly could not use the pincer grasp. Heidi could hold a toy for less than 3 seconds before dropping it. She had no connection to toys, didn't know how to play, how to touch, how to explore her environment. Heidi is now solidly in 24 month skill level for her physical development with some higher level skills (kicks a ball, walks heel to toe, swings arms) at 30-36 months. This is an 18+ months gain in 12 months! Her fine motor skills are still lagging behind which is to be expected. With the tremendous help of her occupational therapist (I love you, Chris!) she is solidly at 12 months. That's a 12 month gain in 12 months! She has overcome tremendous fear, sensory challenges, and more in working with her hands. Praise God for the miracles He has done in Heidi's life.

Heidi was at a less than newborn (is there such a thing?) stage for eating. She could not suck a bottle or chew food. If she was not being force fed in the orphanage she would have been on a feeding tube. We were so grateful for our previous experience with Ruth drinking from a spoon bottle for cleft babies who cannot suck, and were even more filled with gratitude to have been able to find one in the city Heidi was from. Her feeding experience had been so traumatic plus she had poor oral hygiene resulting in painful gingivitis that every meal was extraordinarily stressful for all of us (and woe to anyone who happened to be at the breakfast buffet at the same time as us) in China. If she ate 5 bites of watery yogurt without screaming we considered it a win. I made frantic calls from China to our dentist and doctor, both of whom have my undying love and gratitude for their reassurance, kindness, and willingness to personally call me back across the ocean. This need is the one we were not anticipating at all. Her adoption file stated she was eating rice, noodles, drinking a bottle, and more. We were completely unprepared for an almost 2-year-old who had no idea how to eat. 

Heidi can now suck from a straw and sippy cup, she can chew a variety of textures, she can pick up a spoon and feed herself, she can attempt to spear with a fork and feed herself, she can scoop food out of a bowl and feed herself, she can pick up small bites with a pincer grasp and feed herself, she can take an appropriate bite of a sandwich and chew and swallow and feed herself. Guys.... do you see the pattern. Heidi. Is. Feeding. Herself. I had hoped this would happen by her third birthday. Apparently all it took was me going away for two days and daddy being in charge for her to decide she can feed herself. This puts Heidi solidly in the 12 month range with a couple of “big kid” skills like using a spoon independently (12-18 months) and using a fork to stab food (18-24 months). A 12+ month gain in 12 months. This has not been accomplished without great effort on the part of Heidi, Heidi's therapist, Heidi's sisters (who patiently loved her and sat through countless meals where she screamed), me and Trent. But most of all, God, who we praise for the miracles He has done in Heidi's life.

Heidi's communication skills at adoption were, again, very infant-like. She cried. A lot. For everything. She was at a 3-6 month level for her communication skills: meaning she laughed out loud, she would turn her head when her name was called, she made noises. But mostly. She cried. Oh, how she cried. Heidi cried one day for so long and us so unable to comfort her and at a total loss in how to help this sweet, sweet girl, that the hotel sent someone to knock on our door to check on us. I don't know what they thought: maybe they thought the baby was alone in the room, I don't know. I remember feeling so completely helpless. I had five other children and lots of experience with children and babies, and I couldn't make her stop crying. I prayed so much, so hard during our time in China. It's a humbling experience not to be able to provide comfort for a child you've longed for. Because Heidi's other needs were so much more pressing (she NEEDED to eat), we didn't start speech therapy right away, even though she qualified for it.

(Sweet, brave baby girl)

We started only in January, 2020, so just 8 months ago. When I consider the way God works, I can't help but see his hand evident in every aspect of Heidi's life. Heidi has been blessed with two Christian therapists (We love you, Hope!). Her speech therapist has walked alongside of us and celebrated all Heidi's gains with us. Not only did Heidi have a significant speech delay (3-6 month skill level at 22 months of age), she now had to learn a whole new language! In about June we started to see Heidi make some small connections. She understood “more” for the first time, and used the sign appropriately. From there it has snowballed into dramatic improvement. She still relies heavily on sign language, but her therapist is confident (and thus, she makes me confident) that Heidi will be verbal. She WILL be verbal. Heidi is gaining new signs all the time and is putting together 3 signs, most often a combination of more + (whatever she wants) + please. She can sign more, water, milk, yogurt, noodles, jump, book, all done, help me, please, tickle, shoes, baby. She can vocalize “mah” when signing more, “dah” for all done, pluh for “please”, and upon request will say “dada” and “mama”. When asked “Who do I love?” she says “You!”. She can give high-fives and fist bumps. If I say, “Gimme some sugar baby,” she leans her head forward for a kiss. She understands, “No,” and just started shaking her head when she knows she's doing something she's not supposed to (like pulling hair). Heidi is racking up the animal noises: she has mastered elephant, monkey, and sheep, and makes a valiant effort for snake. She can point to her head, eyes, nose, and belly. She's hanging out in the 12-18 month range which a couple of 12 month skills she hasn't mastered (she rarely says anything spontaneously, it's all upon request), pointing isn't a strong suit just yet, and doesn't always respond to “where” questions. If they are questions we have deliberately worked on such as: bring me a diaper, or put the diaper in the trash, she can do those things, but I would say she's still inconsistent enough not to count it.

I saved the best skill set for last. Social-emotional. At adoption Heidi was at a 3-6 month level, with one skill (peek-a-boo) in the 6-9 month range. One of my favorite videos we received of Heidi prior to adoption, one of the videos that gave me such hope for Heidi's future, is a video of her being tickled by her ayi and her laughing and laughing and laughing. Heidi was fifteen months old in that video. She could only turn her head from side to side and roll over from her belly to back. She was very, very tiny. Her head was very flat from lying on her back so much. But she laughed. And oh, could she laugh. And I thought to myself, any baby that can laugh in the hardest of circumstances, has a light in her that the darkest circumstances cannot put out. Maybe in that very moment I began thinking of her as my daughter. In her other very early videos her skill level was so low it was scary. Scary to consider what her future might be. Scary to consider all the challenges she would face. But God. He sees beyond those moments of our fear and provides grace to us for our humanness. 

(15 months old)

Heidi Grace is initially reserved with new people, but when she loves, she loves deep. Heidi has always made great eye contact. When the International Adoption Clinic Specialists told me to consider that she may have autism, my family physician said don't you worry about that. Look at how she looks at the caretaker. And when I brought her for the first visit he said, “look how she looks at you. No, you shouldn't worry about that. I think in a year you'll see a completely different child. What she needs is for you to love her, feed her right, and get some therapy.” And by God, he was right. I'm so grateful to have a Christian doctor in my life! Heidi is now soaring into the 12-18 month range, with some additional skills in the 24 month range such as pride in accomplishments, listening quietly to stories or a movie, and using “please” (still working on “thank you”); additionally she recognizes when others are happy or sad, which is a 24-30 month skill. This is a 12+ month gain in 12 months. The amazing thing is that Heidi has not only adapted to a new language but a new family and STILL managed to gain over a full year's worth of growth in one year. Her speech therapist (and I) fully anticipate much more rapid growth now that she clearly understands English. We Praise God for the miracles He has done in her life.

Sadly, Heidi has some behaviors which are often referred to as “orphanage behaviors” that we continue to work through. The hardest of these has been seeing her hit herself in the head. I had read about children who lived in orphanages doing this but didn't have any personal experience with parenting a child like this. Since Heidi loves to teach me new things, this has been one of them. It was so shocking the first time we saw her do this. Most often it had to do with feeding. Later, it had to do with whenever another child in our home would cry, she would start banging herself in the head. I will admit we haven't worked through this completely and are still attempting to make her feel loved and secure enough that she doesn't feel the need to comfort herself in this way. Often, in an orphanage setting, there aren't enough caretakers to comfort crying children. Many times they learn not to cry because it doesn't elicit a response. Other times, they find other means of self-soothing, like rocking themselves, banging their heads, or hitting themselves. It's a drastic, harsh reminder that children belong in families. The very best orphanages are still not replacements for a child having a family. When Heidi first came home she never came to us for comfort. When she was upset she would lie on the floor and pick at the carpet, or lie on the floor and hit her head. After visiting her orphanage I have no doubt she spent many, many hours in this manner. Now she runs to us when she's sad. She wants someone to pick her up if she's been hurt. She looks to people to provide what she needs. Most of the time. When Ruth cries (since the oldest 4 rarely cry) she often will still hit herself in the head. We are working with her therapist to figure out a way to curb that instantaneous response, but our social worker said often it just takes time. Lots and lots of time. And we praise God for the miracles He has done in her life.

This past month has been filled with so many gains. New signs. Feeding herself independently. So many laughs. So much joy. A new routine with sisters going back to (home) school. And through it all, she remains our Heidi the Brave.

When we were given the laundry list of possible diagnosis for Heidi prior to adoption it felt so scary. We had prayed and prayed and some of you will remember that I felt God pressing on my heart on Good Friday that all we can see is the bad, but he sees the future and knows how her story will end and it is good. We went into bringing Heidi home as a Hess with the knowledge that she may have any number of medical diagnoses. She does not have any of them. Yes, she is still developmentally delayed but we truly believe she will continue to make progress and catch up. We're so grateful to have said, “Yes” to Heidi. We can't imagine our lives without her in it and we feel so privileged to call her ours.

Happy one year home! We love you!