2023 & a Tribute

2022 had been a great year for our family. We were mostly healthy, happy, and relished the joy a new baby brings in their first year of life. Unfortunately we ended the year with the most tragic, unbelievable loss of our friend, Marty. 

He often described himself as common, a cowboy, a ditch digger. But you only had to speak to him once to know he was so much more than that. I grew up listening to Marty play guitar and sing about Jesus at church and saw him act as a big goofy kid during water games at VBS. As I grew into an adult he became a friend. 

Marty playing “I Cross my Heart” by George Strait, Dec 2005. 

He played and sang in our wedding 17 years ago, I helped at his and Mary’s backyard club, I taught his son in youth group and he taught my daughters as their Sunday School teacher for many years. He played a set of music for Ruth’s adoption fundraiser and he wrote us a letter of recommendation to become adoptive parents. 

Marty at Ruth’s adoption fundraiser.

Marty and Mary’s example of loving and raising Bethany with grace and humor is part of what encouraged us to say “yes” to our sixth daughter, our sweet and feisty Heidi with intellectual developmental delays. 

My friendship with Marty was not unique. He was a genuine person who made everyone feel valuable. I loved our after church chats about lavender farming. I’m sure going to miss those.

Photos from August when we made a party out of helping another lavender farm friend. We ate pizza off the back of his truck and the men got to work pulling weeds while Mary and I harvested the lavender. 

It seems fitting that the most comforting words I’ve heard since learning of Marty’s unexpected death are his own. Lyrics to a song he wrote many years ago that have come back to me time and again over the years (I had emailed him from the hospital when we had Hans about this song). //I know a peace, that passes understanding. I know a calm, that can carry me through. I know a joy, that like the sky is never ending. I know a peace; yes and you can, too// //Did you ever stand all alone on a cold and rainy day, with a tear in your eye wondering why life turned out this way? But in the midst of the darkness, Jesus is light, there’s just no place in this world that you’re out of his sight, cause he is the peace that passes understanding.//

What joy for Marty to sing praises face to face with our Savior. But, oh, what a southern gentleman sized hole remains for the rest of us. I sure was looking forward to another 20+ years of friendship. 

Marty driving his John Deere in the Solanco Parade several years ago (2018 I believe) 

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.” 

Thank God we have hope of seeing one another again. 

Earlier in that same Thessalonians passage is a great description of Marty:

“Now about your love for one another we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. And in fact, you do love all of God’s family throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers and sisters, to do so more and more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.”

Our family chooses a word each year. 2023 has been declared the year of love. Love like Marty. 

Marty, who loved and invited people into his life: young and old, rich and poor, country and city. 

Marty, who loved by serving others by the work of his hands.

Marty, who loved by leading in worship. 

Marty, who loved. 

This year our aim is to do our best to love like Marty did. While it won’t be exactly like Marty did (this cowgirl can’t sing or play music) I’ll be sure to do my best to use the gifts God has given me to spread the love of Jesus. To spread the True definition of LOVE. To encourage my kids like Marty did to use their gifts in the church. 

So long, cowboy. 

It won’t be the same without you. As the obituary stated so perfectly: “His passing leaves a hole no backhoe can fill in the hearts of many.” 

https://memorials.groffeckenroth.com/martin-sommerfeld/5106091/index.php

Maggie is 12 (&3 months)

In August our third daughter turned 12!

Maggie is a really fun girl. She absolutely adores Hans; it’s not uncommon for her to scoop him up and carry him off to hang out with her. She is also very good and devoted to Heidi. Maggie is often able to calm Heidi and gives her so much love and care and help everyday. 

One of my favorite things to see Maggie do is take Ruth and Carrie under her wing to teach them all the fun games she used to play when Anne, Abbey and Maggie were the little ones. 

Maggie’s definitely one of the big kids but it’s really precious how much she still likes to play. She has felt deeply her age and has said some poignant words about growing up. About how her childhood is fleeting, the size things used to seem, and other heart rending things like that. She very much recognizes how quickly the day will come when she will head off to high school. I’m not sure how thing will go for her next year when Abbey heads to high school. However, I said the same thing when Anne went and it was a beautiful time of growth for Abbey. I have no doubt we’ll see the same things from Maggie. 

Maggie loves to draw. She still loves her yellow crocs (she’s had them in 3 sizes now I think!). She loves to read. I’m so impressed with the adorable characters she has drawn and created. She made the cutest drawing of me as a dragon wearing baby Hans. 

Maggie continues to March to the beat of her own drum. She is particular about her clothes: preferring baggy t-shirts, never long sleeves, and overalls or sweatpants. 

(These two look so much alike, but one has blue eyes and the other has hazel.)

Maggie does a great job taking care of the animals. I love to watch her play with Peach and am always impressed with how a small girl can get such a large dog to come. 

Happy belated 12th birthday, Maggie! We love you!!

Three Years of Loving Heidi

Sweet, beautiful, Heidi Grace. 

We are blessed beyond all measure to have Heidi as our daughter. The girls all (except Ruth 😉) say that they know they aren’t supposed to have a favorite sister, but Heidi is their favorite. While we hope for many more miracles in Heidi’s life, we foresee her being, what I lovingly refer to as, a “lifer”. Someone who will require lifelong care and guidance. Before adopting Heidi that term instilled a little fear in me. But God, in His goodness, has placed Heidi where she was meant to be. Her older sisters fight over who gets Heidi when they’re grown up. I pray they will continue in their fathomless love for her. 

Heidi’s language comprehension has drastically improved in the past 6 months. She understands, I think, most of what we are saying. She absolutely understands when we ask simple requests of her (it doesn’t mean she will comply) but if she’s in a mostly good mood she will! If she’s doing something she’s not supposed to she gives us that side eyed look she’s famous for. 

I had meant to write this blog when she was home exactly three years which was a couple weeks ago. I’m so glad I didn’t because I have the most incredible, miraculous update yet!

I had set the first 2 weeks of September clear of therapies and other appointments in order to potty train Heidi. The first week it was …. Everything in the underwear, on the floors all over the house, outside, pretty much everywhere but the potty. However, by Friday of the first week she definitely was feeling she had to go; we could tell because she was doing the typical potty dance. But she would NOT go on the potty. I let it go with much gentleness of spirit, gifted from the Holy Spirit. I went through the weekend discouraged after reading an article on toilet training children with developmental delays. On Tuesday of week 2 I had enough of her knowing she has to pee, me sitting her on the potty, her not going, then 5 minutes later peeing on the floor. 

We battled it out. She sat with me holding her firmly but lovingly, constantly telling her I love her, she is safe, she’s smart, she’s capable. And finally, finally, she could hold it no longer and she peed. Yes, it got all over me and the floor. So what? It was a small price to pay for the victory. A second time Tuesday I had to force the same thing. 

Wednesday. Miraculous of miraculous days! She peed on the potty with no qualms all day. She had 1 little dribble in her underwear but came to get me and she finished on the potty. And everyday since then she’s been dry all day with the exception of pooping. Always poop in her diaper at naptime or in her underwear. But I wanted to ride this wave of victory for a bit. 

Then, tonight. She was at the piano looking almighty suspicious. Took her to the potty, still dry, no poop. She sat there: boom! Pooped on the potty like she’s been doing it her whole life. Now, I happened upon her at just the right moment. So, will it happen again? We hope so! 

All this to say: Heidi has come SO far in three years. She goes to Sunday School when my sister, Audrey (she looooves Aunt Audrey) is teaching. She goes in the nursery at church. And while she’s not “typical”, she is Heidi, and that’s even better. 

She was SO happy to have Chinese food the other day. It was really adorable watching her house the meal. Three years ago she couldn’t chew, or even suck a bottle or straw. She was a nearly 2-year-old infant. Those early days were so long and exhausting. I don’t think I would have believed it if someone would have told me where we are today. 

Yes, she still has many things that are difficult for her. She can still get set off by certain things, but even that has improved drastically. Hearing a baby cry has always been a trauma trigger for Heidi. Hans has helped with that quite a bit. While it’s not perfect, we can often talk her through it so she does not self harm (scratching herself is what she does most often). 

I have high hopes for the growth Heidi will experience having Hans as her little brother. I’m so amazed at how God knows exactly who we need in our families. It’s almost like He designed family. 😉



Heidi Grace, happy 3 years home! We love you more than you love ice cream and swings. Looking forward to the rest of our lives loving you. 

Months 7 & 8 with Hans

July and August have gone so quickly. This may be the first summer I wish could go on a little longer. Normally I’m ready to get back into the routine of schooling the kids. I can’t put my finger on the reason behind my feelings … maybe it’s that the summer was busy without any major vacation … maybe it’s that we’re loving this season of Hans’s life and the joy he is … or it could be wanting to hold on to these last days of everyone under our roof while it lasts. It’s good and right for our children to grow, to have their first job, and eventually leave home. The reality of Anne starting her sophomore year is hitting home. Just a couple more summers with all of us together. Anne even said the other day, “Where did my childhood go?” It’s a strange time of parenting a teenager, a baby, and lots in between. Hans will have a much different childhood from Anne. 

I’m a much more relaxed mom now than I was nearly 15 years ago. Anne was kept on a rigid schedule whereas Hans is dragged from one sport, sister’s work drop off and pick up, doctor, dentist, therapists appointments to another. He naps randomly, usually in the car, often in someone’s arms. Anne could only ever sleep in her own bed and rarely fell asleep in anyone’s arms.

I couldn’t say that one way is better than another; it’s just our reality. Hans will be different from Anne for his experiences. He is extremely laid back most of the time. He is most happy when someone is talking to him, looking at him, or holding him. He for sure does not like to be alone. Yet, in a flash, it’ll just be Hans and Heidi at home. As I type this he is laying beside me on the bed, gently falling asleep, his foot pressed against my arm. So peaceful. 

I intended to share some new things that Hans is doing but found as I sat down to reflect on the past two months that all these other feelings are in the front of my mind. 

The milestones are precious and beautiful to see unfold. But again, I’m much more relaxed in the way I parent baby seven. Hans starting sitting up pretty well around 6.5-7 months. Just this week at about 8 months he had been up on all 4’s, rocking, lunging forward, pressing with his feet, rolling and trying to move. He finds toys and paper and all manner of things and puts them in his mouth. 

He wants to feed himself bites of food rather than eat puréed baby food. 

He will grab hold of something and shake it vigorously. 

He smiles the sweetest smile. 

He looks like his dad and his grandpa. 

He has the brightest blue eyes. 

He is absolutely adored by so many. 

He has brought joy to our home. 

He is so loved by his sisters that they want us to have more babies. 

Heidi & Hans 

Hans & Magdalena 

First French fry! (Loved it!)

Last bath in the baby tub. 

Hans has been to the zoo, the pool, camping, to Cherry Crest, Dutch Wonderland, and craft shows.

He’s truly a joy and delight and we are continually grateful to God for his life. 

Love you, little buddy!

Half a year with Hans

Hans is 6 months old! Half a year of joy and delight with our little buddy.

He’s a good sleeper. He is finally starting to nap in his crib somewhat regularly. It’s been helpful for me to get a few things done while he naps. 

We got pool passes again this year and I wasn’t sure how it would go. Hans seems to enjoy having his toes in the water. He will kick around a bit then I hold him and he falls asleep. It’s very sweet. 

Anne taking a turn holding Hans so I can take Heidi into deeper water. 

He is enjoying looking at books! This makes the girls very happy. 

Hans continues to be a contented baby. He loves to be held. He sometimes sucks him thumb, or two fingers, or both his thumbs at the same time, and a pacifier

My sister, Audrey, loves holding Hans and talking to him. So sweet!

He’s the sweetest sleeper and I love his face. 

Hans loved our trip to the cabin! He did great in the car and slept fine in the pack-n-play. 

Hans is rolling over frequently now. He still doesn’t love to be on his belly even though he’s always rolling onto his tummy. He is close to sitting up on his own and getting stronger everyday. 

Hans is the youngest at church right now and Jean Bitzer is the oldest. This was such a precious photo to me. 

Daddy and Hans. I look forward to watching these to guys together. 

Little brother. So loved. So special. He’s going to be a great man someday. We’re grateful to God for Hansy’s life. 

Hans is Five Months

My little buddy is five months old. 

He is a joy and delight to our hearts. 

I turned 37 a month after Hans was born. It’s been eight years since we had a newborn in the house. Having one again is making me feel so many things. 

It’s been unbelievably precious to have the honor to hold this little man. When I was a younger mom I felt all the pressure for my kids to exceed every milestone. I felt all the judgement (likely mostly in my head) if my kids weren’t on top of all their skills. Being an older mom, and a mom of children with special needs, has shown me that those things don’t really matter all that much.

There was an article that just came out on Vox giving alllllll the reasons why women can’t breastfeed. It dedicated an entire section on the amount of time it takes. Their goal was to say “who really has time for this?” But I say, what better way can a mother show deep love for her child than by allowing her own body to nourish him? What a gift to hold my son for countless hours during his first year of life to gift him food, comfort, love, and to bond in a beautiful way. Maybe I feel it more deeply after missing out on the first 2+ years of my fifth and sixth daughters lives. The healthy emotional attachment that babies gain from nursing is irreplaceable. 

Now, some highlights from the past month!

We had a wonderful Easter celebration! Look at all these cousins who get to grow up together. Hans is the youngest of 20+ cousins. 

My sister, Stacy, took this adorable photo!

Hans found his thumb and is loving it. He rejected the pacifier for a few weeks in favor of the thumb, but now goes back and forth. 

Hans is a drooly, drooly baby! He goes through so many bibs that I would rather spend money on cute and functional bibs than clothes since no one ever sees his shirts (unless I’m changing bibs)! 

Love making my guy laugh!

He sleeps half swaddled so the thumb can comfort him through the night. He’s also a spitter which is why I have the blanket under his head to sleep. 

Hans is the master cat napper. I can already see him as a dad and grandpa gently dozing on his chair to “rest his eyes”. 

Mr. Blue Eyes! So handsome!

Ah! Both of my Mr. Blue Eyes. Love these guys. 

Hans is now rolling over from his belly to his back. He is getting close to rolling from his back to belly also. He still doesn’t prefer being on his belly but it’s good exercise for him. 

Hans is about 26” and 13.5 pounds. He’s definitely still happiest to nap when he’s held. Ruth loves to hold him - most of my pictures seem to be of the two of them. 

Hans & Magdalena. 

Haha! Snake on a baby tradition continues!!

We love you so much, little man! Happy 5 months.