Last week I was struggling with selfishness.
As many of you know, adoption is near and dear to my heart. It has been for many many years. I've always wanted to adopt, and Trent and I have had many serious discussions about adoption. We have decided to go to an information meeting on May 2nd to see if now is the time for us.
Then I started feeling selfish. Adoption is really expensive. It takes a long time, and it sounds really hard. And I really would like a bigger house with a bigger yard. And it sure would be nice to move out of the city. And, gee, I worry about the kids going to city school. And our house is already feeling tight, do we have room for one more?
The more I thought about myself, the less appealing adoption was sounding. It wasn't until I said those things out loud that I realized how selfish I sounded.
Please, don't misunderstand what I am saying. I know adoption is not for everyone. I have no problem with people living in big houses, with lots of land, and nice cars. But, if we were to choose not to pursue an adoption because of those reasons, I would be failing to follow God's call in my life.
Galations 1:10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."
We are in a very comfortable position financially, mainly due to our low mortgage and Trent's promotion about 6 months ago. If we were to move to a bigger, more expensive house, we would have less money to pursue an adoption.
I truly believe that if we follow God's leading in this calling, that He will bless us. That doesn't mean that we will necessarily be "blessed" with our dream home, but we will be blessed.
Isaiah 48:17-18 "This is what the LORD says - your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea."
God is still working on me. He is teaching me. He is directing me. I want to learn, and I want to follow. Israel did not pay attention to the Lord's commands. I desire to follow God, I want to obey Him. I'm sure it doesn't make sense to a lot of people to hear of our desire to adopt.
What about the "American Dream"? To be quite honest, I am often quite distracted by it. The "things" of this world turn my head from what God wills for me.
I found that I was allowing myself to be pulled into being self-centered by justifying it. I thought, well, I really just want to move because I'm fearful of putting the kids in city school. (2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.)
Growing up we had a really big yard, and I have such fond memories of playing on our swing set, playing volleyball and badminton, soccer and baseball. However, Trent is helping me to realize that our children will have a different set of fond memories, and that is okay!!
I don't think that I am "cured" of my selfishness, of my fears, or of my failures. I'm so thankful that God forgives.
1 Peter 3:18 "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit."
If Jesus was willing to die for my sins, shouldn't I be willing to follow Him, whatever the cost?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Maggie is 6-months
I am often amazed when each of my children reach a new age-milestone. It is always the same story, I can't believe she's 6 months, or a year, or two, or three.... This time it is Magdalena's turn. I can't believe she is 6 months old!
Today she had her 6-month well child check-up. She weighs 12 pounds, 4 ounces, which is less than the 5th percentile and she is 24.5 inches long, which is about the 5th percentile. She has dropped in percentile in her weight, but that could be because she has not been feeling well the past couple of weeks. She still has a runny nose and a cough so she did not get any shots. We will have to go back next week for those. It's hard to believe she weighs so little when you look at those adorable chubby cheeks and arms!
Our doctor is so very good with the children. He has four children of his own so I trust his opinion from a medical and personal level. The girls absolutely love him. When Anne was about two she told me, "Dr. Frey is gentle and kind." He makes the kids laugh and feel very comfortable with him. I'm so thankful for that. They love to tell daddy what funny things he says. When he has to look in their ears he asks if the Cookie Monster left any crumbs in there. This makes them giggle and allow him to look in their ears. I am thankful for the good medical care and advice we have easy access to receive.
New Year's Updates: I completed one Beth Moore study and have not missed a single day of my chronological Bible readings. I admit some days are difficult (reading about the tabernacle has never peaked my interest), but I am doing it!
Anne has helped me to memorize Psalm 121. The last 2 verses are still a bit shaky. I think Anne knows them better than I do! We plan to memorize the "fruits of the Spirit" passage next.
Abbey starts Sunday School next week. She never cries when I leave her at SMILE, and she is really doing well.
Maggie can roll both ways, and it attempting to sit up. She sleeps all night (Praise the Lord!), and takes 2 naps during the day. Her morning nap is about an hour, and her afternoon nap is about 2 hours. She goes to bed at the same time as big sisters do, usually between 7 and 8. She wakes up about 7:30 or 8 a.m. Big sisters are usually up between 5:45 and 6:30.
We are having our entire house re-wired to get rid of the old knob-and-tube wiring. Two electricians were here 2 days last week, they will be here tomorrow, and probably a day or two next week.
We had Trent's car inspected yesterday because we thought something was majorly wrong with it. I really didn't want to spend money on a vehicle (my least favorite thing to spend money on!). Praise God that it was only low power steering fluid and cost less than $100 for everything!! God is so good. I don't know why I waste energy worrying about things that He takes care of.
My mom has offered to help us re-paint the big girls' bedroom. I chose a lovely old-fashioned pink color. When I showed Trent he just sighed submissively. He has resigned himself to the fact that he lives with 3 daughters and a wife who love pink and all things old-fashioned. I have such a wonderful, patient husband.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
New Baby Thoughts
No, we're not pregnant.
Last night I got an e-mail from a friend who just announced they are expecting their second little baby. I was extremely excited for them. In fact, Trent came in the room and asked what I was smiling at as I stared joyfully at the computer screen.
As I was brushing my teeth I just kept on thinking about how excited I was to hear about this new life growing inside my friend. I started praising God for this new baby, and lifted up prayers of health for the mother and health for the unborn child. I still couldn't wipe the smile off my face. As I was praising God I had a sudden thought that had never come to me before when thinking of new life. I thought, If I'm this excited, how much more excited must God be??
I know God has a special plan for this unborn baby as he does for each of us. I'm so thankful that my friend and her husband are raising their children in a Christ-centered home. Psalm 127:3 says "Children are a gift of the Lord."
Updates on our little Hessians:
Magdalena: is 6 months old! It is so hard to believe sometimes. She has a 6-month wellness check-up tomorrow so I'll update with weight and length after her appointment. She can roll from her belly to her back, and also from her back to her belly. She can sit up with the help of a boppy pillow. She adores her sisters, and Anne is especially skilled in making her laugh. What a joy!
Abigail: is actually sick today. Poor thing was throwing up this morning. Recently Abbey has been enjoying puzzles. She can easily do our "chunky" wooden pieced animal puzzles. She also likes attempting the alphabet puzzle. I was surprised to see that she actually knows where several of the pieces go! When we sing the ABCs she says, "A-B-C-Noah!" She is very much in the "monkey-see, monkey-do" phase. She imitates EVERYTHING (good & bad) that big sister does. It is definitely a lesson for all of us. She continues to be true to her name and brings our home so much joy!
Anne: has also been interested in puzzles. She has two 24/25 piece puzzles that she can do. She still needs a small amount of help to get them fully put together, but she is getting there. We are working on the alphabet. She can recognize all of them (sometimes she gets X, Y and Z mixed up), and we are working on being able to write them in upper and lower case. Anne also enjoys hearing chapters read to her from "Little House in the Big Woods" by Laura Ingalls Wilder.
Trent reads to Anne and Abbey before bed while I go out of the room to nurse Magdalena. Right now they are reading "The BFG" by Roald Dahl (one of my childhood favorites). Abbey runs around before bed yelling "B-F-G, B-F-G!" I love that they love books!
Well, I suppose that will be all for today. I'll update some tomorrow about our "new year's resolutions" and Maggie's 6-month check-up.
I'll leave you with a little Anne story. We have a little fishpond out back, and for the past 3 winters have always put a little heater in it so the fish wouldn't die. We decided last summer that it was just too much work to keep it clean (a neighbor's tree drops all kinds of stuff in it) and we would close it up this Spring. So Trent thought we wouldn't bother putting the heater in this winter, plus he wasn't sure how necessary it really was. Well, the pond is thawing... Yesterday Anne went out with Petey, looked in to the pond and come running full speed at me. She yelled, "Mom! Mom! I see the fish in the pond. They're laying on their side like this!" So, I go out, and sure enough, 3 fish are dead, floating in the pond. (Gross). We called daddy at work to tell him. We told Anne that we would bury the fish. Anne was explaining to Abbey that daddy will get the shovel, and dig a hole, and we'll put the fish in and bury them. Then Jesus will make them alive again. I said, "Oh, honey, I don't think Jesus will make your fish alive again." She was extremely distraught at this. This morning before breakfast she was telling Trent how sad she was that her fish died (she was nearly in tears), and asking daddy why he didn't put the heater in so they could live?? Later in the morning, she went upstairs. I assumed she had to go potty, and she came back down a little later. She asked, "Mommy, did you know what I was doing?" (This is a scary question for a 3-year-old to ask.) I said, "Ummm... were you going potty?" Anne responded, "Nope. I was in my room praying that God would make my fish alive."
While on one hand it is funny, on another I find it profound. There is such beauty in pure childlike faith. She is completely unhindered by my adult "knowledge" that dead pond fishies aren't going to come back to life. Her faith is pure, not jaded by reality. Trent said, "Well, maybe if we prayed hard enough and had enough faith, they would come back to life."
Dear Jesus-give me a faith like that. I want to have more of you!!
Last night I got an e-mail from a friend who just announced they are expecting their second little baby. I was extremely excited for them. In fact, Trent came in the room and asked what I was smiling at as I stared joyfully at the computer screen.
As I was brushing my teeth I just kept on thinking about how excited I was to hear about this new life growing inside my friend. I started praising God for this new baby, and lifted up prayers of health for the mother and health for the unborn child. I still couldn't wipe the smile off my face. As I was praising God I had a sudden thought that had never come to me before when thinking of new life. I thought, If I'm this excited, how much more excited must God be??
I know God has a special plan for this unborn baby as he does for each of us. I'm so thankful that my friend and her husband are raising their children in a Christ-centered home. Psalm 127:3 says "Children are a gift of the Lord."
Updates on our little Hessians:
Magdalena: is 6 months old! It is so hard to believe sometimes. She has a 6-month wellness check-up tomorrow so I'll update with weight and length after her appointment. She can roll from her belly to her back, and also from her back to her belly. She can sit up with the help of a boppy pillow. She adores her sisters, and Anne is especially skilled in making her laugh. What a joy!
Abigail: is actually sick today. Poor thing was throwing up this morning. Recently Abbey has been enjoying puzzles. She can easily do our "chunky" wooden pieced animal puzzles. She also likes attempting the alphabet puzzle. I was surprised to see that she actually knows where several of the pieces go! When we sing the ABCs she says, "A-B-C-Noah!" She is very much in the "monkey-see, monkey-do" phase. She imitates EVERYTHING (good & bad) that big sister does. It is definitely a lesson for all of us. She continues to be true to her name and brings our home so much joy!
Anne: has also been interested in puzzles. She has two 24/25 piece puzzles that she can do. She still needs a small amount of help to get them fully put together, but she is getting there. We are working on the alphabet. She can recognize all of them (sometimes she gets X, Y and Z mixed up), and we are working on being able to write them in upper and lower case. Anne also enjoys hearing chapters read to her from "Little House in the Big Woods" by Laura Ingalls Wilder.
Trent reads to Anne and Abbey before bed while I go out of the room to nurse Magdalena. Right now they are reading "The BFG" by Roald Dahl (one of my childhood favorites). Abbey runs around before bed yelling "B-F-G, B-F-G!" I love that they love books!
Well, I suppose that will be all for today. I'll update some tomorrow about our "new year's resolutions" and Maggie's 6-month check-up.
I'll leave you with a little Anne story. We have a little fishpond out back, and for the past 3 winters have always put a little heater in it so the fish wouldn't die. We decided last summer that it was just too much work to keep it clean (a neighbor's tree drops all kinds of stuff in it) and we would close it up this Spring. So Trent thought we wouldn't bother putting the heater in this winter, plus he wasn't sure how necessary it really was. Well, the pond is thawing... Yesterday Anne went out with Petey, looked in to the pond and come running full speed at me. She yelled, "Mom! Mom! I see the fish in the pond. They're laying on their side like this!" So, I go out, and sure enough, 3 fish are dead, floating in the pond. (Gross). We called daddy at work to tell him. We told Anne that we would bury the fish. Anne was explaining to Abbey that daddy will get the shovel, and dig a hole, and we'll put the fish in and bury them. Then Jesus will make them alive again. I said, "Oh, honey, I don't think Jesus will make your fish alive again." She was extremely distraught at this. This morning before breakfast she was telling Trent how sad she was that her fish died (she was nearly in tears), and asking daddy why he didn't put the heater in so they could live?? Later in the morning, she went upstairs. I assumed she had to go potty, and she came back down a little later. She asked, "Mommy, did you know what I was doing?" (This is a scary question for a 3-year-old to ask.) I said, "Ummm... were you going potty?" Anne responded, "Nope. I was in my room praying that God would make my fish alive."
While on one hand it is funny, on another I find it profound. There is such beauty in pure childlike faith. She is completely unhindered by my adult "knowledge" that dead pond fishies aren't going to come back to life. Her faith is pure, not jaded by reality. Trent said, "Well, maybe if we prayed hard enough and had enough faith, they would come back to life."
Dear Jesus-give me a faith like that. I want to have more of you!!
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