Whatever the Cost

Last week I was struggling with selfishness.

As many of you know, adoption is near and dear to my heart. It has been for many many years. I've always wanted to adopt, and Trent and I have had many serious discussions about adoption. We have decided to go to an information meeting on May 2nd to see if now is the time for us.

Then I started feeling selfish. Adoption is really expensive. It takes a long time, and it sounds really hard. And I really would like a bigger house with a bigger yard. And it sure would be nice to move out of the city. And, gee, I worry about the kids going to city school. And our house is already feeling tight, do we have room for one more?

The more I thought about myself, the less appealing adoption was sounding. It wasn't until I said those things out loud that I realized how selfish I sounded.

Please, don't misunderstand what I am saying. I know adoption is not for everyone. I have no problem with people living in big houses, with lots of land, and nice cars. But, if we were to choose not to pursue an adoption because of those reasons, I would be failing to follow God's call in my life.

Galations 1:10 "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ."

We are in a very comfortable position financially, mainly due to our low mortgage and Trent's promotion about 6 months ago. If we were to move to a bigger, more expensive house, we would have less money to pursue an adoption.

I truly believe that if we follow God's leading in this calling, that He will bless us. That doesn't mean that we will necessarily be "blessed" with our dream home, but we will be blessed.

Isaiah 48:17-18 "This is what the LORD says - your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: "I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your righteousness like the waves of the sea."

God is still working on me. He is teaching me. He is directing me. I want to learn, and I want to follow. Israel did not pay attention to the Lord's commands. I desire to follow God, I want to obey Him. I'm sure it doesn't make sense to a lot of people to hear of our desire to adopt.

What about the "American Dream"? To be quite honest, I am often quite distracted by it. The "things" of this world turn my head from what God wills for me.

I found that I was allowing myself to be pulled into being self-centered by justifying it. I thought, well, I really just want to move because I'm fearful of putting the kids in city school. (2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.)

Growing up we had a really big yard, and I have such fond memories of playing on our swing set, playing volleyball and badminton, soccer and baseball. However, Trent is helping me to realize that our children will have a different set of fond memories, and that is okay!!

I don't think that I am "cured" of my selfishness, of my fears, or of my failures. I'm so thankful that God forgives.

1 Peter 3:18 "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit."

If Jesus was willing to die for my sins, shouldn't I be willing to follow Him, whatever the cost?