One-in-a-Million?

What are the chances? One-in-a-million? One-in-two-million? I really have no idea what the chances are. But I do know this:

For the past year or so I have been making Wal*Mart trips after the kids are in bed. These trips usually occur every other month. In this past year I have NEVER once seen a single person that I know during these evening trips alone.

Last night I made my trip for those necessities that are so much cheaper at Wal*Mart; such as the ever essential toilet paper which we use so much of with all of these girls. I was nearly finished with my list when I went to the opposite side of the store for the very last item on my list. As I was walking I glanced down an aisle and thought, "that lady looks familiar." I did a double take and stopped in my tracks.

It was our former foster children's new foster mother. I inquired of the children, eager for the news that the caseworker does not gives us. I have always had the other foster family's phone number but it never seemed right to call. And then I see her at Wal*Mart. And again, I ask, what are the chances? I believe that only God could have orchestrated this "chance" meeting.

I'm still trying to process my feelings over this encounter.

After talking to her for several minutes she showed me a photo of our foster son's hair cut. I could have cried. (And later I did.) I had begged for his hair to be cut, but his mom would not allow it. She finally did, and he looked so adorable. He lost his "baby" look and instead gained the face of a toddler. The teeth he was cutting when he left came through. I don't know if I would have recognized him. And that was hard to take.

Our foster daughter is much the same. She regressed when her brother came to live with them. Our foster son was completely out of sorts until just recently.

It was a painful meeting. I'm not sure why God allowed it. My "mother's heart" was so hurt at hearing how our foster son was confused, not sleeping well, and crying.

I will forever carry this little boy in my heart. I know that no matter how long I live I will wonder about where he is and if he is safe. I will pray for him as I do my own girls.

I do not understand the ways of God, nor do I pretend to. These two children have forever changed me. I'm sure that they have impacted me more than I did them.

The hurt I am feeling is still raw. I like to understand why things happen, and I don't know that I ever will be able to fully comprehend this situation.

I decided to tell the girls this morning about my meeting last evening and Anne cried. Maggie emphatically claimed how she missed him. Abbey insisted that we pray for him immediately. They want him to come back, but he never will. Their hearts are still hurting.

I believe they will be very different adults for having this experience as children. We are all changed. Loving someone deeply and letting them go will never be easy. It is my first experience with a grief so deep.

I apologize for this somewhat rambling post, as I mentioned before I am still processing these feelings. I promise to post something more positive in the future!