You Can't Have it All

*Best Friends*

In our Sunday paper inside the Business section there is a page of the Wall Street Journal and on this page there is a column written by Katherine Rosman who writes about pop culture and technology for the Wall Street Journal. She is married with two children and she and her family live outside New York City. Her column from this past Sunday is titled "Maybe You Can't Have Balance, After All." To read the full article, click HERE.

If you don't feel like reading the article, I'll give you the gist of it. The author goes away from her family for a week on a business trip, misses her kids and husband, but still wants to work. While on this trip she meets two women, one working mom, one not. The working mom says, "Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind." The mom who put her career on hold to raise her children said "I wish I had your career but I can't focus on two things at once the way I'd need to."

So what solution does Katherine Rosman come to? Let me quote the second to last paragraph in her article. She writes, "My mom once told me her greatest wish for me was to live a full life. To me, that means piling onto one plate love, fulfilling work, children, friends and yoga. There is no way to balance it all, and if I tried it would mean turning my back on things that round out my life and make me whole."

I have several qualms with this statement. Where do I even begin? Well, first of all, she doesn't mention her husband on her full plate, unless she is wrapping him up with #1 which is "love". Second, she puts fulfilling work above her children. Perhaps this was not intentional by the author, but can you see it? Even if she did not intend this list of things to be listed by priority, she is showing with her life actions what is most important to her. And clearly "fulfilling work" is higher on her list of priorities than her children. Here is the real kicker- it's all about ME. This is what I need to make me whole. Yes, I'm sure my kids would like to have me at home, but you know, then I'd really have to miss out on work, and I wouldn't have as much time for yoga, and you know, I would just rather not have balance if I can't have it ALL.

I don't want to be extremely negative here and bash this woman, because that is not what I am supposed to do as a follower of Christ. I just wanted to use that article to contrast the world's way of thinking with the example that God in Christ set for us.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and your spirit, which are God's."

YOU WERE BOUGHT AT A PRICE.

YOU ARE NOT YOUR OWN.

GLORIFY GOD -
IN YOUR BODY
IN YOUR SPIRIT
THEY ARE GOD'S.

I must die to myself. I was bought at a price. When I look back on my life, at the forgiveness and love I have experienced through Jesus' death on the cross, how can I do anything other than die to myself? It is something I need to remind myself of on a daily basis. My life is not my own. Right now, in this stage of life, after God and my husband, I have my children. They are full of joy, life and love, and at times exhausting, exasperating, and vexing. BUT, when I die to myself and put their needs above my own, I am drawing closer to my Lord and Savior.

Our American culture has learned to bleed a selfish blood. We have been taught that it is all about us, that we deserve the best of everything. Putting others above ourselves has become something foreign. I pray that the Christians in America will set such a good example of selflessness that others will ask them about it. I pray that I can set this example to my children, to my neighbors, and to others that I meet.

John 15:13 (King James Bible)
"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

Who would you lay down your life for?

Thankful & School

The past couple weeks have been busy. Summer always goes quickly, but once August comes with the days full of canning and weddings and canning and "doing corn" and canning and vacation and birthdays and canning, it might as well be fall already.

*Maggie's 11-Month picture. Baby turns ONE in just 2 weeks.*

As I was peeling about my 50th tomato and starting to get tired of it I had a sudden "revelation" of thankfulness. Many parts of the world are suffering from drought. People are starving. And although I know in my head that this happens a lot, I had recently seen a photo of a little boy in Somalia that was near death from starvation. And here I was getting ready to complain that I have 100 more tomatoes to peel. I began to feel thankful in a way that I had not felt for a long time. Praise God that we have food to eat, that our bellies are full of good nourishing food, that I can feed my children. Perhaps this is what struck me the most. There are parents in this world who cannot provide food for their children. Such a basic part of life that I know I take for granted.

*Little Miss Abbey*

Anne likes to remind me on nearly a daily basis that she will soon be big enough to go to school. She tells me how she will put on her back pack and go to school and I'll watch her and she'll wave and then she'll go into the school building and "learn her lessons" and then she'll go out on the playground and then she'll come home again. I've had lots of discussions with friends and family about the whole school issue. We are still debating between public school and home school. Even though I have a teaching degree, I never really wanted to home school my kids. But then I think about Annie leaving and being gone all day and how we'd only see her for a few hours in the evening and on weekends and I'm not sure that I want that. Then this morning our devotions from Daily Light on the Daily Path shared the following verses:

John 17:15 "I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that you should keep them from the evil one."

Philippians 2:15 "Blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world."

Matthew 5:13-14 "You are the salt of the earth,... the light of the world... Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

2 Thessalonians 3:3 "The Lord is faithful, who will establish you and guard you from the evil one."

There were more verses that spoke to this, but I think these best related to my current situation.

We were at a wedding on Saturday and in talking with some people I said something along the lines of, "I just want to move to where I don't have to see anybody else, and I don't want my kids to meet any bad people." And after I spoke those words the reality of it hit me. I genuinely want to protect my children from all the bad in this world. But if they are always living in my protective "Hess Compound" how can they be the salt of the earth and the light of the world? Part of me wants to say "I don't care! I'd rather have them be safe with me than to let them go!" But in my head I know that this is not realistic. I want them to grow and learn and become followers of Christ. And sometimes, they just can't do that under the protective eye of Mama Hess.

*Would you want to send this precious little one to school??*

So now I'm left with the preschool battle. Everyone else is doing it. What should I do next fall? Send Annie or teach her at home? And for those of you who don't have kids or only have really little ones, you pretty much need to sign up your child in January for the coming fall. January is just 5 short months away.

Just Another Day. . .

*Abbey looking sweet at Stacy's wedding.*

First of all, I have to thank my friend Jill for sharing this awesome link with me about motherhood. Motherhood is a Calling (And Where your Children Rank). I was so encouraged by this. I think I should start off every morning reading it. Maybe I will!

Today, despite the heat, I decided to do something fun with the girls that we could never do if we didn't live in the city. We walked (with the double stroller) to Turkey Hill in the 90+ degree heat, got slushies, walked to a shady spot on F&Ms campus, and sat together laughing and drinking slushies. We walked home, full of joy, and love for each other. They spent time in our little pool, and I sprayed the big girls with the hose. We ate lunch, then I was hanging Anne's sheets to dry outside on our make-shift tiny clothesline that Trent strung up for me, and it was an instant tent. Much laughter and chasing ensued.

**My nifty city clothesline.**

We didn't do anything extraordinary. We are just living. Of course, not everyday is full of sunshine and rainbows. We have a child who is in the thick of potty training and has the same issues as big sis (holding her poop/refusal to poop on the potty). I'm amazed at how much of my day revolves around bodily functions. I clean up messy shorts at the playground, get peed on, wash wet bedding when someone drinks too much before bed, and there's nothing like someone yelling, "Moooooom!!! Maggie spit up and Petey is licking it!!" This is my life right now. As we go through the potty training craziness again, I'm reminded that it wasn't all that long ago that Annie was there. And I'm grateful for how far she has come! And then I remember that before too long, Magdalena will be there!

*Typical sisterly-love*

I wanted to give an update on where God is leading us regarding our "Call to Adopt". Because, I truly believe it is a calling. As I was processing my thoughts aloud with Trent the other evening, I was telling him how afraid I am of foster-adopt. Mainly because I know there is a chance that a child could be placed with us, live in our home for a number of days (or months) only to be taken away again. I told him that I don't think I could handle that, emotionally.

Isaiah 42:16 (NIV) "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."

Of course, Trent, being the sensible being that God graciously gave me as a husband said something along the lines of, "So let me get this straight. We're willing to sacrifice financially for an adoption. We're willing to sacrifice our time for an adoption. But we are not willing to sacrifice our emotions? Is that correct?" To which I answered "YES! It sounds too hard." To which Trent responded with a hard stare. I'm coming around to it. I know it won't be easy, but does God want us to do things just because they are easy?

Matthew 7:13 (NIV) "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it."

Yes, the narrow gate. The difficult way. I do not know exactly what God has planned for us. I know that I wanted an international adoption. But we prayed for guidance, for clear signs of opened and closed doors. When we received a "closed door" signal with a particular agency, I did tons of research on other agencies and countries that Trent and I might be approved for. I'd say the research was fruitless, yet it wasn't, because our prayers were answered with a resounding "CLOSED".

Isaiah 30:21 (NIV) "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

We have signed up to attend an information meeting with a local agency for foster care and foster-adopt in the beginning of September.

Proverbs 24:12 (NIV) "If you say, "But we knew nothing about this," does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?"

I'm not sure if the passage below is a translation or a paraphrase, but regardless, I like the wording of the same Scripture from Proverbs.

Proverbs 24:12 "Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows what we know, and holds us responsible to act."

Today I feel thankful for God's forgiveness. For life. For freedom to have "just another day". For each of my special children, their unique personalities, and all the craziness that having three children ages 3, 2, and almost 1 bring!

Oh, and the Big Girls taught Baby how to "Praise God!" When they say, "Maggie, praise God!" She lifts both of her hands Heavenward (and sometimes she waves).

**Big Sisters loving Baby. The feeling is mutual.*

The Women of Titus 2

Do you know this portion of Scripture?

Let me share it with you:

Titus 2:1-5 (NIV)

"You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."

Did you catch it? The older women are to teach the younger women. And, I think that while all of the attributes listed are good, they can almost be boiled down to this "teach the younger women to be content." Almost, but not quite.

I've had conversations with young mothers like myself who feel that they aren't doing enough. That there is pressure to do more. Basically, to be outside the home doing "something". But in Paul's letter here to Titus, he is clearly stating that the young women are to love their children, to be busy at HOME, and to be subject to their husbands. Perhaps some find these verses constraining, but I find them freeing. Praise God that I can be at home with my children! Praise God that I can be busy at home! Praise God that I can love my husband and be subject to him! Praise God for the older women who are teaching the younger women!!

Wait!! Are there older women teaching us younger women? Or are we floundering, alone, lost, and confused. I hope that if you are a young mother reading this, that you have someone older and more experienced teaching you. I know I'm thankful for the older women who have spoken encouraging words to me. "You're doing a great job, Emily." "I pray for you daily!" "I love you!" "I love your family." I am definitely thankful to be in a church where there are many women who speak encouraging words to me on a regular basis.

Last month in our church newsletter this poem was shared, and it really encouraged me. I wanted to share it with you.

"What did I get Done Today?" By Shirley A. Warfel
May 13, 1982
"What did I get done today?"
I asked myself at the close of day.
There were meals to plan -
some exotic dishes,
others labeled "quite nutritious."
There were beds to change and wash to do
and stacks of dishes to name a few.
There were friends to call and bills to pay
and scattered toys to put away.
There's always plenty of mending to do,
and don't forget, Spring cleaning, too!

But, "what did I get done today?"

My daughters and I had quite an excursion,
with venturous tales beyond all diversion.
We hiked to a farm, "so far away",
and watched the baby lambs at play.
We sailed some leaves down a little brook,
and tossed some stones in the minnow's nook.
We picked some flowers in the shade,
and talked about God and all He had made.
We gazed at a butterfly's intricate wings,
and marveled at such a beautiful thing.

We had lunch where the willow bends,
and left some morsels for our "friends".
We held hands and sang and laughed,
and then we even skipped our naps!
We wished some wishes and dreamed some dreams,
and spent some time thinking up schemes.
At supper we relived it again,
as we told Daddy, "how busy we'd been!"
That night we stared in the looking glass,
Oh my, how little girls grow up fast!

Now, "what did I really get done today?"
I taught a child how to love and pray.


So many things in this poem resonated with me. What about you? What did you really get done today?

Where God Leads, I Will Follow

I was so sure that God was leading us to an international adoption. We began the process when a variety of things started going wrong. There was a lack of communication between us and the agency, and Trent and I just got the impression that God was making it clear to us that an international adoption is a closed door at this time. I was very disappointed.

We still feel called to adopt our next child. But where is God leading?

Several people had mentioned domestic adoption, and as far as I know there are two options. 1. Domestic Infant Adoption, and 2. Foster-Adopt. We had previously ruled out option number 1 because (in general) there is a much bigger demand for infants than there is supply (as terrible as that may sound). And (in general), many people who chose this form of adoption cannot have biological children.

So we are looking in to foster-adopt. We are definitely taking this slow, and praying about it. At this time we are trying to get more information on where we start and what will be best for our family. Any prayers are appreciated.

I read this today and was so encouraged.

Psalm 46:1-11 (NIV)
¹ God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
³ though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.

⁴ There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
⁵ God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
⁶ Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.

⁷ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.

⁸ Come and see what the LORD has done,
the desolation he has brought on the earth.
⁹ He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.
¹⁰ He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”

¹¹ The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress


I am reminded to take time to "be still" as verse 10 says. Over the coming months I am going to take as much time as my children allow to just be still and be in awe of our God. His plans are far greater than my own, and I am trusting in Him to lead our little Hess Family wherever He wills us to go.

Quick update

Hey all!

Magdalena got a clean bill of health at her latest well-child check-up! She weighs 14 pounds, 14 ounces, and was 27 inches long. In both height and weight she is in the 5-10th percentile. Just a fun little tid-bit, she weighs 2 ounces more than Abbey did at 9 months, and is the same length as Abbey! It looks like our little peanut will catch up to Miss Abigail before too long!

Our doctor recommended that we begin Maggie on some grains, and to try rice first. I don't know why I didn't listen!! I was so eager for her to be able to feed herself that I went and bought some wheat-free organic baby "cookies" so that I could have a little break during meal times. She LOVED them. I gave her 2 at lunch yesterday and 1 at dinner. And guess what? She was up almost all night crying.

It looks like big sisters will get to enjoy those little goodies instead of Baby. Even though the cookies are wheat-free, they are not gluten-free. I'm not going to introduce anything else this week, in order to make sure the gluten is completely out of her system before I try the rice cereal. I'm looking into purchasing some gluten-free baby puffs. Unfortunately, my grocery store doesn't sell the gluten-free, so I would have to order them online. The only problem with this is that you have to purchase a whole case, and if they upset her stomach I just wasted money....

Abbey is insistent upon wearing panties. Yesterday she wet herself every time all morning long, even if I had just sat her on the potty. However, after nap we tried again and she had success on the potty!! It was very exciting. This morning she went pee on the potty before we went to the playground. While we were at the playground for quite a while she was swinging and told me she needed to go!! So, I hustled over there with her and Maggie in the Snugli and she went again! Unfortunately, I think she was so excited that she didn't go the full amount, and she wet herself soon after we got home. But still, it was a great improvement, and I am seeing a glimmer of hope!

Well, that's all I have time for right now.

Enjoy a picture from my older sister, Stacy's wedding.

My Flesh is Weak

Over the past couple of weeks I have been bombarded with Scripture concerning our human weakness. I am totally willing to admit that I fall into the category of having a great weakness when it comes to desiring things of this world when I know they are not right for me.

Galatians 5:16-17 (New International Version)

"So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want."

So here we are. My flesh desires a home in the country. The Spirit desires an adoption. They are contrary to each other. At this time, we can't have both at the same time. This conflict of Flesh vs. Spirit is causing a lot of discussion between Trent and I, but also making me realize that Jesus left us with the Holy Spirit for a reason. He doesn't want us to do "whatever we want".

Matthew 26:41 (English Standard Version)

"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

I feel this way more often than I care to admit. It's not enough just to admit that my flesh is weak even though the spirit is willing. This verse gives us something to DO about it. Watch and Pray! This is essential for me to remember. Pray, Pray, Pray!

Romans 8:26 (New International Version)

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."

I love this verse. So, yes, we are weak, but guess what? We are not alone!! The Spirit helps us!! The Matthew verse tells us to pray. But sometimes we don't know how to pray, so what do we do? The Spirit himself intercedes for us! Now, this doesn't mean that we don't attempt to pray. I believe this means that when we are praying, and don't have the words (so we are contemplating or perhaps silent) the Spirit is interceding for us.

We make choices all day long. Some are much easier to make than others. What should I eat for lunch? what should I wear? etc are some easier choices. Of course, then there are difficult choices: What school should I send my children to? Should we move? When? Should we adopt? When? etc. Because, let's be honest, what we eat for lunch is probably not going to be a life-changing decision. I wouldn't consider myself a "worrier", I like to characterize myself more as a "planner". So, if I have a plan or goal in mind, I like to stick to it. The trouble comes when I don't have a specific time frame. Then, I tend to edge closer to the worrying side of things. Thankfully Trent hardly worries about anything, and he can quite easily bring me back to reality and help me not to worry about things.

I guess what it comes down to is faith. Perhaps my faith is not as strong as it should be.

Hebrews 11:6 (New International Version)

"And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

I cannot please God without faith.

So here I am. I want to please God. I want to remove the "fleshy" side of me. I need to be content. I need to pray. I am willing to do what the Lord requires of me, but my flesh is making it difficult.

Luke 9:23 (New International Version)

"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.""

Did you catch that? If I want to be a disciple, I must DENY myself (pleasures of this world) and take up my cross DAILY, and follow Him. This is a conscious effort EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.! Maybe you don't have the same struggles I do, and that is great! However, I think if we are honest with each other, most of us struggle with something!

I'm thankful for each new day, for a new beginning, and yes, even for another day to deny myself. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and three darling daughters. I am reminded to spend each moment I have with my four dearest people to the fullest. There is no sense in complaining about my selfishness. My children are happy where we live, why make them discontented by revealing my own weakness to them? My husband is happy, why nag and complain to him so that I am as the wife in Proverbs 27:15 "A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day".

;)