Ruthie is Four!

Ruth has been talking about turning four years old for quite awhile.

She has been telling people for months that she's 3 but soon she'll be 4. So when the big day finally came, she was ready!

Ruth is terribly bright. She understand rules to games (whether she follows the rules is a different story), she can read many sight words, she recognizes most of the letters of the alphabet, can nearly write her name (sometimes the letters are backwards h t u R instead of R u t h; although she likes to forsake the "u" and insists she doesn't have a "u" in her name; unless Mema is the one to remind her of that letter). We are planning to join her in Caroline's homeschool Kindergarten class this fall. She's very excited to be in Kindergarten and do homework like all her big sisters.

Ruth has been receiving quite a bit of speech therapy this past year, fluctuating from 2-3 times per week. After she turned four we backed down to one time per week for a 45 minute session. I am her speech therapist the rest of the week and do my best to teach her what the therapist modeled for us. I'm certainly not nearly as fun as Miss Rachel, but I'm ok.

Birthday presents!

She was so excited about this doll that when she pulled back the wrapping paper she jumped up and ran to me and gave me the biggest hug. The icing on the cake is the  doll came with the name "Lili" which is what Ruth often calls things as her silly word. When I found this doll (she's supposed to look Asian but other than the black hair and brown eyes there's really no Asian features to the doll), I knew it was just right for our girl.

Ruthie is still very tiny for her age, not even on the Chinese growth chart at almost 24 pounds and 2 feet 10 inches tall. Her weight to height ratio is pretty good, the 17th percentile.

She enjoyed a fun day out with her daddy for her birthday (North Museum and Friendly's for lunch) but was very ready to come home and see mommy and her sisters.

Kisses for the best daddy in the world

There are still concerns from the doctors regarding her slow growth. We do know this is in part due to the form of Thalassemia she has. She takes a folic acid pill every day to support red blood cell production and a Vitamin D supplement to help with bone density. We have still not had to give her any blood transfusions for which we are grateful. She will go back to CHOP to see the Thalassemia specialist in June and we will see at that time what suggestions the doctor has to make or if we can continue on as we are now.

Her cleft lip and palate have both been repaired. At this point we don't foresee any surgeries for many years (potentially a lip/nose revision when she's a teenager IF she wants it). Her surgeon doesn't think she will need a bone graft in her gum line, but we do know there's a small possibility that after she starts losing teeth we will need to have that checked to make sure she doesn't need that repair. She will likely need orthodontics for quite awhile, but again, this will be years down the road when she starts losing baby teeth and growing adult teeth. We are aware that she also may have missing teeth or misshapen teeth that may require dental work. However, at this time, we are good to go and her biggest hurdle continues to be speech.

Ruth continues to bring our family so much joy. She is Caroline's best friend. She is sweet and snuggly but also loud and spicy. We cannot imagine our family without her as a part of it.

She is very ready to be a big sisters. She prays multiple times a day for her little sister in China and hopes that we will have good news to share soon.

She saw this deer cake sample at the grocery store and knew exactly what she wanted for her fourth birthday cake!

Ruthie Deer, we love you. These past two years have been incredible. We will soon reach the day when she's been a Hess girl longer than she hasn't. And what a day of rejoicing that will be!

Happy fourth birthday, Ruthie V.!

So sassy!

Funding Update

Our precious family and friends. We have said many times how overwhelmed we are by the support we have received for Sister Six's adoption. 

Big Helpers during set-up

When we found out just a week or so before our fundraising event that we wouldn't be able to do a raffle and would need to switch it to a silent auction to keep it a legal activity in our state, I was very nervous to tell the people who extended their generosity to us in advance. All the friends were gracious and understanding of the predicament we found ourselves in. 

Now for the real news you've been waiting for! Our Coffee, Cocoa, and Dessert Fundraiser and Silent Auction raised just over $5,000!

So many lovely items donated!

We had applied for two grants and were shocked to find out this month that between the two we received $10,000. Between the grants, the fundraiser, previous fundraising events, and our personal savings our adoption is FULLY FUNDED! 

Look at all these yummy desserts!

Drool-worthy 

I don't know how to express our gratitude other than a simple, "Thank you."

I was so proud of these three for going outside their comfort zone (for some of them) and teaching a few Chinese words.

So many of you have been involved and dedicated to help bring home our little girl. From the people who made desserts, the ones who donated items for our silent auction, the many people who bid (whether they won the item or not!), the people who helped set up and clean up after the event. Truly, it was something beautiful for God, and we are honored to be a small part of his plan.

Now we persevere through the most difficult part of this side of the adoption process, and that it to wait to be matched. Please pray for us to have patience and to trust in the Lord's timing to bring the girl meant to be our daughter at just the right time. We can't thank you all enough! 

Something Beautiful for God

Recently the girls and I read a book about Mother Teresa. She didn't like interviews, public speaking, or being filmed. She felt those things took too much time away from the work she was doing. However, at one point she consented to doing a documentary. During the negotiations she wrote in a letter to the producer, "Let us do something beautiful for God."

Little Sister's Valentine's Day rose from her Daddy

I am certainly no Mother Teresa, but her words have stuck with me.

All adoption starts from a place of loss. For our daughters it is the loss of birth family, culture, country, and language just to name a few. However, there is redemption in adoption. There is the gain of forever family, new culture, country, language and religion.

God is in the business of making beauty from ashes. Of creating something lovely out of what could be filled with just pain. This Gungor song always makes me think of what God does in each of our lives if we allow Him to work.

It is my hope that our fundraiser to help bring home sister six will be exactly this. "Something beautiful for God". Yes, we would like to raise some money to help offset the costs of adoption. However, we want more than anything for the hearts and minds of our fellow believers to be encouraged. We want others to attempt, in their own ways, to do something beautiful for God. We all know that God does not need our help to create beauty from ashes. But if we allow it, he certainly would like us to be involved and to be part of the story.

I hope that non-believers will see what is happening in our lives and be curious. I hope they will see that there is something different about our family (and not just that we're weird) but that they will see us as Matthew 5:14-16 describes what others should see when they see us.

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

This is what we want. We want others to see God and glorify him.

While I'm writing about adoption I wanted to give a brief update on where we're at in the process. You may remember our dossier went to China in November, 2018. We have been waiting for our match for three months now. We are hopeful that we will be matched soon, but are trusting God for His perfect timing and Providence over this wait and our match. This part of the process is always the most difficult as I'm a person of action and there is no action I can take. And yet, prayer is powerful and I can do that! Our daughter is never far from our minds. The other day Ruth was talking about her and said, "I miss little sister." And I think that's true. We don't know who she is yet, but our hearts miss her and long for the day we can all be together. We would certainly appreciate your prayers as we continue to wait.

Nothing would give me greater joy than to be matched and able to share a photo of her at our event on March 16. We continue to be grateful for the generosity shown by all of you to our family. We hope to see many of you on the 16th for a hug, a prayer, and a fun evening of fellowship.

Caroline is Five!

Five days before Christmas, our sweet Caroline turned five. A whole hand!

PC: Stacy Parmarter Photography

We don't do big birthday parties every year for our kids because 1. it's too expensive, 2. we have a lot of kids, 3. I personally prefer small gatherings. 

When we do have a party I try to make them extra special and memorable by having their favorite people and their favorite foods. We have chosen special years for parties; so far it has been 1st birthday, fifth birthday, and 10th birthday. I guess we'll have to figure out what year beyond 10 to celebrate, maybe 13 and 16. 

For Caroline's fifth birthday she knew just what she wanted. She wanted her favorite people (family, of course) but also her friend, Eliana (who happens to be her 3rd cousin), Matteo (who happens to be her cousin), and her friend Caden (who happens to be Matteo's nephew). Everyone would come and make Gingerbread Houses.

Friends!

Carrie's Gingerbread House

She wanted her favorite foods. My sweet Caroline loves spicy foods. She wanted Jalapeño Chips, Chili (which she calls "cold". Get it? Chilly = Cold), chocolate cake with white icing, purple roses (Rose is her middle name and purple is her favorite color) with writing that says "Happy 5th Birthday Caroline Rose". There were some other assorted foods that she enjoys, like spicy cheese, regular cheddar, crackers and things like that. 

Love Shady Maple's bakery at Fergies!

Caroline is genuinely the sweetest child I have had the joy of raising. Not that my other kids aren't sweet, but do you know how some people are so nice you feel like they can't possibly be genuine? Then you get to know them better and you realize that, while they aren't perfect, they are truly super super super nice. That's Caroline. She wanted our word for the year to be "Niceness". 

Isn't this the sweetest face?

Her generous nature is what has forged the deep bond she shares with Ruthie. When Ruthie came home from China I joked that they were like hens, and it took about a month for them to establish their pecking order. Ruth came out on top. But in all seriousness, I think it took Ruth about a month to realize that Caroline isn't going to fight her and they settled into an easy rhythm of love and friendship. They do occasionally have their spats but they make up with alarming speed. They can be fighting like cats and dogs, screaming and crying, then three minutes later they are holding hands and dancing. 

Snow Bunnies

Caroline started life a tiny newborn, 4 pounds 14 ounces, had a collapsed lung at two days old and spent a total of ten days in the NICU. She has rarely been sick since she came home from the hospital, with the exception of needing tubes in her ears last year (which worked wonders for her hearing!). She still isn't very big for a 5-year-old, just 31 pounds, but size isn't everything. 

Cutest overbite

 When asked, Caroline says she loves: music, Ruthie, babies, chocolate, rice, chocolate milk, bubble gum, catching butterflies, zinnias (which she pronounces zingias), the time when we can grow zinnias, riding my bike, baby bunnies, sledding, eating ice pops outside, Chinese food, swimming lessons, and playing in the bath.

These girls LOVE to wear matching outfits. They would dress alike everyday if they had enough matching clothes.

Caroline does not like: horses, goats, bees, big dogs, at night when I think a tarantula is going to come up the wall and bite me, lima beans, tuna noodle casserole, and fire ants.

When Carrie gets older she wants to be a mom to eleven kids. Because Annie is eleven and eleven is a big number. 

We can't imagine our lives without Carrie in it. She is really smart and excited to start Kindergarten in the fall. She is already starting to read on her own and I know that she will do great with a little bit more structure than what we have done for her early years of learning. She prays everyday for her little sister still in China. Like I said, a sweetheart. 

Happy (belated) fifth birthday, Caroline Rose! We love you!

Anne is (has been) 11 (for awhile now)

Somehow time has a way of going so slow and yet flying by at the same time.

Between painting signs for the fundraiser, Thanksgiving, Caroline's 5th birthday, Christmas and New Year, I allowed myself to get propelled along without sitting down to blog about two special birthdays.

Beautiful Anne

Back in November, which is now nearly three months ago, Anne turned 11. Eleven! It seems strange to think that I've been a mom for over eleven years. I don't even feel all that old. Ok, maybe some days I do.

Anne is a really awesome kid. She is very responsible (like, way more trustworthy than I was at 11). She is a fun girl to be around with a good sense of humor. Anne loves to read books. She recently took her 5th grade CAT (California Achievement Test) exam and scored ridiculously high in all the reading sections (we're talking high school/college levels).

Growing up!

It certainly wasn't a surprise as I am with her everyday so I know how much she reads, how quickly she reads, and how accurately she remembers what she reads. Truly, it's mind boggling how she can recite something from a book she just read. Even when she was little she could quote nearly full sentences from books she has only read once. While this is an excellent skill it makes her less than wonderful at summarizing a book because she remembers and wants to retell every little detail.

Anne has a love, zeal and passion for life. She likes to do just about everything and is nearly always willing to try something at least once. She still wants to be a nurse when she grows up which is great because she is intelligent, compassionate, and hard-working. I have no doubt that she will excel in whatever she does as an adult because she is already a great pre-teen.

Speaking of being a pre-teen, yes, we have had some challenges. While she is as described in the above paragraphs most of the time, Anne will be the first to admit that she isn't always like Mary Poppins and "practically perfect in every way".

Both Anne and I have had some difficult emotional swings in the past couple of months. I am glad that I remember being 12 and how terrible I was. However, in the moment of Anne's outrage I raised her up one and instantly regretted allowing myself to be baited by an eleven-year-old. In the end, both Anne and I apologized to each other and were able to move on. In my regret I worried for days about how my own actions would spoil our good mother-daughter relationship. When I brought it up to Anne several days later she said, "Just forget about it, mom. I already forgave you and you forgave me."

Have I mentioned how awesome she is? I'm pretty sure I was not that magnanimous when I was eleven. Heck, I'm not sure I'm that magnanimous at 34.

Anne is a fantastic big sister. She is always a great help with Caroline and Ruth. She is growing up quickly and has outgrown most toys, but still likes legos and board games. She loves drawing, especially pictures of horses.

She still would love to have a horse, but she'll have to settle for a lamb since she is joining the 4-H Woolies Club. It should be an interesting learning experience.

Anne is growing so quickly these days. She is now 5 feet tall, just three more inches and we'll be the same height. This past year she grew three inches so I wouldn't be surprised if by the time she turns 12 she is as tall as me!

Happy (very belated) birthday to my Anne. Thanks for all you do for our family. You are my biggest helper and things would be much more difficult without you. I love you, Anne-girl!

Hello 2019, Goodbye 2018

Earlier this week we said goodbye to 2018, the year of generosity.

I mentioned previously that the year started out with much excitement and anticipation. Our focus was not on the dollar amount given, but on showing the act of giving to our children.

Then in June we started our second adoption. While we were still giving, our focus changed more to acts of service than items or money given in order to save as much as possible towards bringing sister six home from China.

And then, the most incredible thing happened. Our year of giving generously turned into receiving the generosity of others. It has been extraordinarily humbling. Many people have donated their hard earned dollars toward helping change the life of a little girl we haven't met yet. The fact that our friends and family deem us worthy of receiving their funds is truly humbling. Not a single person has given in a way to bring glory to themselves.

Matthew 6:1-4 says

“Be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

“So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

It is my earnest prayer that those who have given so freely to our family will receive even more than they have given (on Earth and in Heaven). That has certainly been the case for our family in 2018. 

We then welcomed a new year, 2019, the year of growth. 

Each child has set their own goals for areas of growth this year in three categories, Spiritual, Mental, and Physical. They considered these things on their own and came up with their unique goals. Some of them really surprised me in their intensity. While I don't think their goals all fit perfectly with the category title, it was still something they felt strongly enough about that I decided it wasn't necessary to change them.

Anne made up nice little papers for each person in the family to write their goals, so here we all are!

Mama: (that's me! haha!)
Spiritual: Read the Bible in a year again, Bible Studies at Change of Pace, and Self-Control with reading books (this last one may seem weird but I struggled at the end of 2018 and found reading books on my device extremely addictive. I deleted the BookBub app off my phone to help curb the instinctual picking up of the phone and reading....)

Physical: Exercise 2-4 times per week (not for weight gain/loss, but just to be more healthy). And just three days into the New Year and I have already injured my back from running on the treadmill so I think I'll stick to fast walking on my treadmill days. I have Scoliosis and tend to have back/rib/shoulder/and wrist pain as a result of the curve in my spine. However, the physical therapist I saw last year for a shoulder injury was telling me if my core and back were stronger I wouldn't have as much pain. So late in 2018 when I was having rib pain again I started joining my sister about two times per week at the gym. I'm hopeful to keep it up as a lifestyle change.

Mental: I want to learn to farm lavender and plant several rows this spring.

Anne: age 11
Spiritual: Self-Control and Kindness
Physical: Work at getting better at softball
Mental: Read the Bible more and try to learn more Chinese

Abbey: age 9Spiritual: Obeying mom and dad without complainingPhysical: How to spend money wiselyMental: Learn more about the Bible. Read the Bible in 1-year

Maggie: age 8

Spiritual: controlling my temper
Physical: growing better at soccer
Mental: how to do division

Carrie: age 5

Spiritual: niceness (she desperately wanted our word of the year to be "Niceness")

Physical: coloring (I guess this is fine motor skills, right?)

Mental: Math

Ruth: age 3 // we helped pick her goals ;) 

Spiritual: Self-control, especially the volume of her voice, especially when angry

Physical: Eat and drink enough to grow bigger and bigger

Mental: speak more clearly and learn to read

Dad:
Spiritual: do an in-depth study on what the Bible says about salvation/heaven
Physical: run on the treadmill or outside 2x per week
Mental: Learn, research and scout for deer hunting spots to help Anne and I hunt deer in November.

Do you guys choose a word of the year? How do you manage to stay on top of your goals throughout the year? 

Generosity + Adoption Update

When we started the year with our word choice of "generosity" I didn't know how it would change me. My goal was to show my children how to live generously as all believers in Christ should, as a natural extension of our love for the Lord.

I haven't written the past few months, not because we haven't given or done anything generous, but because I was wrestling with the public nature of blogging about generosity. After checking my heart to be sure my motives are pure (that I share from a stance of encouragement, not boasting), I wanted to write to share what we have done these past few months.

We donated Build-A-Bears that the girls made to Hershey Children's Hospital Child Line Department. The nurses who work there were gracious and lovely not only to Ruthie after her palate surgery, but also to me. So this was an important, personal one we wanted to give to as Ruth received a giraffe that she still sleeps with (1-year post-op!) that someone else had donated. Also, our local Build-A-Bear gave us a tremendous discount when they learned these were to be donated. We didn't ask for it, but were blessed by it!

Just before donating! Look at these cheerful givers (forgot to take a pic with the animals they made)

Since we are trying hard to be frugal in order to save money towards our adoption we started trying to think outside the box. We considered if there were ways we could donate our time or something else that we have to be helpful.

Abbey decided she would like to cut her long hair and donated about 12" of hair.

Before

After

It took me a little longer to come to terms with parting with my own hair, as it has become part of my identity. However, it felt like the right thing to do, especially since it was letting go of something about myself that I loved it felt like more of a sacrifice. I donated 14" of my hair.

Before

After: also, it's never looked this nice since the hairdresser styled it. :/

Yesterday I donated blood. I didn't take the kids along with me. However, while I was there, a friend of mine was also there with her husband and children. As we were chatting she mentioned that her dad used to take her and her sister when he would donate plasma, a three-hour process. They would watch a movie together and her dad set this example to her of giving of our physical bodies to help someone else. It really moved me and I've determined the next time I give blood I will take my kids with me.

Both arms bandaged because apparently my veins are the same size as the needle. But hey, we got it to work!

The most interesting thing has been happening here. I thought this year of generosity would be about the kids and myself giving to those in need. It certainly has been. However, it has been so much more. I am learning also to receive the generosity of others with grace and humility.

People were very supportive of Ruth's adoption, but we've been so humbled by the sheer number of people who have stepped up and given towards the adoption of sister six, some we don't even know personally, just friends of friends. We started this process back in June, just four months ago, and I want to share with you how we have been on the receiving end of your generosity.

The most recent t-shirt campaign raised $195. The total amount we received from t-shirt sales is $1,066.89! (What?! This blew my mind!) The total amount from t-shirts and other extraordinarily generous donations is $3,536.39.

Thus far we have paid a total of $9,540.10 in adoption expenses so we have paid approximately $6,000 of those costs. I share this for two main reasons. One, that you would know we are committed to our daughter and are absolutely willing to part with our money to bring her home. And two, that your faith might be increased when you see how God provides exactly what we need, when we need it.

I don't know who our sixth daughter will be, but I do know that she will be surrounded by a host of people who are invested in her and want to see her succeed and will celebrate with us each victory she has in life.

As I've been praying for her the word "warrior" has come to my mind, over and over again. I have no doubt this little lady will be a warrior princess; a brave, brave girl who will fight and win many battles.

Many of you probably saw we just had our biometric fingerprinting done for the immigration part of this paperwork trail. Immigration approval is the last piece we need for our side of the paperwork. When we get it in the mail we will have to have it notarized and sent to our adoption agency. Then our dossier can go to China! Most likely that will happen sometime in November, unless a paperwork miracle occurs and our approval comes much more quickly than anticipated.

Once our Dossier goes to China we continue our wait to be matched with our daughter. Current timeframes are 9-12 months for a young girl. However, we are open to a fair amount of special needs, so it could be much quicker than that. Once we are matched we will need to pay about $12,500 in fees. Then before we travel we need to pay all travel expenses which will likely be around $10,000. While $22,500 sounds insurmountable, we know that it is not because, with God's help, we did it before and we know we can do it again.

We thank you all for your continued support, encouragement, and love. It's such a joy to me to hear of people in the community wearing our t-shirts, to have excited women at Bible study congratulate me on fingerprints, and to share in the joy of the tiniest updates. You all are a special part of our daughter's life and our lives. You most certainly will have had a hand in changing her world. We thank you all!

xoxo,
Mama Hess