Little Girls Room Reno

For the past several years we have had a “beds room” and a “dressing room”. As the oldest girls got older they started having small complaints about the messes little girls make and other such things. After much deliberation I decided perhaps the time has come to separate them. 

(Before)

The oldest three stayed in the beds room and we moved the little girls to the dressing room (Heidi is still in the nursery but we will likely move her to the littles room at some point). 

(Before/During)

One of the most enjoyable things about making this move was letting the girls choose paint and patterns to make the room “theirs”. Carrie and Ruthie chose a rainbow room. Carrie’s favorite color is purple so she requested a purple wall and Ruth likes blue so she chose a blue wall. The room had been grey before so we left the other walls that color. 

(After!)

We love the finished room! 

I had found rainbow curtains I liked but they seemed so expensive. When I ordered the comforter sets for the girls these sheets came with it. My kids are strange and never use a sheet so I asked my mom to make them into curtains! She went above and beyond and painted the ribbons and gathered them to match the pattern on the comforter. 

They are really enjoying having their own space to listen to cds, play with their dolls, read, and rest. It’s gone better than I expected. They sleep together on the top bunk at night and Ruth naps alone on the bottom bunk. 

Double curtains to help keep out the light in the morning. 

Nine Months Home with Heidi

Heidi, sweet Heidi. Another month home. Another month full of miracles and challenges. 

Heidi chomped some peanuts, goldfish and other crunchy things this month!

She made the “vvv” sound which was new for her. 

(She likes when daddy takes her on wagon rides to the animals and really is interested in what Chili Pepper the pig is up to!) 

We have been working a lot on sign language and she’s mostly resistant as she still struggles to use her hands. However, she loves little hand games and when she wanted us to do “round and round the garden” she moves her hand in a circle. She even tickled her own armpit and laughed hilariously. 

She signed water in her own way (tapped one finger to her mouth). She also signed more and jump. She has only done these things upon request and after we’ve just shown them to her, and when we’re withholding what she wants. For example: she loves for me to jump her on the bed and I wouldn’t bounce her again until she showed me “jump”. She is, after all, a 2-year-old and can be quite stubborn! I was very surprised after breakfast one morning when Caroline said, “Heidi, are you all done?” And she signed “all done” without Caroline doing the sign. 

I believe there is a lot of processing going on in her little brain and sometimes she is slow to react or respond. But not always! If you tell her “no” she’s quick to throw herself on the ground and kick her feet in a fit, or give you a side eye, or growl in her anger. 

(That side eye!!)

She is (usually) good about instantly repeating “mama” and “dada”. One disappointing thing from this month is that she has seemed to lose a lot of words. Other than our names she has never kept a word for more than a week. She sometimes will repeat a word she hears, such as cheese, doll, etc but she can’t get the word again if asked. She did have “baby” for about a week, but she can no longer say it. 

We tried several sensory things this month that have mostly been fails in Heidi’s book. She hates the baby pool. She despised finger painting. She was angry about shaving cream play. And yet. If she can come back to the activity on her own terms she will engage to a small degree. After she freaked out about the finger paint and she calmed down she did eventually pick up a paintbrush and wave it around. She also picked up the can of shaving cream to shake and throw. She didn’t cry when a small amount got on her hand. 

(Hated it)

(Hated it)

(Hated it! She was so mad at me for this she wouldn’t even look at me for 5 minutes.)

I have started work to desensitize her face to wearing glasses as she will likely get them in August at her appointment. Since she loves to swing I put the glasses on her. At first she threw them off but eventually she left them on for several minutes of swinging. 

(Throwing them off)

(Now the coolest little chick!)

We had some good and bad days with eating also. She fed herself the ice cream cone while holding it herself but only one lick, then handed it back to me. But she did it several times. She was picking food up with her fingers. The one meal she fed herself a whole piece of toast that was cut into small pieces! She fed herself bites of a sandwich, a plate of noodles, popcorn, a chicken nugget bite, and more. Most of the time I gently tap her hand to remind her to pick up what’s on her tray and she does it. She has been doing well with the spoon as well. I can usually get her to feed herself 10 bites per meal which is a big accomplishment for her. And actually, sometimes she does better for Trent than for me. Another daddy’s girl, go figure! 

We have had many bad evening meals and we’re trying to find a solution. We’ve been swinging her before dinner and for awhile that seemed to help. Unfortunately, that stopped working and she would be in her chair for a minute and start crying. She would go to her room to help calm her and then she would usually be okay after that. We tried putting her in her room before even going to the table and that sort of worked. It usually isn’t a problem at any other meal, just dinner. I do think it could be too loud at dinner with everyone trying to talk about their day at once. Tonight we had everyone talk more quietly and that actually seemed like to help. So, if it continues to work it looks like I’ll come out a winner with quieter meals, too!

(She loved all of Brandon’s tattoos!)

For a few weeks we worked on pointing to eyes. She didn’t seem to get it until baby Cai was here and she automatically pointed to his beautiful brown eyes. She also pointed to my eyes! 

(Heidi & Cai! The cutest babies!!)

She learned how to high-5 in one day. Normally it takes us weeks to teach her a new thing so the fact that she got it and kept the understanding amazed all of us! 

(She started liking our neighbor boy and he is SO proud. It’s kind of one of the sweetest things to see a new side of him that Heidi brings out!)

She mimicked saying “ahhh!” After taking a refreshing drink of cold water. 

(Obviously Heidi loves her cousin, Zoey!)

(And Emma) 

We would like to see continued growth in her ability to communicate with us. She doesn’t typically initiate her desires in a way that is understandable to most people. We know if she’s at the back door crying she wants to go outside to swing. We added a photo of Heidi in a swing to the door and point to it and say, “Does Heidi want to swing?” And take her out. The hope is that she will eventually take us to the photo to show us she wants to swing. I’m planning to add several other pictures around the house to help her learn to communicate her wants/needs. 

It really does seem like Heidi is understanding us more everyday. She is loving, affectionate, and so very silly. She still has the most contagious laugh I’ve ever heard. She has a light in her eyes and joy in her heart. Heidi is a bit like unlocking a treasure. Each time we think we’ve got it she surprises us with a new complication. Yet each portion that is revealed brings deep joy to all of us. 

Heidi continues to be our brave girl. We’re forever grateful that she no longer has to be brave alone; we’re here to fight for her and with her and cheer her on endlessly. We’re the lucky ones to have her in our lives. 

Happy 9 months home, Heidi! We love you! 

Interracial Family & Parenting

It is a rare, perhaps unheard of, individual who does not make decisions based on their own personal (or to use a woke-term, “lived”) experience. The current trend is full of individuals attempting to be kind, compassionate, understanding of humans who have had different experiences from our own. This is admirable. However, I believe we need to strike a balance between the two to come to a healthy conclusion.

I'm sure it is clear to you that I am talking about the recent tragedy of the police officer in Minneapolis who killed the man he apprehended, George Floyd, and suddenly we're flung hundreds of years back into a racially divided history.

Before I continue I would like to explain my own personal experience. I am a white female who grew up relatively poor as a young child, then my family moved us into a more comfortable financial situation when I was a teen. Neither of my parents went to college. My uncle (mom's brother) is black. His first wife and my cousins are black. My brother-in-law is Puerto Rican. The high school I attended was fairly diverse. I truly believed I had achieved MLK's dream of judging by the content of character rather than the color of skin.

I received a scholarship to an HBCU (Historically Black College/University) in Jackson, Mississippi. I would spend two years living in the deep south. During freshman orientation a motivational speaker claimed from the podium that “your ancestors were slaves and now you have the chance to rise above the man”. Talk about uncomfortable as one of the only white people sitting there. I experienced, for the first time, people hating me for the color of my skin (something we are told does not happen to white people). I had people I thought were my friends tell me, “You're getting too comfortable with us.” I had a classmate claim I was there to “steal their good men,” while I sat, red-faced and silent in a US History class as the only white person in a class of 50 black people. Ironically, it was one of those good guys who stood up for me, telling her that “you know you'd be out of here in a minute for a rich white guy”. I saw black people viciously attack other black people for “talking white” when they didn't use prodigious amounts of (ebonics) slang. I saw black people shaming other black people for being “too dark”. My eyes were opened in a new way to the racial disparity and the very real racism that is still alive, and strong in the south.

The people it was most difficult for me to make friends with were the ones who grew up in Jackson. Others were easier to make friends with because they had, in their personal histories, positive interactions with white people. These were also most likely the people accused of talking white.

Do I think there is racism still in America? Absolutely. I lived it, after all. Do I think George Floyd was murdered? Absolutely. Do I think people are colorblind? Absolutely not. Do I think we should focus more on our skin color. No.

We have been an interracial family for three years now with our daughters adopted from China. Previously we were an interracial family when we fostered two black children. I do not write or speak much about our foster children because they are no longer my children and their story is no longer part of mine (other than watching them grow from a social media distance which I'm tremendously grateful for). So while I could share from the time they lived with us, I will not.

“Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Ruth obviously knows she looks different from the rest of our family. She even looks different from Heidi, our other daughter adopted from China. With summer's first rays, Ruth tans to a glorious, smooth brown. Heidi, on the other hand, is whiter than everyone else in the family. Ruth has silky, black hair, while the rest of us are a range of shades from blonde to brown and everything between. Her best friend and sister, Caroline, is tall (at least in our family of short people) and has blonde curly hair. As for their outward appearances, they couldn't be more different.

Yet, they came to me the other morning dressed alike and noted how no one would be able to tell them apart, because they're the same. Caroline said people would know it's her because she has earrings and Ruth doesn't. 

Why, would two intelligent girls act like they were so similar in looks that people can't tell them apart? I submit to you that it is because their hearts are so in tune with one another that that is how they see themselves. Ruth has gone through periods of time where she is sad and frustrated that she doesn't have curly hair like Caroline. But Caroline reminds her that her hair is nice, too, and as a bonus, it doesn't get any tangles.

So how do I parent my interracial family? I attempt to raise my children in a similar way I was raised: we judge people on their character, not their physical appearance. While we discuss the similarities and differences in our outward appearances, it is not the focus of our lives. My personal belief, based on my own experience, is that when the outward experience is focused on too heavily (such as in the south) it does nothing to ease racial tension, in fact, it appears to exacerbate the situation.

Will my children face unkind remarks because they are Chinese? Most likely at some point in their lives. Did I face unkind and hurtful remarks from my physical flaws and outward appearance? Yes. And sometimes these were comments made by adults who should know better.

But here's the thing. At the end of the day I'm raising my children and growing myself to be a better Christian.

Galatians 3:28 says it best; “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

Obviously there are Jews and Gentiles and male and females and sadly in some parts of the world still slaves and free men. The point Paul is trying to make and that I agree with is this: once we become Christians, none of those things matter, for we are one.

The challenge this brings us to in our current climate of race wars, politics and more, is that many of these people are not Christians. We are not united because we don't all have Christ.

I believe that until we are all united in Christ, division and strife will continue. Jesus is the only answer to cure all our sins (such as racism).

I know there have been many times throughout history when people believe the end times were near. I can see how they would feel that way. Revelation 22:20 resonates more strongly with me everyday: “He who testifies to these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.”

Come, Lord Jesus, come.

COVID-thoughts

I have no intention of sharing this blog publicly because I don't think the world needs my opinion in a market that appears fully saturated. However, during this pandemic I would be remiss if I never wrote a single blog about it as we keep these as our personal family records in book format. I know some of you subscribe and so may read this but please feel free to ignore it completely.

Soon after the coronavirus was big news in the US and PA entered stay-at-home orders by Governor Wolf (March 13, 2020) I began entering into some online discussions with friends. My thoughts and concerns were so different from some that I began to get frustrated and angry. When it became clear that my own contentment was suffering I made a promise to myself to not write a single comment on anyone's posts.

It made me happier. Sort of.

I can intellectually comprehend both sides of the argument and the thoughts and opinions in between. I don't like to make decisions based on my feelings or emotions. However, when the “facts” we get are skewed and blurred and estimated projections of infections are being distributed as fact, I get a bit frustrated. Then when the people screaming “STAY AT HOME” the loudest have not lost their own income because their spouse is an “essential” worker or they can work from home or were a stay-at-home parent to begin with I begin to lose my patience.

I fully recognize the fact that my family is extremely privileged right now. I was already homeschooling and was a stay-at-home mom. My husband is able to work from home with very little difficulty. In fact, we quite like having him here for all three meals and I can pop into his office for a few minutes here and there for a quick chat. Instead of lost income we have more money than before as he now has no commute, and all the kids many doctor/dentist/vision/therapy appointments have been canceled so we aren't running all over.

Absolutely hate wearing this mask! I feel like I can't breathe and it fogs up my glasses. On the positive side- you can't see my pimples.... so there's that.

However, I grew up in a household that lived paycheck to paycheck. I remember what it feels like to go to bed hungry. And I know without a doubt that this sort of closure would have had the potential to devastate my family. There were many times when I was growing up that my dad would get laid off, often over the winter when HVAC business was slower. Over those times he would try to do “side jobs” as I knew them, to do any kind of work to pay the bills and feed our family. With the unemployment websites being overloaded and shut down there are families all over our state that haven't received any kind of unemployment benefits.

So how fair is it for the privileged among us to tell them to stay at home? It's easy to follow the stay at home orders if you aren't suffering anything beyond no longer having your extracurricular activities, your sports, your entertainment, your dinners out, shopping trips and vacations. If you find yourself in the caps locked STAY-AT-HOME camp, imagine, if you will for just a moment, that you and your spouse are both without an income. Imagine you've been spinning and spinning on the unemployment website, never able to log in. One of you tries calling on the phone all day only to get a busy signal so you hang up and redial. All day. For weeks. And when you finally get onto the website you apply. But now it's been seven weeks and you've yet to see a cent. And you have (let's not be crazy and say you have 6 kids like us...) we'll give you the average American family of 1.7 children, likely a dog or two in there for good measure. How do you think you're feeding them? You have no income. You have no job. People are yelling at you to stay at home “for the good of others” and “how dare you be so selfish as to want to go back to work”.

It's mind-boggling. Now throw in the mandated mask-wearing for another full blown argument. Some say masks protect you from giving the virus, but not from getting the virus. Wait, what? More yelling ensues over why we should or shouldn't wear a mask. Stores are told by the governor to turn shoppers away if they don't have a mask on. What country are we living in? To me, this is insanity.

Schools closed and all parents became overnight homeschoolers. Ironic, as the PA governor is particularly harsh and almost hateful to those of us who choose to homeschool. As the governor continually changes plans, has no plan, extends stay-at-home orders, threatens businesses who open without his permission to take away their insurance, their licenses, their leases, and more, it's no wonder that tensions are high. We're now in mid-May with our shut down recently extended to June 4.

When this first happened we were told, 15 days to “flatten the curve”. As I type this it's been 66 days. Our curve is not only flattened but dropped dramatically. Our hospitals have closed entire wings since they stopped doing “elective” surgeries. Thankfully they've started doing surgeries again but still, many, many offices are closed.

I have three children who couldn't get well-child checks because our office isn't seeing children. Five of my children were scheduled to see the dentist and that's been postponed until who knows when. I have a child with a cleft lip and palate who was due to be seen for her team visit with thoughts on surgery to help improve her speech, but the clinic only just started taking the most dire patients. Who knows when she'll be seen? We were on the waiting list for speech therapy, and this particular therapy center wasn't sure they'll even be able to reopen after this long of a shut down. Two of our children were due for visits to the ENT, both have been rescheduled twice and now I'm just waiting until fully reopening to determine when to even make those appointments. Three of our children have missed their eye exams. Never mind my own dentist, vision, and wellness checkups.

Thankfully I'm a relatively laid back person, but the stress of these appointments piling up has started to get to me. Likely some of those appointments will just never happened and we will hope for the best.

Prior to this pandemic we heard a lot about mental health awareness. It seems like many of those who were willing to talk about mental health prior to this are now silent. It's as if they can't see the people who are having panic attacks while wearing the mandated masks. They can't see the people struggling with depression because they live alone and are now told not to leave their home. They can't see the people who are falling back into addictions because they've lost their support systems and accountability partners. I have friends asking me to pray for them because their marriages are breaking up due to the stress of this. And my heart is breaking for them. I have friends taking in children who are in unstable home situations brought to a head because of this. Can anyone else see these things happening?

I don't have answers to this. I'm not a doctor or a scientist or any of those other things. I'm just an average American woman who sees that the longer the stay-at-home orders last the worse it will be for my friends, people I love and care about and my state. Yes, the virus is a real thing. In all honesty, I wouldn't be surprised if we already had it. Remember back in February when all of the kids were sick? Heidi had pneumonia, Anne had a weird cough/bronchitis, Maggie had strep throat and my doctor said it's a virus and likely all the kids will get it. And they all did. Abbey and Ruth and Carrie couldn't stop coughing. Ruth ended up having her blood drawn to check if her hemoglobin dropped below 6 because she was pale and weak from fighting this virus off. Was it coronavirus? Maybe. Maybe not.

All I know is that we are being told 99% of people who get it recover. We're being told you may have it and not show any symptoms. We're told it doesn't affect children as severely as older adults, or people who are obese, have diabetes, or other health complications.

What I know most of all is that God is still good. He is alive. He is active. He is moving. The churches around us have closed, but thankfully God doesn't live in the church. He lives in the hearts of his people. And yet, I've struggled during this time for lack of fellowship with believers.

This past Sunday I took a stand and invited any of my family who were willing to come to my house, sit outside a campfire, and study the word of God together. It was the most refreshing day I've had in a long time. And we're doing it again next week.

I see God doing something new in America. I don't know what will happen, I don't know if we will ever see God's purpose in this, but I do trust that he is in control. I'm thankful that above all, God keeps his promises. He will not let our foot slip. He doesn't slumber or sleep. Praise God!

Eight months Home with Heidi

Eight months home with our sweet, brave Heidi!

This has been a month of growth for Heidi. We started sensory brushing on April 9^th and we brushed her back, arms, and legs every two hours for two weeks. We noticed changes in her right away. She used her teeth to take big, firm bites of a dried strawberry and was able to chew it and swallow it. 

Her speech also improved significantly. She said, “ow ba-ba” (ow, baby!) after playing a kissing game. My mom used to always say to all the babies, “give me some sugar, baby!” then after receiving a slobbery baby kiss would say, “ow, baby!”. We've continued this with all our girls, and to hear Heidi say it and lean her head in for a kiss is one of the cutest things ever.

She says “mama” on command. She was self-feeding applesauce. She went to her high chair and cried to show us she was hungry. She climbed up three stairs then slid back down on her belly (she was afraid to go down the stairs on her own before this).

Heidi has the most contagious laugh and is showing a great sense of humor. She is attempting to repeat sounds that we make. She patted the dolly's back and said, “sshhhh”.

All of her new curiosity has led to a new development. Being told, “No!” She was hitting the entertainment center with a can that I keep pens in (that she first dumped on the floor). When I told her “No”, she literally threw herself onto the floor, kicked her feet, and threw a downright proper fit. While we don't want to see that all the time, we get so excited when we see “normal” two-year-old behavior.

(See, she still cries)

She is attempting to mimic “I love you” when we say it to her. She will open her mouth at “I” and sometimes say it. I've heard “lu-lu” for love you sometimes. She said “hi” on the Facetime call with her Occupational Therapist. When she does something like that it's hard to know if she truly understands, is parroting what she hears, or what the case is. Regardless, we were excited to hear it.

(We love bugging daddy while he’s working)

One night at dinner Trent made a bad dad joke and the girls were groan-laughing. Heidi said, “HA-HA” clearly enunciated and the most fake laugh you'll ever hear. When we all laughed, she of course laughed even harder.

(Quilt that grandma made for her!)

Heidi took Caroline by the hand and pulled her away from the piano and took her to the office door to play an open/shut the door game. Seeing her begin to communicate her wants/needs in this manner is very exciting to us.

Heidi had previously been afraid of the slide. It was a therapy goal to get her to enjoy it. It took one time of going down on Carrie's lap and she was hooked. She wasn't thrilled initially with going down by herself, but by the second time down on her own she loved it. She especially likes a hard bump at the bottom.

She is making herself known by saying “na-na-na-na-na” for “no”. While watching a Helen Keller movie she heard the word, “Doll”, and she instantly repeated, “doll”, then smiled. We were all shocked. One day at lunch I told her to say “more” and she said, “mah” in immediate response.

While playing outside she went to her swing and pulled on it to show she wanted to swing.

She said, “mama” without prompting!! She liked that I looked at her as soon as she said it. I think this means she is grasping that “mama” is me and that she will continue to use this word to gain my attention.

This month she also learned to fake a yawn and stretching. If she sees someone else yawn she will stretch and do it, too.

She learned to like “tick-tock, Heidi's a clock,” where you hold the child by their legs and turn them upside down. At first she didn't like it, but I did it to Carrie and Ruth and their peals of laughter enticed her to try again. Now she runs up to me and reaches her arms up so she can have her turn.

She thinks taking things out of her bedroom and throwing them down the stairs is hilarious. It's not uncommon to find a pile of toys/balls/pillows on the landing as evidence that Heidi has been there.

She held onto her headboard to “jump” (bounce, really) on her bed. Heidi climbed up onto a chair using Anne's leg as a tool to get her up.

(Tolerating her barely bigger sister carrying her and showing their size difference)

Heidi brought me a maraca that she wanted me to shake and a book she wanted me to read. Seeing her initiate play is amazing! Anne was airplaning Heidi around and when she stopped, Heidi picked up a doll and airplaned the dolly.

Heidi made a new sound: ga-ga. She also learned to click her tongue!

Like I said, it has been an incredible month of growth for Heidi. We are so impressed with all that she has learned. We believe the brushing played a big role in what she has done this month.

We are so grateful to the therapists who work with us and teach us how to teach her. While we do wonder whether she will ever fully catch up or live a “normal” life, we know that regardless that we are blessed to have her in our lives. She is joy and sunshine and laughter and light all wrapped up into the cutest package of snuggles. She's a gift to all who will ever know her and we just feel lucky that we're the ones with the front row seats to watch all these miracles unfold.

Happy eight months home, Heidi the brave! We love you!