5th Wedding Anniversary

Happy 5th Anniversary!!

Trent and I before his work Christmas party
*photo credit: Terri Parmarter*

I promised I would write about the love of my life when the time got closer, and now, here we are, just 2 days away from the 5-year mark.

I'm not sure where to start. As I'm thinking back through the past 5 years I am surprised at how quickly the time has gone, especially since having children. I can honestly say that I love Trent more with each passing day. I am so thankful that God is molding me in to the woman that He wants me to be. I'm excited to see the spiritual growth that has happened in my life, as well as Trent's. We are stronger as a couple than we are as individuals. I try my best to be submissive to my husband. With my personality, one might think it is a difficult thing for me to do. For sure, sometimes it is. If there is something that I feel strongly about I will "argue my case" (Trent loves to debate). Sometimes I win Trent over, and other times I submit to him. I will admit, that I once used the shameful tactic of crying to win him over. This is the reason we have a dog. Which I sometimes regret even though the children love him dearly.

I was reminded of the slogan that Engaged Encounter (a weekend for engaged couples) used. "A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime". Our wedding was pretty simple, but there was still a lot of time and energy put in to that one day. And now, just 5 years after that day, I am wondering what I really remember most about it. I think that the funniest thing that happened was as I was walking down the aisle, my Uncle Ken held up a cardboard sign that he made that said, "It's not too late." Every Sunday at church he would tell Trent that it's not too late to join the family. After we said, "I do" and kissed and were walking out, Uncle Ken held up the other side which said, "It is now". Oh, and my dress. I loved my dress.

There are so many reasons why Trent is such a great husband. First of all, he loves God. Then he loves me, and the children. He tells me that he loves me. He shows me with his unselfish actions that he loves me. He is the leader of our household. Trent makes me feel safe. Trent is a wonderful provider. He is strong. He is confident. He is good-looking. Okay, I know that last one isn't a personality/character thing, but I do like to look at him!!

When we got married I still had 3 semesters of college left. We figured that I would teach for 2 years, then be pregnant while teaching my third year and stay at home with our children. However, God has such better plans than our own! Much to my surprise we found out we were pregnant while I was student teaching in my last semester of college. So, after I graduated I was a substitute teacher until Anne was born. I am so thankful that it happened that way. I can't imagine how much more difficult it would have been for me to quit teaching and go from two incomes to just one. The way God had it planned was that we would never get used to having two incomes, and we would have more faith in God. And God is so good! He has never let us down. When things were very tight in the beginning of our marriage, we just pulled the purse strings a little tighter, and we made it through. God had some wonderful ways of providing for us at those times.

To celebrate our 5th anniversary we have decided to go to Trent's parents cabin. I'm excited for the seclusion we will feel after our regular lives of noise in the city. I'm ready to lay on the couch with a Louis L'Amour book (tradition), and the wood stove heating the cabin to a balmy 80 degrees. I'm excited to go out for dinner with (almost) no kids (Magdalena will be along). I am ready to do a puzzle with Trent, drink lots of coffee, and whoop his butt in Scrabble. I'm ready to love on my husband, talk about life with him, and enjoy every simple moment of being together.

I keep thinking that these are the best days of my life. The "big" girls were under the Christmas tree hiding and giggling the other night. Trent and I were sitting on the couch together talking about how sweet they are, and how much fun this Christmas will be. Then we were talking about how next Christmas will be even better because Maggie will be giggling with the other girls under the Christmas tree. Having sweet children is addicting. Will there be a point in which it will not be fun anymore? I hope not.

Enjoy your life, people. It's the only one we get.

Just for fun: These are my kitchen helpers. The girls are loving helping bake tons of Christmas cookies. It's definitely more difficult and takes longer, but how can I not let these little ones help out? p.s. I'm thankful for my lovely kitchen. Dec. 3rd marked 1-year since it was finished. Praise the Lord!!

Random Ramblings

At the suggestion of a dear friend, another dear friend and myself are working through a study on Esther by Beth Moore. It is a 10 week study and tomorrow is that last day of week 7. It has been an incredible journey. It has helped me focus my devotion time to delve deeper into God's word instead of just reading a few chapters in the Bible. I find that my thoughts keep going back to a verse that struck me anew, or a quote from B.Moore. I am learning something new everyday and being challenged.

Throughout my pregnancy with Magdalena, God was teaching me to have more faith in Him. I felt that I did have a strong faith, why the need to grow me more in this aspect of my relationship with Him?

Romans 5:3-5 (NIV) "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

And so, through those difficult days, God was building me up to be a stronger, more complete individual. There is something that God has laid on my heart many years ago, and I feel strongly that it may soon come to fruition. However, it will be a journey, and one that will require much faith. I'm certain God is using baby steps to walk me through it. What I felt was a difficult time with Magdalena's pregnancy was really the building blocks of faith that I will need to get through the next journey that God has in store for us. God is good!

This is a random Anne quote from yesterday: "Daddy, I didn't care when you spanked me because I was looking at this baby shoe." This is what she said to Trent when he had to spank her for getting out of bed. She was literally looking at one of baby Maggie's shoes.

Magdalena is consistently sleeping through the night, but it seems to be about 11 p.m. until she wants to settle in.

Abbey is starting to get into that age where children can be a real "pill". She was such a sweet baby I didn't think she would ever go through (dare I say it?) the terrible twos!!

Trent and I will soon celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. I am so blessed by this amazing man. Who would have thought I would ever marry Trent Hess!! Me? Emily Parmarter?? Marry Trent?? No way, that's too weird! I mean, we went to church together all our lives! I must admit, I haven't had any of those "get real" moments for awhile, but it sure is fun to think back on them. Closer to our anniversary I'll write more about us. But let me just say that I am so thankful for a godly husband. Not only is he good to me but he is a terrific daddy. Sure, he's a little too nice at times and finds it hard to keep a straight face when Anne says or does something a bit naughty but is funny at the same time. But I wouldn't have it any other way. He is so precious when he reads books to the girls. I think one thing that is so dear to me that Trent does is brush their hair after a bath. Sure, he usually has to wrap his legs around them to keep them from wriggling away, but there is just something about it that tugs at my heartstrings. Perhaps it is because that is one thing that I remember my dad doing just a very few times. Daddy hands are much bigger than Mommy hands. I think girls like to feel little. I even like to feel little. There is something humbling and awe-inspiring to be smaller than someone else. Perhaps that is why we look up to heaven, to God, our creator.

Another random Anne funny: Last night we were at Trent's parents for dinner. Afterward we were enjoying some home videos of the Hess boys. When the video panned the backyard Anne saw the clothes line in a + shape. She said, "Look, there's the cross that Jesus died on to save us from our sins!"

Precious.

Stay-at-home-mama

Abbey just got cuter!!

Abbey got her glasses today! I was worried about how she would do with them. The optician helped me put them on her, and then showed Abbey her image in the mirror. She just stared and stared and stared. Then he put the mirror back up on the table and she walk around a little, and said, "Nonnie (Annie), Nonnie, Nonnie!" And pointed to her glasses. The optician said he has never seen a child that young allow glasses to be put on with out a fight, and leave them on. Abbey is loving her glasses. She really must be able to see so much better! I'm so so thankful for her willingness to accept her glasses. We went over to JCP to pick up pictures and say, "Hi" to Aunt Stacy and Aunt Audrey. They loved her glasses and Stacy insisted we take a couple photos. And how could I resist? So, thanks Aunt Stacy!! =)


There are so many reasons why I love being a Stay-at-home-Mama. I'd like to share just a few with you.

This morning I was able to vacuum my living room while barefoot, wearing pajamas, and drinking coffee. Any job that allows that is a job for me!

I get to enjoy all of my kids "firsts". First smile, step, word, etc. Every one of those is so precious to me.

I get to hold and hug and kiss my children as much as they will let me.

As much as I enjoy the "firsts" I sometimes wonder when it will be their "last". When will be the last time Anne will ask me to carry her up the stairs, or hold her hand, or read her a book? It helps me to cherish each of those moments knowing that some day she will not need me as much as she does now.

I get to teach my children about the Lord. Deuteronomy 6:5-7 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road (drive in the van), when you lie down and when you get up." Those are some of my favorite verses that remind me how to be a good mother. If I am doing those things, then I'm getting it right. Even if my house isn't totally clean, my hair isn't brushed, and dinner got started late; if I'm living life by those verses, I'm okay!

Since all of my children still nap (and usually at the same time), I have some "free time" in which to relax, read my Bible, do Bible study, exercise, shower, clean, do laundry, clean, wash fingerprints off windows and doors and walls, clean some more.

The list could go on and on, and I'm sure I'll share more at another time, but alas, laundry is calling!

Life as of now

Where to start? So much yet so little since it is all so simple. It is life. Growing. Changing.

At Magdalena's 2-month appointment she was 9 pounds 11 ounces. That's right, she has more than doubled her birth weight! Praise the Lord! She is getting some amazing chubby cheeks. We all adore them. Anne loves to squish them and say, "Chubby cheeks!!" Then Abbey comes up and pokes Maggie's cheek and says, "Cheeky!" Gotta love these girls!

Soon before Magdalena's birth I noticed Abbey's right eye drifting in. I took her to the eye doctor (thanks a million Diane for watching Annie and Magdalena!) for what was over a 2-hour appointment. The result? She doesn't have a lazy eye or a crossed eye which is what I thought, but she does have poor vision, especially in her right eye which is why it would drift sometimes. So our little Abbey will be getting glasses. They are ordered and should be in soon. I'll post a picture once she has them. She is also starting to say a lot more words. She used to say "doe-doe" for any word she didn't know, but not she is actually trying to say the word. Anne loves that she can talk to her sister. Unfortunately, they do more talking than sleeping since they share a room. I'm hoping that as they get older they will have a very close bond and continue to share with each other all their thoughts and talk about their day together before going to sleep.

AND we now have a 3-year-old!!! Anne is so smart (I know every parent thinks this), but she really is. I know I'm shamelessly bragging on my child. She can write her name in all caps: ANNE. She can also write most of the alphabet in caps, and we just started working on pairing lower case and upper case letters. In addition to that she will gladly show anyone who is willing to watch that she can balance on one leg, do "hand dance" aka hand stands, all in her childish, slightly clumsy manner. I love it because it reminds me that she really is only three, despite her precocious nature in other aspects of her life.

I think this picture is the embodiment of "everything Anne". She is laid back, yet extremely energetic. She's fun and crazy and wild. She loves Jesus with all her heart. Today she was explaining the salvation message to Abbey. What better way for Abbey to learn about the Lord than from her big sister? As Anne says, "Praise God!" as she lifts up Maggie's arms toward heaven.

I love this, but it makes me feel a little sad because it looks so much like a school picture and I'm not ready for her to be 5 or 6 yet.

I think that as I get older, or as my children get older, or for some reason, I am becoming much more nostalgic. I always enjoyed nursing Anne and Abbey, but I love it so much more with Magdalena. I held the other girls a lot, but I try to hold Maggie with every spare moment of my day. I am cherishing each stage that the children go through. I was doing a puzzle with Anne and thought, "wow, this is really great. What a fun age this is." Then was down on the floor steam rolling with Abbey and thinking the same thoughts. Not long after that it was time for Magdalena to eat and I was holding her and nursing her and thinking that this is such a special time for us! Life is short. We don't know if we will live to be 85 or 55 or if we will die in an accident tomorrow. I'm trying my best to follow God and leave that legacy for my children. I am trying to enjoy each moment of every day. I often fail at this. I lose patience (especially with Anne... we are so much alike), and then I feel terrible. But, I do try to ask forgiveness of my children. It is so humbling to see their willingness to forgive, and their amazing capacity for love.

The Name Game

Names are very important to Trent and me. We pored through the 50,001 Best Baby Names books, Hess genealogy books, Miller genealogy books, the Bible, any old-fashioned names, and really wracked our brains to come up with what we felt would be the best name for our third child. As I mentioned before I left the boy name up to Trent. He didn't decide until we were in the Operating Room, only to find out that we had a girl and could use the name that we had decided upon a couple months previous.



Magdalena Faith Hess:

Where did Magdalena come from? Trent thought it would be neat to trace his Hess side all the way back to the first Hess's who came from Switzerland. The first couple was Hans and Magdalena Hess in the 1700s, and the third in his line was David and Magdalena. It seemed to be a popular name back then, there were several in that particular Hess book. It's popularity seemed to die out around the 1800s. Anyway, we thought it was a neat name, and liked the nick name Maggie.



Where did Faith come from? Originally I really liked Rose as a middle name. It is old-fashioned and I love old names, plus I thought it sounded very pretty, Magdalena Rose. However, as our pregnancy progressed and I was being so challenged by God to have more faith in Him, I thought we could use Faith as a middle name. It is a name Trent always liked as well, so we decided on Magdalena Faith. Magdalena is so beautiful. I am so thankful for her good health and amazed at how well she is growing and eating.



At her 4 week check up (when these photos were taken) she was 7 pounds already! She had gained 2 pounds and grew 2 inches in just three weeks. She will be 9 weeks tomorrow, and has a doctor appointment Friday. I will not be surprised if she has gained another 2 pounds!

NICU Experience & More

Trent was able to go straight over to the NICU to be with Magdalena. Because I had the spinal block I could not yet get out of bed. Trent's mom was in the room with me at this point, and was able to keep me distracted and not feel too upset. While I was talking with Diane my face started itching like crazy. At some point a nurse came in and noticed that I was scratching my face (my nose was VERY itchy) and gave me some medication. Apparently this is a side effect of the morphine that is in the spinal block. I kept asking nurses about Magdalena and if she was okay and when could I go see her. Finally a nurse called over to the NICU to get a report. She was doing fine, but was on oxygen and they were giving her antibiotic just in case she had an infection. I don't know how long it took but finally Trent came back to the room and updated me. My mom had to work the next day so we needed to transfer the kids from my mom to Trent's parents, along with switching carseats and gathering clothes and diapers and other gear for the next 5 days or so.

Trent, Diane, and my mom all met at our house. They took care of everything! Then my mom came to see me at the hospital. Trent arrived soon after my mom did. After a while a nurse came and helped me to get out of bed and I was able to be wheeled over to the NICU. Let me just say that I had amazing recoveries after Anne and Abbey. With the C-section I had staples and I felt like I couldn't stand up straight. I was quite literally pulled together and stapled shut. This is not something I want to do again any time soon.

**1st night**

Everything about the NICU was amazing. The nurses were fantastic and helpful and encouraging. The doctors were all friendly and honest. The parent lounge is set up very nicely so that parents can hang out throughout the day and even stay the night if they want to.

*Maggie with all of her tubes.*

Magdalena spent 6 days in the NICU. Everything sort of blurred together, but we got into a bit of routine between handwashing when you enter, signing in, then going to her "pod", taking her temperature, changing her diaper, and when her feeding tube and oxygen came off I was able to take her out of the special bed by myself and get set up for breastfeeding.

little peanut

*After her sponge bath*

I think it was day 3 or 4 that I started getting a headache. I thought it would just go away but it didn't. It got really bad when I was feeding Magdalena and had to go back to my room to lie down. That seemed to help. When I told the nurse she said it sounded like a spinal headache, and sent the anesthesiologist over to talk to me. Of course it was a spinal headache. I had 2 options: wait it out (they usually last about a week) and take percoset/ibuprofin and drink a lot of caffeine; or do a "blood patch" where they draw blood from your arm and put it into your spine. HA! Yeah right. I decided to wait it out. It was difficult, and I actually even went home for a little bit (I was discharged at this point already). After getting some good sleep in my own bed and drinking as much water and caffeine as possible I felt a lot better. I went back in to the hospital and stayed the night in the NICU. The next day was when Magdalena was to be discharged! The NICU closes while doctors make their rounds, so Trent and I went out for breakfast. It'll probably be the last time just the two of us go out for quite a while! When we got back we were able to pick up our sweet Magdalena and go home!!

Going home!!!!

Anne and Abbey were very excited. I was a bit nervous about the transition, but there was none. We brought her home and sat the carseat on the living room floor.

4 lbs. 9 oz. when we came home!

Abbey said, "hey Baby!", and that was about all the transitioning it took. The girls completely accepted her from that first moment and we are loving every second of all of our girls being together!

3 little Hess girls

About my C-Section. I should clarify that the cut they did on the outside is the "bikini cut", the incision on my uterus is the "classical cut". The doctor who did my surgery explained that this had to be done because of the position Magdalena was in. She was feet first. Normally when the baby is either head or bottom first this stretches the uterus to make it wide. They can then do a horizontal incision and pull the baby out that way. Since she was feet first my uterus was not stretched wide enough to make a large enough incision to remove her, so he had to do a vertical incision. This is why any baby has to be a C-section after this. With the classical incision the chance of your uterus rupturing during labor and/or delivery is very high. The classical incision is not as strong as the bikini cut, and the stress of the contractions and pushing is often too much for the uterus to handle. He told me that no doctor would consider allowing me to labor again.

What does this mean for our future? We don't know. I hear stories of women having 7 C-Sections, but I can guarantee that will not be me. Some people say it depends on scar tissue, and on how your body heals. The general rule of thumb is 3 C-sections, which means we would have 2 more biological children. Many of you who know us well also know that we want to adopt at some point in our future. We really struggled as to when that would be since we were quite happy having biological children. However, the more I thought about this I felt that perhaps was the Lord's way of slowly closing the door on having biological children and slowly opening the door to adoption. We are praying about biological children, adopted children, and our home situation. We do love our home, but are questioning how long we should be here? 2 years? 5 years? We know that God will show us the way, but God has such a different idea about timing than I do! I just like to KNOW things in advance. If I know we will be here for 5 more years I feel like I want to prepare myself for that. And if we will only be here 2 more years I would want to prepare myself differently for that! And this is why I'm thankful for such a grounded, level-headed husband who can talk sense into me!

All I know is that all the difficulty is worth it in the end...

Magdalena's Story

Now that we are back home and pretty much settled into a routine I figured I'd take the time to write out Magdalena's story.

Sunday, August 22, 2010: Trent preached a great sermon. After lunch and naps we went to Lancaster County Central Park to hike around a bit. Life was "normal". (Yes, Elmo is wearing a diaper... It's bad enough diapering kids but my kids make me diaper Elmo!)




Tuesday, August 24, 2010: 8:15 a.m. I dropped Annie and Abbey off at my mom's house while I went to a check up at MFM.
8:45 a.m.: I arrive for my appointment and get checked in. My Non-Stress Test is scheduled first. The nurse, Lindsay, got me hooked up to the monitor and I read a magazine while I waited the 20-odd minutes that it takes. Lindsay came to check on me a couple of times. I could tell by her face that she wasn't thrilled about what the monitor was showing (several drops in the baby's heart rate). She asked if I had a date scheduled yet for a C-Section, and I said, "No, we were hoping to wait until 38 weeks." I was 36 weeks and 6 days at this point. I also didn't have an ultrasound scheduled for that day, so she went out and talked to the doctor and they fitted me in as soon as they could after the NST.
9:30 a.m.: The sweet ultrasound tech came to do my ultrasound. When she checked the fluid level around the baby I could tell (even though she didn't say anything) that there wasn't much. There was no measuring done this day, so the ultrasound didn't take very long.
10:00 a.m.: The "mean" doctor came in the room. He looked through the slides that the tech had taken of the baby. He looked very closely at the fluid level, then he measured it himself, several times. He then went in and did a doppler of the baby's brain. This is one thing that they do that I'm never quite sure of what they are looking for, so I wasn't sure what he was seeing (and he doesn't like to talk while he does these things). When he was finished he said something like, "Well, there is very low fluid around the baby (4 c.m. when they like to see at least 8 or more), and there is shunting in the brain. The baby was also showing a dropping heart rate on the NST. We're going to send you downstairs for an emergency C-Section since the baby is still breech. I'll have Lindsay and Jackie get you ready to go downstairs." I said, "Can I call my husband?" He said to go ahead out to the waiting room to make any phone calls and I never saw him again.
10:15 a.m.: I called Trent's direct line at work and he didn't answer. I called the receptionist and was trying not to cry as I told her who it was and can I talk to Trent. I asked Trent to leave work because they want the baby to be born ASAP. I also called my mom to tell her and make sure she would be okay with the girls the rest of the day. She didn't answer so I had to leave a voicemail! Ugh!! What a way to tell someone such big news!

The next couple hours were quite strange. Trent arrived shortly (his office is just a 15 minute drive), and we waited to get checked-in. We weren't sure of how serious the 'shunting' was and it seemed like it took forever to get officially admitted. The women behind the desk were just laughing at how it was taking so long because they needed to figure out how to enter my information into the computer for billing purposes. I was frustrated at this entire procedure.

From here we were sent back to Triage and were hooked up to monitors to wait. Every couple minutes people would come in and ask me questions (how tall are you? how much do you weigh? do you have any allergies?) I thought if one more person asked if I had any allergies I would go nuts! We also met with the anesthesiologist and the doctor who would do my Cesarean. My only concern was that we wanted to have more children and can the doctor be sure to do the horizontal cut. He said they nearly always do what they call the "bikini cut" and not to worry. Now we just had to wait for our time slot to open up. They were fitting us between 2 other C-Sections, and we were going to go to surgery around 1:00.

Throughout our waiting period I felt an overwhelming sense of peace. I felt rested in the peace that God was with me and watching over me. As odd as it sounds, I was worried about the 1/2 bushels of pears that were sitting on the counter at home ripening, and thinking how I wouldn't be able to can them as planned.

1:00 p.m.: I was wheeled back to surgery. While they did the spinal block Trent was not allowed in the room with me. He kissed me and I went back into a huge room filled with people but all by myself. Let me just say now, I don't mind shots, and I don't mind needles. However, when that needle is going into my back I just don't do well. Unfortunately, they had a difficult time getting the spinal block in just the right spot. At one point the woman hit a nerve, causing a painful jump in my left leg (twice). Then she moved the needle and hit another nerve causing my right leg to jump. At this point I lost it and was shaking and crying and a real mess. They had to completely stop and get me calmed down. I was praying SO hard at this point. Once I was calm they tried again, this time with immediate success. You could almost hear everyone breathe a sigh of relief.

I'm not sure how long all of this took, but soon Trent was in the room and by my side. There was all sorts of medical personnel working busily. I won't go into detail about the procedure, but it was a very odd one. Although my body was numb I could feel tugging and other odd sensations that would have been extremely painful had I not been numb. When it came time to open my uterus, the doctor leaned over the drape and said, "I had to do the classical cut. All babies after this are C-section. I'll talk to you more about it later." I could feel tears start streaming down my face, and the nurse who was watching over me wiped them away. Soon they were getting ready to pull out our baby. They asked Trent if he wanted to watch (yeah right!). He squeezed my hand as we prepared to meet our new baby, not knowing if it was a boy or a girl, if he or she would have any problems (physical or otherwise). Trent hadn't decided on a boy name until he was IN the Operating Room.

1:47 p.m.: The doctor pulled out the baby and said, "It's a girl!" Trent and I started laughing. The doctor asked if she has any older brothers or sisters at home. Trent said, "Two big sisters!" And the doctor said, "Oh, how old are they?" Trent replied, "2 and 1." The doctor asked what we were thinking, and Trent said, "I don't think there was much thinking involved."

Unfortunately, we didn't have a camera with us because it all happened so suddenly. There was a NICU doctor there that checked out baby Magdalena, and he said she looked great. She was pink and crying and beautiful with a head full of dark hair. Magdalena Faith Hess weighed in at 4 lbs. 10 oz. and was just 17 1/4 inches long.

When I was in recovery the nurse noticed her making a grunting noise. She said it sounded like fluid in her lungs. As I was sent over to my regular room the nurse took her to the nursery to check her out. They wanted to send her over to the NICU, and so I was able to kiss her and then she was gone. The first pictures we have of her are from much later that evening:

Maggie in the NICU with oxygen, IV antibiotics, and being closely monitored.

Close-up of the oxygen and feeding tube in her mouth.

Our little Magdalena.

I will share more about NICU and our other experiences and challenges at another time. The girls will be waking up from their naps soon and I want to get a little house work done!