Emotions

This morning, after five months of living in our home, our foster daughter left our home. She has grown and changed throughout her five months with us, yet she has also struggled. She has always had many tantrums (among other issues), and prior to Christmas she completely lost control. While in time-out in her bedroom she climbed on top of a dresser, unlocked the window and was opening it to climb out of the 2nd story onto a porch roof. It was then that I realized I cannot keep her safe. Her fits continued and about a week after the window incident she was again in time-out and punched herself in the face and made her nose bleed. We could not keep her with us any longer.

After informing our caseworker we were told that it may be up to 30 days for them to find a family to take the children. Siblings came together and should leave together. However, after the self-harming incident the children's official guardian through the county thought it may be in each of the children's best interest to be separated. Our hope was that our foster daughter would go to a home where there are no other small children so she could receive as much attention as possible. About a week after hearing they may be separated we heard that no, they will stay together. We were upset, but understood. And after hearing they would stay together we were told that there is a disagreement between the "agency" and the "guardian". One believes they should stay together and the other believes they should be separated. It is up to a judge to determine this.

In the meantime, a family was found for the children. Our foster daughter had another fit at lunch yesterday which resulted in her throwing her plate and attempting to hit Maggie. I called our caseworker mid-fit and she was shocked at the screaming and the yelling that was going on. We heard at 5 pm yesterday that our foster daughter was going to be removed from our home, but that our foster son will be stay with us until a judge can determine whether they should be together or separated.

As our foster daughter left today there were many tears shed by Anne and Abbey. However, in a short time they were happy again. Our foster daughter needs a lot of help and I am certain she will get it with the new family. We will still see her occasionally which I believe will help our children and her in this transition.

We are feeling very much at peace with this. We just ask for continued prayer that when this goes before the judge that the right decision will be made.

The Year of Rejuvenation!

Well, we're already a week into 2013. So far it doesn't feel much different from 2012 - but I have high hopes for this year. We are hoping that 2013 will be the year of rejuvenation for our family. We're not exactly sure what this year will look like, but we have some ideas knocking around in these crazy heads of ours.

One thing that may happen in 2013 is a move. We're hoping to take advantage of the low interest rates and the bummer of a seller's market (that bit us in 2012) and snag a home where we can stay for a long long time and raise our family.  We're hopeful that our next home will have a better internet connection than we have here at Sunrise Hollow - the "hollow" indicates a dip in the landscape and that translates to poor cell phone reception which means poor internet connection since we have a wireless card that runs off cell phone tower reception.

We are also fairly certain that we (as in I) will be homeschooling Anne for Kindergarten. I am actually extremely excited about this. I have been looking up curriculum and can hardly wait to start teaching her! Anne has decided that she likes numbers after all and is now teaching herself to add and subtract. Over the summer I had started to teach her but she wasn't interested and didn't understand so I let it go. Now she has it in her head that she loves numbers. On the way to a doctor appointment earlier this week she was in the back of the van teaching Abbey, "Now, if I have one cat and I give it to you, then how many do I have?" Abbey answers, "None", Anne responds, "That's right, Abbey! You can do math, too!" Anne has lofty dreams for herself. Some things she would like to learn in 2013 - to play an instrument (she has a recorder thanks to Uncle Todd & (soon-to-be) Aunt Sarah), she also would like to learn how to speak Spanish, sew all kinds of things (she has made one doll quilt so far from her sewing kit she got for Christmas), and she wants to learn geography and about animals and read a lot more books.

Abbey continues to be a little bit less vocal about what she wants to do. I think that in 2013 Abbey will begin reading even more (she can read over a dozen words now). I imagine Abbey will also learn to sew a little later in the year. If Anne starts music lessons (I would prefer piano) then I imagine Abbey will learn that as well. I'd also like to have a table set up for Abbey to work on larger puzzles over a period of days since she can do 60-piece puzzles with very little trouble and she really enjoys puzzling away!

My big goal for Magdalena is to potty-train her! As my faithful readers know, potty training is the bane of my existence as Mama Hess. I'm not good at it and I don't have the patience for it. But, at nearly 2 1/2 she's the oldest of any of the girls to not yet be potty trained. So, it has to be done. Anne also plans to teach Maggie her alphabet this year. She can write the letter "M", and is finally starting to be more interested in reading and writing! Maggie has also started enjoying craft time so I imagine 2013 will be filled with crafts galore!

2013 will bring about two family weddings. I am beyond thrilled for each of these couples. I have the tremendous honor of being a bridesmaid in one of the weddings and the girls will also be the flower girls for this wedding. I promise to post lots of pictures!

Other than that, I hope to actually have a spare moment or two to pick up my Bible that has sat and gathered dust on the shelf since our foster children came. I've missed the comfort of holding it and praying while the kiddos nap. These days I'm so exhausted by the time I get all 5 kids down to nap that I also nap when I used to have my quiet time. So after being completely drained of all physical, emotional and spiritual strength at the end of 2012 I'm hoping that in 2013 I will be rejuvenated physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Looking forward to another year of blogging!

Happy Christmas!

Since this has probably been the busiest year of our lives, it seemed a shame not to be able to send out a Christmas letter to update our far away friends and family. But with the help of the internet we should be able to reach just about everyone who we would have mailed a card and letter to. It's not the same as having a cute Christmas card to hang up and look at, but it'll have to do for this year.

2012 was busy, busy, busy. In February we moved out of the city after over six years. We decided to rent out our home instead of selling it. Unfortunately this went terribly awry and ended up adding heaps of stress to our lives. After evicting our tenant in August and cleaning it up throughout that month, listing it in September, we were thankful that the sale of our house went through in late November.

 The more children we had the more quickly we began to outgrow our little city house and longed to be out in the country. Through a series of strange events which I like to attribute to God, we ended up moving to Conestoga, Pa, to the very home where I spent much of my childhood (from age 5-11). It is so wonderful to be out in the country. 

Before

After

 Everywhere I look I find something to be joyful about.


A butterfly.

 
 A tire swing.

 

 A sunrise.

(Photo Credit: Trent Hess)

A slip-n-slide.

A walk at the barns.

A chance to skip down a grassy hill.

Many fun-filled days at Trout Run.

A campfire.

Eating s'mores around the campfire.

We had a glorious summer. A week of "staycation" meant a trip to the Baltimore Zoo, Hershey Gardens & Butterfly House, a date to Rock Ford Plantation, a trip to the beach. We spent a weekend at a cabin.
 

Baltimore Zoo.

We went camping at Camp Swatara.

Annie and Paw-Paw fishing at Camp Swatara.

Late in the summer we became foster parents. After having said "No" to our first two calls, we received one close to dinner time on a Monday. Two children, a girl and a boy. And our lives have been forever altered. For a few months we had five children under age five. It was completely insane. We have been pushed to our limits with patience, time, and energy. We have been ready to quit multiple times, yet for some reason we don't. We persevere and press on. We have good days, we have in between days, and we have bad days. The emotional swings that we have are wild. Some days are great and we can't imagine our lives without these two children. Other days are horrible and we wonder when they are leaving.

Our foster daughter was three (almost four) when she came to us.  For their protection we are not allowed to use their names or show any pictures. You can take my word on this - they are beautiful! Our foster daughter has improved tremendously since she came. Week one she was hitting, pulling hair, snatching toys, and screaming. She still screams a lot but those other things have pretty much stopped. She is definitely an instigator and will intentionally upset the other children. BUT, she has learned to share pretty well. In fact, sometimes she shares more willingly than our girls. She doesn't fully understand who He is, but she loves Jesus. She is obsessed with the story of Jesus dying on the cross. Her first night with us I sang "Jesus Loves Me" to her and she finally stopped crying. We're making progress.

Our foster son is precious. He came at 9 months and is now 13 months old. We've gotten him through bronchitis, 3 teeth, colds, and celebrated his first birthday. He is walking and talking. He came to us sitting and staring. He now interacts well with the children and lights up when he sees them. He came to us only showing emotion when he would see his baby bottle; he is now weaned off the bottle and shows more emotion towards people than to food. {Although he really does love food -- if you could see him you would be able to tell.} Daddy is his favorite. He gets to the door as fast as he can when Trent comes home from work.

Typical Anne-face.

Annie turned five in November. The highlight of the year for her was learning to read. She reads at a fourth grade level and loves it. She is starting to be interested in reading books for information, not just for stories. She loves to play school and is most often the teacher. Anne is compassionate, kind, and loving. She does have her moments of uncontrollable emotions and I wonder what she'll be like at 13. Annie is growing to love the Lord more and more. She loves reading to her sisters and baby brother.

Abbey

The puzzle Queen.

Abbey is now 3 1/2. She still loves puzzles. She has also really enjoyed playing with play-doh. Abbey can read several words and enjoys being Annie's student. Abbey is usually the peacemaker in the house. She doesn't like anyone to be upset and quickly comforts any crying child by bringing them a toy or hugging them. Abbey continues to be a diligent child. She has a list of several people in our church who are older or sick who she prays for every night. She never misses one of these people on her list. She is a very mild little girl and is an absolute joy to have around.

Magdalena

Magdalena is 2 years old and is crazy. She talks all the time and is just really really silly. It doesn't help that she gets tons of encouragement from her big sisters. Maggie adores our foster son and he is her baby brother (even though he is much bigger than she is!). Magdalena adds a sparkle to our lives. We can't imagine our lives without that girl. I can't help but bite her cheeks and squish her all day long.








 


I have obviously been busy this year with packing from our move out of the city and taking care of the children. I love teaching the children and doing crafts with them. I love baking Christmas cookies, but I don't love washing the dishes. This has been a stressful year for me with the addition of our foster children. I have been so humbled and have depended on my husband, my mother and father-in-law, and my mom more than ever before. I know I could not have made it through these past four months without their support. I am definitely looking forward to 2013 and am hopeful that it will be a year of rejuvenation for our family.



I (Trent) have also been busy this year.  My work at BCF Group (Insurance agency) continues to go well. The last few months of the year have been especially busy as we acquired a small agency in the area and have been working hard to make a smooth transition for the customers.  It's been a challenge juggling my responsibilities - work, family, church leadership team, dealing with our problem tenant, getting our house sold, mowing the lawn, etc.  I'm continually thankful for many things; especially the health of our family, and an enjoyable, stable job that provides for our needs.  I leave 2012 feeling a bit "spent", so I'm also looking forward to 2013 as a year of rejuvenation. 

We hope you and yours have a safe and happy holiday season. Merry Christmas!

Love,
The Hesses

Truth

I have tried to be very transparent here about how life is for us now as foster parents. I am learning quite a bit about life and about myself.

Life is hard for a lot of people. Up until now, I knew that in my head, but never truly experienced it. After having conversations with "mom" I am realizing just how difficult things can be for many people and it has made it real to me.

I'm learning about myself. I am learning that although I thought I always loved children, I have always loved out of my own love, and not the Love of God. The love that comes from God is rich and pure, measureless and strong. The love that comes from Emily is conditional, it grows weary, it is weak, it fails, it is full of holes.

I've never had to pray to ask God to help me love one of my children. Even when they were wearing on my patience or not sleeping well I had a deep, innate, fierce love for my girls. My feelings are not the same for our foster daughter. She wears on my patience, she exhausts me, she doesn't obey, she doesn't sleep well, she is mean, she is manipulative, she doesn't sit still, she doesn't stop making noise. These things may not seem like a big deal to you. I'm sure if I were reading this, I would think "Well, she's just a child! She has gone through a traumatic experience." And these words are true. I heard someone describe foster children as "the annoying neighbor kid who doesn't ever leave." And if you have never taken in foster children this probably sounds cruel, but that's how I feel a lot of the time.

The other night Anne told me she saw a string in my hair. When she went to get it out she realized it was attached to my head. Yes, I have gray hairs now. Several of them. I hope that whenever our foster children go back home to their mother that I will be able to seek God's face with more passion and time than I do currently. And maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to find some reason for why we are living the way we are living, if the stress, the gray hairs, the impatience has done any good. Maybe I'll never know.

Oh, and for anyone who has ever heard that foster parents are in it for the money -- trust me -- they aren't. The pay stinks and the work is hard. I could make more money babysitting and I wouldn't have the responsibilities I do as a foster mom.

And all of that to say, if our foster kids were to leave tomorrow, we would miss them terribly. It's a bizarre pull of emotions. Plus - that babykins is just so sweet.

Talking & Walking

I'm sure all of you are familiar with the saying "You can talk the talk but can you walk the walk?"

I've been thinking about that a lot lately as we are entering our fourth month as foster parents. Prior to the children coming it was so easy to "talk the talk" about foster care, about the precious children who need us - a family - a home. And then the children come and we enter the "walking" phase. And that "precious" child is scream-crying, mean to our girls, disruptive, hyper-active and difficult to get along with. And it is hard to remember all those good reasons why we thought foster care was a good idea.

But then, God's grace shines through. The girl had 5 good days in a row. FIVE! That is a large miracle. She was kind, she shared, she slept well and ate well, and we were so grateful at the progress she had made. Unfortunately that positive streak has ended and we've had some rough days again. But I'm hopeful. There will be brighter days ahead.

Our days are crazy. We have so many appointments, doctor appointments, education appointments, dentist appointments, visits with the kids' mom, and the list goes on. Most days are exhausting, but God is giving us the strength to get through. I've been humbled and had to ask for a lot of help.

I can't thank my mother-in-law and my mom enough. They have both been fantastic with helping us with the children. We couldn't do it (and stay sane) without them.

I had high hopes of sending out Christmas cards with a letter like we have done the past few years. Unfortunately, time does not permit me to get that done this year. But - I do hope to put something together in blog form with input from Trent & the kiddos.

Annie Turns Five!

I know I've said it before, and you'll hear me say it multiple times over the years, but there is something really special about turning five. We don't do big birthday parties every year for every child. But turning five is a really big deal. It's a whole hand!! Since I have such a big family usually our birthday parties only involve family. But since turning five is so awesome I thought it would be neat for Anne to invite a couple of friends in addition to all her cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles.

When I asked her who she wanted to invite she said "Mema, the cousins [referring to her 11 or so first cousins], Grandpa and Grandma and Uncle Troy." I asked if she wanted to invite any friends and she said, "Oh yes! Heather!" Heather is my dear friend and we were neighbors for 5 of the 6 years we lived on N. Mary Street. Unfortunately Heather couldn't make it but she sent her husband and their three adorable children.

 

 We had such a great time!

 A little about my Anne at age five. Anne has always loved books. She had been really wanting me to teach her how to read. About four months ago I bought some very simple easy-reading books (one sentence/page) that were leveled so she could slowly work up to the fourth level. Before the books arrived in the mail I taught her some common sight words (the, and, I, go...). The books arrived and she picked up the first one and read it straight through. Typically there was a picture that could help figure out a difficult word on the page. In about a month's time she was reading at the 4th level. I didn't force this or focus on it too much. It was something that she wanted to do. She was highly motivated to read.

Since our foster children came two and a half months ago I hadn't taught her too many new things. She loved that she could read and would pick up books and read them to the other children while I was cooking, cleaning or washing dishes. One day it occurred to me that she is reading some really high level stuff. She picked up a chapter book and started reading it - with expression - nearly flawlessly. After looking at the reading levels of the books she is reading and doing an online assessment, it would appear that Anne has taught herself in short time how to read -- on a fourth grade level!! {I realize this may come across as bragging, but I am totally impressed by her drive and determination to read! Now if only she had the same love for numbers....}

This was completely Anne's idea to put on the angel wings.

Her pose of choice. {She's crazy but we love her!}

 So obviously at age five Anne loves to read. She also enjoys watching movies. Ice Age and Winnie the Pooh are some favorites. Anne loves to dance in her ballerina dress up clothes. She loves to sing. The "little girls" wanted to listen to kid's songs in the van today but Anne piped up that "I want to listen to WJTL" (Our local Christian radio station.) Just today she was singing "there may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning!" I'm so thankful for the good influence of Christian radio.

One of my favorites!!

 The Anne-girl is a sweetheart. She is learning in a very real way God's grace and mercy. She is the leader of the children in this home. It's a huge job - she now has four younger siblings - all of whom look up to her and respect her and watch to see what she is going to do. Foster care has been very challenging for Anne. The girl is not always nice, in fact, she will often intentionally say or do something to upset Anne and she knows just the right buttons to push to get on her nerves. But, when the girl was sick, Anne was the first one to pray for her to feel better. Anne is also very intuitive. One evening at dinner the girl was singing, "Jesus Loves Me" and Anne leaned over to me and said, "Mommy, I want to whisper something in your ear." I leaned over and she said, "You know, she (foster daughter) doesn't talk about 'Chucky' anymore." {For those of you who don't know, Chucky is an evil doll in a horror movie that comes to life and tries to kill people with a knife. Our foster daughter had seen this movie and often talked about Chucky and his knives when she first came. Any time she saw a knife she asked who we were going to kill what that knife.}

She's an angel, right?

 Anne does a very good job at leading our crew. She is a big helper. Of course, she is just a kid, and is usually the last one to have her shoes on because she is lolly-gagging about. But, she can't be perfect, can she?

I hope you have enjoyed reading all about Anne!

Photo credit: JCPenney Portrait Studio - & my awesome sister Audrey Shenk!

Roller Coaster Ride

Hi guys. Long time - no blog.  I've been thinking a lot about this blog and wanting to write, but time has a way of slipping past me. I've been taking a lot of naps these days. These five kids have a way of making me exhausted!

This journey of foster care is an emotional roller coaster. We have had some good days, and some bad days. Of course, that is parenting in general. However, now our bad days are really really bad. I mean, really bad. So bad that it makes me cry. So bad that I was prepared to give up. I rationalized it all in my mind -- that I'm really not cut out for this, that I'm screwing up my own children (and that is yet to be determined), that no one would really blame me (I mean, it's not even realistic to be expected to take care of five children under five).

But, the next day comes and things get a little better, a little better, a little better. The girl sings "Jesus Loves Me" and holds her light high for "This Little Light of Mine". The baby is taking his first steps; clinging to us. The girl feels safe. She feels loved. She knows what to expect. And so, we persevere. We push through the difficult days while clinging to the hope we have in Jesus. There are few things that are sweeter than hearing the girl sing, "Grace, grace, God's grace....." {Can you tell she loves music?}

So, we're in this for the long haul. We just got word that they'll be with us at least another 6 months-- probably longer. Please pray for protection for our children's hearts. They are already growing attached to the girl and the baby. After 2 1/2 months they are very much a part of our family.

On a completely different note - we were thrilled to sell our house in the city. We will have settlement on Nov. 19th. Just in time for Thanksgiving; that is certainly something to be thankful for. Many friends have asked if we have started looking at houses yet. We have a lease here until February and then can go month-to-month after that. We are constantly looking at houses on the real estate listing and have driven past a few that looked interesting to see if they would be something we would consider. But at this point aren't in a huge rush to find a new house!

Be on the look-out for a post dedicated to Anne. We no longer have five children under age 5!!