A little about Sister Six!

I know so many of you are eager to hear all about sister six!

As much as I would love to share every detail we know about her, I also want to be careful that I do not overshare some intimate details of her life in this public way. We also have chosen not to share her photograph publicly until the adoption is final in China. (We did the same for Ruthie). 

Super excited big sisters!

I will post a full blog about her name and what it means to us and for her at a later date. But it would be hard to write a whole post about her without sharing her name. She will be:

Heidi Grace Hess

So here are some little facts about our sweet Heidi. She is about a year and half. When you look at her picture you think she is much younger. She looks to be around just six or seven months old. She has the most darling giggle and a terrible hair cut. She has a pert little nose and a sweet grin. Heidi seems to love when her caretaker plays with her. (Won't she be in for a treat with five big sisters to dote on her?) 

Heidi has significant developmental delays in all areas. So while she is truly a year and half she is very much on the level of a six to eight month old baby. She learned how to sit up at 15 months old. She can now stand holding on to a rail. The file we were given of her information also showed that she had an abnormal CT scan when she was eight months old. 

Initially we had very little information about her needs. In fact, much of what we did have was very confusing. We knew she had a long hospital stay after coming into care (about 5 months) but the only explanation was "feeding difficulty". 

The international adoption hospital we were working with gave us a long list of possible diagnoses that were causing her significant delays. I won't share them all here, but suffice to say, they sounded scary and not at all what we anticipated for sister six. 

We struggled to know what decision we should make. Most challenging for us to wrap our minds around was the possibility that she may not ever reach "full potential" and would be dependent on us forever. In fact, that was one of the main things we felt that we could not take on. We asked lots of questions of the orphanage and practically begged for medical records from her hospital stays. 

We were able to get some information before we needed to make a decision, but not a whole lot. I prayed like crazy and am so grateful to have had an amazing group of women at my Bible Study praying for me every week in addition to my mom and mother-in-law and sisters and niece.

For two weeks I felt like God was silent. I was begging for Him to reveal what decision we should make.

On Good Friday the girls and I were talking about what happened on that day over 2,000 years ago. As we talked the girls couldn't understand why we call it "good". It was horrible what happened to Jesus! I explained that we call it "good" because we know how the story ends! 

In that moment it was like a lightning bolt struck! I felt God pressing upon my heart that while all I can see is the hard and scary possibilities for this little girl's future, that HE knows how her story will end. And in that moment I was ready to move forward to bring home this little girl.

I want to be clear that Heidi still may have a genetic syndrome, she may have learning disabilities, she may have a neurological disorder, she may have any number of challenges. However, I believe that God would have us to be her family to provide her with five big sisters to cheer her on to greatness, whatever level that may be.

We did just learn (Friday) that she was born premature, though we don't know at what week gestation. Based on her birth weight of two pounds, it is likely she was born at about 27 weeks. As many of you know, babies born this early may have any number of challenges in their future. We have great hope for Heidi and are eager to bring her home and watch her thrive in the love of a family.

Now we're back into the paperwork of immigration and travel. We're hoping to go to China in August to bring home our little Heidi Grace! 

Thoughts on being Mama

Five little (and not so little) girls call me Mama.

Four of them I had the pleasure and pain of birthing. One of them I had the pleasure and pain of adopting. All of them are mine.

For nearly all of my married life I have been a Mama. Just before our second anniversary Anne was born, and so there have always been little ones around.

Eleven and a half years of being "mama". So much of my adult life has been consumed by all manner of bodily functions, doctor appointments, band aids, bikes, and bruises. But also countless hugs, snuggles, sleeping babies in my arms, wet kisses, and belly laughs.

I often tell others that being a mom is the best, hardest job you'll ever get.

Forgot to take a Mother's Day picture yesterday. This grainy selfie is the best I could get. Sorry, folks!

  Recently I forced myself to take a closer look at who I am as a Christ-follower. So much of my daily life is wrapped up in all aspects of mothering that it's easy to forget who Emily is. Mothering is only a stage, a phase, a blip in a hopefully long life. I try so hard to cherish each day with my girls, treasuring it for the gift it really is. And I want to be sure that I'm not so focused inwardly that I forget who I am really here to serve.

I was feeling rather introspective earlier this year as we waited to be matched with sister six. There were many little boys who were becoming available for adoption. In all their ways they were "perfect". They met all the little boxes we had checked off for our next adoption in regards to age and special needs. There was just one "problem". They were boys.

I was determined to examine my own heart to see if perhaps I was finding so much of my identity in a "mama of lots of girls" that I was shutting out a part of God's plan for our life. That perhaps I was making this adoption about me, and not about what it is meant to be, which is to be the best possible family for a child who needs us and that we need them. You see, Ruth has developed my character into a stronger, more determined woman because of who she is. God knew my heart needed her. And I was wondering if perhaps God was showing me that I needed a little boy in my life. Or was I just getting impatient in our wait to be matched with a girl?

After extensive prayer I felt that we were indeed following the path marked out for us. Another girl. Sister Six. That we should continue to wait for our girl. But do you see what I did there?

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts. 

 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

David sets us a great example of praying through determining my will versus God's will. For if we are truly honest with ourselves we would agree with Jeremiah 17:9. "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

Clearly God knows this fact about our humanity and knew we would need it made perfectly clear in Scripture. A blog for another time is why we don't follow our hearts Disney-Princess style. But I digress.

My friends, I don't know if I'm accurately representing what I want to say this Mother's Day week. Being a mom is a gift from God. Children are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3). And I love it. 

But I guess what I'm trying to put into words is that I need to remind myself not to find my identity in my children. Not to find my identity in a "mama of girls". Not to find my identity in my pride of my daughters' external behaviors (good and bad) and their accomplishments. 

This Mother's Day I am trying to remind myself, and maybe other moms who are feeling consumed by their children and their needs, that first and foremost, I am a child of God. I am a woman of God. And for me, right now, that means being a mother as my highest calling. But that job title (if you will) is not who I am.

I am attempting to be a woman after God's own heart.  

Ruthie is Four!

Ruth has been talking about turning four years old for quite awhile.

She has been telling people for months that she's 3 but soon she'll be 4. So when the big day finally came, she was ready!

Ruth is terribly bright. She understand rules to games (whether she follows the rules is a different story), she can read many sight words, she recognizes most of the letters of the alphabet, can nearly write her name (sometimes the letters are backwards h t u R instead of R u t h; although she likes to forsake the "u" and insists she doesn't have a "u" in her name; unless Mema is the one to remind her of that letter). We are planning to join her in Caroline's homeschool Kindergarten class this fall. She's very excited to be in Kindergarten and do homework like all her big sisters.

Ruth has been receiving quite a bit of speech therapy this past year, fluctuating from 2-3 times per week. After she turned four we backed down to one time per week for a 45 minute session. I am her speech therapist the rest of the week and do my best to teach her what the therapist modeled for us. I'm certainly not nearly as fun as Miss Rachel, but I'm ok.

Birthday presents!

She was so excited about this doll that when she pulled back the wrapping paper she jumped up and ran to me and gave me the biggest hug. The icing on the cake is the  doll came with the name "Lili" which is what Ruth often calls things as her silly word. When I found this doll (she's supposed to look Asian but other than the black hair and brown eyes there's really no Asian features to the doll), I knew it was just right for our girl.

Ruthie is still very tiny for her age, not even on the Chinese growth chart at almost 24 pounds and 2 feet 10 inches tall. Her weight to height ratio is pretty good, the 17th percentile.

She enjoyed a fun day out with her daddy for her birthday (North Museum and Friendly's for lunch) but was very ready to come home and see mommy and her sisters.

Kisses for the best daddy in the world

There are still concerns from the doctors regarding her slow growth. We do know this is in part due to the form of Thalassemia she has. She takes a folic acid pill every day to support red blood cell production and a Vitamin D supplement to help with bone density. We have still not had to give her any blood transfusions for which we are grateful. She will go back to CHOP to see the Thalassemia specialist in June and we will see at that time what suggestions the doctor has to make or if we can continue on as we are now.

Her cleft lip and palate have both been repaired. At this point we don't foresee any surgeries for many years (potentially a lip/nose revision when she's a teenager IF she wants it). Her surgeon doesn't think she will need a bone graft in her gum line, but we do know there's a small possibility that after she starts losing teeth we will need to have that checked to make sure she doesn't need that repair. She will likely need orthodontics for quite awhile, but again, this will be years down the road when she starts losing baby teeth and growing adult teeth. We are aware that she also may have missing teeth or misshapen teeth that may require dental work. However, at this time, we are good to go and her biggest hurdle continues to be speech.

Ruth continues to bring our family so much joy. She is Caroline's best friend. She is sweet and snuggly but also loud and spicy. We cannot imagine our family without her as a part of it.

She is very ready to be a big sisters. She prays multiple times a day for her little sister in China and hopes that we will have good news to share soon.

She saw this deer cake sample at the grocery store and knew exactly what she wanted for her fourth birthday cake!

Ruthie Deer, we love you. These past two years have been incredible. We will soon reach the day when she's been a Hess girl longer than she hasn't. And what a day of rejoicing that will be!

Happy fourth birthday, Ruthie V.!

So sassy!

Funding Update

Our precious family and friends. We have said many times how overwhelmed we are by the support we have received for Sister Six's adoption. 

Big Helpers during set-up

When we found out just a week or so before our fundraising event that we wouldn't be able to do a raffle and would need to switch it to a silent auction to keep it a legal activity in our state, I was very nervous to tell the people who extended their generosity to us in advance. All the friends were gracious and understanding of the predicament we found ourselves in. 

Now for the real news you've been waiting for! Our Coffee, Cocoa, and Dessert Fundraiser and Silent Auction raised just over $5,000!

So many lovely items donated!

We had applied for two grants and were shocked to find out this month that between the two we received $10,000. Between the grants, the fundraiser, previous fundraising events, and our personal savings our adoption is FULLY FUNDED! 

Look at all these yummy desserts!

Drool-worthy 

I don't know how to express our gratitude other than a simple, "Thank you."

I was so proud of these three for going outside their comfort zone (for some of them) and teaching a few Chinese words.

So many of you have been involved and dedicated to help bring home our little girl. From the people who made desserts, the ones who donated items for our silent auction, the many people who bid (whether they won the item or not!), the people who helped set up and clean up after the event. Truly, it was something beautiful for God, and we are honored to be a small part of his plan.

Now we persevere through the most difficult part of this side of the adoption process, and that it to wait to be matched. Please pray for us to have patience and to trust in the Lord's timing to bring the girl meant to be our daughter at just the right time. We can't thank you all enough! 

Something Beautiful for God

Recently the girls and I read a book about Mother Teresa. She didn't like interviews, public speaking, or being filmed. She felt those things took too much time away from the work she was doing. However, at one point she consented to doing a documentary. During the negotiations she wrote in a letter to the producer, "Let us do something beautiful for God."

Little Sister's Valentine's Day rose from her Daddy

I am certainly no Mother Teresa, but her words have stuck with me.

All adoption starts from a place of loss. For our daughters it is the loss of birth family, culture, country, and language just to name a few. However, there is redemption in adoption. There is the gain of forever family, new culture, country, language and religion.

God is in the business of making beauty from ashes. Of creating something lovely out of what could be filled with just pain. This Gungor song always makes me think of what God does in each of our lives if we allow Him to work.

It is my hope that our fundraiser to help bring home sister six will be exactly this. "Something beautiful for God". Yes, we would like to raise some money to help offset the costs of adoption. However, we want more than anything for the hearts and minds of our fellow believers to be encouraged. We want others to attempt, in their own ways, to do something beautiful for God. We all know that God does not need our help to create beauty from ashes. But if we allow it, he certainly would like us to be involved and to be part of the story.

I hope that non-believers will see what is happening in our lives and be curious. I hope they will see that there is something different about our family (and not just that we're weird) but that they will see us as Matthew 5:14-16 describes what others should see when they see us.

¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

This is what we want. We want others to see God and glorify him.

While I'm writing about adoption I wanted to give a brief update on where we're at in the process. You may remember our dossier went to China in November, 2018. We have been waiting for our match for three months now. We are hopeful that we will be matched soon, but are trusting God for His perfect timing and Providence over this wait and our match. This part of the process is always the most difficult as I'm a person of action and there is no action I can take. And yet, prayer is powerful and I can do that! Our daughter is never far from our minds. The other day Ruth was talking about her and said, "I miss little sister." And I think that's true. We don't know who she is yet, but our hearts miss her and long for the day we can all be together. We would certainly appreciate your prayers as we continue to wait.

Nothing would give me greater joy than to be matched and able to share a photo of her at our event on March 16. We continue to be grateful for the generosity shown by all of you to our family. We hope to see many of you on the 16th for a hug, a prayer, and a fun evening of fellowship.

Caroline is Five!

Five days before Christmas, our sweet Caroline turned five. A whole hand!

PC: Stacy Parmarter Photography

We don't do big birthday parties every year for our kids because 1. it's too expensive, 2. we have a lot of kids, 3. I personally prefer small gatherings. 

When we do have a party I try to make them extra special and memorable by having their favorite people and their favorite foods. We have chosen special years for parties; so far it has been 1st birthday, fifth birthday, and 10th birthday. I guess we'll have to figure out what year beyond 10 to celebrate, maybe 13 and 16. 

For Caroline's fifth birthday she knew just what she wanted. She wanted her favorite people (family, of course) but also her friend, Eliana (who happens to be her 3rd cousin), Matteo (who happens to be her cousin), and her friend Caden (who happens to be Matteo's nephew). Everyone would come and make Gingerbread Houses.

Friends!

Carrie's Gingerbread House

She wanted her favorite foods. My sweet Caroline loves spicy foods. She wanted Jalapeño Chips, Chili (which she calls "cold". Get it? Chilly = Cold), chocolate cake with white icing, purple roses (Rose is her middle name and purple is her favorite color) with writing that says "Happy 5th Birthday Caroline Rose". There were some other assorted foods that she enjoys, like spicy cheese, regular cheddar, crackers and things like that. 

Love Shady Maple's bakery at Fergies!

Caroline is genuinely the sweetest child I have had the joy of raising. Not that my other kids aren't sweet, but do you know how some people are so nice you feel like they can't possibly be genuine? Then you get to know them better and you realize that, while they aren't perfect, they are truly super super super nice. That's Caroline. She wanted our word for the year to be "Niceness". 

Isn't this the sweetest face?

Her generous nature is what has forged the deep bond she shares with Ruthie. When Ruthie came home from China I joked that they were like hens, and it took about a month for them to establish their pecking order. Ruth came out on top. But in all seriousness, I think it took Ruth about a month to realize that Caroline isn't going to fight her and they settled into an easy rhythm of love and friendship. They do occasionally have their spats but they make up with alarming speed. They can be fighting like cats and dogs, screaming and crying, then three minutes later they are holding hands and dancing. 

Snow Bunnies

Caroline started life a tiny newborn, 4 pounds 14 ounces, had a collapsed lung at two days old and spent a total of ten days in the NICU. She has rarely been sick since she came home from the hospital, with the exception of needing tubes in her ears last year (which worked wonders for her hearing!). She still isn't very big for a 5-year-old, just 31 pounds, but size isn't everything. 

Cutest overbite

 When asked, Caroline says she loves: music, Ruthie, babies, chocolate, rice, chocolate milk, bubble gum, catching butterflies, zinnias (which she pronounces zingias), the time when we can grow zinnias, riding my bike, baby bunnies, sledding, eating ice pops outside, Chinese food, swimming lessons, and playing in the bath.

These girls LOVE to wear matching outfits. They would dress alike everyday if they had enough matching clothes.

Caroline does not like: horses, goats, bees, big dogs, at night when I think a tarantula is going to come up the wall and bite me, lima beans, tuna noodle casserole, and fire ants.

When Carrie gets older she wants to be a mom to eleven kids. Because Annie is eleven and eleven is a big number. 

We can't imagine our lives without Carrie in it. She is really smart and excited to start Kindergarten in the fall. She is already starting to read on her own and I know that she will do great with a little bit more structure than what we have done for her early years of learning. She prays everyday for her little sister still in China. Like I said, a sweetheart. 

Happy (belated) fifth birthday, Caroline Rose! We love you!

Anne is (has been) 11 (for awhile now)

Somehow time has a way of going so slow and yet flying by at the same time.

Between painting signs for the fundraiser, Thanksgiving, Caroline's 5th birthday, Christmas and New Year, I allowed myself to get propelled along without sitting down to blog about two special birthdays.

Beautiful Anne

Back in November, which is now nearly three months ago, Anne turned 11. Eleven! It seems strange to think that I've been a mom for over eleven years. I don't even feel all that old. Ok, maybe some days I do.

Anne is a really awesome kid. She is very responsible (like, way more trustworthy than I was at 11). She is a fun girl to be around with a good sense of humor. Anne loves to read books. She recently took her 5th grade CAT (California Achievement Test) exam and scored ridiculously high in all the reading sections (we're talking high school/college levels).

Growing up!

It certainly wasn't a surprise as I am with her everyday so I know how much she reads, how quickly she reads, and how accurately she remembers what she reads. Truly, it's mind boggling how she can recite something from a book she just read. Even when she was little she could quote nearly full sentences from books she has only read once. While this is an excellent skill it makes her less than wonderful at summarizing a book because she remembers and wants to retell every little detail.

Anne has a love, zeal and passion for life. She likes to do just about everything and is nearly always willing to try something at least once. She still wants to be a nurse when she grows up which is great because she is intelligent, compassionate, and hard-working. I have no doubt that she will excel in whatever she does as an adult because she is already a great pre-teen.

Speaking of being a pre-teen, yes, we have had some challenges. While she is as described in the above paragraphs most of the time, Anne will be the first to admit that she isn't always like Mary Poppins and "practically perfect in every way".

Both Anne and I have had some difficult emotional swings in the past couple of months. I am glad that I remember being 12 and how terrible I was. However, in the moment of Anne's outrage I raised her up one and instantly regretted allowing myself to be baited by an eleven-year-old. In the end, both Anne and I apologized to each other and were able to move on. In my regret I worried for days about how my own actions would spoil our good mother-daughter relationship. When I brought it up to Anne several days later she said, "Just forget about it, mom. I already forgave you and you forgave me."

Have I mentioned how awesome she is? I'm pretty sure I was not that magnanimous when I was eleven. Heck, I'm not sure I'm that magnanimous at 34.

Anne is a fantastic big sister. She is always a great help with Caroline and Ruth. She is growing up quickly and has outgrown most toys, but still likes legos and board games. She loves drawing, especially pictures of horses.

She still would love to have a horse, but she'll have to settle for a lamb since she is joining the 4-H Woolies Club. It should be an interesting learning experience.

Anne is growing so quickly these days. She is now 5 feet tall, just three more inches and we'll be the same height. This past year she grew three inches so I wouldn't be surprised if by the time she turns 12 she is as tall as me!

Happy (very belated) birthday to my Anne. Thanks for all you do for our family. You are my biggest helper and things would be much more difficult without you. I love you, Anne-girl!