Grace

We talk about "grace" a lot in our home. Trent and I have often said that many children in the church don't know what grace is. Why do young people leave the church? I think a lot of times it is because either they think they don't need grace, or because they have never experienced it.

Something that I have been doing recently when the children do something they shouldn't is to extend grace to them. I try to do it at completely random times. Sometimes it is when they deliberately disobey something I have told them to do. One day Abbey was being really testy. She was riding her tricycle and getting too close the the road. I told her several times not to go so close to the road and that if she did it again she would not get her hot chocolate when we went inside. Of course, her next trip down the sidewalk she nearly rode right off into the street. After scolding her and telling her it was now time to come in, she was completely distraught. She was crying because she knew she wouldn't be getting her hot chocolate. After I tried to explain to her that it is important to listen to Mama because Mama wants to keep her safe and it's not safe to ride out into the street she was starting to calm down...

As the tea kettle started to whistle she was starting to get upset again, knowing that she wouldn't be receiving any. I brought out the mugs and set one in front of Abbey with a packet of hot chocolate. She looked up at me so surprised and happy. I explained that I was showing her "grace", does she know what that means? Anne chimes in, "it's getting what you deserve." Well, not quite... I explain grace to the children like this: "Getting something good, that you don't deserve."

I'm not sure if it has been an effective way to get the children to learn a lesson or to obey any better. But, they do know what "grace" is. They have experienced it in small child-like ways.

This past week I started to realize how much time I spent trying to persuade our eldest child to do anything... get dressed, brush her teeth, put on her socks, etc. I was so frustrated and exhausted by the end of the day because everything was turning into an argument. I want so badly to have an awesome mother-daughter relationship, but was really getting burned out with the constant battle of the wills.

She is four and can, and really should get herself dressed in the morning. But she runs around, goofs off, and tries to avoid it like the plague. Yesterday I got her clothes out for her and told her to get dressed. She did her same old thing. While she did this I didn't talk to her or ask her again to get dressed. Instead, I quietly helped Abbey get dressed and brushed her hair, and did the same with Magdalena. Once they were both ready I took them downstairs to allow them to watch their short video. Anne started to come down to watch and I told her, "I'm sorry, you aren't dressed and don't have your hair brushed so you cannot come down until those things are done." Wow... that lit a fire under her! Who knew the child could dress herself so quickly? Today I did the same thing. I laid her clothes out for her and asked her to get dressed while I helped Abbey. It was amazing how there was no fight over it today. She did it right away and calmly. We'll see if this keeps up.

I wonder if I can incorporate the same idea into other areas where she doesn't obey..... Any suggestions of motivators other than watching something on the computer?