5 Ways to be A Joyful Mama At the Grocery Store

Friends. I don't know about you all, but it seems every other article that pops up on my news feed have titles like:  5 things you're doing wrong, 10 ways you are failing, and 700 ways to get offended at the grocery store.

I'm a pretty big believer of the words and things that go into our mind play out in our actions. It's part of the reason I'm so particular about the movies my children watch, the books they read, and the company they keep.

Yet as Mamas (and Dads) do we do the same thing for ourselves? I know I don't always use the same standard for myself. So I'm going to lay this out there for you all. Stop getting offended at the grocery store. I'm using grocery store since that's the situation in which most mamas find themselves at the end of their rope. I actually don't personally go to the grocery store since I've married the best man ever and he enjoys the grocery shopping. BUT, I do take all five of my daughters pretty much everywhere else: doctor appointments, clothes shopping, greenhouses, soccer practice, the dentist, running at the rail trail, eye exams, etc. These five little tips will help you to get through "small talk" encounters with little old ladies, people who may seem a little nosy, and cashiers, and have joy in your heart when you walk out the door.

Before Ruthie came home, I had all four girls with me at an Amish greenhouse on my road. The young Amish cashier looked at me, looked at the girls, and said, "Are they all yours?" Guys. If you aren't familiar with the Amish community, the average Amish family has 7 children. I only had four. That one was a shocker!

Just today, as I was running errands, I had a young man (!) stop me in the parking lot of TJ Maxx by shouting, "Excuse me!" (he was still in his car) "Are they all yours?? FIVE girls!"

The most common comments I get are, "Are they all yours?", "All girls?!", "Your poor husband", "Just wait until they're teenagers".

And friends. I don't freak out at them. I don't roll my eyes. I don't get offended. Instead, I do these few things.

1. Smile. It's really not a hard thing to do. Treat people with a friendly face and with kindness, the exact same way you want to be treated. A smile goes a long way.

National Taco Day! Smile!

2. Listen. I've noticed that if I stop for even just 30 seconds, most of the time they have a reason for talking to me. The man today wanted me to encourage his young wife that having a big family is great. When he saw me out with all the girls happily walking through the parking lot, he felt he had to say something. An 80-something woman loitered about me last winter just to tell me that she was one of seven girls, and seeing my little family brought back so many cherished childhood memories. Also today at the eye doctor a woman told me she loved watching us because she had four daughters. It's not hard to give people 30 seconds or a minute of your time. Just remember that you may be on their end some day, remembering the joys and trials of taking your kids out to run errands.

Tea time with the loveliest girls around.

3. Take a deep breath. When I was a waitress at the Olive Garden people would often say the same thing to me throughout a 10 hour shift. "Just grate the whole block of cheese on there! Ha-Ha-Ha!" (when asked if they want grated Parmesan cheese on their salad.) They had no way of knowing that they are the 10th table who has told me that same thing today, and it isn't that funny anymore. Having a big family these days is a bit of a curiosity, even in good ole Lancaster County, and even more so because we have all girls. So when you're at your fourth stop on errand running day, and you don't really feel like having the same conversation again, take a deep breath, and repeat step number one.

Sisters going to church

4. Make a Joke. To be honest, I very rarely have people say things that I think are rude and I often wonder where people live who write of the harsh things strangers say to them. The "are they all yours" comment I've been getting since I had three kids. Sometimes families built through adoption take offense to this comment. I don't. I just answer the question with a smile, and "Yes! They're all mine!" On occasion I have people ask if we are going to "keep trying" for a boy. That's kind of an awkward question on a lot of levels, but again, it's just a conversation. I usually answer that question with, "We really, really love having all girls. They are a lot of fun!" And leave it at that. I really believe that the best way to handle strangers is with kindness. You'll likely never see them again, and it isn't really worth getting all worked up over. You give a stranger power over you and your emotions when you take offense.

5. Smile. Again. Because not only are you responding to strangers, your children are watching you. They are watching the way you respond to strangers and they are learning from you. So if you are snippy with strangers, they will learn that's the way to respond when people ask questions. If you treat others with kindness, they will learn to do the same. And even if I've reached the end of my patience and I have a cheeky two-year-old who WILL walk through the parking lot and she DOESN'T need anyone to hold her hand, and a three-year-old who wants to be carried even though my hands are full of bags, and a 7, 8, and 9 year old who are trailing like ducklings and I really just want to buckle everyone up and crank up the radio and drive, if you yell, "Excuse me! Are they all yours?" You can bet that I'll stop, smile, and say, "Yep! All mine!"

All Mine!

Slow Down

Thursday was quite the day for us. As many of you dear readers know, I'm a homeschooling Mama. I love it. I choose to be home bound most days of the week. However, Thursday I decided to be adventurous. I took all four girls to Sports Authority right around nap/rest time. I know, I'm a wild one. I like to live dangerous.

Caroline only wanted Anne at the store.

Soon after returning home from the aforementioned trip, our power went out. Kind of weird, since there didn't appear to be much wind. However, we live in southern Lancaster County, so it wasn't completely shocking. Last summer (or fall?) the same thing happened - there were random tree branches down on the power lines. I figured a similar thing happened.

Maggie looking for a poem for me to read to her.

Plans for Thursday dinner were leftovers. In the microwave. Which requires electricity. I called Trent at work. He says not to worry, the estimated time was 8 pm, and it's always on before that.

Trent gets home, still no electricity. I went for a run (remember that 2015 goal - run a 5k)... While running my phone battery dies (I think being out of the house in the afternoon plus having no electricity/wifi drained the battery really quickly). I get back from my run and Trent asks if I got his message... Um, No. My phone is dead. He had texted me to ask me to bring Burger King home for dinner. This resulted in a family trip to BK to eat INSIDE (seriously, you would have thought we were at a 5 star restaurant). The kids were awesome, and we all had so much fun!

For some reason I find this photo hilarious. Anne desperately wanted someone to come play outside with her.

We got home to a dark house, put the girls to bed, and then... What? What do you do when you have no phone, no wifi, no light. We read the Bible together with a headlamp for light and each caught up on a little reading. I had signs to paint but couldn't work on them. As I was praying two words came to my head. Slow. Down. I don't really consider myself a very busy person, mainly because I don't leave the house that often. However, as I sat in the dark thinking of all the things I "need" to do, I began to realize how hard it is for me to sit still. To just be still. To be in the presence of the Lord. I say that I want to do that, yet I don't make the time to do so.

Doodled this in the dark Thursday.

As I let those words roll around in my brain I thought of all the things I thought I should be doing {painting, dishes, cleaning, returning emails, replying to FB messages, checking my Etsy store, checking Instagram, thinking about the next day's school lesson, completing my homework for my Bible study, contemplating a discipline issue with a particular child, wondering if I was too hard on the kids today} and I made my brain just stop. Because how many times will I get a chance to really slow down like I was forced to do Thursday night.

Took some time to play a game Friday at school

Abbey really enjoyed her BK crown.

 I know that Sunday (or whatever day you take as your Sabbath) is supposed to be a day of rest. Yet for many of us Sundays are one of the hardest days of the week (hello - getting four girls and myself ready for church to leave by 8:40 am!?) and are far from restful (especially if you are involved in any form of ministry).

Enjoying our restful Sunday.

These two are the best of friends and playmates. (they are rushing inside to bandage up dolly who got a thorn scratch)

 This weekend I really focused myself on slowing down. On truly enjoying the every day, simple moments. Of letting go of what "needs" done, and allowing myself to cherish my sweethearts while they are still small(ish).

Watching toads emerge from hibernation

Toad watching

Here are some photos of us enjoying the moment

Anne flying her kite.

 A series of night time photos.

How do you slow down? What are some tricks you can share with me?

Home Pre-School

*Sisters-Best Friends*

Home Pre-School. I had been kicking around the idea of working with the girls some more with their letters (mainly Abbey since Anne already knows her alphabet), but thought I should probably do it on a more regular basis and have some new and creative ideas to put with them.

Thanks to Trent's cousin, Dana, who blogs at Growing by the Sea I was introduced to ABC Scripture Memory. I thought a simple thing to do would be to do a Letter of the Week (starting with A) and correlate the Scripture memory to go with it. I thought this would also give me a good idea if homeschooling while having toddlers and babies would even be feasible for me.

Well, I love it. I try to have fun craft to go with each letter. For "C" we colored an upper and lower case "C" to look like the spots on a cow. Then we went to our local dairy and looked at the cows. (We actually do this almost every week when we get milk, but we focused our time there that week with making the sound that "c" makes and looking for other words that start with the letter "c").

The children love it (even my crazy Magdalena!). Maggie likes to trace the letter of the week with her finger, the other girls have practice writing their letters, they have some activity books that they find really enjoyable. And, the best thing that I have found about teaching them at home is that we can go outside and have "Adventures for A", pick "Berries for B", go see the "Cows", we bought a "Dresser" on craigslist. So really, everywhere we go that week we focus on finding words that start with that letter. The children are really encouraging to one another. It's not uncommon to hear Anne tell Abbey, "Great job, Abbey! I didn't even think of that. Yeah, crow starts with "C"!!"

We still have about a year to decide what to do for school. After this brief trial run I think I could not only just homeschool, but I could love homeschooling the girls. Our local public school has Kindergarten just 1/2 day and provide busing in the morning and the late afternoon. So I would be responsible to either pick Anne up from school at 11:30 (toting all my other little kiddies with me right before lunch), or I would have to drop her off for afternoon kindergarten around 1:00 (you know, nap time). And I'm sure I could do this, even though it seems like a lot, but the other issue is that I would have to do this 3 years in a row.

So, we're still undecided at this point. Maybe I would just homeschool for Kindergarten. Although I'm sure it'll be hard to let her go after that. What can I say? I love being a Mama and a teacher.

Grace

We talk about "grace" a lot in our home. Trent and I have often said that many children in the church don't know what grace is. Why do young people leave the church? I think a lot of times it is because either they think they don't need grace, or because they have never experienced it.

Something that I have been doing recently when the children do something they shouldn't is to extend grace to them. I try to do it at completely random times. Sometimes it is when they deliberately disobey something I have told them to do. One day Abbey was being really testy. She was riding her tricycle and getting too close the the road. I told her several times not to go so close to the road and that if she did it again she would not get her hot chocolate when we went inside. Of course, her next trip down the sidewalk she nearly rode right off into the street. After scolding her and telling her it was now time to come in, she was completely distraught. She was crying because she knew she wouldn't be getting her hot chocolate. After I tried to explain to her that it is important to listen to Mama because Mama wants to keep her safe and it's not safe to ride out into the street she was starting to calm down...

As the tea kettle started to whistle she was starting to get upset again, knowing that she wouldn't be receiving any. I brought out the mugs and set one in front of Abbey with a packet of hot chocolate. She looked up at me so surprised and happy. I explained that I was showing her "grace", does she know what that means? Anne chimes in, "it's getting what you deserve." Well, not quite... I explain grace to the children like this: "Getting something good, that you don't deserve."

I'm not sure if it has been an effective way to get the children to learn a lesson or to obey any better. But, they do know what "grace" is. They have experienced it in small child-like ways.

This past week I started to realize how much time I spent trying to persuade our eldest child to do anything... get dressed, brush her teeth, put on her socks, etc. I was so frustrated and exhausted by the end of the day because everything was turning into an argument. I want so badly to have an awesome mother-daughter relationship, but was really getting burned out with the constant battle of the wills.

She is four and can, and really should get herself dressed in the morning. But she runs around, goofs off, and tries to avoid it like the plague. Yesterday I got her clothes out for her and told her to get dressed. She did her same old thing. While she did this I didn't talk to her or ask her again to get dressed. Instead, I quietly helped Abbey get dressed and brushed her hair, and did the same with Magdalena. Once they were both ready I took them downstairs to allow them to watch their short video. Anne started to come down to watch and I told her, "I'm sorry, you aren't dressed and don't have your hair brushed so you cannot come down until those things are done." Wow... that lit a fire under her! Who knew the child could dress herself so quickly? Today I did the same thing. I laid her clothes out for her and asked her to get dressed while I helped Abbey. It was amazing how there was no fight over it today. She did it right away and calmly. We'll see if this keeps up.

I wonder if I can incorporate the same idea into other areas where she doesn't obey..... Any suggestions of motivators other than watching something on the computer?