To the common eye they are nothing extraordinary. Just a common pair of dark-wash denim jeans. Size 4R. Gap. Flare. The backs are frayed because of my too short legs. But to me they are so much more. A small corner of my past that I never got rid of.
Today I dug these jeans out of the back of my closet and slipped them on. A perfect fit. Aren't old jeans just like old friends? You haven't seen them in a long time, but getting back to them is so comfortable and natural.
Under normal circumstances I would probably not be thrilled about adding two pant sizes to my thin frame, but this is different. It's like coming full circle. I hope to make this journey again sometime. From thin, to adding weight for a lovely new baby, to bringing a beautiful new life into the world, to thin again. Yes, I certainly hope to make this journey again.
These jeans have walked many miles with me. I remember the first day I saw them. I was preparing my outfit for a date that night. A first date, so it was important. I'm trying to picture that girl of so long ago. The choppy short blond hair, the athletic build, the excitement, the nervousness, the laughter that came so easily.
Nine years ago these Gap jeans were purchased by a 19 year old girl at Marshall's; the same Marshall's that this girl still shops at for her own children. The jeans were paired with a thick-strapped tank-top in bright pink and pink sandals.
That date was the start of something special. As Trent and I look forward to our 8th anniversary I wonder if I will wear these jeans again for that date. As my stomach continues to swell I don't imagine that they will be very comfortable in another 12 weeks, but maybe in 13 weeks, a week after our fourth baby is born I will wear these jeans again.
And as the weight continues to fall off as it always does when nursing a sweet new baby, the jeans will go back into their place in the back of the closet. Hopefully to resurface at another time. They serve as a loving reminder of the girl I was, and make me grateful for the woman God is slowly molding me into.
So to you they be just an old pair of jeans, but to me, they are much much more.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
Musings
So much and yet so little is going on right now.
Earlier this week I was feeling upset that I am not "showing" like most other mom's do at 24 weeks. I know it may sound ridiculous, but I really do wish I had a nice round belly that would show that YES - I AM expecting my fourth baby!! It's actually a little embarrassing to me that other people don't realize that we are having a baby.
And then I heard that a very close family member overdosed and stopped breathing. Thankfully this family member is doing OK now, but it's so foolish to think that I was wasting my time feeling upset about something so insignificant as what my stomach looks like when this person I love so much could have died (technically did die).
It seems that I am not a very quick learner. Because just today I was comparing my life situation with someone else. I have always wanted to adopt, and so when I hear of others adopting I feel this twinge of jealousy. And yet I am well aware that we may NEVER adopt. After fostering my husband really has no desire to adopt, but I have those feelings nonetheless. And then I remember that the person adopting is in a very different life situation from myself. And that this person and her husband are on the same page.
And then I hear of another family member choosing to cut themselves off from another. And I'm angry. Before my spiritual conversion I used to get vehemently angry frequently. That anger was lifted after I had this amazing encounter with Jesus. Today was the first time I have felt that barely controlled anger rising up in me. I am thankful that after praying I was able to get my anger in check and pray for this family member instead of rattling off an angry message to them like I wanted to.
As I read some "mom-blogs" today I was reading of children who are struggling in school. I realized that what our girls are learning and the levels that they are learning at my come off as bragging. I certainly am very proud of each of my girls, but I know that even if they had a learning disability or struggled in school I would still love them just as much.
Of course, being prideful is a sin, one that I am constantly reminding myself of and working to correct in my life. Late last week we had a few incidents with one of our children being "sneaky". The child would sneak a piece of candy and hide somewhere to eat it. And trust me, this child certainly knows better. This happened multiple times. Sometimes the child would confess only when caught red-handed. And other times she would act very shameful of her actions (but wouldn't change them). After a discussion today on truth, trusting, and what our actions say about us, she has committed to working on this sinful behavior.
I guess there is more going on than I realized...
Earlier this week I was feeling upset that I am not "showing" like most other mom's do at 24 weeks. I know it may sound ridiculous, but I really do wish I had a nice round belly that would show that YES - I AM expecting my fourth baby!! It's actually a little embarrassing to me that other people don't realize that we are having a baby.
And then I heard that a very close family member overdosed and stopped breathing. Thankfully this family member is doing OK now, but it's so foolish to think that I was wasting my time feeling upset about something so insignificant as what my stomach looks like when this person I love so much could have died (technically did die).
It seems that I am not a very quick learner. Because just today I was comparing my life situation with someone else. I have always wanted to adopt, and so when I hear of others adopting I feel this twinge of jealousy. And yet I am well aware that we may NEVER adopt. After fostering my husband really has no desire to adopt, but I have those feelings nonetheless. And then I remember that the person adopting is in a very different life situation from myself. And that this person and her husband are on the same page.
And then I hear of another family member choosing to cut themselves off from another. And I'm angry. Before my spiritual conversion I used to get vehemently angry frequently. That anger was lifted after I had this amazing encounter with Jesus. Today was the first time I have felt that barely controlled anger rising up in me. I am thankful that after praying I was able to get my anger in check and pray for this family member instead of rattling off an angry message to them like I wanted to.
As I read some "mom-blogs" today I was reading of children who are struggling in school. I realized that what our girls are learning and the levels that they are learning at my come off as bragging. I certainly am very proud of each of my girls, but I know that even if they had a learning disability or struggled in school I would still love them just as much.
Of course, being prideful is a sin, one that I am constantly reminding myself of and working to correct in my life. Late last week we had a few incidents with one of our children being "sneaky". The child would sneak a piece of candy and hide somewhere to eat it. And trust me, this child certainly knows better. This happened multiple times. Sometimes the child would confess only when caught red-handed. And other times she would act very shameful of her actions (but wouldn't change them). After a discussion today on truth, trusting, and what our actions say about us, she has committed to working on this sinful behavior.
I guess there is more going on than I realized...
Saturday, September 21, 2013
This Homeschool Thing
We have just about completed four full weeks of homeschool. And, I've got to say, it's been pretty darn good.
Not all of our days have been perfect, but I think if you ask any school teacher anywhere they will say the same.
Some of the things I am enjoying the most so far are:
~flexibility: I have pregnancy-related doctor appointments and these often involve long waits. So, we pack up our read-alouds, some handwriting and a few other things to keep the kids occupied and learning while we wait. We also started back up at the mom's group I attend and on those days we do school after lunch OR we will do a little extra work the day before and the day after. **I think the first 2 weeks I was very rigid on doing Week one, Day 1 on THAT DAY, and I didn't allow myself to be flexible. It has been very much a learning experience for me as well.
~Sisterly-love: The three girls have always had close relationships, and these relationships certainly seem to be blossoming. If I send Anne to school half the day I know Anne would have entered a world that Abbey could not enter and therefore they would begin that gradual drift in relationship. In fact, this year they are in the same class during SMILE (my mom's group) and when the kids went around and introduced themselves and told their ages Anne said, "This is my sister Abbey and I'm so glad she's here!" and hugged her tight.
~Extra learning opportunities: Today Anne is helping Trent plant a tree and will learn to care for it. The kids all get to come to my appointments and hear the baby's heartbeat. Last week the doctor even let Anne use the Doppler to listen to her own heart and to hear how much slower it sounds than the baby's. I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure most Kindergarteners aren't learning about Ancient Rome and Egyptians, or sediment and igneous rocks, or the Earth's rotation. We have an amazing opportunity to teach these kids really great information AND from a Christian worldview.
I'm sure there are more things, but I'm being called to inspect Anne's maple tree. I'm sure I still have lots to learn on the teaching and flexibility end, but so far we are all loving it. We also decided to place Abbey in Kindergarten along with Anne since she was accomplishing the same tasks as Anne and was thriving on learning more and new information. I definitely do some altering to make things harder for Anne as she is advanced in some of our subject areas. Abbey is determined to learn to read and has made quite a bit of progress in the past four weeks. In fact, just yesterday I spelled a word at the table and she figured it out. :) I believe I said, "Someone needs an N-A-P." And she chimed in, "Nap!" Maggie needs a nap!"
Not all of our days have been perfect, but I think if you ask any school teacher anywhere they will say the same.
Some of the things I am enjoying the most so far are:
~flexibility: I have pregnancy-related doctor appointments and these often involve long waits. So, we pack up our read-alouds, some handwriting and a few other things to keep the kids occupied and learning while we wait. We also started back up at the mom's group I attend and on those days we do school after lunch OR we will do a little extra work the day before and the day after. **I think the first 2 weeks I was very rigid on doing Week one, Day 1 on THAT DAY, and I didn't allow myself to be flexible. It has been very much a learning experience for me as well.
~Sisterly-love: The three girls have always had close relationships, and these relationships certainly seem to be blossoming. If I send Anne to school half the day I know Anne would have entered a world that Abbey could not enter and therefore they would begin that gradual drift in relationship. In fact, this year they are in the same class during SMILE (my mom's group) and when the kids went around and introduced themselves and told their ages Anne said, "This is my sister Abbey and I'm so glad she's here!" and hugged her tight.
~Extra learning opportunities: Today Anne is helping Trent plant a tree and will learn to care for it. The kids all get to come to my appointments and hear the baby's heartbeat. Last week the doctor even let Anne use the Doppler to listen to her own heart and to hear how much slower it sounds than the baby's. I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure most Kindergarteners aren't learning about Ancient Rome and Egyptians, or sediment and igneous rocks, or the Earth's rotation. We have an amazing opportunity to teach these kids really great information AND from a Christian worldview.
I'm sure there are more things, but I'm being called to inspect Anne's maple tree. I'm sure I still have lots to learn on the teaching and flexibility end, but so far we are all loving it. We also decided to place Abbey in Kindergarten along with Anne since she was accomplishing the same tasks as Anne and was thriving on learning more and new information. I definitely do some altering to make things harder for Anne as she is advanced in some of our subject areas. Abbey is determined to learn to read and has made quite a bit of progress in the past four weeks. In fact, just yesterday I spelled a word at the table and she figured it out. :) I believe I said, "Someone needs an N-A-P." And she chimed in, "Nap!" Maggie needs a nap!"
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Magdalena turns Three!!
First, let me start out by saying that yes, I realize this post is almost three weeks after her third birthday. I won't justify myself by saying how busy I have been, because, in general, I believe that we make time for the things that are most important to us. I hate to admit it, but I have a soft spot for novels, specifically love stories. Recently reading novels has been my form of relaxing after a morning of homeschooling, painting, and general household chores. So there, I've made my excuses, now you can hear all about Maggie!As many of you recall, Magdalena was my littlest baby at 4 pounds, 10 ounces and just 17 inches long. She made her way into this world tiny, but strong. After a week stay in the NICU she grew nice and chubby and hasn't stopped yet.
Magdalena LOVES to talk. She is constantly talking to her sisters, to her baby dolls, and to the little people that go with our dollhouse. She loves sharing a bed with her two big sisters. If one of the girls is out of control at bedtime it is usually Maggie. If we hear voices in the room it is generally Magdalena's squeaky voice. She loves to tell her big sisters stories after Trent and I go out of their room.Maggie is a constant source of joy in our lives. My difficult pregnancy with her led us unsure of what to believe her quality of life would be. She has proved to us that her quality of life will be JOY.
Maggie also loves babies. She was the biggest advocate for us having another baby "that we can keep" after our foster son left us. Of all the girls, Maggie was the closest to our foster son. Maggie is really hoping for a baby brother, but is coming to terms with the fact that a sister would be nice, too.
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| This is how she holds up "3" fingers! |
And just for fun - a size comparison of the girls at age three:
Anne: 39.5 inches tall and 29 pounds
Abbey: 36 inches tall and 23 pounds
Maggie: 36.5 inches tall and 28 pounds.
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| CHEESE! |
Special thanks to my sister, Audrey, for capturing Maggie's love of life in these pictures!!
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