Musings

So much and yet so little is going on right now.

Earlier this week I was feeling upset that I am not "showing" like most other mom's do at 24 weeks. I know it may sound ridiculous, but I really do wish I had a nice round belly that would show that YES - I AM expecting my fourth baby!! It's actually a little embarrassing to me that other people don't realize that we are having a baby.

And then I heard that a very close family member overdosed and stopped breathing. Thankfully this family member is doing OK now, but it's so foolish to think that I was wasting my time feeling upset about something so insignificant as what my stomach looks like when this person I love so much could have died (technically did die).

It seems that I am not a very quick learner. Because just today I was comparing my life situation with someone else. I have always wanted to adopt, and so when I hear of others adopting I feel this twinge of jealousy. And yet I am well aware that we may NEVER adopt. After fostering my husband really has no desire to adopt, but I have those feelings nonetheless. And then I remember that the person adopting is in a very different life situation from myself. And that this person and her husband are on the same page.

And then I hear of another family member choosing to cut themselves off from another. And I'm angry. Before my spiritual conversion I used to get vehemently angry frequently. That anger was lifted after I had this amazing encounter with Jesus. Today was the first time I have felt that barely controlled anger rising up in me. I am thankful that after praying I was able to get my anger in check and pray for this family member instead of rattling off an angry message to them like I wanted to.

As I read some "mom-blogs" today I was reading of children who are struggling in school. I realized that what our girls are learning and the levels that they are learning at my come off as bragging. I certainly am very proud of each of my girls, but I know that even if they had a learning disability or struggled in school I would still love them just as much.

Of course, being prideful is a sin, one that I am constantly reminding myself of and working to correct in my life. Late last week we had a few incidents with one of our children being "sneaky". The child would sneak a piece of candy and hide somewhere to eat it. And trust me, this child certainly knows better. This happened multiple times. Sometimes the child would confess only when caught red-handed. And other times she would act very shameful of her actions (but wouldn't change them). After a discussion today on truth, trusting, and what our actions say about us, she has committed to working on this sinful behavior.

I guess there is more going on than I realized...