Heidi’s First Appointment

Lots of you have reached out to ask how Heidi is doing with her feedings. I’m happy to say that her teeth and gums look much better than they did while we were in China. I believe the amoxicillin helped and her gums have not bled at all for over a week. 

She has significant build up on her teeth and from what I can tell likely a cavity or two, but definitely not as bad as what I first thought. She sees the dentist next week and they will likely recommend an oral surgeon who will put her to sleep for a full cleaning and repair so as to help alleviate further trauma. 

We have made so much progress with her eating since the first day we met. She went from screaming when she saw food to now sitting up in a high chair, with the tray on and a bib on and opening her mouth willingly to accept food. She is currently only eating baby food (sweet potatoes, peas, prunes, apples, etc). She is drinking still only from the spoon bottle. 

Today Heidi had her first doctor appointment with our primary care physician. Zoey came to hang out with the rest of the girls so I could focus solely on Heidi. If you don’t have a Zoey in your life, you need to get one. She’s amazing. 

I brought a whole list of concerns with me to the doctor. Some of these were things the doctor at CHOP had mentioned as concerns and some were from her previous medical records and some were my own observations on the short time she’s been my daughter. 

One by one we went through the list. There were initially concerns about her liver but that seems to be all cleared up based on her physical exam. I had a worry about her ribs as they slant in midway down her chest but our doctor wasn’t concerned about this. She had a PFO (small hole in her heart-very common with premature babies) that our doctor could not detect. 

Heidi does a lot of strange things with her hands and they often seem uncoordinated and weak. I had some initial thoughts that maybe this was a neurological disorder. While it’s not impossible, our doctor felt this was likely a couple of things. One, lack of opportunity in the orphanage setting. And two, she had a brain bleed sometime as a premature infant. He explained that sometimes these brain bleeds cause delays but that the brain is amazing and can heal. He was confident that with physical therapy she will catch up. 

Another concern I had was that her left eye occasionally drifts inward. He noticed that her eyelid is also a little droopy on that side. Sometimes this happens to babies born premature. He did recommend seeing a pediatric ophthalmologist. Thankfully I have prior experience with this as Abbey was seen by one at about 14 months old. 

The doctor at CHOP mentioned multiple times the possibility that Heidi has autism. She does do some things that are signs of autism but they are also very common orphanage behaviors and self-soothing behaviors. Most notably, Heidi often stares at her hands.

 However, she is very interested in people. She makes great eye contact. She engages with people and is usually curious about what is going on around her. She laughs, smiles, and plays peek-a-boo. She cries when she needs something. 

(She’s mastered the “mean mug”) 

The overall take on Heidi is this: she is (medically speaking) healthy; and with love, a family, and therapy she will in all likelihood catch up. This is literally the best case scenario prognosis we were given. While it remains to be seen where she will be cognitively, we have tremendous hope for our sweet girl. 

She does have a lot of fears. She was handled roughly in the orphanage and will often blink rapidly, flinch and cry when something happens. This was especially bad in China when I would get her dressed or undressed. The act of putting something over her head terrified her. With gentleness and patience this no longer makes her afraid. The same with the high chair. She used to cry being sat in the chair and we had to gradually add on new things (bib and tray) but she doesn’t cry or flinch at this anymore. 

Friends, you get to join us in watching Heidi blossom. Enjoy watching miracles unfold in the life of Heidi Grace. 

I Literally Can’t

Yesterday I had a hard day.

I don’t do well when I’m tired. I am cranky, impatient, noise bothers me, irritable, short tempered, and can be downright unpleasant. Basically I become a hungry toddler. 

The morning started with smiles and sweetness. 

But I was cranky. I was impatient when one of the girls didn’t understand a school concept (probably not my brightest idea to start school while jet lagged). I was irritated when my 4 and 5 year olds were chattering non-stop (truthfully, not any different from any other day). I was short tempered when my 10 year old threw a fit about school. And I was unpleasant when I yelled at her. 

All my spinning plates came crashing down and I started to wonder, “what was I thinking? I can’t handle six children.” One of my girls was crying that I don’t care about her, I only care about the little girls. 

I can’t meet the needs of all my kids at the same time. 

I literally can’t. 

And in my time-out moment lying on my bed I felt God whisper to my heart, “but I can.”  

Even if I could meet every physical and emotional need of all of my children at every moment I would still be unable to meet their spiritual needs because I am not God. You see, I’ve dealt for a long time with my pride. And just when I think I’ve gotten good at not being proud God blesses me with another child and I realize that I have very much been depending on myself and not on God. 

While it was a hard lesson to learn it felt like a breakthrough for me. I talked to my crying 10 year old and told her how much I love her, even when it may feel like I don’t. I apologized. I led her back to seek Jesus on her own. We prayed together. 

The rest of the day was better. And I went to bed early and woke up late and my own attitude is much improved. 

Heidi has a doctor appointment tomorrow so I’ll plan to give a big Heidi update then. 

But, I’m so happy to say that, medical/trauma/adoption issues aside, the six sisters are doing great. 

Heidi feels like she’s always been here. I had high hopes for how Ruthie would do, giving up her spot as “baby”. In typical Ruth fashion she took it all in stride, because, obviously, she’s big. She is loving her role as the big sister. She will sit on the floor with Heidi and Heidi will climb all over her. Ruth said, “Heidi thinks I’m a mountain!” Ha-ha!

Carrie likes to help her stand. She’s been a big sister for awhile but it’s so special to have a tiny sister. 

Maggie likes to show her how to play with toys. 

Abbey is happy that she’s big enough to hold and carry Heidi. 

And Anne. Bless her. Anne is like another mama to Heidi. She is my extra set of arms when I need to clean up the kitchen or fold laundry or do anything where I can’t hold Heidi. 

Honestly, Heidi has had a difficult start to life. But God. He saw fit to place her in a family with five big sisters. There are always arms ready to hold her, sisters to play, a mama to rock her, a daddy to swing her high. 

So for every tough day we have along the way, I keep in mind the alternative of my baby growing up in an orphanage. I’ll take my tough days and thank the Lord for carrying me through and thank my friends and family for lifting us up. 

Traveling + First day Home

We left our hotel at 7 am on Friday, September 13, 2019.

(Awkward mirror selfie: but gooooodbye hotel life)

Heidi ate a good breakfast but when we got to the airport in Guangzhou she was fussy. 

Fussy as in screaming and shrieking. 

Trent really did the lion’s share of walking her around (away from people) to help calm her down. 

He even grabbed me a coffee. 

Once I woke up a little I helped, too. 

Me, doing what I do best: falling asleep whenever we start moving. My parents tell me I was a fussy baby until they put me into a swing bed. Even at 34 I still fall asleep easily in the car and apparently on planes. This was a short 40 minute flight from Guangzhou to Hong Kong. 

We had a long, long layover in Hong Kong. A little over 6 hours to kill with a 1-year-old. Not my favorite way to pass the time. 

Heidi did remarkably well. We gave her a bottle of milk. She ate some food. 

She stood around looking sweet. 

I walked her around and around and around the terminal until she fell asleep. 

Her daddy fell asleep also. 

She took a step all alone. She’ll be walking before we know it!

She did lots of happy crawling also. She made lots of people smile. 

Finally it was time to board our plane. We fed her right before we got on the plane. When the stewardess came around to ask if we wanted drinks we got some milk for Heidi. She drank a big cup of milk (slowly from the bottle) then she slowly drifted off to sleep in my arms. She slept in my arms for about 2 hours (after being awake for 3). I gave her to Trent and she slept another 5 hours in his arms. 

She woke up slowly but once she was awake she was very happy. The sad thing was we still had another 5 hours to go....

Something was funny. 

It was poop. Poop is funny. She actually stood on Trents lap like this, staring him in the eyes while she pooped. It was humorous. 

We passed her back and forth trying to keep her entertained the rest of the flight. She did remarkably well. We know so many of you were praying and we certainly felt that God was answering you all with grace and kindness to us and the fellow travelers. 

We arrived in Newark, New Jersey a little after 10 pm on Friday, September 13, 2019! Going through immigration was fine except we got put into the slowest line there was. We finally decided to switch lines and got through much more quickly. Then we had to go through the immigration department to give our passports and Heidi’s documents. She became a US citizen upon stepping onto American ground. 

We worked hard for her citizenship. 

We really don’t take for granted the freedoms we have in America and are so thankful to extend them to our daughter. 

My sister, Stacy and my mom picked us up from the airport. It was a little over 2 hours to get home so it was nearly 2 am when we finally got home. Heidi did well for her first time in a car seat. She cried at first but once we started driving she was fine. 

I was so happy to eat a piece of pizza. I came home to a very clean house thanks to my mom. Pretty sure I should just hire her to do my cleaning that I never do. 

Heidi was very interested in Petey. 

Poor Petey was just trying to get away from her but was quite patient for a 13-year-old dog. We weren’t sure how Heidi would do, but she went to sleep well. We ended up waking her up around 7:30 am so as to try to help her work through the jet lag and get on a regular schedule. 

Anne was so pleased Heidi seemed to warm up to her pretty quickly. 

Getting a photo with all the girls looking in the same direction with their eyes open and smiling is even more difficult than it used to be....

Ruth was pretty unhappy with the idea of a group photo. Abbey was thrilled because she got to hold Heidi. 

Ruthie was much happier to get a photo with just her little sister. They are pretty sweet together. Ruth said she loved being a big sister. 

We had some chain reaction tears at breakfast. Carrie took a sip of her tea while it was still too hot. She sloshed a little and it hurt so she cried and came to my lap. Then Ruth started crying because she missed us. Then Heidi started her scream/cry because everyone else was crying. It made the bigger girls get control of themselves more quickly because they wanted Heidi to stop crying. The older three were I think amazed and the sheer volume their younger sisters can produce. 

Zoey did a little grocery shopping for us and then she left to go back home. We are so thankful for all the work she put into caring for the girls while we were gone. 

We turned on a movie and Heidi got to know her sisters. 

Crawling in for a closer look. 

She approved of Maggie and gave her a little head bump to show her love. 

She’s already got the best cheering section. 

She did get quite overwhelmed and overstimulated at one point. We laid her down in her crib for 15 minutes and then she was ready to go again. She definitely isn’t used to constant attention like she has now and it can be a little stressful. We found removing her for a short time from the room is very helpful for her. Obviously we don’t isolate her but for brief periods it has seemed to work well to give her a short break. She was fine the rest of the day.  

We gave her a nap just after 1 pm and had to wake her up at 4:30. 

Sleepy baby. 

Trent and I are tired as well. I laid down for a short time in the afternoon but didn’t want to sleep too long. 

We were so grateful to Pat and Lori Ward from our church who brought us a meal tonight. It was such a blessing not to need to think about a meal. 

After dinner I was washing clothes and putting away laundry from our trip. The third trip up the stairs I was feeling so exhausted. I plopped down on the bed and immediately fell asleep. The girls woke me when it was time for baths and showers. 

Heidi seemed to like her bath. She’s asleep now, hopefully for a long night’s sleep. 

I’m falling asleep typing this so I hope it is coherent. 

We are so thankful to be home. Just living each moment full of gratitude. 

The Last Day

Our last day in China was decidedly anticlimactic.

Breakfast went good for Heidi. 

She ate a big bowl of oatmeal but when she was finished she was very unhappy. Back arched, stiff bodied, screaming unhappy. 

I took her back to our room so Trent could eat. I was admittedly frustrated by the time I got back to our room because she flopped and flailed about so much that I wasn’t able to scan our room card in the elevator. So it took me down to the ground floor where I felt like I was holding a slippery eel under my arm who can’t walk or stand for more than 3 seconds when she’s in a good mood. By the time we made it to our room I laid her on the floor in front of the mirror with her toys so she could pitch her fit while I brushed my teeth. 

As soon as I walked into the bathroom she stopped crying. I think the little minx has learned that crying gets her a reaction. She’s not used to having her needs met when she cries and now that it happens she’s taking full advantage. 

She was still mad at me here, I think, but she was done with her fit.  

Our day was actually quite boring. We walked to a couple shops to get some last minute gifts. We wanted to go to the little side street again to get a dessert at a local bakery. Only 9 Yuan (just over $1) for a big slice of cake. 

I thought it was cheesecake with a date on top. It was some light, spongy cake with a grape and little chocolate wafer type thing. It felt very Chinese, as in not very sweet, not heavy. I don’t have a sweet tooth so I quite liked it. 

When we returned from our walk we decided to start thinking about packing our bags. This actually took a bit of time. Heidi was so sweet when we were packing.

I was sitting on the floor and she would come up behind me and grab the back of my dress. When I would turn my head to look at her she would laugh and smile. She played so nice for so long. We were glad we decided to stay back at the hotel room rather than go anywhere else. 

At noon we picked up Heidi’s passport with her US visa inside. All was as it should be! 

Heidi took a nap and I read a book and then also napped for awhile and Trent did the same. 

Heidi woke up screaming at 4:30 from her nap. Trent and I both took turns holding, walking, jostling, cajoling, and doing anything we could to make her stop. We gave her some Tylenol since we can see a tooth starting to come through. Nothing worked. We had hoped to eat out one last time with the friends we made here but knew it wasn’t in Heidi’s best interest. 

Finally, after an hour of her screaming at us, we laid her back down in the pack-n-play. It still took some time but she did stop crying. Trent went to our new favorite Muslim Noodle Shop and got take away. 

Because he loves me he got three dishes. We couldn’t finish them all but I just love these cucumbers and they’re so cheap! The dumplings were amazing, as well. Trent got some spaghetti with a pepper and onion sauce. Pretty good stuff!

After dinner Heidi ate a big bowl of her baby rice cereal. I mashed up half of a banana in it and she did well. She seemed ready to play after she ate. 

She picked this rattle up off the couch and dropped it on the floor for a long time. It was really good to see her actually showing interest in a toy and using it the way a typical baby would. 

She still doesn’t have the strength or skill of hand that a child her age should, but I have confidence in what she can learn. 

After her bath we got to FaceTime with her sisters. Ruthie was having speech therapy so we didn’t get to talk to her but the other girls all seemed to be doing well. 

We leave our hotel at 7 am to get to the airport in Guangzhou. We leave from GZ at 11:00 am and arrive to Hong Kong around 12:30. We, unfortunately, have about 6 hours in the Hong Kong airport so won’t leave until Friday around 6 pm. Thankfully we go back in time on the way home so should get to Newark, NJ on Friday night around 10:30 pm. 

Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers. Hopefully Heidi got her yelling out of her system and she’ll be a happy camper all the way home. 

We can hope, right?