Looking Back

I have a terrible memory. Seriously, ask my kids. They are constantly reminding me of things I said I would do, but forgot. And if I'm half asleep when talking to you, psshhh, forget it. I probably won't recall ever having a conversation with you.

My poor memory skills are probably why I love blogging so much. If it is written down then it must have actually happened (even if I can't remember it clearly). I also love to journal out those raw emotions. I am often embarrassed by what I write when emotional, but it is so healing in the moment to get them out in a safe place, and later to look back on them.

Monday mornings I give my two oldest girls a spelling pre-test. It is good for them to see growth in short-term way. It's hard for adults to see how they are growing in the moment, how much more challenging must it be for our 6 and 7 year old children? For the past two or three weeks Abbey (age 6) has gotten all of her spelling words right on the pre-test. Whenever this happens I "reward" them by not having them take the test on Friday. This Monday morning, however, Abbey missed one word. To say the girl was upset would be an understatement. Mind you, these are words that she has not studied, and she does not have access to the list ahead of time that she could peek at it. She was distraught over this one little word she missed (I told you she is a perfectionist).

To encourage her little heart I reminded her of how hard even the simplest words were for her in the beginning of the year. She grabbed her language arts binder (that is such a pain for me to put together, but man, today I was glad I did), and flipped to the very beginning. And she laughed. And laughed. And laughed. Oh, what joy that brought to my heart. She looked back to the beginning of the school year. The word was "are", she spelled it "R" on her pre-test, week 1 of the school year. And she laughed! It was very real to her, and showed her just how far she has come this year. I could have cried.

Yes, I'm teaching spelling, but I like to think it is so much more than that. I'm teaching these girls the value of looking back on life. We don't stay back there, we move forward. Yet there is value in looking back. To take a peek at what life was like less than a year ago is important.

Just the other night my dear husband and I were looking back. He had gone through times of self-doubt, of not knowing where he was going, what he wanted to do, where he wanted to go in life. And he prayed and prayed and prayed for direction, never feeling like he was going anywhere or being led. As we talked through the decisions he made he realized just how much the Lord was leading him, guiding him, and setting him on a path. It didn't feel like it at the time, yet when he took a moment to look back, he realized how all these little pieces that didn't seem like much (quitting one job to take a pizza delivery job) all fit together and created this beautiful picture.

Sometimes looking back can be painful. I think of our foster son and daughter on a regular basis. I know I have learned a lot from that experience. However, it is still painful in many ways to look back on that time. I'm sure that someday (maybe not on this side of Heaven) I will see how those months fit into my mosaic to create something whole and beautiful. Certainly I am changed because of that experience.

Isaiah 61:3 (New Living Translation) To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory.

Portions of this verse pop into my head from time to time, but I'm not sure that I ever noticed those last three words. The beauty for ashes, the joy instead of mourning, the praise instead of despair, it's for HIS OWN GLORY. Not for us. Not for me. For Him. Wow. 

I'm just letting that sink in.

I will leave you with this: Gungor "Beautiful Things". Hands down one of my favorite songs. 

I encourage you to take a few minutes today, sit, and think. The weather here has been beautiful. Grab a cup of tea or coffee, watch the kids play in the yard, and look back and realize the beautiful things He has done for HIS OWN GLORY in your life.