5 Ways to be A Joyful Mama At the Grocery Store

Friends. I don't know about you all, but it seems every other article that pops up on my news feed have titles like:  5 things you're doing wrong, 10 ways you are failing, and 700 ways to get offended at the grocery store.

I'm a pretty big believer of the words and things that go into our mind play out in our actions. It's part of the reason I'm so particular about the movies my children watch, the books they read, and the company they keep.

Yet as Mamas (and Dads) do we do the same thing for ourselves? I know I don't always use the same standard for myself. So I'm going to lay this out there for you all. Stop getting offended at the grocery store. I'm using grocery store since that's the situation in which most mamas find themselves at the end of their rope. I actually don't personally go to the grocery store since I've married the best man ever and he enjoys the grocery shopping. BUT, I do take all five of my daughters pretty much everywhere else: doctor appointments, clothes shopping, greenhouses, soccer practice, the dentist, running at the rail trail, eye exams, etc. These five little tips will help you to get through "small talk" encounters with little old ladies, people who may seem a little nosy, and cashiers, and have joy in your heart when you walk out the door.

Before Ruthie came home, I had all four girls with me at an Amish greenhouse on my road. The young Amish cashier looked at me, looked at the girls, and said, "Are they all yours?" Guys. If you aren't familiar with the Amish community, the average Amish family has 7 children. I only had four. That one was a shocker!

Just today, as I was running errands, I had a young man (!) stop me in the parking lot of TJ Maxx by shouting, "Excuse me!" (he was still in his car) "Are they all yours?? FIVE girls!"

The most common comments I get are, "Are they all yours?", "All girls?!", "Your poor husband", "Just wait until they're teenagers".

And friends. I don't freak out at them. I don't roll my eyes. I don't get offended. Instead, I do these few things.

1. Smile. It's really not a hard thing to do. Treat people with a friendly face and with kindness, the exact same way you want to be treated. A smile goes a long way.

National Taco Day! Smile!

2. Listen. I've noticed that if I stop for even just 30 seconds, most of the time they have a reason for talking to me. The man today wanted me to encourage his young wife that having a big family is great. When he saw me out with all the girls happily walking through the parking lot, he felt he had to say something. An 80-something woman loitered about me last winter just to tell me that she was one of seven girls, and seeing my little family brought back so many cherished childhood memories. Also today at the eye doctor a woman told me she loved watching us because she had four daughters. It's not hard to give people 30 seconds or a minute of your time. Just remember that you may be on their end some day, remembering the joys and trials of taking your kids out to run errands.

Tea time with the loveliest girls around.

3. Take a deep breath. When I was a waitress at the Olive Garden people would often say the same thing to me throughout a 10 hour shift. "Just grate the whole block of cheese on there! Ha-Ha-Ha!" (when asked if they want grated Parmesan cheese on their salad.) They had no way of knowing that they are the 10th table who has told me that same thing today, and it isn't that funny anymore. Having a big family these days is a bit of a curiosity, even in good ole Lancaster County, and even more so because we have all girls. So when you're at your fourth stop on errand running day, and you don't really feel like having the same conversation again, take a deep breath, and repeat step number one.

Sisters going to church

4. Make a Joke. To be honest, I very rarely have people say things that I think are rude and I often wonder where people live who write of the harsh things strangers say to them. The "are they all yours" comment I've been getting since I had three kids. Sometimes families built through adoption take offense to this comment. I don't. I just answer the question with a smile, and "Yes! They're all mine!" On occasion I have people ask if we are going to "keep trying" for a boy. That's kind of an awkward question on a lot of levels, but again, it's just a conversation. I usually answer that question with, "We really, really love having all girls. They are a lot of fun!" And leave it at that. I really believe that the best way to handle strangers is with kindness. You'll likely never see them again, and it isn't really worth getting all worked up over. You give a stranger power over you and your emotions when you take offense.

5. Smile. Again. Because not only are you responding to strangers, your children are watching you. They are watching the way you respond to strangers and they are learning from you. So if you are snippy with strangers, they will learn that's the way to respond when people ask questions. If you treat others with kindness, they will learn to do the same. And even if I've reached the end of my patience and I have a cheeky two-year-old who WILL walk through the parking lot and she DOESN'T need anyone to hold her hand, and a three-year-old who wants to be carried even though my hands are full of bags, and a 7, 8, and 9 year old who are trailing like ducklings and I really just want to buckle everyone up and crank up the radio and drive, if you yell, "Excuse me! Are they all yours?" You can bet that I'll stop, smile, and say, "Yep! All mine!"

All Mine!

Hess Homeschool: Part 1: 5 Reasons Why We Homeschool

As we prepare to enter our fifth year as a homeschooling family, I wanted to share publicly some of the reasons we homeschool. Over the years I have had several friends ask why we homeschool, what an average day looks like, and what curriculum we use.

This shall be part one of my homeschool series: 5 Reasons Why We Homeschool

The two years before our oldest daughter was ready for Kindergarten were years full of conversation regarding schooling. We continually vacillated between public school, private school, and home school. Like most people, Trent and I drew from our personal experiences to help aid in our decision making. I went to public school K-6, then Christian school 7-12, then public university. Trent was in Christian school K-12 and public university.

After looking into the cost of Christian schools and knowing we already had three children (at that time) close together and hoped for more, we quickly ruled out the feasibility of affording Christian school.

I'm a list-person so I wrote list after list of pros and cons of public school versus home school. I wracked my brain of all the negative things about public school, and all the positive things about it. I didn't have many friends that I knew of that had been home schooled and, to be frank, had a negative impression of what home school kids were like (you know, weird.). I also didn't have a single mom-friend (at that time) who home schooled her children, which was extremely intimidating.

In the end, Anne made the decision rather easy for us. She started reading a year before she was old enough to enter Kindergarten. By the following year she was reading at a 6th grade level. I couldn't see sending her to Kindergarten because I was sure she would be bored. Anne has been blessed (or cursed, depending on how you look at it) with a very similar personality to my own. Knowing how we react to boredom (getting into trouble) home school quickly won the debate. We decided to take it a year at a time, not knowing how it would go and what it would look like.

If I'm totally honest with myself, Anne's reading level was a cop-out. It was easier for me to explain that Anne is a gifted reader so we decided to home school than to tell people my deeper opinions on it. And many of these opinions and ideas were shaped by the experience gained from living the home school life.

What I have to say next is in no way a reflection on the decisions of other families. All of us moms are just trying to do the best we can, attempting to make the best choices for our children, and our families.  I do not believe that homeschooling is the best choice for all families, but it is the best choice for my family at this time.

Five Reasons Why We Homeschool (in no particular order)

1. Flexibility: I have found that we can have as fluid or as rigid a class schedule as I desire. We often start school in August while most kids are still on vacation, to take our family vacation during times when the beaches are empty and rentals are cheaper. My girls can enjoy playing in the snow all morning, then still get their lessons done in the afternoon. We can sleep in as late as we need or want to in the mornings. This past school year the girls took a very short Christmas holiday because we knew we were going to be heading to China and wanted the school year to be finished before we left. Our family trips often count as field trip school days. I am not a morning person so I am thankful not to have to rush around getting papers signed, lunches made, backpacks prepared, trying to remember when gym day is for several little people, etc. I believe our home is a very peaceful (albeit messy) place to be.

2. Close Relationships: Looking back to the few people I know who were home schooled for some portion of their schooling, this may have been one of the things I found "weird". I saw pre-teens who had very close relationships with their parents and siblings. If this is a side effect of homeschool, I definitely see this as a positive thing. My daughters feel very comfortable coming to Trent or me with their problems. While the girls don't get along every moment of every day, at the end of the day, they are still friends. I often remind the girls that, while it's great for them to have friends who aren't their sisters, those friendships often come and go. Sisters are forever. I wish that I would have had closer friendships with my own sisters growing up. Homeschooling often allows us to feel a bit of the simplicity and closeness you garner when reading the Little House books. While Trent doesn't play a fiddle (yet) he sure tells great bedtime stories and is a fantastic Mad Dog and Tickle Man. 

3. Inter-Age Comfort: I don't have a good title for this one. Basically my girls are comfortable with all ages. Schools are so "grade focused" that it unwittingly pits older/stronger kids against smaller/weaker ones. Whether or not a child is ever bullied in a school (I was not), there was always a bit of fear toward the upper grades. Right now the girls are 9, 8, almost 7, 3, and 2. They are just as happy to play with each other as they are visiting our neighbors daily who are 84, 68, 65, and 8. They can have meaningful conversations with people of all ages (or happily bounce a baby on their knee). I know when I was 9 years old there wasn't much chance of me wanting to have a conversation with a friend's parent. Yet our girls will happily interact with adults as easily as they do with children. (Also, this may make them seem weird.)

4. Love of Learning: I really wanted my girls to love learning and be life long learners. I see many parents complain and vent about the amount of testing their children have to go through. It saddens me to see very young children with such heavy burdens of stress due to their (elementary!) education. My girls are well-read in a wide range of subjects. I find that I am learning right along with them. Admittedly there are some subjects (cough, cough, Science) that are not personal favorites, but this in no way hinders their Science Education. This past school year (when Anne and Abbey were doing 3rd grade) they took on the majority of their own science education. It was so beautiful to watch them not only take on the responsibility, but to do so independently and with consistency. I'll have a whole post dedicated to my curriculum choice at a later date. *Their love of books may make them seem weird.*

5. Influence: While some may disagree or not like this one; I have found it to be one of the most important reasons why we home school. I want to be the major influence in my child's life; not their peers, not their teachers, not the things they hear on the bus, not the misinformation they gather in school. Me. I feel personally convicted to provide my children with a solid foundation of what we believe and why before sending them out on their own for 8-9 hours a day. Granted, this means my children get to see me fail. Every. Day. It means sometimes I lose my patience and raise my voice. But it also means I get to show them what repentance looks like. It means I get to show them, first hand, how to restore a relationship that was hurt by careless words. It means they get to help me to be a better mom, a better person. Together, we get to explore how Jesus lived. We get to see how He is still active in the world, and in our home. They have deep, first hand knowledge of what it means to love people who are different from us. They have the opportunity to build the character traits of godly women who may someday be godly wives and mothers and home makers and whatever else they choose. I want them to have faith in their roots, and not be swayed by every passing trend. This also means that I am the one who explains about their bodies, how babies are made, why we do or don't wear certain clothing, why we wear deodorant, that it's rude to burp and fart at the table (with sometimes little success). But again, I'm so glad that I'm the one giving them accurate information that aligns with our spiritual beliefs.

While there are certainly more reasons and more stories I could share, I think these five pretty well sum up what I love about homeschooling.

I welcome your questions! I had lots of questions before I got started so I am happy to share what I have learned to help others on their way or to sate a curious mind.

Adoption Paperwork Update!

After a quiet and frustrating few weeks we finally have lots of positive movement regarding our adoption paperwork.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017 we received Ruth's immigration approval in the mail! We filed for this on January 10 and since I missed a signature on one of the documents we had to wait longer to receive this approval. It felt like a VERY long 6 weeks.

After we received immigration approval we were told it would take about 1-2 weeks for the National Visa Center to send us a letter confirming they have notified the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou that our I-800 (immigration) was issued. We were AMAZED and grateful that this was sent via email the very next day (Wednesday, February 22, 2017).

Since we had the letter from NVC we could file for DS-260 (which is for Ruth's visa to come to the U.S.) We filed for this on Thursday, Feb. 23. Also on Thursday, Trent and my visas to get into China arrived in the mail! So as you can see, last week was extremely exciting for our family. It felt like so many pieces were finally coming together.

So now what? We are actually done filing paperwork! Now we just wait for the wheels to turn. The Consulate will issue an Article 5 notice to request our travel approval. This can take 3-4 weeks. Once travel approval is issued that can take another 2-3 weeks. After we receive travel approval we plan our trip to China 3-5 weeks later! We were told sometimes these things come through more quickly, but those are the average estimates.

Our agency plans two trip to China per month based on the provinces, so the province Ruth is from would come up for a trip once per month. We were told there could be a possibility to travel in April. However, based on Trent's work schedule and the kids' school schedule, even if that trip is possible we have decided it will be best for our family to travel in May.

The tentative dates are May 12-26, give or take a couple days. Trent and I will be traveling alone. My oldest niece, Zoey, is going to be staying at our home taking care of the girls with help from grandparents. This arrangement is another tremendous benefit of waiting until May to travel. Zoey will finish her semester at Temple University earlier in the week before we travel, and our girls will finish their homeschool year at the same time. We are so grateful that our girls will have the consistency and stability of sleeping in their own beds and being in their home for 2 weeks and enjoying these two weeks of summer vacation with their cousin. As much as they would love to be with their grandparents and Mema the back and forth is very exhausting for them.

While we are so very eager to bring our darling poppet home, we know that this is going to be a hard transition. Ruth has two foster sisters who are extremely devoted to her. They have been her sisters for nearly a year. Would you pray for them? We know the pain associated with letting go of a foster child you love dearly, and our hope is for these girls and their parents to understand just how important their role in Ruth's life is. Ruth joined their family as a very, very weak and frail child. With their tender care she gained strength to stand, walk and now even run! She gained enough weight to have her lip surgically repaired. They cared for her after her surgery. They are the ones doing the hard work of loving and letting go. Pray for them, especially the girls, who are four and seven years old.

Thanks for following along on our adoption journey. The best is yet to come.

Caroline turns Three

It's so hard to believe that Caroline is now three years old. She arrived four weeks early, a scheduled C-Section, in all her tiny glory. Though we knew she would be small, we had hoped she would be healthy. She experienced significant fluid in her lungs at birth and was immediately taken to the NICU.

At two days old she developed a hole in her lung. I was immediately grateful that she WAS in the NICU. She was exactly where she needed to be so the nurses and doctors would be awake, monitoring her in the middle of the night, (2 am) when she would experience this distress. She was sedated, had surgery to insert a chest tube, and placed on a ventilator. It was so awful to see her in that condition.

Christmas day, three days after her lung collapsed, I was finally able to hold her.

12/25/13 : 5 days old

Every Christmas I put on that same flannel shirt and take another picture with Caroline, holding her to my chest. It serves as a visible reminder to me of how precious her life is, and how holding her in my arms that day was one of the greatest Christmas gifts I will ever receive.

12/25/14 : 1 year + 5 days old

12/25/15: 2 years + 5 days

12/25/16 : 3 years + 5 days

And now Carrie is three. She is so spunky and fun. She is such a chatterbox and says the most hilarious things. On her birthday we ate chili for dinner. She ate everything out of her bowl that she liked. Then she said, "I want some more cold." I had no idea what she was talking about. She repeatedly told us she wanted more cold and got angrier by the moment that we didn't know what she was referring to. It finally dawned on me that chili = cold. I was amazed that she was able to recognize chilly as a synonym for cold and replace the word was had been using to describe the meal with a word she was more familiar with. She was delighted when we finally understood what she meant and ate her "cold" with gusto.

birthday cookie

She is completely devoted to her sisters (usually it's a different sister each day), but most often it is Abbey. Caroline absolutely loves babies. Her current favorite little person is her cousin Matteo. She delights in him (it's hard not to, he is really sweet and cute!)

Her new baby "Olivia"

Caroline is so excited to be a big sister. Every time we get a new picture or video of her sister she loves to look at it and talk about her sister and be hopeful for when she will get to see her in real life.

Caroline is also excited to move into the same room with her older sisters. I feel very strongly about the bond created by sharing a bedroom. We (as in I) have decided that Caroline will move in with her big sisters sometime in the New Year. I hope to create a new post for that transition.

always drawing

Caroline still sucks her thumb when she sleeps. She will only suck her thumb when she has her special night time blanket. She never sucks her thumb during the day.

She is definitely, very much a three-year-old. She is starting to assert her own will more and more. She is very sensitive. Usually if I tell her "no" very sternly she will start crying.

She loves playing the game Sequence for kids, but only according to her own rules. She likes beans, and chips and salsa and sour cream. She loves coffee with cream. She hates to have her hair brushed and her teeth brushed, unless she is doing those things by herself. She likes to snuggle up to watch movies. She went to Sight and Sound Theater to see Samson and loved when he knocked all the walls down. She loves Sunday School and her teachers. She intentionally wriggles during church so she can go to nursery with her beloved cousin, Matteo. She likes painting her fingernails, and has unfortunately gone to great lengths to achieve this; going so far as to get a stool, put it in the closet to reach the nail polish , and paint her own nails while the rest of us were busy elsewhere in the house. When she was found out she immediately started crying and saying she was sorry. She loves sparkles and boots and sparkly boots from Mema. She loves her piggy bank and delights in demanding coins from her Grandpa every Wednesday night. She likes tea parties with Grandma and books in her bed.

All that to say, Caroline is a joy to our hearts. We are so glad she was born. While she still is just a peanut, she is quite healthy, with just a tiny white scar to show for her rough start. Happy third birthday little bird. We love you!

It's a Perfect Match!

If you haven't already heard and the title of this post hasn't given it away, we are so very pleased to announce that our family has been matched! For you non-adoption language people, this means our agency has identified OUR DAUGHTER. I know some of you will want bare bones information while others want the nitty gritty. So here goes:

Bare bones first: She is the most beautiful girl in all of China (duh). She is a year and 8 months old (she will turn 2 in April). She has cleft lip and palate and a blood condition called alpha-thalassemia or thalassemia minor. Her cleft lip was beautifully repaired two months ago (October, 2016). She just started walking well the beginning of December. She is a tiny poppet (just 14.5 pounds at 17 months) so fits right in with our tiny family of girls.

She will need her palate surgically repaired soon after arriving in the US. Her blood condition is very minor and should not cause her any issues. We do not have a travel date as of yet but Trent and I are hoping to travel to China sometime Spring 2017. Just Trent and I will be traveling, the four big sisters will be staying stateside.

As much as I would love to share her photograph and videos with you our agency understandably has a social media policy which restricts this practice. I'm happy to show you her picture whenever I see you in person!

Now, for those of you who like details, and just for my own record, here's how it all went down.

Wednesday, November 23, 2016, 4:55 pm. The day before Thanksgiving. Our agency called! Our matching coordinator said they received a file for a sweet little girl who fits the profile of what we were hoping for in a daughter. We were urged to check with a hematologist about her blood condition and a cleft doctor about her cleft lip and palate. Of course, doctors offices were closed Thanksgiving Day and the day after, not to reopen until Monday morning.

Irony number one. Thanksgiving 2015 Trent went hunting, spent time in the woods praying specifically about our family situation and whether adoption was the right thing at this time for our family. He felt that it was. Now the same weekend a year later Trent went hunting and prayed over this specific child.

 Irony number two. I imagine after a holiday weekend doctors offices are pretty busy places. However, I called a hematologist at Hershey Medical, left a message, and the doctor called back 15 minutes later. He spoke with me on the phone for at least 15 minutes, answered all my questions, and even sent a letter in the mail regarding our conversation. I also emailed our daughter's entire medical record and several photos of her lip before and after surgery to the Lancaster Cleft Clinic. The doctor got back to me in just a few hours with positive, helpful information.

Irony number three. I have been praying continually about what to do about my painting business. It felt like our referral at this exact time was such an answer to prayer. While I haven't made any official decision, I know I will be taking some time off in the New Year.

Irony number four. This sweet girl's file was supposed to have been completed over the summer. For some unknown reason the orphanage just completed it in November. But we know the reason her file wasn't ready just yet....

After much prayer and consideration we notified our agency on Friday, December 2, 2016 that YES, we agree, this is our daughter. On that date we are officially considered MATCHED. However, we now are entering the back and forth of paperwork between the US and China. We are waiting for her official release from the CCCWA (China Center for Children's Welfare and Adoption) which we should get any day. Once we receive that our Letter of Intent (LOI) will be sent to China indicating that we want this little girl to be part of our family. Then we have to wait up to four weeks to have a Letter of Approval (LOA) sent back to us from China. Then we again go through more paperwork (immigration, visas, travel approval, etc). All of this back and forth from the time we receive our LOA can take up to 18 weeks until we actually travel to China. It is our hope that everything will come back sooner than expected and we will have smooth sailing through all the red tape so we can bring our daughter home as soon as possible.

We thank you all, from the bottom of our hearts. Don't stop praying for us and for our little girl. We know she is being well cared for and is in excellent hands. While our hearts are split between two continents we know that God's timing is perfect. We were not anticipating being matched until March so are humbled that God deemed it right for us to be matched sooner rather than later. And now we look forward eagerly to the day she will be in our arms. Forever ours.

Raising Homemakers

It doesn't escape me that I've been given the tremendous task of raising up a generation of Little Women. Soon five girls will call me Mama. But trust me, I'm just like the rest of you. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing great, other times I think I'm failing. We have beautiful days where everyone is getting along and we have horrible days where the girls are bickering and arguing and throwing fits.

This week I have had a terrible head cold. You know, the works. Sneezing. Coughing. Headaches. For sure, not the worst head cold I've ever had, but enough to make the dog bark when I talk and sound like a man. You know what I mean.

Regardless of whether I am out of sorts, the show must go on. And surprisingly, it has been a beautiful week for me. Despite the ever growing mound of tissues, my little women have risen to the occasion.

As we home school there is still work to be done whether teacher is sick or not. I did a very limited amount of teaching. Just enough to squeak by. Anne and Abbey have read more material on their own than ever before. Anne has helped Abbey work through a math challenge as well as help Maggie read through her sight words. Abbey has taken charge of Caroline and helped her to the bathroom and read her books. Maggie has also stepped up and taken a crying Caroline upstairs to play and distract her while my head was pounding. Anne made lunch on my worst day this week.

As truly grateful as I am to be feeling better in some ways I'm glad I had this little brush of illness. It gave me the opportunity to see my daughters rise up. They were able to complete tasks that I don't normally assign but that they have learned through watching their mama. I never sat down and showed them how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but all three of the older girls are capable (with varying degrees of messes) to make a sandwich.

Friends with little toddlers. Take heart. Your day will come. It's hard to comprehend that my eldest daughter will be nine years old next month. It's humbling that the Lord saw fit to give me all these future homemakers to raise. But that's what I'm doing, to the best of my ability.

And maybe in another month I'll feign illness just to see how much they have honed their homemaking skills.

Immigration Approval

Hey friends! Just wanted to give everyone a quick update on our adoption.

Friday, May 20 we received immigration approval for our daughter to immigrate to the US! Hooray!

Unfortunately, we still need to have the immigration document certified and authenticated. This will take about five more weeks.

Wonderfully, this is the LAST piece of paper we need before our Dossier (huge pile of information on our family and all the things we have ever done in our lives) can be sent to China. Hopefully our Dossier will be in China the first week of July.

Once our Dossier is in China we wait for our referral, which is a formal way of saying our DAUGHTER and all her medical information and her photograph. We aren't exactly sure how long this wait will be. It can be 5-6 months or sometimes a little longer.

Once we accept our referral we have a bunch more paperwork to do before we can travel to China. Usually travel is 4-6 months after referral.

Thank you all for sharing in our joy and excitement. We do have a fundraiser planned for this summer that we are excited about and it is open to the public.

More information can be found here: Ice Cream Social Fundraiser

If at any time you feel led to give a donation you can message me for our address to send a check. Or we also have a YouCaring page which you can find here: Bringing Home Little Sister

Thank you, thank you!
xoxo,
Mama Hess 

Tempe, Arizona

I had the opportunity to tag along with Trent to a conference being held in Tempe, Arizona. In the beginning of March. Just when you can't stand winter any longer in Pennsylvania. We flew out of Philadelphia's airport at a brisk 32 degrees and touched down in Phoenix's Sky Harbor Airport at a lovely 80 degrees.  It felt like Heaven.

Front of Tempe Mission Palms

We stayed at the Tempe Mission Palms hotel. I can't even tell you how lovely this hotel was. But I'll try.  Open your door to a beautiful open-air courtyard full of palm trees, orange trees full of oranges, and the most deliciously fresh, clean scent you can imagine. The room itself was also nice, recently updated. The pool was on the second floor, a roof pool over looking shiny buildings on one side and a desert mountain on the other.

Orange trees right out our door!

Courtyard view

  The main reason (other than the obvious escape from the cold) I wanted to go was the chance to visit my grandparents. They live in Clarkdale, Arizona, about 2 hours away from Tempe. My Grandpa (78) made arrangements for someone to cover for him at his job at the hospital (he does valet parking at the hospital), and my Nana (72) communicated with me on the timing of it all. They were very generous and helped pay my way to them since they knew we were trying to be super careful with our spending as we plan for the huge expense of our adoption. I was thrilled for a chance to spend a full day with them.

The last time I saw both of them, Magdalena was just three weeks old, and I was still recovering from the c-section and the whirlwind of adding a third child under age three to our family. I was not fortunate to grow up with any grandparents living in the same state as my family. My family is originally from California, but we moved to Pennsylvania when I was four years old, leaving behind aunts, uncles, cousins, and both sets of grandparents. I remember well the angst of "grandparent's day" at school, knowing that mine would never be there. I feel extremely grateful that we were able to drive out west multiple times during my childhood to see family and they were able to come see us a few times as well. I'm very grateful that my daughters can get to know their grandparents very well.

Even though I didn't get to see them often, the feelings and memories are alive. When Nana and Grandpa stepped out of their car it was like no time had passed at all since I last saw them. What a treat to have them all to myself!

Selfie with my Nana!

We sat in the courtyard and chatted for a couple of hours, then made our way to Macayo's for lunch. Legend has it they are the unintentional inventor of the chimichanga (deep-fried burrito). The story goes that a burrito was accidentally dropped into the deep frier, and out came the chimichanga. The rest is history. Obviously I had to have one. With guacamole. Because you're in Arizona. So you need a margarita to go with it. What a lunch!

Macayo's with my grandparents!

What a treasure these people are!

Next we drove outside of Tempe for some sight seeing. Grandpa didn't get us lost at all. ;) We had a nice scenic view of the botanical gardens and even drove past the zoo. It was getting too hot for us to walk around at this point.

We went back to the hotel to get some water and lemonade and a piece of carrot cake. Trent was able to get out of his classes from 5-6 so he hung out with us for a little while. At 6 Trent had to go back for a cocktail hour and dinner. My grandparents still had a two hour drive home so they headed out. It was sad to see them go, but what a wonderful day we had.



Friday I was on my own as Trent had to be at his conference. I walked to Starbucks at 10 am for a late, delicious breakfast. The weather was just perfect. I enjoyed walking down the streets, not a care in the world, and perfect temperatures.

Totally turned into one of "those" people who takes pictures of their food. Haha!

Tempe seems to be a very young city. Everything was bright and clean, although there were a lot of homeless people. After leisurely strolling around I headed back to the hotel to hang out by the pool. I caught up on my Bible study, relaxed, listened to podcasts, and swam.

Bible Study with a view!

Trent joined me there when his lunch was over.

Watching my man swim :: weird leg pic.

I ate a nice big salad from the Pool Grille. After more swimming and more relaxing we headed back to our room.

Another food pic - but Oh man! I wish I could eat this salad again!

After cooling off and drinking lots of water we headed out for a hike to the little mountain we could see from the pool. It was a nice climb with many beautiful cacti. There was a gorgeous view of the city and our hotel on one side, and the other side was the suburbs and more red mountains. It was just lovely.

The little mountain we climbed (view from the pool, of course!)

"Mountain" top selfie

That night we went to an Irish Pub Trent had seen and wanted to take me to. Unfortunately, well, it was Irish (my mom's side of the family is Irish). And, I just had to chuckle because in some ways it reminded me of what a family reunion would be like. Loud. Lots of laughing, lots of loud talking. Definitely not Trent's scene.

Had to wear a fringe dress while I was in Arizona!

But the food was awesome, and of course I had to have some sort of Irish coffee. I went with the "Nutty Irishman". Warmed me right up!

Me and my Nutty Irishman!

We again walked the streets of Tempe. Found these candy cigarettes in a Sweet Shoppe. Am I the only person who loved these as a kid yet never smoked a real cigarette in my life???

Wanted to buy them for the girls - Trent said, "no!"

We ended the night by sitting in the courtyard of the hotel, enjoying just being together in a beautiful place. I'm so grateful to Trent's parents for watching the girls, my grandparents for helping make it happen, and Trent's job for letting me tag along. I really believe that one of the best gifts we can give our children is to show them what a strong marriage looks like. For me, that means occasionally getting away with my husband, so that when the kids are grown and out of the house we still know who each other are and still have a strong bond and connection.

So if you ever go to visit Tempe, Arizona in March, just be prepared that you might not want to go back home.

Love this man!

Adoption Update

Hey friends. If you haven't heard by now, we're adopting!! For the full story, go back one post and read and the details!

Several of you have been asking how things are going and where we're at right now in the process. Our application was filed on January 4. It is now March 10, so we are just over two months into this (typically the process takes 18-24 months). We have had all of our home study documents in place for about one month. We have had both of our home visits from our social worker. We are still waiting on one document that was misplaced or lost somewhere along the line (a clearance from when I lived in Mississippi). Once that is in and our social worker is able to connect with our local children and youth office to review our home study from when we were foster parents, THEN our home study should be written up, reviewed and finalized. Our social worker is hoping that she will have her first write up for us to review on Monday, March 14. However, she was having some difficulty getting in contact with Children and Youth. I'm hopeful that by the end of March we will have our home study finalized.

Can't wait until Little Sister is the one on Anne's lap!

As we have had these documents in place for awhile we began plowing ahead to gather the necessary paperwork for our dossier (another set of papers which will be sent to China). At this point we are waiting for one more reference and need to get one more paper notarized. Once we have those two things we will send that packet of papers to our agency's main branch in Oregon. We have opted to have them process all the dossier paperwork to get the special certifications and authentications. These things are very confusing and involve considerable amounts of time. For their fee we felt this was certainly worth it. I'm hoping to get the notary done on Saturday and it just depends when our friend gets time to write our last referral letter. Hopefully I will be sending these documents to Oregon next week.

So, to make a long story short, we're closing in on the paperwork part of our journey! That is a huge weight off our shoulders. There will still be some paperwork (filing for immigration, etc.), but mostly there will be waiting.

While we wait for paperwork to process and eventually we will be waiting to be matched with our daughter we will be doing some fundraising. As many of you know, adoption is very expensive, we were told to budget approximately $35,000. I'll post more about fundraising at a later date. For now, I'd absolutely love if you would PRAY for our remaining paperwork to go through smoothly, and for our daughter in China. Although we aren't matched with her yet, more than likely she has been born recently. We would love if you would pray for her birth family as well as her current caretakers.

Thanks, everyone!

xoxo,

Mama Hess

The year of Hope :: Explained

Friends, I've been holding out on you. I apologize. I'm terrible at keeping secrets and this is such a big one.

Spirit lead me Available in my shop: HERE

But maybe you can guess.

I'm not getting enough sleep.

And I am going to lots of appointments.

And if you catch me on a good day you might say I'm glowing. (On not so good days I might be crying).

Friends, I am beyond thrilled to announce to you all that our family is growing.

Wood flash card available in my shop: HERE

We are in the midst of mountains of paperwork and clearances, and FBI fingerprints, and birth certificates and more paperwork.

I cried when this came in the mail.

We are adopting!

This song has been one that has been really meaningful to me: No Longer Slaves // I am especially encouraged by the words "You split the sea so I could walk right through it". I have been praying for the "seas of paperwork" to split so we can walk right through. And I believe that is happening!

So this year, 2016: the year of Hope, our hope is focused on our adoption.

Add caption

I'm going to answer some of the questions that I've been asked so far.

1. Q. Where are you adopting from (domestic/international).
     A. We are adopting internationally from China.

Big sister, Caroline finding China on the globe

 2. Q. So you are you finally going to have a boy??
    A. No. Although there is a great need in China for families to adopt boys, after much prayer and consideration we have decided on another girl.

Just as the other girls kissed my belly when pregnant, Caroline is kissing "Little Sister" on the globe.

3. Q. How old will she be?
    A. We don't really know - probably about two years old when we bring her home.

4. Q. How long does it take?
    A. About two years. China has a very steady, predictable program, and the current time frame for girls is about two years. Based on that, we anticipate bringing our daughter home January, 2018.

These ladies are all so excited to have another sister! I'll need a new hashtag: #hessgirlsx5

5. Q. Do you have to go to China?
    A. Yes. We will go to China to bring our daughter home and will be out of the country for about two weeks.

6. Q. Why go to China when there are children in the United States who need families?
    A. This is a tough one. As many of you know we did foster care a few years ago. Not all children who are in foster care will be adopted, in fact, many of them won't. We felt that the back and forth (between visits to birth family and special appointments) was too difficult for our family and would rather settle in with one child who we can help to nurture and grow.

Maggie is a natural little Mommy. She's eager to meet her sister and prays for her and her birth mom.

7. Q. So you're adopting a healthy infant girl? (Actually this isn't usually a question because it is assumed).
   A. While this used to be the norm for China adoptions it is no longer the case.  In fact, there are more boys than girls who need families in China right now. And all the children who need families right now are special needs. Special needs may be something such as cleft lip, cleft palate, webbed fingers, or a birth mark. There are many other special needs many which are easily manageable and/or correctable.

Anything I missed? Please feel free to ask questions. I'm not politically correct so don't worry if you feel like you don't have the "right language" to ask. I'm happy to answer any questions you may have.

Enjoy this live version of Hillsong United singing "Oceans". Such a lovely song that has been an encouragement to me during this process so far.

{UN} Inhibitited

I'm not really much of a crier. I used to be, back when I was a tween and teen. I think I cried buckets at age 12. Thankfully those emotions settled significantly by the time I got married at 20.

Yesterday I was scrolling through Instagram hashtags, and I'm not exactly sure how I stumbled on it, but I came across a personal IG of a home school mom. She was sharing about her daughter who just turned 13 and how she has maintained so much of her innocence by being home schooled.

Friends, if you knew me, really knew me, back in high school I'm sure you find it extremely bizarre the way I am talking now. But I want to attempt to convey something that was so beautiful to me that it brought me to tears, like actual tears flowing from my eyeballs. At dinner last evening as I was explaining it to Trent I had to stop talking because I was sure I would start crying and not be able to stop.

First, let me just preface this by saying that home school is NOT for everyone. PLEASE do not take what I am going to say as a personal judgement against your decision for whatever schooling you have chosen for your children. I know so many people love the schools they are a part of, and I celebrate that with you! So please do not take my words in the wrong way. Instead, celebrate with me. All of us parents are just doing the best we can with what we have been given. Thanks! :)

As a middle and high schooler I had limited experience with kids who were home schooled. In general, I thought they were weird. I don't know where I got this idea but regardless, it was there. I had this preconceived notion that home school = weird. I didn't want weird; I wanted to fit in. However, when you are trying so hard to fit in with everybody else, you lose so much of who YOU are. I was constantly comparing myself to other girls, modeling my speech, hair, clothes, athletic ability, test scores, etc. against everyone else. If someone I thought was "cool" was taking photography, then I tried it, too. And here's the clincher, even if I had NO interest in the subject I would do it just to try to keep up and fit in with everyone else. It was exhausting. And it was not fun. Some of my worst grades in school came from taking classes I had zero interest in but signed up because "everyone else was doing it". Cliche, but true.

This week I have been slammed with several unexpected gifts of homeschooling. I'd love to share some of them with you!

1. Limited stress :: there is so much stress associated with school these days. I was talking with my former Kindergarten teacher a couple of weeks ago. She still teaches "Kindergarten" but what they now call Kindergarten is what used to be first grade. There is so much pressure to push kids forward into levels of thinking that they are NOT all ready for. When I was in Kindergarten, some children were not ready to move on to first grade, so they would go to this awesome thing called "Pre-First". I will be sharing more about this in a future blog post.... But with homeschooling, while I hold my children to high standards, they are not subjected to a lot of tests. My girls LOVE to learn, and I love to learn along side of them.

Abbey enjoying a game at the library.

2. Mornings :: I'm not a morning person. I don't have the worries of missing the bus. {Which I had loads of experience with all my life.} If one child needs to sleep a little later in the morning, I let her sleep. While I do try to stick to a schedule because I think it's good for the kids to have consistency, I do not hold to an exact time. Generally we like to start school at 9ish. However, today it was closer to 10.

This morning, when we all needed just a few more minutes in bed.

3. Children :: my children get to be children. They get to color and draw while I teach school. This helps them to be in their seats the whole time I need them to be. They get to go outside, run, and play. If they experienced a challenging math lesson they can take 10 minutes to clear their head by swinging outside or riding their bikes. It's wonderful.

Pretend sleeping in the bath.

4. Vacation :: we don't have to ask permission to take our children on vacation. We went to the beach after Labor day last year, the house rental was cheaper and the beaches were deserted. It was the best vacation we have ever had. Also, Trent and I went away to celebrate our 10th anniversary and we were able to leave the kids with his parents and, while I gave them some assignments to do while we were gone, I wasn't worried that they were getting behind and Trent's parents didn't have to worry about getting them to and from school.

The girls helping make dinner.

5. {UN} Inhibited :: my girls have the chance to be themselves. They are subject to little to no peer pressure. They are not bullied or teased {except occasionally by each other }. They have the opportunity to have their lives built firmly on the Truth of God's word. To me, this has been the best thing. My hope is that they are building such a firm foundation that when the time comes for them to go out into the world that they will not be swayed by peer pressure; that they will be so confident in who they are as children of God that it won't matter to them if others consider them to be a little "weird". I'm concerned that sometimes, as Christians, we look SO MUCH like the world that we are no longer distinguishable. I want to shine the bright hope that Jesus has to offer to our dark world. So, if when my girls are 13 and they still hardly wear shoes and they run in the woods and climb trees, then I will give God the praise for their freedom to be themselves. The freedom to not conform to the world or what the world expects a 13-year-old girl to be like. The freedom to express themselves through whatever THEY enjoy, not what they want others to think they enjoy.

Dance party craziness.

Don't get me wrong, there are definitely challenges that go along with this day-to-day job of home schooling. For me, for right now, the benefits far outweigh the costs.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21
Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.

Another Break & a Break Through

I know what you're thinking. "Didn't you just take a break?" And the answer is, "Yes." And I'll beg you to forgive me for this unusual behavior. So, the last day to order will be Wednesday, October 7th. I will reopen Monday, October 26th.

Favorite photo from my last break.

I PROMISE this will be my last break until my regularly scheduled break from when I stop taking Christmas orders. I will take a break from the Christmas cut off (Nov. 30) until the end of January. This gives me time to make all the Christmas orders before Christmas, and then breathe a little and even create some new designs that I've been wanting to do. Early in November I have a craft show I'll be at for all you locals who want to come out. More details closer to the date.

AND - I will be offering a FLASH SALE on the Monday I re-open. It will only be on two signs, but you can customize them and they will be finished before Christmas. I am so so excited to offer these to you all, so check back. I've never done a flash sale before. Ever. So this is going to be really big. You will love it. I promise!

For those of you who like my personal updates I have a really exciting one for you. As you probably know, I am not just a sign painter, I'm also a homeschool mama. And this year has been TOUGH for us! I have one Kindergarten student and two second graders. I've been challenging my Kindergartner to push herself to read. She WANTS to read, and knows the letter sounds and can sound out words. However, she has had a hard time NOT sounding a word out. She will sound out the name "Pam" every time it appears, even though she just read the same word one page ago.

That little girl on the far left is now a reader!!

Yesterday, it clicked. It was the quintessential light bulb moment. It made sense that every time she sees the letters p-a-m in that order, it will say Pam. And the same with the rest of the words in the little book she was reading over and over. She was SO excited to run to her big sisters and show them that SHE CAN FINALLY READ! And the way they gushed over their little sister and her big accomplishment was beyond precious. Then she waited for Daddy to get home to reveal her BIG SECRET. She wouldn't tell him all through dinner what the secret was. After she finished eating she ran for her little book and read it to Daddy.

Of course, my dear husband who has supported me through all the really rough days we were having lovingly encouraged me to write this down. On the really hard days where I'm sure I'm ruining my kids' (and my) life, I can look back and remember why I'm doing this. I wouldn't trade this moment for all those hard days wrapped together. And such is parenting, isn't it? It's like those old ladies in the grocery store who are always telling you to cherish every moment because they go so quickly. And yes, even if the little old ladies are a little fuzzy on whether their child ever had tantrums, they are crystal clear on one thing.

It is worth it.

To Help the Perfectionist

I like goals. I especially like when they are attainable and when I meet those goals.

However, raising children isn't exactly like other goals. For example, in business, I may have a goal to make, say, $1,000. And I can work hard and be creative to meet and exceed that goal. There may be factors that detract from that goal, but there are a lot of things that I can do to make it happen.

This school year started out really rough for one of our girls. So challenging, in fact, that I questioned my ability to even teach her. Yet as the days wore on I came to realize that the material is not too difficult for her as I suspected at first glance. The challenge for this child is that she is a perfectionist. She has unrealistic goals for herself. For example, every week I give the children a pre-test for their spelling words for the week. The idea behind this is to see what they already know and what they need to study. At the end of the week when the take their test they can see how they have improved and what they learned. If, however, during the pre-test they already know how to spell all the words I do not require them to take the test. This was a semi-frequent occurrence for this child last school year. This year there are more words and they are more challenging. So during a pre-test she has the unrealistic goal of getting all 16 words correct. And then she gets to a hard word (without even trying it because she *knows* she will get it wrong) and will throw her pencil across the room, or start yelling, or run out of the room. I wish I were exaggerating. You can see why I would wonder whether going to "real school" (as the kids like to call it) would be a better option for her.

The thing with a perfectionist child is this: they are much more prone to depression and other psychological problems with physical side affects (such as cutting, drug use, etc.) In their unattainable quest to perfection they can spiral out of control. Perhaps going to school would curb those physical outbursts, but more than likely they won't be building her spiritual needs or really addressing the area of perfectionism that needs help.

The idea with helping a perfectionist is to remind them that doing their best is what is most important. It's really hard not to coddle the perfectionist and prevent her from ever failing (and watching the irrational outbursts that come from a perceived fail). Also to help them set realistic goals for themselves. Yes, it's good to have hard goals, but for the perfectionist they need to realize that spelling one word incorrectly is not worth throwing a pencil across the room or running away. And I don't want this child to have these intense struggles for the rest of her life. If I can help her work through this as a young girl I'm hopeful that it will be easier for her as she grows up into a young woman.

As we wrap up our third week of school I am grateful for how much progress we have made already. We have hard days, and days where she is unnecessarily hard on herself. But we're making it. And (dare I say?) even enjoying it. But pray for us. It's Friday - spelling test day.

Back to School

One week down, 35 to go. But who's counting?

I can't think "Back to School" without thinking of Billy Madison. Sorry. It's just the way I was raised.

There's so much good in this video. Is it silly? Of course. But the truth is so many kids feel that same way as the head back to school. Even our home schooled kids had those fears and a little anxiety as they headed back to school or officially started school.

This year we have two second graders and a Kindergarten student. This is my first year needing to teach more than one level at a time. The first day back was last Monday, August 17. The teaching part went well, but the homework part was a nightmare for one of our kiddos. There was a lot of yelling (mostly on my part) and a lot of frustration (pretty evenly split between the student and me).

First day of School - started out so fun and sunny!!

A large part of the problem was that I had a recent huge influx of sign orders, and normally I paint in the afternoon for about 2 hours while the children have a quiet time. Quiet time has turned to homework time and this student wanted me to sit directly beside her as she did her work. I told her I had my own work to do and she needed to do her own work. What she heard was, "Painting signs is more important than you." I'm not proud of it, but it's very close to the real meaning of what my words said.

Day 2 - sitting within touching distance as Abbey does schoolwork.

That evening I took a step back and evaluated my priorities. Do I enjoy painting? Yes. . Do I love homeschooling? Yes. Do I love my daughters? Yes. And then I needed to think about what I can change to still do all of these things (if possible). Most important on that list are my daughters and homeschooling. I enjoy the other things as well, but if I have to sacrifice any of those things on the list, it will be the painting. In order to still do the things I like best some changes need to be made.

Day 5 - getting into the groove and loving these quieter moments of the day.

1. I need to go to bed earlier. I've set myself a time limit on how late I will work during school nights so that I am a better teacher and a better mom.

2. I need to be willing to give up that chunk of afternoon time for painting in order to help my daughter gain confidence in her ability to work independently. We have compromised on this. I allow the children one hour FIRST to watch a movie. During this time I will write e-mails, respond to messages, create designs or paint. Whatever doesn't get done in that hour has to wait.

3. I need to extend the lead time from order to completion. Previously I was telling customers 1-2 weeks, but my goal was to get all orders completed in one week. However, since I'm not exactly sure how many signs my new hours will allow me to complete I have increased my time from 3-4 weeks from order to completion. As I get into a better routine this may look like 2-3 weeks or it could increase from 4-5. It all just depends on the volume of orders.

Please don't feel guilty about ordering. I WANT you to order. I LOVE painting. I'm still just so grateful that you all are so trusting in my ability to create something beautiful. And I'm excited that many of you are willing to wait three to four weeks to receive something I have made.

I would love to hear how you all fit in all the things you love? What do you have to give up to make your schedules work?