Tea Bar

Since I’m not busy enough (Haha) I like to come up with home projects. The girls and I have been having tea time once or twice a week since school started. We drink tea and I read poetry. It’s been lovely. For Christmas I bought each girl an adorable old-fashioned tea cup so I got into my mind that we needed a tea bar. 

Since I’m no longer painting signs I decided to take that crafting area and change it up. 

This is the space before. 

I started by painting this wall a gray-blue. This was leftover paint so this part of the project didn’t cost me anything. 

Then I took all these leftover boards from when I was painting signs and stained them in this gray-wash. This part of the project didn’t cost anything as I had the wood, stain, and nails. I had big plans that I would nail this together by myself but realized I’m not strong enough. 

I had to wait a couple extra weeks to get Trent to do it for me. I know he would have rather done other things on his Saturday but this is how well my man loves me. 

All done! The only cost to the project were the extra large C hooks that I purchased from Amazon. Trent finished the shelf and hung it up for me while I was away with a group of women for the weekend. Isn’t he awesome?

Oh, and the glass apothecary jars I bought on Amazon as well. One has hot cocoa mix that we made, the middle one I plan to make some more homemade marshmallows to put in, and the third has Andes mints right now. 

I’m really pleased with how this project transformed this space. Eventually I would like to replace the primitive style server with something in a country white. I’ll likely add some art above the shelf at some point and possibly add coffee bar items to the tea. 

Hope you enjoyed my most recent project!

Letting Kids Fail

It has been a whole year since I've joined the amazing group of Southern End women to worship the Lord together and to have Bible Study together. Yesterday lived up to it's name, Change of Pace. It was, indeed, just that, and just what I needed.

I'm really excited to be doing Reggie Joiner's study called, It's Just a Phase, So Don't Miss It. I'm sure I'll be writing more about it in the coming weeks.

Today I'm writing about something that came out of our discussion at Bible Study yesterday. Many of the moms mentioned they would like their children to become independent adults. So many of us have heard stories or know people who end up moving back in with their parents. These are grown adults, often married with children, who cannot live independently.

So how do we raise children who can live independently?

We let them fail.

I know this sounds harsh, but I really believe that if we let our kids fail in "safe" situations, they will be much more successful and independent as adults. Unfortunately, many moms have a major problem. They are enablers. They just cannot bear to see their child fail or hurt in any way. I beg those moms to let go of some of their own perfectionism and let their child make mistakes that they can learn from while they are still young and the mistakes aren't nearly as painful as when they are adults.

I'm the type of person that needs examples, so if you're like me I'll help you out. This just happened in our home over New Year's Eve, so this is super, super recent. When we go away or on vacation, all my children who can read pack their own bags. I write them a list of the items they will need for our time away and they are responsible for packing those items. (Eventually, they will be in charge of their own list writing.) Now here's the key, for all you moms out there who are fixers. I DO NOT CHECK THEIR BAG. So, we go away for New Year's. We have fun at our best friends' house that evening and have a great night sleep.

Next morning, one child comes to me and says, "So mom.... on that packing list.... Did you write pants?"

This particular child skipped over the line that said: 3 pairs of pants.

At that moment she had a choice to make. She could wear her same pair of pants all weekend, or she could ask a sister close in size to borrow her extra pair of pants that she did pack.  Was it a bummer for her to wear ill-fitting pants for the weekend? Probably. Was it a little embarrassing? Most likely. Will this child pack more carefully next time? I sure hope so.

I'll share one from my own childhood. Most of you know I love sleeping and am not a morning person. Apparently I've been like that my whole life. I missed the school bus so many times in middle school that my mom told me if I missed the bus one more time I would have to walk to school. I can't remember how long after this threat that the day came and I missed the bus. (In my own defense, I had to get on the bus at 6:50 am. So....) Anyway. My mom said, "Well, sorry. Guess you have to walk today." I just mapped this to be sure I'm telling you accurate information. The distance is 3.5 miles, with hills. Lots of hills. Thankfully the weather was good, but the unfortunate part was that I had either a sport's practice or gym or some event that I can't recall now, but it forced me to carry my backpack plus a second bag to school. I guess I made it about 3 miles before my principal came upon me and gave me a ride the rest of the way (thanks Shirley!) which greatly relieved me as I was unsure how I was going to safely cross the busy intersection that was coming. The point is, I don't think I missed the bus the rest of that year.

Moms who cannot let their kids fail are doing their children a disservice.

Children can surprise you with what they are capable of handling on their own. I give my kids lots of opportunity to do things on their own and fail at them. Parents who are constantly swooping in to fix every little thing for their kids so they don't "hurt", are hurting them.

How have your kids failed and learned from it?

2018, The Year Of.....

GENEROSITY.

We always choose one word to focus on throughout the year. This year, we have chosen generosity. As I've noticed in the past, I do really well focusing on that word for the first few months of the year, but once we get to May or June I usually forget about it.

I am hopeful that I can be really intentional about our word in a new way this year. While Trent and I believe we are already generous people, when we give money to causes or people that move us, it often does not involve our children. We have sponsored a child (now young man!) through Compassion International for ten years. We highly recommend the organization. Our girls have often colored pictures for him over the years, but they aren't directly involved in the giving to his support.

What I would like to do this year is to choose a different, local, non-profit organization each month to focus on. We will talk about that organization and their needs throughout the month and work to collect items for that organization. At the end of each month we will go to the non-profit to deliver what we have gathered for them. If you have suggestions of local non-profits in Lancaster, please let me know! We would love to talk about which twelve we will focus on this year.

Another goal for Trent and me is to read through the Bible in a year. We've done it before and are hoping to accomplish that once again. I would like to blog on a consistent basis. Last year I blogged a total of 45 times, which was the most I had blogged since 2011. My goal for 2018 will be once a week, for a total of 52 posts. Now that I type it out that seems too hard. Hah! I'm already talking myself out of that goal.

I would like to be more consistent with a lot of things. I have good intentions but often get distracted. This stretches into many areas of my life: keeping my house clean, writing physical letters, getting together with friends, studying God's word, being organized, etc.

For 2018 we hope to, as a family, focus on generosity, and to keep on track, it will force me to work on being consistent.

We can't wait to see what adventures 2018 will hold for us. We hope to have our hearts open to what God will do in each of our lives. Looking forward to sharing it with you all!

A Review of 2017's Goals

As much as I want to jump right in to blogging about what I hope 2018 will look like, I recognize the importance of looking back on the previous year to determine if I met my goal or did what I hoped to accomplish.

Last January I had planned for the year to be about self-control. It really became The Year Of Ruth. While we all worked on self-control in our four areas (food, emotions, money and time), if we're being genuine, the year really was all about Ruth. I do think we did a better job at talking about self-control in those four categories, and even made some efforts to have more self-control in them. However, I know I especially struggled with "time" this past year. Before Ruthie came home I was so extremely, over-the-top busy between adoption paperwork, my sign painting business, and homeschooling, that I really did not HAVE any time to waste. After Ruth came home and especially since her transition was so smooth, I found myself with a lot of extra time on my hands. I am sorry to say I often did not spend that time well (basically I read a lot of novels). Oops. 2018 goals?

I am particularly proud of how well I did on my "not buy any clothes for myself" goal. I did buy a couple Chinese dresses for myself as I predicted I might. Last January my favorite pair of jeans that were already ripped in the knees, lost their battle when the button broke. I did not replace them, instead wore the many other pairs of jeans that I already owned. Then I wondered why I own all these jeans that I don't really like? I did end up replacing them on Black Friday because they were 50% off from a store that doesn't often have sales that good. I also bought myself a new outfit for our family pictures BUT I didn't buy myself new shoes (even though I really, really wanted to!) because I didn't actually NEED them.

While I don't intend to buy no clothes in 2018, I feel like I learned a lot from this exercise. Mainly, to think carefully about an item before I purchase it. Do I really love these jeans? Will I actually wear them multiple times? Do I really love this shirt and will I wear it over and over again? While I do not have a particular number of clothing items in my closet, I was noticing that it is pretty full. I get a lot of hand-me-downs (which is some of the reason that I have clothes that I don't always love), but I can get rid of them! Just because they were given to me, doesn't mean I need to feel obligated to keep them forever.

Looking forward to what 2018 has in store for the Hess Family!

Ruthie’s 7th month Home!

Seven months home. Time is such a bizarre thing, and as always, it seems to have flown by and dragged all at once. 

Changes in Ruth seem smaller as the days go by, but I believe it’s because we are together all the time. Speech is her biggest daily struggle. However, we were at the doctor yesterday and our nurse noticed how much her speech has improved in the two months since we were last in the office. It is very encouraging to have someone a little further removed to make note of her improvements. 

We made some adjustments at home to improve our days, most notably that I started teaching lessons in the afternoon when Ruth is napping as she was very noisy and chatty while I was teaching. This has been a fantastic change for all of us. She gets more attention in the mornings and we get school done in one hour in the afternoon as opposed to the three hours it was taking with the constant interruptions. 

Let’s look back at what Ruthie was up to this month!

In the morning the big girls do homework. Abbey was taking a break from her work to play with Ruth!

It was a month of sweet snuggles with favortie people. She has really loved my mom this past month. Here we are visiting at my mom’s house after her pizza Sundays. 

We kept my nephew, Matteo, one morning while my sister had clinical. Ruth loves him quite a bit, and was feeding him tortilla chips. 

Ruth was sad because her big sisters spent the afternoon with grandma Hess. Thankfully having Matteo there cheered her up. Oddly, they are entranced by watching the dog poop. 

We ate out at Taco Bell one night!

She enjoyed her first Pennsylvania snow! I wasn’t sure how she would feel about it but she actually really enjoyed it!

She was pretty confused as to why big sis picked it up and started eating it. 

And not at all impressed when I tried to feed her snow. 

But in typical Ruthie fashion, she liked it when she could do it by herself!

Daddy pulling them around the yard was super fun!

She loved playing peekaboo at Our Sunday School Christmas party. 

Sledding with mama was fun. 

But sledding all by herself was even better. 

Drinking hot cocoa after sledding was pretty fabulous. 

She always loves to convince a sister to read to her. Thankfully she has lots of sisters who can read that she can choose from. 

This one cracked me up. I had measured all the girls to see how they’ve grown. She has grown about 2 inches since coming home but as you can see, she would like to be a little taller. 

My mother-in-law found this beautiful Chinese coat for her. It’s one of my favorite things to see her wear. And she’s holding up 2 fingers to show she is two!

Reading with Uncle Troy is so fun for Ruthie. It’s been really special to see her pick out family from just casual friendships. She really loves Uncle Troy, and who wouldn’t? He gives the best piggy back rides up the steps on Wednesday nights. 

Ruthie enjoyed a play date with friends from church. Thanks for having us, Lynette!

Caroline shared her birthday presents with Ruth, including these smelly markers which they just color all over their noses.  

And these magnet drawing boards which was great until Ruth wanted the bigger one and smacked Carrie over the head with the small one when she was told, “no”.

She loves these matching Christmas jammies. She gets so excited, points to the moose on her shirt, then the moose on mamas shirt (or anyone else who is wearing them) and laughs or jabbers. 

We honored Ruth’s Chinese heritage by eating pork fried rice at our Parmarter Christmas gathering. 

Lots of cousins on the Parmarter side. It makes for a noisy, but fun get together. 

We were all very ready for a long nap after that! And she is still the cutest sleeper. 

She went up front with the big kids on the Christmas Eve service. 

Happy first Christmas home, darling!

All gathered in mama and daddy’s bed for the reading of the birth of Jesus. Then opening stockings. 

Roo and Care both got balance bikes (because, obviously, they had to get the same gift). She was excited about it but it still a little short to reach the floor comfortably. I think by Spring this will be the perfect fit for her. 

New overalls from Grandma Hess and Gumby from Uncle Todd and Aunt Sarah. Christmas Day was a little overwhelming with the amount of gifts, but getting home was very nice to settle down and choose one thing at a time to play with. 

Play-doh was a good choice the day after Christmas. 

These two love to get blankets and lie on the floor together to listen to books on CD or nursery rhymes and kid songs. It’s not uncommon to see them gathered in this spot, giggling together. 

So happy 7 months home, Ruthie! You add so much joy and laughter and noise to our home. 

We wouldn’t have it any other way.

She was being so cute wanting a picture with daddy. 

This is my sad face when she wanted absolutely nothing to do with taking a picture with mama. Hah. She looks so confused!

Oh, Little Roo, how we love you! 

Caroline Rose is Four!

On December 20, 2017, Caroline turned four years old. While she may not have grown much in size this past year (she’s just over 3 feet tall and only weighs 25.5 pounds putting her in the first percentile for height and weight), she has grown tremendously in all the ways that matter. 

The biggest change for Carrie this year was becoming a big sister. It’s something she has wanted for a very long time (since she could voice her opinions). I would say Ruthie has far exceeded her expectations. She didn’t have to wait for Ruth to “grow up” to become her playmate. I’ve said before that Ruth and Caroline are practically inseparable and that remains true. 

They love to read books together,

Color together,

Feed their babies together,

And take tea (or hot chocolate) together. 

While I do love my older girls just as much as my littles, the older girls are more independent and not as eager for me to photograph their daily activities.

Caroline has struggled for the past several months with a radical hearing loss. We are grateful to learn that she has no permanent damage and will just need a minor surgery to place tubes in her ears. That surgery is tomorrow, Friday, January 5, 2018. It has been very frustrating for all of us and particularly isolating for Carrie. 

Things Caroline loves:

-Ruthie

-all things purple

-coloring with and sniffing her smelly markers

-writing her name

-listening to books on CD (really loudly)

-kids song cds

-Wild Kratts

-watching movies

-babies

-“remembering” when she was a baby and wishing she was still a baby

-when her big sisters play with her or carry her piggy back 

-breakfast 

-rice

-cousin Matteo

Things Caroline doesn’t love

-naps (the idea of them, she generally takes a great nap every day)

-big dogs

-cleaning up her toys/games

-getting ready for bed

-when I tell her that her shoes are on the wrong feet

In general, Caroline is a very happy, healthy little girl. She tends to be kind, generous with her toys, and a social girl. She seems to be going through a phase where she cries a lot about everything, but she’s four now so I’m pretty sure she’s about done with that. (Haha!) I was tired of the tears every time I brush her hair so I finally just cut it. It has helped a little bit, but probably not significantly enough that I would keep her hair short. 

And we had to take our annual Christmas photo together! Her first Christmas was in the NICU and I hadn’t been allowed to hold her for two days because her lung collapsed and she had a chest tube. But on Christmas Day I was able to hold her again and was so thrilled. The next year I took a picture wearing the same shirt and it has since become tradition. 

First Christmas: 5 days old 

 

Second Christmas: 1 year + 5 days old 

Third Christmas: 2 years + 5 days old

Fourth Christmas: 3 years + 5 days old 

Fifth Christmas: 4 years + 5 days old. 

Happy fourth birthday, little love! You are such a special girl and we can’t wait to see what this year holds for you!

Daddy-daughter date to the museum! Hess family tradition to go to the museum at age 4.

A Broken Heart

I know National Adoption Month is over, and at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I must persist. Friends, my time in China broke my heart in such a profound way that I believe I am only just now, six months later, feeling it's full effect. Visiting Ruth's orphanage was tremendously overwhelming. It was the moment of watching a dozen babies lying on mats outside, that something inside me broke. As my new, terrified daughter clung to me, and I attempted to smile through my tears. I had a sudden epiphany. In that moment, I understood why families do this again and again. Why they give up their time, their energy, and their money.

Psalm 68:6 reads "God places the lonely in families."

I saw a dozen helpless babies, lying on a mat, and I cried for them. I cried for Ruth, that she once laid there. As I type this I bite back tears for the babes lying there even now, and for the ones who will follow.

And yet. God. He is good. I cannot go back to China yet as I hope to someday, but I have six hundred thirty-three friends on Facebook. This morning as I was praying for the children in China, God placed on my heart three friends. Three families who I know well, and who, as far as I know, meet all of China's requirements. And while their homes may not be large, they have the creativity or the finances to make space. For one more. They have strong marriages, wonderful birth children, and much of the American dream. And yet. They are on my heart. Because God.

One of my favorite Christian music groups is Hillsong United. I have had these lyrics thrumming through my veins today and I had to blog. I should be finishing dinner, or cleaning something, but I cannot until I share my broken heart.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

  

You see, my eyes have seen. I've experienced the redemptive love found only in Christ Jesus. I have seen how to love like He has loved me. My heart has been broken for what breaks His. Scripture demands our care of orphans. I've said before that not everyone is meant to care for orphans in the sense of adoption. But I also believe that is used as a cop out. I think more people are called to cross oceans to set the lonely in families. For 80% of the 100,000 children abandoned each year in China, they will never know the love of a family. You may not be a math nerd like me, so I'll make it easy. EIGHTY THOUSAND innocent babies and children, every year, will not be adopted. They will not have a family.

My prayer is for three friends. If the three friends God has laid on my heart will make a difference for one more child. If your heart could be broken in the way mine has I believe we would see an amazing work happen. 

Adoption is not easy. While our transition with Ruth has been so beautiful, I won't sugar coat the fact that there are challenges along the way. But God has never called Christians to a comfortable life. He asks us to trust Him, to bring sacrifices to Him. And I'll be honest, it's really easy for me to get into a comfortable financial situation and find my security in my money instead of in my God.

Adoption has brought me closer to the LORD. It made me trust in Him for the finances to come together. And God did. In ways that I'm only beginning to see clearly now. My sign painting business was booming the year that we had to pay most of our adoption expenses. Friends and family and some who wished to remain anonymous donated thousands of dollars. The timing of our trip to China was more perfect than we could have ever have thought to attempt to plan.

But isn't that just like God?

Ephesians 3:20-21 Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. Glory to him in the church and in Christ Jesus through all generations forever and ever! Amen.