Peer Pressure - (Not Just for Kids)

At some age you "out-grow" peer pressure. Right?

Confession - I am 28 and I have not yet out-grown peer pressure.

I'm not talking about direct "c'mon - it's cool.... all the other mom's are doing it" type of peer pressure.

Perhaps the most effective peer pressure is not intentional.

When Anne was about 16 months old, someone at church asked if we had started potty training her yet. "Umm.. no, I haven't started yet." This dear woman proceeded to say, "Oh. All my kids were potty trained by the time they were 18 months." I think I managed to mumble something about maybe we should start with her.

So, I did. We began potty training Anne at 18 months. It was one of the most difficult years I have experienced. Yes... year. It took us a full out year to potty train Anne. Was it Anne's fault? NO!!! Anne has always been extremely intelligent - very bright - but she was not ready to be potty trained at 18 months.

Lesson learned.

Abbey was just shy of two years old and she potty trained in a week (despite her chronic bowel issues which unfortunately lasted longer). Maggie was 2 and 1/2 when we began potty training her, and while she has had her ups and downs, it was certainly much quicker of a process than starting them so young.

Maybe it's just me - but I often feel the need to justify myself to others - especially if I know they are doing something different from myself.

So I learned my lesson with the potty training - wait until they are older/more ready. Just because someone else's children were perfectly potty trained at 18 months, doesn't mean that mine will.

But why is it that I can't seem to learn that lesson across the board - with all aspects of my parenting especially. I think that part of it is because we live in a world so connected. It's simple to click on Facebook and quickly determine if I am doing what most other moms are doing. Or to read other "mom blogs" and feel like I really don't have it together .

On rare occasions I find myself in the company of other like-minded individuals and I feel as though I can breathe and talk freely about my hopes and desires. It certainly is easier but if I was only around other like-minded people I would not question, wrestle and struggle with beliefs.

So maybe that's the point. Instead of feeling an oft-unspoken "peer pressure" to do what others are doing, I should use those opportunities for conversation to lead me to think and dig deeper into what I believe, and why. I think the toughest thing for me is when I find myself disagreeing with someone who I dearly love and respect and in many ways wish to emulate. Of course, that person is not God, and so I must be careful that I am not idolizing another mom's way of parenting.

Yes, I believe this entry has been productive. Perhaps not for you, but for me!