A Great Loss

Twenty-eight years young. My age. A whole life ahead, waiting to play out, to journey, to love, to give, to lose. Two young people, in love, living life, two young boys and a baby on the way. A life cut short. A tragedy. An accident. Now one young widow, left to raise a four year old, a two year old and a baby due in a few short weeks.

A fall from a roof left a young man dead. Both high school classmates of mine. Dan Mast died on May 21, 2013, and left behind my high school friend Becca. I have no words to help, no words to give, no words to ease the pain. The loved ones he left behind now must carry on without him.

James 4:14 says, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."

Job 1:21 "and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.""

Hebrews 13:15 "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that openly profess his name."

Recently I have been caught up in the excitement of buying a house, fixing it up, painting, and right now I should be packing. Instead I sit here numb, imagining myself in Becca's situation. She has posted on Facebook about giving thanks even for the hard things. I have shared before about the Holy Spirit speaking to me through Scripture. The above three verses came to my mind as soon as I sat down to type.

Most of us cannot imagine bringing a "sacrifice of praise". Sacrifice means it isn't easy. It isn't the praise that we easily give when things are going well. It is the praise we offer to God when things AREN'T going well. When we are struggling with our health, finances, relationships, death.

Dan did not have any life insurance. If any of you feel led to give, please consider donating to http://www.danielmastmemorial.com/  . If you click on the link you can donate directly through Paypal or you can use the address provided to send donations.

All prayers are appreciated, especially as Becca prepares to deliver their third child.

Busy days (and Nights)

We have been SO crazy the past week and a half. We have just over five days before we move. The new house is a MESS and our current house is just as bad. We've been back and forth more times than I can count. Trent's dad has been completely amazing through this all. He is a serious "Jack of all trades". He has been up on our roof to fix something, he has installed light fixtures, patched walls, reworked plumbing to install a laundry room on the first floor (the previous owner had 2 laundry hook-ups on the 2nd floor??), and countless other things. He is going to be working on installing the kitchen cabinets, the rest of the lights and some other stuff for us this week. He shrugs it off like, "Eh, it's no big deal." But really, it is a big deal. There is no way we could have bought this house if we didn't have him!

Trent is at the house now (10:44 pm) and is scraping wallpaper off the laundry room walls, prepping the half bath to be painted, and maybe even painting some more in the foyer. He took a sleeping bag with him and will be sleeping at the house tonight so that he can get an early start tomorrow morning (he took off work Monday). Trent will work on painting the foyer and hallway and probably helping his dad with the installation of the cabinets. Later Monday he'll come home and I will be meeting a friend from church to paint (I'm hoping to, with Christa's help, paint the schoolroom). Tuesday my mom is going to go to the new house with me and I'm hoping that we will be able to get the half bath, the laundry room, and the dining room all painted. If we finish all of those things I'd love to work on painting some of the trim. At some point next week Trent will be shampooing the carpets and I will continue to pack up everything at our Conestoga house, along with my regular day-to-day stuff (taking care of the kids, keeping up with laundry, cooking, washing dishes, etc.)

I'm trying not to feel stressed. I also have some Mama Hess signs that I need to finish up. I'm hoping to get one finished tomorrow morning and get those out of the house before the week ends so that I'm not packing those, too. Ay-yi-yi! It's crazy!!

What will they think of me?

On Wednesday we settled on our house! But all the time in the back of my mind I am wondering, "But what will people think of me?" When people would ask us about the house Trent and I were a little embarrassed to answer. The house does need some work, but it is a really nice house with 1.7 acres. I always feel like I need to tell people, "THERE IS NO WAY WE COULD AFFORD THIS HOUSE IF IT WAS WHAT IT SHOULD BE AND NOT A FORCLOSURE."

I think part of the reason for this inner-battle is because I know there are people who are really struggling to make it, day-to-day, and it seems a little unfair that we are getting this nice house. So I feel guilty and struggle over the fact that I do not deserve this house more than any other of my friends. If I have talked to you about the house and did not seem over-excited it is because I'm a little embarrassed and I'm worried about what you will think of me.

I debated whether or not to post pictures of the house on Facebook, but I went ahead and did it. Facebook is such a breeding ground for "one-upping" other people. I try hard not to fall into that category by just posting funny things that the girls say and cute pictures of the kids. But I knew I had friends and family that are not local who would like to see pictures, so I went ahead and posted them.

The interesting thing is this: we had put offers in on two other houses in the same price range as the one we purchased, and I did not really have this feeling about either of them. Why is that?  Well, one was an older farmhouse (which is what I anticipated we would be in) and the other was a 3 bedroom rancher. They were houses that were built a little bit more modestly (although the farmhouse did have the same square footage as our house, it just didn't look huge from the front.)

But the bottom line is this, we are humbled, grateful and excited to be in this house. We were surprised at how many people we know who live very close to us. I don't know what God has in store for us at this place, but I am looking forward to beginning our journey as "Southern Lancaster Countyans"!!

A New Adventure

Adventure Part 1- A HOUSE!

As most of you know, my dear husband and I have found a house, which will be our home, hopefully for the next 30+ years. The first day the house came on the listing I emailed it to Trent with this message, "Am I unnecessarily excited about this?" And he responded, "Yes."  The house was a HUD house (forclosure with government-backed financing). After the house was still listed for a couple weeks I kindly urged Trent to go look at it with our real-estate agent (who is also a friend). The house definitely needs some work, as the previous owners were not happy that their home was being forclosed on so they removed pretty much everything they could (cabinetry, shelving, light fixtures, mirrors, etc.) But over all the house is in good shape. We made an offer on the house (and I hadn't even seen the inside, yet), and the offer was accepted!! That was almost 2 months ago, and we are finally ready for settlement, which will happen in five short days.

The front of the house!

Those of you who know me best will probably be surprised at what the house looks like. I'm old-fashioned, and love pretty much anything that is old (old houses, old furniture, old people). I always imagined myself living in a nice old historic home with lots of old-world charm. But old houses require heaps of money and large amounts of time. At this point in our lives our focus is on our children and we don't have the time or money to spend on a true fixer-upper.

We are so grateful to have found a house where we can raise our family, and I am excited to paint and decorate. I'm not sure how my love of "country" decor will work with this house, but I'm eager to get started!

Adventure Part 2 - HOMESCHOOL
Caution Note: I do not intend for this blog to become a "homeschool blog" but I may have a few posts every now and then dedicated to the subject.
I always said I would never homeschool my kids. Do you know why? Homeschool kids are weird. It's amazing that being a parent for 5 1/2 years can changed things. I'm not exactly sure why, but whenever the subject of school is brought up (as Annie will start Kindergarten in the fall) I cringe.

For some reason I always feel the need to justify myself or explain why I am choosing homeschool. It's really rather silly, as I have never asked or even thought to ask any other parent why they choose public school or why they choose private school. I do not have any friends who homeschool their children, so maybe that is why. So many of "us" (as in moms with little children) base our parenting on how we were raised or experiences that we had. Some had awesome public school experience, so they choose public school. Some had wonderful teachers in private school, so they choose that for their own dear ones.

I had good and bad public school experiences and I had good and bad private school experiences. Some adamantly proclaim that it is what happens at home that is truly important. I was a child easily influenced by my peers. I see those same tendencies in one of my children. So for her, for now, for this year at least, I believe homeschool is the best option to help her succeed. She will still have her failures in homeschool as she would anywhere else, but I'm hopeful that with me there to guide her through her emotions that she will have a better chance at succeeding when she is daily faced with peer pressure.

Adventure Part 3 - MAMA HESS PAINTING
A few weeks ago I shared a "just for fun" post of some signs that I have been making. At the urging of my sister, Stacy and one of her photography clients who I did some work for, I started a "Mama Hess Painting" facebook page with some samples of my work. And the orders have come pouring in!! I am so humbled and amazed that other people actually like my signs. I really have fun making them (they are a great nap-time creation) and I'm honored that people want them hanging in their homes! I'm not sure where it will lead, but I am really grateful for the opportunity to create!

Adventure Part 4 - RAISING THREE LOVELY GIRLS
This is such a joy to me!! I am amazed that God entrusted three precious girls to me. The girls are constantly asking for a brother, although we recently had the privilege of babysitting a 5-month-old girl and they decided another sister wouldn't be too bad.  We are all still missing our foster-son. I had a dream the other night that the agency called and asked us to take him again. Just wishful dreaming I guess.....

Abbey is FOUR!

I know this is a little late, but on April 18, our dear sweet Abbey turned four! She is so excited to turn four. Abbey said, "Now that I'm four I will learn how to read." She still loves doing puzzles and can quickly assemble 100 piece puzzles.

Abbey and Magdalena are becoming good friends. Abbey and Maggie enjoy playing with the dollhouse and little farm animals together as well as doing puzzles together. Abbey loves having Anne read to her. Abbey also loves coloring with markers. She continues to be very diligent in whatever she is working on, whether it is coloring a picture, putting a puzzle together or eating. She eats very slowly, but usually does a good job finishing her meal. She loves cheeseburgers and french fries, macaroni and cheese with stewed tomatoes, and ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream.

I feel like Abbey is a harder kid for me to figure out. Anne is very similar to me so I understand what she is feeling and her emotions. Abbey is different. She often seems like nothing bothers her and she is very very sweet. And other times something will happen that sets her off and she has the worst outbursts of all the kids put together. I am still learning who Abbey really is, and it has been neat for me to learn about her. She tends to bottle things up that may have bothered her and then explode. We are working on talking through our feelings and finding appropriate ways to show our anger and frustration. Anne has actually helped a lot in this. The other day Anne told Abbey that when she feels out of control to go to her room and shut the door and cry out to God, because He will help her. And she did it! And it worked! It was really amazing to see a little four-year-old girl crying out to God and giving Him her frustrations and her weaknesses, and emerge from the bedroom victorious!

Looking a little nixy.

Abbey is very smart. She easily writes her name, and reads many many words. She wants to start Kindergarten in the fall with Anne.

Abbey loves animals, especially dogs, cats, and owls and "cute" bugs, like ladybugs. She also still loves flowers. She loves the small, dainty flowers (like the flowers that weeds produce). Abbey says that when she grows up she wants to be like Uncle Troy and not get married.

Abbey and the bunny.

Even though Abbey has her crazy outbursts, she is overall a sweet, gentle girl. She truly loves her sisters and is very genuine in her affections. She has a tender heart and is already a little prayer warrior. She has a list of people that she prays for every night, and that list seems to get longer and longer. As people she prays for either are healed or die, she adjusts the list as needed. She has an amazing memory and can remember things that I quickly forget.

Abbey had her 4-year well-child check this morning. She is now 29 pounds and 40 inches! She has gained six pounds over the past year and grown four inches taller!!! I was so happy to see how she has grown!  Abbey is a dear little girl and we are so thankful to have her as a part of our family. Happy fourth birthday, Abigail Frances! We love you!! Enjoy the rest of these cute pictures!!

Journey to Perfection

Two encounters this past week led to this blog. One from a person asking me to write more often, and another who (I think secretly) believes I/my life, is perfect. And, to be quite honest, I don't think this "friend" likes me very much.

Of course, none of us is perfect. I remember that when I was in middle school and I was so confused about who I was and my life, that I truly believed a classmate of mine was absolutely perfect, and that her FAMILY was perfect. This was so painful to me because I felt like my family was falling apart. I made a comment to this classmate about her "perfect life" and (much to my surprise) she set me straight and told me of the past struggles of her family, of a death of an infant sibling and several other things that were far, far from perfect. I was shocked. To me this family looked like a picture of perfection, and in some ways, they seemed even more unreal when they were honest about their struggles.

Each of us has a story to tell. Some might be a little more "mundane" than others. Some may feel like a constant battle with more downs than ups. But here's the thing: each of us are on a journey. It is up to us to choose where we go. Of course, there are factors that we cannot control such as divorce of parents, abuse, illness, etc. BUT, it is up to us how we overcome and walk through these negative influences in our lives.

Do you guys remember those "choose your own adventure" books? I used to love those in maybe third grade. But did you ever get to the end of your adventure and realize that you didn't like one of the choices you made somewhere along the line because you didn't like the ending that you chose? But when you tried to go back you couldn't figure out exactly where you made the mistake, because of course, there were many many little choices that ultimately led you to your ending.

Maybe that is a poor illustration of what I'm trying to say, but it makes sense to me.

I think often I choose not to share my story because I am too prideful. Also, I try to be careful not to make others look bad, especially on the internet. So in an attempt to shed some light on how I came to be the "perfect" (ha!) person I am now, I will share a portion of my journey.

As I have mentioned before, things were difficult in my home growing up. Each of my siblings would probably share their story differently, as each of us were different ages as we went through these things, and they would have interpreted situations differently than I did. But I cannot share for my siblings, so I will share for myself.

When I was in sixth grade I "fell in" with a bad crowd. Of course, this was a choice that I made, along with a series of other poor choices I made that year, like swearing (a lot), being disrespectful and kissing a boy. Each of those choices led to other things that I cannot change but am not proud of.

I was baptized at church that year. Not because I really felt, or believed what I was professing to believe, but because my friends were and I didn't want to have to go through the class alone in the next few years or whenever I thought I believed in the Lord as my Savior.

In seventh grade my mom made the decision to take me out of public school and put me in private school. At the time I absolutely hated her for this. But looking back (even though I still made bad choices), it was definitely for the best and I am extremely grateful for the sacrifices she made to pay for my education and essentially, the better influence of peers.

Also in seventh grade I was accused of doing something that I did not do. One of my parents lied to the other to cover up their own sin, and blamed it on me. This was so detrimental to my self-esteem, my joy, and my life. I couldn't believe that my own parent would say something like that about me. The little respect that I had for adults was now almost completely diminished. While I still kept good grades, I was, for lack of a better word, a jerk to all my teachers. Because in my mind, who knows what disgusting things they are also capable of? All of my report cards showed "needs improvement" in the "Respect" category.

Most of my confusion came out in the aforementioned lack of respect, talking out in class, and joking. Always, always joking. Because if you are laughing and joking, you can't be hurting. At least that is what I told myself for many many years.

And boys. There were always boys. I never felt secure in who I was unless I had a boyfriend. And of course, boyfriends led to many other poor choices. 

Now that I'm a mom and have read lots of "Raising Daughters" books I know the psychology behind this. Dads are so extremely important in their daughter's lives. I have always thought Trent was a great dad, but especially after reading these books I realized how essential he is to the girls, and he was already doing the "right" things to help raise strong daughters.

I think that is all for today. Perhaps another day I can let go of my pride even more and share again.In the meantime, enjoy this adorable picture of the girls!

Just for fun!

We've had some emotionally charged days over here. The kids are really missing our foster son and many tears have been shed on his behalf. But, instead of focusing on something sad, today I will share something that I really enjoy doing....

PAINTING!!

Anne also really enjoys painting. She often helps me with the first coat of paint on my signs. Sometimes I am too impatient to let her finish, but I'm trying to do better.

Most of the signs I paint are custom signs for friends. I tried consigning some but it was unsuccessful. I have recently had two order from people who I do not know personally, so the word of mouth is spreading about these adorable things.

Here are some examples of signs I have recently finished.

 

I have one order that I am currently working on, and I'm hoping to have more orders soon. In the meantime I will probably make a couple as gifts for some upcoming events that I am looking forward to attending!