We make choices all day long. Some, seemingly small and insignificant. Others, knowingly large and monumental.
Yesterday I made a choice to tell a "white lie" (also known as a lie) to Anne. We dropped something off at an individual's house, I'll call him "John". John was not at home, but his dog was barking at the window. We left a note on John's porch and left his stuff for him there as well.
As we were leaving, Anne asked why John has a dog. I said, "Well, I guess they like dogs and would like to have one at their house."
Anne said, "What do you mean, 'they?' I thought just John lived here."
This was met with silence. The truth is, that John lives with his girlfriend, and it is his girlfriend's dog. I didn't want to tell Anne this so I told a partial truth, "Well, sometimes John's adult daughter lives with him. That's why I said 'they'."
The rest of the day my lie haunted me. I thought and prayed considerably about this topic.
One of the reasons that I want to homeschool is so that I can talk with my children about difficult subjects, and why we (as Christians) believe differently than the way the world. I don't want her hearing, accepting, and believing the misinformation she would otherwise receive from her peers. Yesterday I had an opportunity to do so, and I failed.
This morning I took Anne aside and reminded her of our conversation yesterday. I apologized for not telling her the whole truth. We had a difficult conversation about people living together without being married. I never mentioned the "d" word (divorce), but I know that conversation will have to happen at some point.
My hope is that through open and honest sharing and conversation about why God's way is best, that Anne (and all the girls) will make good choices throughout their lifetimes. Obviously they won't always make good choices, but I am hoping that they can always learn from their mistakes and try to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind and strength.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Friday, June 7, 2013
Going Gray for the Girls
I've always been pretty fond of my hair. When I was a teenager I had many many different hairstyles. I had it really short in the front and spiked in the back, I've had a bob, I've had bangs, I've had layers, I've done heaps of different things to my hair.
I was born with a full head of jet-black hair that stood straight up on end. As I got older it turned blonde. Some summers it was very, very blonde. In 9th grade I got the great idea to dye my hair "auburn". Yeah, totally did not look auburn - it was definitely red. But I was into it. I liked it. It sort of became an annual thing that I liked to do every New Year's Eve- try a new hair color. I went back to blonde my senior year of high school and kept dying it blonde or adding highlights every so often for the next couple of years.
After my sophomore year of college I was engaged and I thought I'd attempt to dye my hair back to what might be close to my roots. I ended up dying it dark brown, which was actually a titchy bit darker than my natural color, but I liked it. A woman at church (God love her) told me the first Sunday after she saw my dark hair, "I hardly recognized you with the dark hair. I like it blonde better!"
Since that time I have only highlighted my hair once, and when I saw how fast the roots grew out and how little time I had to spend on my hair once the babies started coming, I stopped dying it.
Where am I going with this post? Trust me, I'm getting somewhere.
Our culture is obsessed with beauty. Everywhere you turn you can find a million products to make yourself more beautiful. But you are never quite beautiful enough. I like to think that part of my hair-dying love ended because I was becoming more sure of who I am as a child of God. I had my Spiritual conversion my freshman year of college, and that is when my hair dying drastically slowed down.
As I raise three lovely girls I have to stop and think about what image I am showing them, as a mother figure, a wife, a woman, but most importantly, as a follower of Jesus Christ. Am I showing them that women can only be beautiful if they wear make-up, fancy clothes, have a perfect body and blonde hair?
In December, 2012 when my life was extreme stress and chaos Anne noticed a "white string" in my hair. Of course, this white string was attached to my head and was indeed one of many white hairs that I found that month.
So much within me wants to run to the store and buy a box of hair dye and quick remove any traces of gray. But I don't. I don't. Because if I truly want my daughters to believe that they are beautiful just as God created them, then I can't show them that Mommy doesn't think that she is! But you are! What will they believe? Will they believe my actions of dying my hair to make myself look different, or will they believe the words that I spout off? But what if my actions and my words match!? Is there beauty in that?
I'm going to be honest, I really don't want my hair to turn gray. I'm 28! But I am determined to allow my hair to slowly change. Because I don't want to look 18 all my life. I am usually a "live in the moment" type of girl, and I will accept and love who God intended for me to be, each step of the way.
p.s. Please, please, please don't think I'm judging you if you dye your hair. I'm NOT!! It's just a personal choice that I have made!
I was born with a full head of jet-black hair that stood straight up on end. As I got older it turned blonde. Some summers it was very, very blonde. In 9th grade I got the great idea to dye my hair "auburn". Yeah, totally did not look auburn - it was definitely red. But I was into it. I liked it. It sort of became an annual thing that I liked to do every New Year's Eve- try a new hair color. I went back to blonde my senior year of high school and kept dying it blonde or adding highlights every so often for the next couple of years.
After my sophomore year of college I was engaged and I thought I'd attempt to dye my hair back to what might be close to my roots. I ended up dying it dark brown, which was actually a titchy bit darker than my natural color, but I liked it. A woman at church (God love her) told me the first Sunday after she saw my dark hair, "I hardly recognized you with the dark hair. I like it blonde better!"
Since that time I have only highlighted my hair once, and when I saw how fast the roots grew out and how little time I had to spend on my hair once the babies started coming, I stopped dying it.
Where am I going with this post? Trust me, I'm getting somewhere.
Our culture is obsessed with beauty. Everywhere you turn you can find a million products to make yourself more beautiful. But you are never quite beautiful enough. I like to think that part of my hair-dying love ended because I was becoming more sure of who I am as a child of God. I had my Spiritual conversion my freshman year of college, and that is when my hair dying drastically slowed down.
As I raise three lovely girls I have to stop and think about what image I am showing them, as a mother figure, a wife, a woman, but most importantly, as a follower of Jesus Christ. Am I showing them that women can only be beautiful if they wear make-up, fancy clothes, have a perfect body and blonde hair?
In December, 2012 when my life was extreme stress and chaos Anne noticed a "white string" in my hair. Of course, this white string was attached to my head and was indeed one of many white hairs that I found that month.
So much within me wants to run to the store and buy a box of hair dye and quick remove any traces of gray. But I don't. I don't. Because if I truly want my daughters to believe that they are beautiful just as God created them, then I can't show them that Mommy doesn't think that she is! But you are! What will they believe? Will they believe my actions of dying my hair to make myself look different, or will they believe the words that I spout off? But what if my actions and my words match!? Is there beauty in that?
I'm going to be honest, I really don't want my hair to turn gray. I'm 28! But I am determined to allow my hair to slowly change. Because I don't want to look 18 all my life. I am usually a "live in the moment" type of girl, and I will accept and love who God intended for me to be, each step of the way.
p.s. Please, please, please don't think I'm judging you if you dye your hair. I'm NOT!! It's just a personal choice that I have made!
Monday, June 3, 2013
Modesty is in the Eye of the Beholder
I've recently seen a lot of people on Facebook posting and commenting on this article "The Bikini Question - Made in His Image". Growing up in a "semi-Christian" home, I wore a bikini from the moment I was born (practically). The thought never entered my mind that I was not modest. In comparison with some of my siblings I was extremely modest (in my opinion) and that was good enough for me as a teenager.
It wasn't until after I was married that I began to question my modesty. After some comments made to me about what I was wearing did I begin to even think that what I was wearing may not be appropriate. One of those comments was made to me while I was pregnant with my first child, and a church member questioned whether what I was wearing was really appropriate since I was a youth group leader and there were high school boys in the youth group. I was hurt, shocked, and annoyed. It had never once crossed my mind that as a married, pregnant (ugh!) youth leader that what I was wearing would even once cause these boys to think anything inappropriate.
However, as the time has gone on, and the more children I have, the more conservative (in my opinion) my clothing has gotten. I'm sure I'm still a LONG WAY OFF from what other people would consider conservative. Which is why this post is called "Modesty is in the Eye of the Beholder". I'm sure I'll never dress modestly enough for some people. I often struggle with the thought that people are observing and judging me on a regular basis. There are enough things for young moms to worry about without having to worry whether they are wearing the "right" clothing or not.
I have three young daughters that will certainly dress more conservatively than I did as a child. I do not talk about weight with my children, except that whenever they are weighed we talk about how healthy they are and that they are growing and that is good! My daughters do not wear bikinis, nor do they want to. I am extremely grateful that (at this point) I have been able to find really cute one-piece swimsuits for the girls.
Anne recently received a hand-me-down pair of silky pajamas. The bottoms are shorts and the top is a spaghetti-strap v-neck. She wore them several times, but just the other day she put them on and looked in the full-length mirror. After looking in the mirror she came back into her bedroom and changed. When I asked her why she said she didn't like how the top looked because it has puffed out spots for breasts and she said it made her look too grown up and she didn't like it.
I think most of us are doing the best we can. My favorite thing about the above mentioned article was the link to really cute one-piece swimsuits. I've never had good luck finding them at department stores, and now I know where to find them.
So for those of you who like to judge, please don't judge us so harshly. I know I am not perfect, but I'm trying. I wasn't raised in a home where modesty was highly valued, but I'm working on it. I serve an amazing God who gives each of us grace. I am grateful that despite my many mistakes as a woman, wife and mother that God will continually shower me with that overflowing, undeserved, wonderful grace. I hope that each of us will do the same and remember that we are not all on the same page. What I may consider modest you may consider heathen. Please, love me anyway.
It wasn't until after I was married that I began to question my modesty. After some comments made to me about what I was wearing did I begin to even think that what I was wearing may not be appropriate. One of those comments was made to me while I was pregnant with my first child, and a church member questioned whether what I was wearing was really appropriate since I was a youth group leader and there were high school boys in the youth group. I was hurt, shocked, and annoyed. It had never once crossed my mind that as a married, pregnant (ugh!) youth leader that what I was wearing would even once cause these boys to think anything inappropriate.
However, as the time has gone on, and the more children I have, the more conservative (in my opinion) my clothing has gotten. I'm sure I'm still a LONG WAY OFF from what other people would consider conservative. Which is why this post is called "Modesty is in the Eye of the Beholder". I'm sure I'll never dress modestly enough for some people. I often struggle with the thought that people are observing and judging me on a regular basis. There are enough things for young moms to worry about without having to worry whether they are wearing the "right" clothing or not.
I have three young daughters that will certainly dress more conservatively than I did as a child. I do not talk about weight with my children, except that whenever they are weighed we talk about how healthy they are and that they are growing and that is good! My daughters do not wear bikinis, nor do they want to. I am extremely grateful that (at this point) I have been able to find really cute one-piece swimsuits for the girls.
Anne recently received a hand-me-down pair of silky pajamas. The bottoms are shorts and the top is a spaghetti-strap v-neck. She wore them several times, but just the other day she put them on and looked in the full-length mirror. After looking in the mirror she came back into her bedroom and changed. When I asked her why she said she didn't like how the top looked because it has puffed out spots for breasts and she said it made her look too grown up and she didn't like it.
I think most of us are doing the best we can. My favorite thing about the above mentioned article was the link to really cute one-piece swimsuits. I've never had good luck finding them at department stores, and now I know where to find them.
So for those of you who like to judge, please don't judge us so harshly. I know I am not perfect, but I'm trying. I wasn't raised in a home where modesty was highly valued, but I'm working on it. I serve an amazing God who gives each of us grace. I am grateful that despite my many mistakes as a woman, wife and mother that God will continually shower me with that overflowing, undeserved, wonderful grace. I hope that each of us will do the same and remember that we are not all on the same page. What I may consider modest you may consider heathen. Please, love me anyway.
Friday, May 24, 2013
A Great Loss
Twenty-eight years young. My age. A whole life ahead, waiting to play out, to journey, to love, to give, to lose. Two young people, in love, living life, two young boys and a baby on the way. A life cut short. A tragedy. An accident. Now one young widow, left to raise a four year old, a two year old and a baby due in a few short weeks.
A fall from a roof left a young man dead. Both high school classmates of mine. Dan Mast died on May 21, 2013, and left behind my high school friend Becca. I have no words to help, no words to give, no words to ease the pain. The loved ones he left behind now must carry on without him.
James 4:14 says, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
Job 1:21 "and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.""
Hebrews 13:15 "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that openly profess his name."
Recently I have been caught up in the excitement of buying a house, fixing it up, painting, and right now I should be packing. Instead I sit here numb, imagining myself in Becca's situation. She has posted on Facebook about giving thanks even for the hard things. I have shared before about the Holy Spirit speaking to me through Scripture. The above three verses came to my mind as soon as I sat down to type.
Most of us cannot imagine bringing a "sacrifice of praise". Sacrifice means it isn't easy. It isn't the praise that we easily give when things are going well. It is the praise we offer to God when things AREN'T going well. When we are struggling with our health, finances, relationships, death.
Dan did not have any life insurance. If any of you feel led to give, please consider donating to http://www.danielmastmemorial.com/ . If you click on the link you can donate directly through Paypal or you can use the address provided to send donations.
All prayers are appreciated, especially as Becca prepares to deliver their third child.
A fall from a roof left a young man dead. Both high school classmates of mine. Dan Mast died on May 21, 2013, and left behind my high school friend Becca. I have no words to help, no words to give, no words to ease the pain. The loved ones he left behind now must carry on without him.
James 4:14 says, "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."
Job 1:21 "and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.""
Hebrews 13:15 "Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that openly profess his name."
Recently I have been caught up in the excitement of buying a house, fixing it up, painting, and right now I should be packing. Instead I sit here numb, imagining myself in Becca's situation. She has posted on Facebook about giving thanks even for the hard things. I have shared before about the Holy Spirit speaking to me through Scripture. The above three verses came to my mind as soon as I sat down to type.
Most of us cannot imagine bringing a "sacrifice of praise". Sacrifice means it isn't easy. It isn't the praise that we easily give when things are going well. It is the praise we offer to God when things AREN'T going well. When we are struggling with our health, finances, relationships, death.
Dan did not have any life insurance. If any of you feel led to give, please consider donating to http://www.danielmastmemorial.com/ . If you click on the link you can donate directly through Paypal or you can use the address provided to send donations.
All prayers are appreciated, especially as Becca prepares to deliver their third child.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Busy days (and Nights)
We have been SO crazy the past week and a half. We have just over five days before we move. The new house is a MESS and our current house is just as bad. We've been back and forth more times than I can count. Trent's dad has been completely amazing through this all. He is a serious "Jack of all trades". He has been up on our roof to fix something, he has installed light fixtures, patched walls, reworked plumbing to install a laundry room on the first floor (the previous owner had 2 laundry hook-ups on the 2nd floor??), and countless other things. He is going to be working on installing the kitchen cabinets, the rest of the lights and some other stuff for us this week. He shrugs it off like, "Eh, it's no big deal." But really, it is a big deal. There is no way we could have bought this house if we didn't have him!
Trent is at the house now (10:44 pm) and is scraping wallpaper off the laundry room walls, prepping the half bath to be painted, and maybe even painting some more in the foyer. He took a sleeping bag with him and will be sleeping at the house tonight so that he can get an early start tomorrow morning (he took off work Monday). Trent will work on painting the foyer and hallway and probably helping his dad with the installation of the cabinets. Later Monday he'll come home and I will be meeting a friend from church to paint (I'm hoping to, with Christa's help, paint the schoolroom). Tuesday my mom is going to go to the new house with me and I'm hoping that we will be able to get the half bath, the laundry room, and the dining room all painted. If we finish all of those things I'd love to work on painting some of the trim. At some point next week Trent will be shampooing the carpets and I will continue to pack up everything at our Conestoga house, along with my regular day-to-day stuff (taking care of the kids, keeping up with laundry, cooking, washing dishes, etc.)
I'm trying not to feel stressed. I also have some Mama Hess signs that I need to finish up. I'm hoping to get one finished tomorrow morning and get those out of the house before the week ends so that I'm not packing those, too. Ay-yi-yi! It's crazy!!
Trent is at the house now (10:44 pm) and is scraping wallpaper off the laundry room walls, prepping the half bath to be painted, and maybe even painting some more in the foyer. He took a sleeping bag with him and will be sleeping at the house tonight so that he can get an early start tomorrow morning (he took off work Monday). Trent will work on painting the foyer and hallway and probably helping his dad with the installation of the cabinets. Later Monday he'll come home and I will be meeting a friend from church to paint (I'm hoping to, with Christa's help, paint the schoolroom). Tuesday my mom is going to go to the new house with me and I'm hoping that we will be able to get the half bath, the laundry room, and the dining room all painted. If we finish all of those things I'd love to work on painting some of the trim. At some point next week Trent will be shampooing the carpets and I will continue to pack up everything at our Conestoga house, along with my regular day-to-day stuff (taking care of the kids, keeping up with laundry, cooking, washing dishes, etc.)
I'm trying not to feel stressed. I also have some Mama Hess signs that I need to finish up. I'm hoping to get one finished tomorrow morning and get those out of the house before the week ends so that I'm not packing those, too. Ay-yi-yi! It's crazy!!
Friday, May 10, 2013
What will they think of me?
On Wednesday we settled on our house! But all the time in the back of my mind I am wondering, "But what will people think of me?" When people would ask us about the house Trent and I were a little embarrassed to answer. The house does need some work, but it is a really nice house with 1.7 acres. I always feel like I need to tell people, "THERE IS NO WAY WE COULD AFFORD THIS HOUSE IF IT WAS WHAT IT SHOULD BE AND NOT A FORCLOSURE."
I think part of the reason for this inner-battle is because I know there are people who are really struggling to make it, day-to-day, and it seems a little unfair that we are getting this nice house. So I feel guilty and struggle over the fact that I do not deserve this house more than any other of my friends. If I have talked to you about the house and did not seem over-excited it is because I'm a little embarrassed and I'm worried about what you will think of me.
I debated whether or not to post pictures of the house on Facebook, but I went ahead and did it. Facebook is such a breeding ground for "one-upping" other people. I try hard not to fall into that category by just posting funny things that the girls say and cute pictures of the kids. But I knew I had friends and family that are not local who would like to see pictures, so I went ahead and posted them.
The interesting thing is this: we had put offers in on two other houses in the same price range as the one we purchased, and I did not really have this feeling about either of them. Why is that? Well, one was an older farmhouse (which is what I anticipated we would be in) and the other was a 3 bedroom rancher. They were houses that were built a little bit more modestly (although the farmhouse did have the same square footage as our house, it just didn't look huge from the front.)
But the bottom line is this, we are humbled, grateful and excited to be in this house. We were surprised at how many people we know who live very close to us. I don't know what God has in store for us at this place, but I am looking forward to beginning our journey as "Southern Lancaster Countyans"!!
I think part of the reason for this inner-battle is because I know there are people who are really struggling to make it, day-to-day, and it seems a little unfair that we are getting this nice house. So I feel guilty and struggle over the fact that I do not deserve this house more than any other of my friends. If I have talked to you about the house and did not seem over-excited it is because I'm a little embarrassed and I'm worried about what you will think of me.
I debated whether or not to post pictures of the house on Facebook, but I went ahead and did it. Facebook is such a breeding ground for "one-upping" other people. I try hard not to fall into that category by just posting funny things that the girls say and cute pictures of the kids. But I knew I had friends and family that are not local who would like to see pictures, so I went ahead and posted them.
The interesting thing is this: we had put offers in on two other houses in the same price range as the one we purchased, and I did not really have this feeling about either of them. Why is that? Well, one was an older farmhouse (which is what I anticipated we would be in) and the other was a 3 bedroom rancher. They were houses that were built a little bit more modestly (although the farmhouse did have the same square footage as our house, it just didn't look huge from the front.)
But the bottom line is this, we are humbled, grateful and excited to be in this house. We were surprised at how many people we know who live very close to us. I don't know what God has in store for us at this place, but I am looking forward to beginning our journey as "Southern Lancaster Countyans"!!
Friday, May 3, 2013
A New Adventure
Adventure Part 1- A HOUSE!
As most of you know, my dear husband and I have found a house, which will be our home, hopefully for the next 30+ years. The first day the house came on the listing I emailed it to Trent with this message, "Am I unnecessarily excited about this?" And he responded, "Yes." The house was a HUD house (forclosure with government-backed financing). After the house was still listed for a couple weeks I kindly urged Trent to go look at it with our real-estate agent (who is also a friend). The house definitely needs some work, as the previous owners were not happy that their home was being forclosed on so they removed pretty much everything they could (cabinetry, shelving, light fixtures, mirrors, etc.) But over all the house is in good shape. We made an offer on the house (and I hadn't even seen the inside, yet), and the offer was accepted!! That was almost 2 months ago, and we are finally ready for settlement, which will happen in five short days.
 | |
| The front of the house! |
We are so grateful to have found a house where we can raise our family, and I am excited to paint and decorate. I'm not sure how my love of "country" decor will work with this house, but I'm eager to get started!
Adventure Part 2 - HOMESCHOOL
Caution Note: I do not intend for this blog to become a "homeschool blog" but I may have a few posts every now and then dedicated to the subject.
I always said I would never homeschool my kids. Do you know why? Homeschool kids are weird. It's amazing that being a parent for 5 1/2 years can changed things. I'm not exactly sure why, but whenever the subject of school is brought up (as Annie will start Kindergarten in the fall) I cringe.
For some reason I always feel the need to justify myself or explain why I am choosing homeschool. It's really rather silly, as I have never asked or even thought to ask any other parent why they choose public school or why they choose private school. I do not have any friends who homeschool their children, so maybe that is why. So many of "us" (as in moms with little children) base our parenting on how we were raised or experiences that we had. Some had awesome public school experience, so they choose public school. Some had wonderful teachers in private school, so they choose that for their own dear ones.
I had good and bad public school experiences and I had good and bad private school experiences. Some adamantly proclaim that it is what happens at home that is truly important. I was a child easily influenced by my peers. I see those same tendencies in one of my children. So for her, for now, for this year at least, I believe homeschool is the best option to help her succeed. She will still have her failures in homeschool as she would anywhere else, but I'm hopeful that with me there to guide her through her emotions that she will have a better chance at succeeding when she is daily faced with peer pressure.
Adventure Part 3 - MAMA HESS PAINTING
A few weeks ago I shared a "just for fun" post of some signs that I have been making. At the urging of my sister, Stacy and one of her photography clients who I did some work for, I started a "Mama Hess Painting" facebook page with some samples of my work. And the orders have come pouring in!! I am so humbled and amazed that other people actually like my signs. I really have fun making them (they are a great nap-time creation) and I'm honored that people want them hanging in their homes! I'm not sure where it will lead, but I am really grateful for the opportunity to create!
Adventure Part 4 - RAISING THREE LOVELY GIRLS
This is such a joy to me!! I am amazed that God entrusted three precious girls to me. The girls are constantly asking for a brother, although we recently had the privilege of babysitting a 5-month-old girl and they decided another sister wouldn't be too bad. We are all still missing our foster-son. I had a dream the other night that the agency called and asked us to take him again. Just wishful dreaming I guess.....
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